New Parents, Old School Parenting: What's The Best Way? | S5 E6

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Well, hello again, and welcome to another. What is it called, Stephanie? The family business with the Alesssies. Gotta make sure I get that right. Yes. Dad's not on this podcast today. Nope. It's you and me. Thank God. Oh, what? He's listening though, you know that, right? He heard all that. I know. It's not gonna get edited.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Let him, let him hear it.

unknown 0:30

I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

No, this is a great topic because we're gonna be talking uh about a subject even more now. I I had a great podcast with Lauren about this subject, and now to have it with you, who now you are one, I think this is gonna be very, very informative for our listeners who are raising children. Yes. It's a difficult day to raise kids in. Yes, it is. And um, we're gonna talk about it. We're gonna talk about the old school type of parenting versus the new school, new school generation. And Lawrence was very informative from her clinical um background, mental health counseling background that she has and working with with students every day at a Christian school and what she's encountering. But, you know, she made a statement in the podcast, she said, I'm not a mom yet, and that she knows when the day she is, a a flip will get switched, and you can see things that you never saw before, which has happened to you in the last year. Yeah. So that flip was switched, and you have a beautiful eight, almost nine months. Yeah, nine months and two days. Nine months in two days. In two days, she'll be nine months. Our beautiful little Gianna. Yes, and um, she is the light of all of our lives, yes, which is good and bad. We already see how much we've spoiled her, and we don't care. She's ruined from love. We have we have ruined her with our love. Yes, she's destroyed, destroyed, um, irreversible. Exactly. And your brother and Rochelle are about to have a baby in a few months. So we're moving into a season of the grandparents versus the parents and the different styles of parenting and the different expectations. And so we're gonna talk about that. So, first of all, let me ask you what is it like being a new mom?

SPEAKER_02 2:18

It's the best in the world. I kind of don't remember my life before nine months or nine months ago. I can't believe that this little girl has been in my life for only nine months. Yeah. That is something I'm trying to like wrap my head around because it's I feel like I've known her my whole life. That's crazy. Like she was just with me. Yeah. And then to think that I remember those days when I was single and so far from marriage, and just thinking, man, what's my baby gonna look like? What are my kids gonna be like? I know. And then I'm here and she's there. And then um, I I can't be you said it in one of your sermons, how you recounted a story of me giving birth to Gianna, and I can't believe I did that. I know I can't believe I carried a child for nine months and and birthed her out of my body. I just I can't believe it's happening. I I can't believe that I'm teaching another human how to eat. That's crazy, right there. And how to speak words. Like, I I love it. My personality absolutely loves that I get a blank page of a human. Right. And I can form her to be the perfect human not the perfect human, but to be the human I think humans should be.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

And here in life, I guess the problem, ladies and gentlemen.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

I get to form my own creature. And but at the same time, now her personality is coming out, and I'm like, oh my gosh, the half of you's already formed. Yes. Yes. That's not cool, God. What the heck? That's not no. Why can't I form her? I know it. I know it. But it's really awesome. Yeah. When you just put the pressure aside and you laugh at everything, but you you are intentional with everything. I I love it. It is just a blast. I think it's also really cool to do with my husband, Chris. He's so much fun with this. And he's a great dad. He's really, really good with her. He is. He's great with her. And he's it's fun to see what comes out of our marriage, too.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

Yeah. You we kind of call you guys, I wouldn't say you're the hippie parents, but you're definitely the laid back parents. Very laid back. Very laid back. It makes it so easy for me and dad, and I know uh Chris's mom and dad, because you guys aren't hovering and she can't have that, she can't have, be careful. There's no rules. You don't ever, when you drop her off to us, if we get to keep her, as long as we have milk, you trust me, defeat her, whatever I think, you know. And it's really nice not to have those pressures.

