Mean Words! How To Help Kids Handle Humiliation and Get Mentally Stronger | S7 E38

Lauren Alessi:
And sometimes when kids are too soft or when the parent steps in for the kid and makes that decision for them, they miss a really great lesson that the kid can learn themselves because it's instinctual.

Steve Alessi:
Hello. Welcome to the family business with the Alessis, where family is everybody's business. I'm Steve Alessi. And today, I am in the podcast booth with my one and only middle child, middle daughter, Lauren Lolo Mhmm.

Lauren Alessi:
Lo

Steve Alessi:
Locomo Alesi. Good to have you, Lo.

Lauren Alessi:
Good to be here, dad.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. I like this. This is fun. Listen, if you're enjoying what you're hearing here with the family business, why don't you go ahead and just get text updates we can send right to you. So do this. Send the word family to (302) 524-0800. We've got over five, 5,500 YouTube, subscribers. We're doing great.

Steve Alessi:
Look at this. We even have, 141 ratings on Apple Podcasts. So here's the point. If you like what you're listening to, you think it can be a blessing and a help to other people, go ahead and share, like it, share it, go ahead and subscribe. Let's have a good time because I think you're gonna like some of the information we're sharing with you and specifically, today, this is a subject matter, Lauren, that, we're just gonna throw out there and talk. Okay? We're on the patio at home. It's smoking hot outside. So we got a nice cold drink in our hand and a fan.

Steve Alessi:
And we're on the patio. Okay. And we're talking about yeah. Let's go there. I'm there. We're talking about, kids, young people, even young adults.

Lauren Alessi:
Kids these days.

Steve Alessi:
Kids these days. Young adults, young people dealing with this, fear of being publicly humiliated Yeah. Because of something maybe that they did, something that they've said, and they're just there there's this whole issue because of what's happening in society today. So, what are you thinking?

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah. I mean, I think it it's funny. I've had this conversation, a little bit with young people or at least people my age about how people make comments of, younger kids, I would say, like, in high school, even college, and how they're like, they just they're so soft. They're this. They're that. And I'm like, but but consider this. You we even me, I grew up a little bit post Instagram and TikTok, but I still grew up with, like, Snapchat and Instagram. And I still had a fear of always being videotaped of at any point.

Lauren Alessi:
If I was sleeping, taking a nap, someone would whip out their phone and take a photo of me. So I kind of relate and understand that and I don't even know if it's public humiliation, but always feeling the need to be perfect, which is maybe even deeper than Mhmm. Where this podcast was gonna go. But, yeah, I think it's fear of public humiliation because at any point, I think that younger generations are growing into a world of all eyes are on them all the time. There's a camera on them at any point. You can't do anything. Like, people now believe they have a right. If you step out in public, you have the right to videotape people.

Lauren Alessi:
You have the right to take a photo of them. So, yeah, I think that fear of public humiliation and I think what brought this conversation on was, like, the NFL draft

Steve Alessi:
Mhmm.

Lauren Alessi:
And, like, how 90% of athletes are publicly humiliated, and then, like, 10% of them are recognized for their talent, but the rest of them have to just sit there and be basically humiliated for not getting into the NFL.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
Or you think about how many athletes have to face humiliation for the 10% that actually make it.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, gosh. Right? So get this, though. Alright.

Lauren Alessi:
Go ahead.

Steve Alessi:
So the other day, we're at dinner right after church. We're all having lunch together. Mhmm. And, I take a family picture because,

Lauren Alessi:
Yes.

Steve Alessi:
Somebody wasn't there. I can't remember who.

Lauren Alessi:
It was Stephanie.

Steve Alessi:
Stephanie was not there.

Lauren Alessi:
Mm-mm.

Steve Alessi:
And so, oh, yes. We were together. It wasn't Sunday after church. We were together as a family. Stephanie wasn't there. So I said, okay. We're having breakfast. I said, sit back.

Steve Alessi:
I'm gonna get a picture. So I took a picture, and I posted it on our family chat.

Lauren Alessi:
Just our family chat?

Steve Alessi:
Just our family chat. And your brother gets all Mhmm. Sassy with me like, oh my gosh. Why would you post that? I said, I didn't post that. You know, post that my mind's posting on social media. He says, I look so big. I said, no. Actually, you look kinda strong.

