Beyond Hot Flashes: The Hidden Impact of Hormones on Women's Health and Relationships

Mary Alessi:
Stop.

Steve Alessi:
I'm sorry.

Mary Alessi:
Stop.

Steve Alessi:
Give us a hand.

Mary Alessi:
Stop.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, my God. Forgive me, Lord. Okay, go edit that out, please.

Mary Alessi:
Edit that out.

Steve Alessi:
No, edit.

Mary Alessi:
Ashley's got her.

Steve Alessi:
We found it.

Mary Alessi:
She is so embarrassed. Look at Ashley.

Steve Alessi:
Or even our hook.

Mary Alessi:
No, edit that out.

Steve Alessi:
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Family Business with the Alessi's. I'm Steve Alessi and today I'm in the booth with me, Mary Alessi. Hey. We want to thank you for enjoying or joining us in our podcast booth. You're our pawdience as we are talking about all things family. Because, Mary, if you don't fix your family, then you know other people are going to be looking and trying to fix your family.

Mary Alessi:
That's true.

Steve Alessi:
So we want to go ahead and share with you some more. We want to first say to you, thank you for being a part of our pawdience and a part of the Alessi business because We've just passed 6,000 YouTube subscribers.

Mary Alessi:
That's incredible.

Steve Alessi:
That's great. That.

Mary Alessi:
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Steve Alessi:
And in this season, number seven, we're coming down for a landing, but we're getting ready for season eight. We have surpassed 200 recorded episodes. That's a big deal. Evidently in the podcast world it is. If you look at that, Mary, the 50s. How many year weeks in a year? 52 weeks in a year. We've got four years worth of this stuff. That's pretty powerful.

Mary Alessi:
Not a lot repeated. No, we didn't. We've, we've had. I am amazed at how much we've had to talk about between our life experience.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
Present day and just our listeners writing in and telling us what they want us to cover. It's, it's, it's pretty incredible. And I feel like we're just getting started.

Steve Alessi:
Right. Well, the family's everybody's business.

Mary Alessi:
That's right.

Steve Alessi:
We can see why there would always be information to share. Now, today, I don't know if I should intro this subject matter or if.

Mary Alessi:
You should you give it a stab. Go ahead, let's see where it lands.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah, that, that's. That, that image right there of stabbing may work.

Mary Alessi:
Let me just let you know.

Steve Alessi:
Session.

Mary Alessi:
I'm pretty good.

Steve Alessi:
You are.

Mary Alessi:
I think that I can hear whatever you have to say.

Steve Alessi:
Okay.

Mary Alessi:
Very objectively. Really, I think I can. We'll never know until I hear it.

Steve Alessi:
Okay. Well, so you, you wants us to get like into a full wrestling mode here?

Mary Alessi:
No.

Steve Alessi:
You think you're good? You can handle.

Mary Alessi:
I'm good. I'm pretty even keeled. I'm pretty balanced.

Steve Alessi:
You've got some things.

Mary Alessi:
Support. Yeah, yeah. Internally, externally, I'm good.

Steve Alessi:
All right.

Mary Alessi:
I know they're interested in what we're talking about. You think you go ahead and take a step, see how brave you are.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. Really? Wow. Well, this subject matter has caused some heated debates and discussion in the household, and I think it's one of the only things that really cause men, you know, the. There's a lot about women that, you know, cause men to sit back and question, you know, why they do certain things. This one, I think, causes us to sit back and just scratch our head because we're afraid to even ask the question.

Mary Alessi:
No, it's.

Steve Alessi:
What's wrong with you?

Mary Alessi:
What is happening?

Steve Alessi:
All right, so we're going to be talking about hormones and change, how they affect a woman.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
You, as. As you've gotten older and what kind of impact that imbalance has had in our relationship and in the home and even your relationship with the girls.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
And the way that you wanted to. Enough to where you wanted to get it addressed personally. So trying to be as serious as possible, because there is a lot of joking about this issue. We're just watching some lady. I mean, they make some of.

Mary Alessi:
The comedian.

Steve Alessi:
The comedian. Just some of the greatest comics and material is all about hormones and women going through the change and experiencing menopause. Which is just putting paws on all the men in your world.

Mary Alessi:
Exactly.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. So whenever you hear a comic, it's really funny and more so for the woman because it's like somebody's finally explaining what she's feeling. You're feeling as a woman. But it's not so funny when it causes havoc in the relationship and in the home and in the poor woman. I don't know if she really knows what's happening.

Mary Alessi:
No.