SPEAKER_02 4:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Um, I know that there are some grandparents that will say, and I'm new to this too, you know, me and dad are new to this grandparent game. Yeah. So you get all the different advice, even on this level, from other grandparents. You know, I heard one of the grandparents told me, you know, when I when they get dropped off at our house and we get the list of rules from the parents, we don't listen to any of those. We do whatever we want to do. And um I and I would say we try to find a middle, a middle ground. Yeah. But you guys make it easy. You're you're mom and dad, whatever you guys want to do. You raise four kids and they all survived and they're all doing well. So whatever you guys think is right. And and it's just such a an incredible season for me and dad. Yeah. Because I, when people would say, uh, oh, you're gonna be a grandma, I would feel like they said it almost facetiously, and I would go, I don't mind being a grandma, but the way you say it sounds awful. And then the minute I saw her, I thought, if if I if if having her means I get to be called grandma, I'll be called granny. Yeah, you don't care. I don't care what you call me. It's her, what she does if I get to have her in my life. If this is my daughter's daughter that's part of our family, you call me whatever you want to call me.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

And and now I get it. Yeah. You know, even for me, that switch. Yeah, and me and dad, that switch turned on. People will have told us forever, you're gonna love your grandkids way more than you ever loved your own kids. Yeah. I'm like, that's not possible. It it kind of is. It's a different love, yeah, but it is the most extraordinary love because I just thank God every day, and I'm not gonna cry, but I thank God every day that I get to go back through childhood again. I get to help because that was the most beautiful season of my life. Yeah. You know, when you guys grow up and you're out of the house, you don't really need us. But I say this all the time. We've developed superpowers. We have parent superpowers and we they're dormant. Yeah, they don't get to be used anymore because we don't have kids. So the Lord is like he said, let me give you a plan that you're gonna love. I'm gonna let you do it again, but you get to sleep eight hours every night, and you don't have to wake up in the middle of the night and you have money now, yeah, and you can enjoy it and you know how this is gonna turn out. Man. And my mom, who's 81 and grandmommy, dad's mom. Crazy. They're they're enjoying their great grandchildren.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

And they're walking, holding the babies. It's it's crazy. And what's it's incredible? It's funny because I believe I'm actually living the best days. Yeah. Like, yeah, you get to see your baby have a baby, but I get to have my own baby. Right. And I get to take her home with me, and I get to have her with me 24-7. So it's which is very selfish of you, but that's another problem. But it's my point is like, who gets it better? We don't know, but it all feels like we're living the best days of our lives. And obviously, you it logistically, you are living the best days because you've experienced my days, right? And you're still saying, oh my gosh, it gets better.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

But I mean, I was talking, I think I overheard our friend Lewis. He he was telling uh dad, like, yeah, life gets better, but I really believe I'm living the best days. Yeah. And it's so true. Like, yes, it's easy, it's very, very easy to get bogged down in the things you had to let go of when you had children, especially if you took a little bit of time to have kids. Right. It's so easy to get stuck in the oh crap, I miss those old days where I didn't have to worry about the time when I was out with my friends. Sure. I can go to Flanagan's till midnight if I wanted to. I could go on a girl's trip at the drop of a hat for three days, spend all my money on a European trip. I know. And um, even with my husband, we feel that way. It's like, man, we went to Spain and we did whatever we wanted. We didn't have to worry about a budget. And it's so easy to get caught up in that loop. But you just no one else gets to take the cutest baby home and bathe them every night. I know it's just except for you. Yeah, and wake up to that sunshine face.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

I know no one gets to do that except you. Like no one gets to hear them laugh for the first time, no one gets to see them get like goofy and try, see it like do a whole new face. Sure. No one gets to do that except you. So it would be.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

It'd be way better than a trip to Europe.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