Steve Alessi:
But he then took the picture, zoomed in Cropped himself out. Cropped himself out, and then reposted it again later. It it's such a mindset. You know, in my mind, it's like, this is just family. Yeah. This is nothing. Nobody is, like, posing for a shot here. This is just sharing information where we're at and sorry, Stephanie, sucker.

Steve Alessi:
You're missing out on being here with us. But it wasn't staged. It wasn't supposed to be the perfect, But you're right. With a camera in everybody's hand, there's this fear that somebody's gonna catch me off guard, my bad side.

Lauren Alessi:
Mhmm.

Steve Alessi:
And it's gonna be posted, and I'm gonna look bad. Yeah. Now, you know, Lauren, you talk about the NFL draft. By the way, did y'all have PE in school when you were Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
I have PE.

Steve Alessi:
Do they still have PE today? I don't even know if school

Lauren Alessi:
I think they do in private schools. I don't know if they let me look it up.

Steve Alessi:
Do they AP? You know? They do? Oh, some okay. Ashley says yes. Thumbs up. There's still PE.

Lauren Alessi:
Let's look it up.

Steve Alessi:
Here's where public humiliation started. That's so true. In the locker room.

Lauren Alessi:
Oh, yeah. I was like, PE as a whole. Yeah. Because I was not athletic.

Steve Alessi:
In the locker room, go getting ready to go out to for PE.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And and then you know where it also happened? When they were starting to divvy up for teams and say, alright. We're gonna play kickball today or soccer.

Lauren Alessi:
That's very true.

Steve Alessi:
Alright. Ready? Here's the two captains. Now you pick. Mhmm. And they would pick. Okay. I'll go with Lauren. Oh, I'll go with Stephanie.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, I'll go with Chris. I'll go with Gabby. I'll go with Mary. I'll go with Steve. You hated being the last one. And guess what? I was the last one on a number of occasions growing up.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
Because everybody's looking at you. Everybody look here's the point. I think it's part of life.

Lauren Alessi:
So I agree. I think it is part of life. But when it's on a scale okay. I think when you're in PE, when you're in the locker room, those are normal everyday things, and I think it's good for you to be a little bit humiliated. Maybe that's a hot take, but I think you learn a lot about yourself. I think you learn a lot about what you want, about how to like, if you are humiliated by not getting picked first, but getting picked last, then you're like, I don't want that to ever happen to me again. And you work hard, right? So that you're never picked last again. That's a great lesson for a kid.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
But there's also a super unhealthy side where kids are like and I remember this in high school where you're like, I don't wanna fall asleep on the bus headed to, like, youth camp because if I fall asleep and my mouth is open, someone's gonna take a picture and post it on Snapchat. And the person I have a crush on is gonna see me falling asleep with my, like, drool coming out of my mouth.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
So it's this level of, like, where's the line? Where's the boundaries? I actually think humiliation is good for you. You have an embarrassing story. You learn to overcome it. You walk out a better person. But where's the line for young people of like because now you see young kids that I think we can all agree. It's like they have to look perfect constantly, like, every second of every day. Yeah. If they don't like, there's 13 year olds.

Lauren Alessi:
If they don't have lipstick on, it's like they freak out. Or, like, if their hair is not clean, they freak out. And I think that's a level to it of at any moment, I can get caught off guard. Mhmm. And I don't know that I blame them because I remember being in that that space a little bit because we all have access to cameras and being videotaped or something.

Steve Alessi:
Mhmm. And then

Lauren Alessi:
you even see people, like, on Instagram, even if it's not your friends. You even see people on Instagram. They they stand out in the middle of the street and they're like, we wanna interview you. Have you seen those videos? Mhmm. And then they go viral. So you're like, well, what if worst thinking as a kid, what if worst case scenario, I go viral? You know? Like, that's the world they're living in. So I agree you need a level of humiliation and embarrassment, but where's the line of like, hey, you just need to be a kid and you don't have to worry about massive public humiliation.