Steve Alessi:
So that's my attempt at trying to be balanced in our introduction.

Mary Alessi:
That was very, very gentle and sweet.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. So why don't you go ahead and take it from here and address this very tender subject.

Mary Alessi:
Well, I could go two ways. I would like to cover two things. My own personal struggle. And then as I kind of observe the landscape of women my age and women 10 years younger than me, how I can start to see it now I can identify.

Steve Alessi:
Can you tell us your age?

Mary Alessi:
I'm 48.

Steve Alessi:
In my dreams.

Mary Alessi:
I am proudly 57 and a half. Almost a half.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
So I. I have experienced it all.

Steve Alessi:
Three years shy of 60. Amazing.

Mary Alessi:
You just had to say that. That's okay.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
I can take it.

Steve Alessi:
So. No, no, You've gone through or going through it.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah. And still going through it. It's funny, though, because all of my life I've. You hear from our mother, from our mother's generation, it wasn't identified at all. It was either she's going through the change.

Steve Alessi:
Right.

Mary Alessi:
And she's having a hard time and got divorced, or her husband cheated on her and the change was worse, or she didn't go through the change. Well, that. None of those things are true. We have really falsified historically what happens to women, and we've not taught women correctly until I'm on the cutting edge of my generation. My generation is just now really dissecting it and teaching the next generation that there are stages that you go through that are not your husband's fault or problem. A lot of it lies within you.

Steve Alessi:
So when did you start to experience this whole issue?

Mary Alessi:
Okay, so we moved into this house 13 years ago. I think November is 13 years. Is that right? 2012. Okay. And I would have been 40, 48, 47. 48, something like that. Whatever that age would be.

Steve Alessi:
No, no, 45.

Mary Alessi:
I was 45. Well, there's another thing that we've just learned about that isn't menopause. It's called perimenopause. Now, that' on social media that women need to follow because they do this whole character, this caricature on Perry. Okay. And how hilarious Perry is. Because it starts with some mood swings, but it really starts hard with the hot flashes and your body just getting hot. If that's happening to you and you're in your 40s, that's perimenopause.

Mary Alessi:
It's the beginning stages.

Steve Alessi:
So it's premenopause.

Mary Alessi:
It's premenopause. It's what happens. It's like the Runway of you and all the eggs drying up, and your cycle's gonna stop at some point, and it might last a few years. So for me, we moved into the house.

Steve Alessi:
You're 45.

Mary Alessi:
I was 45. And we moved in in November, and it hit me hard, the change of moving houses, kids not being in that house anymore, all the memories. And it was like the rug emotionally got pulled out from underneath me, and I couldn't figure out why. I wasn't happy. I was moving into a beautiful home. I couldn't articulate it. You couldn't understand it. But where the wall hit where I ran into the wall was.

Mary Alessi:
I like to put my Christmas tree up early. So we moved into the house, if you'll remember, like, right before Thanksgiving, and we started to decorate. Well, there was a tree that I wanted to put on the patio. And it was this extreme need for me to put this tree on the patio. I don't know if you remember this. Christopher must have been about 16 or 17, however old he was. And I remember I had suggested, hey, does anyone want to help me put this tree up? Well, of course nobody wants to help me put the tree up. And instead of being able to either let it go, be, you know, communicative and go, guys, I want your help.

Mary Alessi:
Help me. I went to the backyard and I got on this swing that we had and I just got in the fetal position and cried. And I honestly felt like nobody cared. The world caved in. Everything that I wanted to do, I didn't get to do all. What was I asking for? A little help. You guys can't see that I love the holidays? You can't. You can't help me.

Mary Alessi:
I. It was like somebody died. That's how upset I was. And I remember it because Chris, poor Chris came out and he was a teenager and he's looking at me and I don't even. I won't even look at him. I'm so hurt.

Steve Alessi:
Wait, so moving into a brand new home. No, didn't suffice. It was about a Christmas tree.

Mary Alessi:
So it wasn't about the Christmas tree. It was about my inability to cope emotionally with the changes of life. And that's how it manifested. And because I didn't know about perimenopause back then, I did not realize I was at the stepping stones of what was happening on the inside. Estrogen now starts to plummet. So when estrogen plummets, it's like this filter you have on life that's happy that I can do everything. I love taking care of my family. I want to be the nurturer.

Mary Alessi:
I want to be the caretaker. It's okay. Whatever you do doesn't bother me. I can throw things off now. Not only can I not throw it off, I am in a deep pit of despair. And that's the absolute truth. The problem is, when you go through it, you can't identify it on your own. And sadly, we women have messed things up for us because we don't let anybody touch it with a ten foot pole.

Mary Alessi:
We, especially our husband, who's like, what's wrong? And you don't know. You don't have the language for this. You don't know. Did you know it was happening in me?

Steve Alessi:
Nope.

Mary Alessi:
Did you see any changes in me? Just after that you did.

Steve Alessi:
Well, that's when we started with the whole, well, you lost your happy. I lost my happiness because you would always be the person that would help light up a room and stuff. Instead, you weren't flipping that switch anymore, and it was like, okay. And then you. The thing you kick in my chair. I didn't say something.

Mary Alessi:
Was a reflex.

Steve Alessi:
She kicked the chair.

Mary Alessi:
It's menopause, y'. All.

Steve Alessi:
Saying something. Put that actually on pause.

Mary Alessi:
Kicked your chair. Go ahead.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah, no, you were fortunate enough, I think, and I'll give you credit for one thing. You. You're self aware, and I appreciate that about you. You. There's got to be this self awareness in that you've had. So you were aware that, all right, something's off here. And then you were fortunate enough to have the right women around you that you can ask questions to.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
And then you came across some, you know, product in your young living endeavor that really was starting to help some of this. But.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
But you were 45 when all this.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
Started.

Mary Alessi:
But I have.

Steve Alessi:
Why does women call it Perry? Why can't they just call it pre menopause?

Mary Alessi:
That's the doctors. Doctors call it female.

Steve Alessi:
Has to change that. I mean, it should be pre, but they have to make it per.

Mary Alessi:
Well, some people. Some people do call it pre because it's a lot.

Steve Alessi:
I don't have peri. Diabetes.

Mary Alessi:
Do you have pre diabetes?

Steve Alessi:
Exactly.

Mary Alessi:
But there's. But so, first of all, the Bible says, who can understand the ways of a woman?

Steve Alessi:
Well, that's the.

Mary Alessi:
So can I just be clear on that? No one. So don't try to figure it out. Roll with it, because we can't figure it out either. But there is Perry, which, for. Whatever that means, it's the beginning stages of the symptoms. And sometimes you'll be. You'll be. You'll be fine for a year, and then you'll.

Mary Alessi:
You'll have, like, major hot flashes and your moods off, and you're aggressive about politics, and you were never vocal. You're like, who is this demon in me? Who's this person? But you can't identify it. And some women will start to accept it as well. I'm bold now. That happened to me. And Martha and I, my twin sister would. We'd get on the phone and we'd talk, and I. I would hear myself going, I'm just sick of it and I'm done.

Mary Alessi:
I'm just going to say what I want to say. Well, nobody told me I couldn't say what I wanted to say, so it was like this freedom that I was giving myself, but I was coming across way too aggressive. And I didn't realize that that was. That was hormones that were changing. So you don't know unless you have somebody in your life going, all right, sister girl, you're a lot right now. What's going on? Or somebody who can help you recognize. These are the stepping stones. When you start to feel those hot flashes, when you start to get hot, when.

Mary Alessi:
When your feet were freezing at night and your hands were freezing and they're not anymore, just pay attention. Maybe go get some blood work done. And that's the other thing. Our gynecologist doesn't really check us for the range of the 10 years of process. Because think of it, that was 44, 45 when that started for me. Right. I'm 57, and I am just now at this stage figuring out the menopause part of it. I mean, it is definitely a curse on women.

Mary Alessi:
It's a lot to manage.

Steve Alessi:
So does it like with young women today? Some young women are going into their cycle years earlier. Right. Does that seemingly that age of 45, is that a normal age? Or can there be people that have it earlier, in their 40s, late 30s? Or can there be women that have it later, in their early 50s?

Mary Alessi:
Absolutely.

Steve Alessi:
So it's not like, okay, in the mid-40s, you're going to start to know, okay, so it's not about an age. What is it about? It's about a feeling.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah. I think when you start noticing your personalities changing and you're more, by the way, pause.

Steve Alessi:
All the men listening to me. You see how I'm going into this questioning and trying to get her to.

Mary Alessi:
Answer, go, well, no, we don't know. We're figuring it out. So I would, if I were to try to get you to understand, you've had some hormonal changes, but not much. You've not really ever dealt with the hormonal highs and lows of pregnancy of a cycle. So you've never had to manage hormones. Men don't even. The only hormone they get talked to about is testosterone, and that's usually later in their life. So men are sort of in reverse because of more testosterone.