Steve Alessi:
Mhmm. Well, it's, I think it's good for every young person to go through a little pressure of, realizing they don't just measure up to everybody's standards. Because those standards are not necessarily, true standards. So back in the day when we would you know, when I was growing up, there was the cool table in the lunchroom, the cafeteria. And if you didn't hang out at the cool table, then you were not, of course, cool. But who defined cool? That was the whole deal. Was it because they look good? Most of the time, it was because they were prettier or better looking than everybody else, which then meant that they were cool. But the the problem with young people starting to judge themselves so young as being cool or not cool, so therefore you fit in.

Steve Alessi:
Or if you don't fit in, then you're rejected and you're humiliated, is that some of those young people grow up and they may have worn their coolness out in elementary or middle school. And then when they become adults, guess what? They're not as cool anymore. It's true. So the kid that was not cool then becomes the kid later in life, the late bloomer that was cool as opposed to the person that was cool when they were young, gets older and they're no longer cool. That's usually the person that really holds on tight to, class reunions. Yeah. They wanna go back to their high school days when they were cool because now they're no longer cool as adults, and that's damaging for young people. They just can't make a judgment call too soon with a am I, you know, being involved? And am I am I being accepted? Am I being brought in? Or am I being humiliated and rejected? That's just part of life.

Steve Alessi:
Nobody should make it the judgment call too soon as to okay. Yes. Your kid didn't make the team, but now is a great lesson for us to turn around and say to our kids, hey. There's a reason we didn't make the team. So maybe we need to go ahead and practice a little harder and and not take it so personal, but instead use it as motivation. Because public humiliation, it's more magnified now because of social media and the viral deal, but it's always been around.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah. That's true. But is there any aspect of okay. I think of the NFL draft, and I think of and and maybe this is me being soft. Mhmm. Maybe this is me being soft.

Steve Alessi:
Go soft. Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
Is there any aspect of even okay. Think about, like, pageants, right, where women are saying, this is a much better woman than you. She's winning because she's more beautiful. She's got the better body. Right? Like, this is how other women are perceiving it, right, in the competition.

Steve Alessi:
Right. So you

Lauren Alessi:
have the NFL draft, you have beauty pageants, you have, the Grammys, you have Oscars where it's not that anybody's looking at them saying you are lesser than, but someone is walking away the winner. Do you think there's any aspect of that that is bad for the other person, or do you think it's just all good? Like, you you learn either way.

Steve Alessi:
Okay. So And

Lauren Alessi:
I mean more on, like, a massive public scale like that.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. Yeah. Well, on the no. On the public scale, I hope everybody knows that when it comes to those kind of environments, when it comes to the NFL draft, okay Mhmm. There's always gonna be winners and losers.

Lauren Alessi:
Mhmm.

Steve Alessi:
And, quite frankly, that's what people get paid for. They get paid to win. Now if the if an athlete's gonna sit up there and feel like he's publicly humiliated because he didn't get a, I don't know, $10,000,000 contract as opposed to getting a $6,000,000 contract because he didn't go first, but maybe he went lower down in the draft. Come on. $4,000,000? Really? No.

Lauren Alessi:
That's true.

Steve Alessi:
You got $6,000,000, man. What are you are you kidding me? It's it's there's part of the the business of and just competition at the highest level. There's always gotta be a winner. And sadly, there's gonna be a loser. But but we have to get to a place where I think we have to look in the mirror and say, you know what? Toughen up a little bit. Toughen up. It's you're if you're humiliated today, it's gonna hurt real bad. I got it.

Steve Alessi:
It's gonna hurt real bad. But hang on. Next week, somebody else is gonna get humiliated. That's true. And the attention's gonna go to them. And before long, you're gonna be out of the picture. Nobody's gonna even remember you. I believe there's an aspect of this, Lauren, that kids need to be taught and and young adults need to be taught that, there's something called mental toughness.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. We have to teach them. So so I'm with our staff last week

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
At the farm because we are in between No. I can't. Your new book. And so they're all talking. And I said, yeah. Here's, a book that I was reading. And I said on on how to be mentally tough. And all the staff starts laughing and joking to say, that's a book that you don't need to be reading.