Mary Alessi:
When they're younger, they're more aggressive. When they're younger, they get less aggressive. Depends. It just depends.

Steve Alessi:
No, that's true. I've always thought that was very unfair. It is unfair that men with their testosterone levels are so peaked at a young age. And that's when he's the Most aggressive.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
Even sexually. And it seems like for women, as they get older, they hit something later in life after they get through some.

Mary Alessi:
Of that stuff and become more aggressive.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah, yeah.

Mary Alessi:
More or potentially.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
Or just.

Steve Alessi:
And that's when the poor guy's, like, on his tail end of his testosterone.

Mary Alessi:
Levels, or he's getting kinder and sweeter and his wife's getting, like, totally meaner and meaner.

Steve Alessi:
But that's a. That's a matter of testosterone, Right? Higher levels of testosterone make you. Make you aggressive.

Mary Alessi:
It's true. I will say that now that at this age, looking back over when it all started to change, for me, one of the things that I realized and raising three daughters is when you're younger and you're in your cycle, your cycle's healthy, you have two or three days where you're like. And then. Then you know what's coming. Then your cycle begins, and the day that it begins, you're your sweet self again. That's normal. When. That's God's gift to women.

Steve Alessi:
That's God's gift preparing you for what's going to kill you later.

Mary Alessi:
100%. But see, that's. That is something to pay attention to, that. That aggressiveness, those two or three days before your cycle. But you learn to manage that. It's like taming the dragon. You learn to tame the dragon. You know, okay, this is what's going to happen as you get older and you're finding yourself being absolute about things like, I'll get a phone call from a young woman, and I'm just using this hypothetically, and she'll call me and go, can we talk? I can't stand my husband.

Mary Alessi:
My marriage is not going to work. We're at the end. Now, instead of jumping to this heightened sense of concern for their marriage, I think, how old is she? Okay, she's 43, 44. Hmm. How many kids does she have? How old are they? Okay, Is she on hormones? Does she still have her cycle? Is her cycle slowing down? It's all a sign when there this extreme behavior of I can't take it anymore. Take what anymore? You have a beautiful house, you have beautiful children. You don't work. You have this.

Mary Alessi:
Whatever the situation is. Generally that's a sign to be able to tell that young wife, check you first before you throw him out and before you make your kids walking on living on eggshells all the time. Yeah, check yourself first. And nobody wants to hear that, because at the time, your emotions are running so high and you're so raw that what you perceive is so real to you that to just say maybe this is your hormones is so insensitive to that woman because to her it's severe. To me, it wasn't a Christmas tree. It was, you know, you don't ever help me. And now Christopher is following in your leading. Well, none of that was true.

Steve Alessi:
So you created a whole argument.

Mary Alessi:
Oh, not just a singular argument. A. A marital shift. Like, I'm out here, nobody helps me, nobody even cares. And here's Steve. He gets. If he wants it. We all jump through his hoops.

Mary Alessi:
And honestly, that's what happens. You just sort of reach this place of you can't be objective. All you see is kind of the things that you've maybe made you angry when you were intense or you were in your cycle. And now it's where I live now. And this is reality now. None of it's true. You just don't have the ability to throw it off. And we can.

Mary Alessi:
What's the word? We can simplify this and make it just about hormones. But the problem is there's a lot of women, Steve, that literally go crazy because it's not just hormonal, it's neurological. And there's a lot of resources that are going to be made available. We're working on some internally to help women because we are seeing it get worse and worse and worse. It could be our environment, it could be our conditions. It could just be the endocrine system which is thrown off. I don't want to get into the scientific thing. Women can do their own research and find this out.

Mary Alessi:
But I did want to talk about kind of my process.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
For how I found health.

Steve Alessi:
And one of the things you and I have talked about is doing a zoom call, video call of some sort where you're going to have a doctor on there to help you educate some of the women on what they can, one, be aware of, two, what they should be doing, what kind of, three, what kind of products are out there, and so on. We want to be able to do that as a. A springboard because it. We're seeing just our own deal.

Mary Alessi:
Absolutely.

Steve Alessi:
And again, I go back to your self awareness. You did studies. You, you've. You've always been that person. You're on your phone, you're checking things out. I think you're on social media getting mad at you. Meanwhile, you're over there trying to figure out what do you. Why are you feeling a certain way? So you did your own study to figure out what you could do to try to get adjusted.

Steve Alessi:
So just help me do one more thing though. If it starts at 40, 45, 50 in there, when does it end? When do you do. Is it like an end or does it just.

Mary Alessi:
Steve, I don't even know that doctors know.

Steve Alessi:
Really.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah, I think we have two mothers, my mother, your mother, that are in their 80s. They don't, I think around 65 to 70. You're through the worst of your mood swings and mood changes and then you just kind of get put in the category of being an old lady that either is ornery or sweet. So it's one of those. I don't want to say it's an untapped market, but it is a field that is more and more becoming uncovered and discovered. And more doctors are getting involved, more neurological, more doctors are getting involved, scientists. The endocrine system was something that was not even discussed until the last 10 years. And quite frankly I got into a company because it was an all natural product, essential oils that taught me had I not got into that company, I would not have known this.

Mary Alessi:
My gynecologist just wanted me to go on the birth control pill. Why would I go on the birth control pill if I can't get pregnant? But that's been the limited information we've had with just our regular doctors that we go to.

Steve Alessi:
So what you're saying is this is like on the par of space exploration, Steve, we're still finding planets and we're still solar systems and galaxies that we didn't know exist because it's just never ending.

Mary Alessi:
So who can understand the ways of a woman? God warned us. He warned us. Jeff Bezos.

Steve Alessi:
Some of us are trying to be Elon's here, figure out how to heck get.

Mary Alessi:
You just wanted a happy wife.

Steve Alessi:
Okay, so then you know, you're at this age, you're, you're, you don't know when this thing's going to be over. All right, what, what's like the, the main thing that should tell a spouse, a husband that your wife is going through this, Is it just mean anger?

Mary Alessi:
Well, she changes. Well, yeah, can be. Or she's a lot more short tempered where she used to not be and even the kids.

Steve Alessi:
So please, I don't wanna bring these symptoms up. You tell us what these symptoms are like.

Mary Alessi:
Well, let me take you back to the Christmas tree. The inability to deal with issues that might bring strife or conflict in a normal non aggressive way. When everything's a response, a reaction. The waiter's late, the food is cold, the husband didn't come home, the kids didn't do something. And she's not the sweet, objective person she used to be, that everything triggers her and upsets her. But because let me tell you what else starts to happen with menopause. You're the weight gain. So you now start putting on weight that I don't care.

Mary Alessi:
You could live on carrots and celery, and you can't lose it. So that affects how you feel on the outside. So you're struggling on the inside. And now that just supports even more of negative body shaming because you just don't feel yourself again. Your hair starts to thin. All these things start to happen that just mount up. You already feel bad. You look in the mirror and you start seeing yourself getting older.

Mary Alessi:
So it's not just what's happening internally, it's what's happening externally that supports those negative feelings. And if you can stop and say, all right, I should be able to look at this problem and not be so upset or triggered or put my husband in my crosshairs. You know how I knew my hormones when my hormones were off and I needed to make sure I was managing them? And I've talked about this many times to the women in our church when I would wake up in the morning and I was so mad at you, and you hadn't even rolled over yet, and it was all internal. And honestly, when I would get my hormones together and I'd feel sweet again, I'd feel so guilty about that because I go, this poor guy, he's not even awake yet, and I want to kill him. He hasn't even rolled over. And you would roll over and smile at me or kiss me. And I'm like, I am so angry with him. And I had absolutely no evidence to support being mad at you, except you breathed wrong.

Steve Alessi:
I don't know what to say about that.

Mary Alessi:
It's true. Yeah, it's true. And then, of course, because I was already angry. Men don't meet aggression with kindness.

Steve Alessi:
No, no.

Mary Alessi:
How did men meet aggression?

Steve Alessi:
Well, it's like any other man that gets in our face, we're going to push back. Most are going to push back.

Mary Alessi:
They meet aggression with aggression.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. And if we don't, if we're not that aggressive, then we do the passive thing, which is we pull back.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
And that's dangerous because then we start looking at people that. To make it. That do treat us better.

Mary Alessi:
Right. Well, usually the younger woman is sweet. Like your wife used to be.

Steve Alessi:
Yep.

Mary Alessi:
And this is the reality that I think wives and women need to take authority over and realize they have the power over this. They are not powerless. And for me, when those moods started changing, I had an older friend that made a statement to me one time when I was around her. She goes, you know, you should get your hormones checked, honey. Because women have gone crazy like looney, been crazy and left their families because of menopause and premenopause. Okay? And I remember her saying that, thinking, that's the most stupid thing I've ever heard anybody say. And I did not identify my extreme emotional reactions to things as, oh, this is the stages of menopause. I identified it in my mind as, I deserve to be mad.