Steve Alessi:
Of all the books for you to read, Steve, how to be mentally tough, you don't need to read it because you're mentally tough more or less is what they're saying. That's the last thing because because you are strong mentally. And yet, one of the reasons I was reading it was because I wanna teach our staff how to be mentally tough because sometimes they they experience things that that others, you know, that that cause them to to be upset and think less of themselves. When the truth of the matter is anytime you're trying to do something great in your life, you're you're gonna slip and fall every so often. You don't always achieve what you're doing or trying to achieve the the first time around.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
So you fall short, but you don't melt down. The thing is you can't have a meltdown. You can't be humiliated. So whether it's an in law that is causing you to feel humiliated around the the table when the family's together or whether it is somebody getting a picture of you the way you're not your best and it's not cropped, it's not fixed, it's it's not edited, Whatever that is, whether you didn't make the grade in the class or you didn't get picked first, whatever that is, there's always gonna be the tendency to fall short.

Lauren Alessi:
Yep.

Steve Alessi:
So what are you telling yourself? And here's the aspect of mental toughness that I took away from it. Alright? It's really what are you telling yourself? Yeah. What is your narrative to yourself? Are you saying that these people are making fun of you because they think less of you? Mhmm. Or can you flip the script and say they're laughing at me because I did something funny. And that's not a bad thing.

Lauren Alessi:
No, yeah, it's true.

Steve Alessi:
I did something funny. Remember growing up, Lauren? Are we laughing

Lauren Alessi:
At you or with you? Or with you? Yeah. Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
If you feel like people are laughing at you, then you get all defensive, and you feel bad, you get insecure. But when you think people are laughing with you,

Lauren Alessi:
It's different.

Steve Alessi:
It's different. You gotta change the narrative. So, yes, you blew it. You look goofy. Bad picture. But, hey, guess what? People are gonna know your name now. Yeah. Is that bad?

Lauren Alessi:
No. That's not bad. No. It's not bad. Yeah. No. It's true. It's very true.

Lauren Alessi:
And that's what people don't realize is mental toughness, is how you talk to yourself. It's not how people are like, mental toughness is, like, how you respond to things. And I'm like, yeah. That can be an aspect of it, but mental toughness is how I keep going and how I respond to my thoughts within my thoughts.

Steve Alessi:
Mhmm.

Lauren Alessi:
Because that's all mental. But if I come to you and I need you to constantly reaffirm me and tell me things, that's okay. Maybe that's an aspect of mental toughness, but that's not real mental toughness. Mental toughness is I had this thought, I attacked it, I worked on it, and I'm good. Yeah. That's real mental toughness.

Steve Alessi:
Not always needing to be affirmed for something.

Lauren Alessi:
No. No. And you know what's funny? Even, like, just in little things, we were joking yesterday about how like, when you're young, that's the last thing you want, but you really wanna go through, like, an ugly phase or you wanna go through a chubby phase because it helps you become a funny person. And we were saying that when you are not the coolest person in high school, when you're not the prettiest person or the most good looking guy in high school or middle school or whatever, you have a decision. You're like, okay. I could be funny. I could be I could have really cool interests. I could if I'm not naturally funny, I could I don't know.

Lauren Alessi:
I could be good at sports. Right?

Steve Alessi:
Mhmm.

Lauren Alessi:
So you have to make a decision as a young person. Well, I could be something else. And then you get older, and then, like, for me, I think in, like, college, my nose and my jaw, everything finally came into place because my nose and my jaw grew first. So then all your facial structure grows together. Your body grows together and, like, works out for you. And then you also have cool interests. You're funny. You have a great personality.

Lauren Alessi:
So there's an aspect of not just mental toughness that you have gained, but you're also just a better overall person

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
Because you learned what's the word? I think it's also like you learned resistance, like how to push through

Steve Alessi:
Resilience.

Lauren Alessi:
Resilience. That's the word.

Steve Alessi:
Yep.

Lauren Alessi:
When you're younger.

Steve Alessi:
Mhmm.

Lauren Alessi:
But but yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And you can't have resilience without resistance.

Lauren Alessi:
That's true. Well, and I think I was gonna say this. I think a lot of people think humiliation is a sign of failure, but humiliation is a sign of, like, you're you're going somewhere. Like, people like, even in the little things of, like, hey. But somebody got a bad picture of me. That's dumb. But people got a bad picture of me. K.