Mary Alessi:
I've been sweet all these years. I'm the sweet one. I'm the kind, I'm the peaceful one. I'm the nurturer, I'm the caregiver. I do all this. That's how it manifested internally in my moods and in my emotions. When I started taking the edge off with the right balance. The minute I knew that my hormones were balanced, that I had a problem was when I was me again.

Mary Alessi:
And things you did didn't bother me. They'd make me laugh or the kids coming in, being loud didn't upset me. And I didn't make it something it wasn't. I could control that again. And I felt like I was my old self.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. So here for years, you complained about me being so aggressive and mean, and you became that.

Mary Alessi:
I did?

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
Oh, I. I really, really did.

Steve Alessi:
We knew there was some. Something bigger going on, but isn't it.

Mary Alessi:
Something we didn't know? We never. Neither one of us ever said that.

Steve Alessi:
What do you mean?

Mary Alessi:
Neither? Did you think, oh, my God, it's Mary's hormones.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, heck, no. No, because we. We in our mind think that's for old, older women.

Mary Alessi:
That's right.

Steve Alessi:
And not somebody in their mid-40s, starts in your 50s, and it's like, whoa, we're now that. That couple or that family who has the jokes and everything's going on about it. But yet it was affecting. It was affecting you more than anything. And I think our arguments increased because you. I would, you know, attack the aggression, address the aggression with aggression, and you wouldn't back down. And then you'd go into tears, and then it was like, oh, a whole mess. That was heavy on the relationship here.

Steve Alessi:
And I think some men, when they get into that, we. We will do one of two things. We're either going to bow up against it and say, no, this is not right. And we don't even know why this. We don't think. It's like every man, when our wives would start to go through that, that. That, you know, few days before she starts her cycle, we wouldn't recognize it. I mean, we find ourselves in an argument with her only later to realize, shoot, I should have been more sensitive because she was leading up to her cycle.

Steve Alessi:
She wasn't feeling herself. We don't get that.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
We just see in the moment, boom, then this happens, and it's the same thing. We don't get that this is a real shift now. And I, you know, my thing is I kind of. I feel for the woman. Right. Because like you said, you don't even know what's happening. You don't. You don't know why you're feeling so different.

Mary Alessi:
You don't.

Steve Alessi:
You're just feeling different and because nobody's really having a conversation about it, or mom's not around to say, hey, pick up on something to say what's going on. Nobody else can say anything to you about it.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
So you find yourself not able to control what you're thinking.

Mary Alessi:
No, it's true.

Steve Alessi:
What you're feeling, you're emotional anyway. And this just adds to it, even the most. So, you know, from a man's perspective, I wish we could be a little bit more understanding that this is something that she can't control. She needs help. The problem is we can't even bring it to your intention because we get such, you know, just backlash from it, and then it goes into an argument and there's a shutdown. Where it can get really bad is, though, when your kids start to see something.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
And then there can even be a conversation about it, because we don't want to tick mom off, but there has to be some dialogue along the way that this is normal.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
It's okay.

Mary Alessi:
Coming. This is going to happen.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. And this is just a part of life, and we're going to go ahead and figure it out. It's not mom and Dad's not going to get divorced over this. We're arguing, but it's not really about much. It's, you know, something about what. What she's feeling. So I'm glad you brought up the part about weight gain. I know some women that enjoy a good workout and they get out there and then they hit this season of life, and they're like, how come I don't get the same results?

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
It's such a mental game, a head game, that it's. I feel Bad for. For the woman. And I can say that sitting here after watching you go through so much of what you're going through. But now at your season Mary, we're even, like, picking up on something else, because what you did was you decided to go in and seek real help.

Mary Alessi:
I did.

Steve Alessi:
So besides what you were reading, you had to deal with some professionals and you and your girlfriends that are about your same age, you were putting your heads together. You're trying this, trying to talk about that for a minute.

Mary Alessi:
Well, we all usually look back at our mothers, and I know your mom kept talking about the change in the season of just devastation that she went through. And. And so I had that as an example. Then my mom would say, I didn't really go through the change. And as we look back on her life, we're like, yeah, you did. You. You really did. You didn't identify it.

Mary Alessi:
Your mom, My mom. So her circumstances were really bad. And then she got divorced and at 48, got remarried. So she didn't have time to think about being unhappy because she was in a new marriage. So these were my examples. I didn't really have much. So when I started going through it, I was also learning about essential oils and the endocrine system and the natural things and what creates hormone overload and all these things. And I knew I needed to do something.

Mary Alessi:
And I went to the gynecologist, and he said, let's get on birth control. And I went, I'm not getting on birth control. I don't need it. So I remember I called the company that I started buying these products for, and I said, does this work for this? And they said, yeah, it does. It's all natural. I ordered it, and within a week of taking it religiously, I felt like, literally, I was seeing sunshine and rainbows all day, every day. And it was so dramatic that you text my friend who introduced me to this company with this long text, thanking her. Do you remember that? You text this beautiful text saying, thank you.

Mary Alessi:
I've got my sweet Mary back. Thank you for introducing her to these products. And we're not selling the products. I'm just telling you it's what I've used. And I was on those for, like, eight or nine years. I took it faithfully. It worked so well that I could tell when I skipped a couple of days and didn't take them. Like, I would just go, ooh, shadows, darkness.

Mary Alessi:
Take them. And I would even double up if I needed to. And it was all natural, but it was supporting the area that I was in deficit.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. And by the way, you can't pray your way through this.

Mary Alessi:
No, no, no.

Steve Alessi:
For all our hyper spiritual. Oh, she just needed prayer or counsel.

Mary Alessi:
Counsel is not going to help, honestly. Counsel should get you to go get your blood work checked and ask your doctor to give you what you need. But here's something that also happens.

Steve Alessi:
Will all doctors be able to tell.

Mary Alessi:
You that some will not?

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
So.

Steve Alessi:
So your general doctor may be able to show you deficiencies, but you should probably seek out somebody a little bit more specialized in this.

Mary Alessi:
And this is what I'm saying. Yes. In the last five to 10 years, there's been such breakthrough. Our daughters will not deal with what our generation dealt with. They're already ahead of the curve. So they're going to go into that season of perimenopause or whatever, prepared for it, looking for it, identifying it, and starting what they need to start before it happens. But here's the other side that's been really bad. We were told in the 80s and the 90s that hormone replacements cause cancer.

Mary Alessi:
So nobody took them. And for some women they did. But what now is coming back. It's, you know, it's like the extremes and then one extreme and then the other extreme. And now we've come back to the middle, we're coming back to the center, finding more holistic ways of help. Because what they would tell you is don't eat sugar when you're going through menopause. It makes you mean. Well, I need sugar to not be mean, to make me happy.

Mary Alessi:
I mean, that's not the case. But what the natural products worked until they stopped working. And then I noticed I had to get more education and do more research. And then I found the sweet spot for this next season of my life, which is the hormone patch and taking progesterone pills. So this is where women need to be their best doctor and women who. We don't take care of ourselves. Well, we take care of our children, we take care of our, of our husbands. And we have got to be women who care about ourselves.

Mary Alessi:
And we don't put that on our husband or our kids to be aware. It's not their responsibility, it's ours.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah, to.

Mary Alessi:
To be ahead of it and be healthy.

Steve Alessi:
And I, I would say that it probably saved you a little bit of money because I know most people, it's. They're listening to things they hear on the commercials, on tv, social media, and they buy the product because somebody on the other side is telling you this product works. And so on. Meanwhile, hasn't been approved and.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
Really, you don't know who the doctor is. That's a. Promoting this. It's all for a industry making money. So I. I would say don't do that because you could be taking 10 different things, products that you are now thinking is going to be the civil bullet, silver bullet to fix you. No. Get somebody that is a specialist.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And. And you're going to pull that together. Mary, we are the ladies that you have worked with. And you'll be able to have that round table or that discussion from a professional that can do this for women. Might save them money instead of buying all that other stuff. Come over here. You can do it the right way. So that those products, that patch we have noticed, it's been phenomenal.

Mary Alessi:
Phenomenal. It's changed my life.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
And I. It is subscribed, prescribed from the doctor.

Steve Alessi:
So it makes you happy?

Mary Alessi:
It makes me come back balanced.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
I like to compare it to a platform or not a platform. I have a platform to stand on for my anger, for my tears, for my joy. Anytime. Steve, your anger's out of control when you were not an angry person or you are quick to. To weep and cry and melt down when it ain't that big a deal. The situation is. Does not require all that either angry, sad, or even too joyful and too loud.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
That's in neurological, potentially hormonal imbalance.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
If those things are happening, the hormone balance will keep you normal again. It will balance out. We were at a camp recently, and one of the women that were there when we would. When something would be shared, she would just melt down and weep and just cry loud outbursts of tears. And I was thinking, wow, this woman must be really going through something painful because she was feeling everybody's pain. And I'm talking over the top. Well, when she began to share her story, she said, please forgive my outbursts of tears. It's neurological.