Lauren Alessi:
But you're having a good day. You're out and about. Mhmm. You're having fun with your friends. You were doing something. Someone got a bad picture of you. But let's say on a big scale, we hear a lot of stories of people who failed in sports, right, or failed in music or failed in acting. K.

Lauren Alessi:
But you tried something.

Steve Alessi:
Mhmm.

Lauren Alessi:
You failed, but you tried something. And now you know that's not it, but you're on a journey to go somewhere now next. So I think that's another aspect of flipping the script. Mhmm. It could be failure, but if and humiliation, but if you flip the scripts, it could also be, okay, but you learned and now you're headed somewhere new. Mhmm.

Steve Alessi:
So I I think that's a better the best take out of this. What did I learn out of that humiliation? What did I learn out of that failure? What did I learn from that setback? I would rather be in life. I would rather be and raise young people and even staff that have a marathon mindset, not a sprinter's mindset about life. Now sprinters are exciting when you see them in the Olympics. The marathon runners are the boring ones. Those are the skinny mini guys that that come from Africa and somewhere that all they run and they can run for days.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
Right? There's nothing exciting about a marathon. It's boring. There's a lot of commercials. You can't wait for the commercials because all the people are doing running the same thing and just up and down legs in front of the other, and they're doing their deal. These people do not even stop to go to the potty. They just potty all over themselves because they are in a marathon.

Lauren Alessi:
-That is crazy.

Steve Alessi:
-It is messy, but and it is boring. We want the sprinter. We want the guy who, you know, to be labeled as the, the world's fastest man alive. We want the sprinter because it's so exciting and their body looks better, stronger because everything in them, on them, everything that they are is trying to help them run at a burst of speed that is quick, but it's it's there for a a second and it's over.

Lauren Alessi:
It's okay. Yep.

Steve Alessi:
You can't have that mentality about life. And people that get stuck maybe in early school years or young adults get stuck at a season of their twenties because they're single and they don't have somebody around them and and they don't have a plus one to go to at a wedding or whatever. They get they if not careful, they can get stuck there because they're treating their life like it's a sprint. Mhmm. And, they want the excitement. They they want it now. They they don't want to feel humiliated and left out and rejected or made fun of. They don't.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. And they make a very bad judgment about life like it's a sprint.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
I want people though that look at life like it's a marathon. Yeah. Because the seasons of your life, I've seen it with you personally. You're in your teens, you probably experienced your greatest challenge as a person at this season of your life when you were in your teens. Yeah. When you have what you had to go through. And as painful as it was to watch you go through it, I knew deep down, okay. This is gonna help Lauren later in life with another challenge that she's gonna have to face.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And with yours, it it it was a setback for you. It was a challenge for you. It was a painful a very confusing time for you. So watching you go through it was hurt was was painful. Yeah. It was like, oh my god. This is the first stretch of her marathon, and she has so much farther to go. Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
So we dealt with it. And then the next season of your life came in twenties, and there was something else that now you had to deal with. The second leg of the marathon. Right?

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And those in your teens and now your twenties are preparing you for what will be a third stretch of the marathon of your life when you hit your thirties.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And then that's gonna prepare you for the stretch in your forties. Yeah. And hopefully, you've done all of that without

Lauren Alessi:
Or hopefully, I get a break.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, no. You never get a break until, baby, until until you hit your fifties and you look over your shoulder and your world and you realize, wow. No break. Life is great. And then you're in your sixties and seventies like, I am so glad I didn't give up in the marathon. Yeah. I didn't let somebody's comment about me or post about me or bad viral moment. I didn't let it destroy who I was.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. Because all of that helped me be stronger so I can finish my race. Yeah. And life's a marathon.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah. And you know what's funny? When somebody says like, even just someone you know is like, yeah. I ran a marathon. You gained so much respect for that. You're like, you ran a marathon. Like and I remember Connor, our friend, he ran like an ultra marathon or like a mega marathon where it's like an insane amount of miles. But when you hear someone that's like, yeah. I ran a marathon, you just have the utmost respect for them

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
Because you're like, that takes a lot of training. That puts a lot on your body. You're just running what is it? How many miles is it?

Steve Alessi:
I don't know.

Lauren Alessi:
13 miles. Right? 26.2 miles. Jesus. So you're like, that's a lot. So when somebody says they they can run a mile in five minutes, you're like, that's kinda crazy. But when somebody says they ran a marathon, you're like, I have the utmost respect for you.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
And we've talked about this that you could see people with different aspects in life that you see that they have more of a sprint mentality or they have more of a marathon mentality. And the people I would say in life with this sprint mentality, they're they're more like whatever's exciting, they follow.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
You know? So, like, even people who they never have, like, a solid I'm just gonna say it. Like, they never have, like, a solid career. It's just like, oh, what's next? I'm gonna follow what's next. This is exciting. And you I don't wanna sound judgmental, but, like, you even see that later down the line in their life, you know, like, in their finances. And, again, it's not judgmental, but a lot of times, it's just obvious. That's it.

Steve Alessi:
They have a sprinter's mentality.

Lauren Alessi:
Versus somebody who has has a marathon mindset and they're just gonna plow hard every day and they're just gonna work hard every day. They're gonna train for the marathon. They're gonna run for the marathon. Mhmm. And you even see the effect that it has on their life. And it's not even financial sometimes. It's the relationship they have with their family, their marriage, their kids, all those things because they just have a they it's a slow but steady, I'm gonna train every day. I'm gonna work hard every day.

Lauren Alessi:
And you see the fruit of it and you're like, I have so much respect for that person

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
Versus the person who gets gets distracted a

Steve Alessi:
little more easily in life.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah. But, yeah.

Steve Alessi:
You you see this with the Bitcoin industry right now. Young guys were coming up. Bitcoin's a big deal. And then you saw these young multimillionaire guys and that became this image. You got social media influencers that that became this image. You got social media influencers that talk about how much money they make doing nothing but but posting and this, that, and the other, and they're young. And people are looking at that and thinking, okay, that's success. Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
I've gotta do it their way. And if I don't have success by my 20 when I'm 25 as an influencer, as a or as a startup, then I'm a failure. And, oh, I just won't live up to the standards of some of the others that are out there. That is such a sprinter's mindset. And a lot of those individuals burn out too quick. Yeah. It's a it's it's the mindset that has to say, alright. I'm gonna take everything in stride.

Steve Alessi:
No. You know, I was bullied. I I was picked on. And I I that shouldn't have happened, but you know what did. So what do I do with that? I use it to help me be a better person, a stronger person. Alright. I'm chubby. My gosh, Lauren.

Steve Alessi:
I was skinny as a rail until I hit, like, I think it was middle school, seventh grade, and it's like all of a sudden I porked up. I had acne, uncontrollable acne so bad that I used to wear my hair over my forehead. I had my hair would come down just to cover the acne like your brother did for a period. Yeah. I remember. Are you alright? Am I keeping you awake? Sorry. Thank you very much. That's alright.

Steve Alessi:
Lauren just yawned on my

Lauren Alessi:
podcast. Honestly, I've even noticed. What? That was just interesting.

Steve Alessi:
You've humiliated yourself in front

Lauren Alessi:
of me. And I take it

Steve Alessi:
into stride. Yes. You do. Yes. You do. You let me make fun of you too. Okay. So, you know, I remember that those were horrible years for me.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. But, man, it sure made me strong. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I still, you know, I had a chip on my shoulder for the longest time because I was trying to protect my identity, who I was at that stage. I didn't know it, but I was ready to get in a fight with everybody, stare them all down because I was just insecure from not being able to level up to what others were doing that we thought were pretty popular and successful. I remember being humiliated once because of, in football. They in high school, I was playing football, and they had tape day, which is usually the day after a football game.

Steve Alessi:
They would get back together and review the tape of the game. Well, I missed an assignment as as a blocker, and the way the if my the opponent on the outside that I was supposed to be blocking, the way he came over the top of me made it look like he was doing something to me. Alright? Yeah. I don't even wanna No. I got it.

Lauren Alessi:
Give you the Got it.