Mary Alessi:
I've had five strokes and I react that way and I can't help it. And I also react that way joyfully and aggressively. And I have to be on medication to control it. And I'm like, that's also what can happen when your hormones aren't balanced. There is a neurological response because it all is one big circle, all of it. It's like the yins and the yangs. That's one of the things that the hormone specialist taught me. It's yin and yang.

Mary Alessi:
And if you've got too much yin and not enough yang, you're Imbalanced and you're gonna feel it. So what used to just be, oh, I tear up, I am hysterical over a situation that I'd be able to back up and go, let me not let my emotions take over here. Let me be objective and process this, or I will just lose my mind and be triggered and be angry. It's not even something to be that angry over.

Steve Alessi:
Right.

Mary Alessi:
So.

Steve Alessi:
All right, so you.

Mary Alessi:
There's help for that.

Steve Alessi:
There's some. You find your joy again. Or at least you're not as extreme with some of the mood swings. Do you finally balance out temperature wise? Are you always going to be having.

Mary Alessi:
Heat flashes or so not extreme ones. And I think what happens is most young women only know about hot flashes, so they think if I don't have hot flashes, I don't have symptoms. I would say hot flashes are the last thing you should look at. You should look at your emotions first. Your mood. Your emotions. Anger, sadness. Well, rage.

Mary Alessi:
Okay. Sadness and overloads of joy. Okay. And looking for ridiculous stuff to make you happy, which some, some women, it manifests. They're at Hobby lobby every weekend buying crap they don't need. And it's to make them happy. And it could, I'm telling you.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
Anything that is not balanced and you are not able to be balanced anymore. And it's emotionally driven. Your hormones are probably starting to get out of balance with the yin and the yang, and you need to make sure they're balanced because then you can control all that.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. What about energy level?

Mary Alessi:
Oh, yeah, you.

Steve Alessi:
You got a little bit more when you're balanced.

Mary Alessi:
So that's another thing that has highs and lows. You'll have days where you can clean the house in 30 minutes and scrub the walls, and then you'll have days that you, you are so tired, you don't know what's wrong. And that's where the overloads take place. So I'm not, and I'm not even talking scientific. I'm talking about really just being aware of the flags, the red flags. It is not all hot flashes. Some women don't have them. So they'll say we don't have any symptoms because I don't have any hot flashes.

Mary Alessi:
How old are you? I'm 52. You're there. Yeah, you're there. You. You need to be aware. When was the last time you had a meltdown emotionally over something that wasn't that big a deal? And that's where husbands need to have the right to speak up. Kids need to have the right to speak up. My kids will have.

Mary Alessi:
Have even told me. You're talking too loud. Why are you so mad about that? And I'm talking about something I saw on social media. And I'll go, ooh, I need to change my patch. For real? For real. I really always go there first.

Steve Alessi:
Wow.

Mary Alessi:
It just levels me out.

Steve Alessi:
Okay, so now you can't say no.

Mary Alessi:
I'm kidding.

Steve Alessi:
That hasn't changed. That was Perry. Pre Perry.

Mary Alessi:
I'm better about that, aren't I?

Steve Alessi:
Okay, so the other part is. What about sex drive on the floor?

Mary Alessi:
Horrible.

Steve Alessi:
Terrible, huh?

Mary Alessi:
Terrible.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. Terrible Meaning, though, if you get it balanced.

Mary Alessi:
If you get it balanced. Yeah, you get two. It increases it. Here's the thing. We always.

Steve Alessi:
How can we put that in overload?

Mary Alessi:
Steve? I don't know. I don't know. I'm working on it.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah, well, let's. Let's do that together. That's a good assignment. Co assignment. Something we.

Mary Alessi:
Hey, I'm happy for you to Google it and help me out.

Steve Alessi:
Really?

Mary Alessi:
Absolutely. Chat, you can take on some of the research.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
Give us a hand.

Steve Alessi:
Good.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah. Well, can I tell you. Stop.

Mary Alessi:
You've just enjoyed another episode of the Family Business podcast with the Alessi's and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podience today. Now that you've learned learn more about us. Here's how you can join in in the family business. First, make sure you're following our podcast right now and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. Second, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode and share it with them. You'll be helping them and helping us to spread the word about the family business. Third, go to alessifamilybusiness.com and tap the Ask the Alessis button.

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This is really cool.

Mary Alessi:
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