Steve Alessi:
Mention it anymore. And the coach stopped that that film, and he took it back a a couple of frames, and then he let it go a couple of frames. Then he took it back a couple of frames, and then let it go. And everyone in that film room was laughing except me. I wanted to cry. I was so embarrassed, and it so impacted me that sixty something, fifty something years later, I'm sitting here talking about it. How stupid is that? Forty years later,

Lauren Alessi:
but that

Steve Alessi:
story. That was horrible. You did you

Lauren Alessi:
dug that down to you.

Steve Alessi:
That was horrible. But, you know, I could sit here all these years later and laugh about it because it just helped me see that, you know, life's not easy. Life's cruel. People are cruel. And not all mean to be cruel to you. Not all mean to hurt you. It's just life. Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And you gotta handle it because you're in a marathon. Just keep running.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah. And I think it's also important because we're talking about this before. It's like, okay. Are kids getting soft? Are are parents getting soft on their kids? It's also a good boundary for parents to sort of let their kids figure it out for themselves. Because it's like you said, as a kid, you do have this really good instinct to go, you guys are jerks. Like, and you know you know as a it it has to be instinctual where you go, okay. Hold on. This is good for me, and I never want this to happen to me again.

Lauren Alessi:
But then sometimes when the humiliation goes too long, you have to learn as a human, as a person for your own self, not because your mom said it, not because your dad said it, not because your sibling said it. But as an individual, you have to go, hold on. You guys took that too far, and you guys are being real jerks right

Steve Alessi:
now.

Lauren Alessi:
And sometimes when kids are too soft or when the parent steps in for the kid and makes that decision for them, they miss a really great lesson that the kid can learn themselves because it's instinctual. Yeah. It's like you just have that on the inside of you to be in a room where maybe you're being embarrassed, maybe you're you're learning that for the first time. But it's a it's a great lesson for the kid to figure out for themselves to be like, first of all, I never wanna be treated like this again, but also, I don't ever wanna treat somebody like this.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
So it's it's important for that to happen within a a kid.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. Well, here's the point. If you're listening today and you've experienced humiliation, welcome to

Lauren Alessi:
Eli Lilly.

Steve Alessi:
It's part of growing up. If you are going to be a troller out there and a a bot, in the sense that you're looking to always have to say something that could hurt people on social media and humiliate them, knock it off.

Lauren Alessi:
That's my grandma. At grandma. I'm kidding.

Steve Alessi:
Just knock it off. That's that's just rude and be careful because, you know, what goes around comes around. Your day's gonna come. But, it is part of life, and I'm grateful that you have been able to handle the humiliation of being a middle daughter in the family.

Lauren Alessi:
Oh, yeah.

Steve Alessi:
You know, I was a middle child. You're a middle daughter between two sisters, and you know what it is to be called out by Gabby, the Gabby.

Lauren Alessi:
This is my this is what I always say. Don't dish it if you can't take it or if you dish it no. What is it that I say? Because it's so good, but I have to get it right. It's like if you dish it, be prepared to take it or be prepared to dish it 10 times harder back. Does that make sense? I told this to you once and you're like, that's really good. Anyways That made

Steve Alessi:
a big splash at the end of our podcast, you

Lauren Alessi:
Anyways, it's really good.

Steve Alessi:
It's good, Lord.

Lauren Alessi:
I'm gonna perfect it, and I don't

Steve Alessi:
really Perfect it. We'll put it out there.

Lauren Alessi:
And Lauren Alessi.

Steve Alessi:
We'll post it. Alright. We hope you've enjoyed story hour talk time with Lauren and Steve on the family business with the Alessi's. Thanks for joining us.

Chris Alessi:
You've just enjoyed another episode of The Family Business Podcast with Violetsis, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. First, make sure you're following our podcast right now, and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. Second, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode, and share it with them. You'll be helping them, and helping us to spread the word about the family business. Third, go to alessefamilybusiness.com and tap the ask the alessees button. This is really cool. You can use it to record a voicemail comment or question, and we can add your voice to our conversations.

Chris Alessi:
Finally, while you're on our page, tap the reviews tab, and you'll see a link to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. We love reading your reviews, and we might even share them on the show. Thanks again for joining us, and we'll see you next time at the Family Business with the Alessis, because family is everybody's business.