Oh, you're single.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

And and the truth is when you're it's just sidebar for all the singles listening, when you're whatever season you're in should be the best season you have. Over life. It's true. Because it's it's how you look at it. If you're single, embrace that. If you don't have your mate yet, be glad. Yeah. Because you're working on you, he's working on him, or vice versa. And when you meet, you'll be more prepared for marriage. Yeah. Don't feel like because I don't have said husband and baby, yeah, this is the worst season. No, actually, remember, you've got a young couple with a baby that can't go wishing they could. Yeah. So we could fall into that loop and be miserable at every season we're in. But we have to embrace every season. I could say, I'm a grandma, now I'm old, and now nobody cares. I just did a podcast with dad. I'm not in the way. I'm let me say it right. I'm not in the way, I'm in the way. I could say, I'm in the way. I, you know, I hate the season, and I'm in the way of my kids, and but I, or you can flip it and say, no, I've learned some things. I get to share way. I'm in the way. Yeah. And so whatever season you're in should be the best season of your life.

SPEAKER_02 10:25

Yeah. And I would even say for couples that haven't had kids yet and they're still struggling to have kids, and you're a couple years married now and you're trying to figure out what the heck, where's my where's my children? I know that it's so hard to do. It's so much easier said than done. But even embrace that season alone with your spouse. Yes. Because me and Chris had a different experience. We were married for two months and got pregnant. Right. And even though it's the best blessing in the world, I do sometimes wish we had those uh at least a good year alone. Some time to adjust. Some time to adjust, which we technically we were alone because we had to wait nine months to have Gia. But you felt like there was a countdown the entire nine months. Absolutely. There was. There was. And you felt like, man, my uh we only have so much time to do stuff. And I every once in a while, I'm like, man, that that season, even though it was brief, our alone time in our tiny little apartment, just trying to figure out our marriage, learn about each other. Yeah, that was some of the sweetest days with each other. And they got sweeter with the kid. They got sweeter. But if even if you're in a season where you're not having children yet, embrace that with your spouse. Go on vacations, like enjoy it. And don't spend all the time in the doctor's office trying to get pregnant. And and don't argue about it. Don't don't turn it into something that divides you, turn it into something that bonds you. That's right. Stay up late watching TV, eat whatever the heck you want to eat. Like hang out with friends, go make friends, go on friend trips, and enjoy that season as well. Because that's precious for a marriage. It is.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

And the the parental season is a long one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:06

Once it starts, it doesn't stop.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

It doesn't stop. There's a lot of expectation. It becomes about the kids. So if you if you don't intentionalize really developing the friendship in the marriage, yeah, and that strong relationship, it does become about the kids so fast. And then you look at each other and the kids are gone and you're like, I don't know you.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Um, but you know, we've we've covered all that in podcast too. You know, we have a lot of that. We we try on this podcast, Stephanie, we really try to hit the pitfalls that you can easily fall into because none of us are perfect. Life is hard. Yes, it is. It's it's not an easy road all the time. And when we're not resourced with information, because some people don't come from parents who really taught them the skills of how to handle the seasons. And and some people don't even look at life and say it's in seasons. Even though we hear that, we we see uh graphics that post that, you know, about these are seasons, these are seasons. They really, really are. Yeah, they pass, they come and they go. Another season's coming. Embrace the season you're in and embrace it well.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

And be aware. Even with Gianna right now, you know, she's nine months old. And one of the things that dad said to me the other night that was so true, he said, I'm almost sad. I feel like she just got here and she's already getting so big. No, you can't even think about it. It's terrible how fast it goes. So it's like the longest, fastest experience of your life. It goes, it go, you know, the days are the days are long, but the years are short.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

Yeah. Yeah. Um, and you know, I what stinks, mom, is a lot of those days are clouded by by our hormones. Speaking to women specifically, it's tough because there were so many days that I feel I just got stuck in my thoughts and I missed a whole day of Gia time as an infant, but I was postpartum. And it was like I was in a haze of hormones. And I wish I could say, oh, well, just get your mind out of it. Like be positive, but it is hard. Talk about a pitfall. Some girls can't get out of that. They can't, they can't get out of it. And thank God I my hormones were strong, but I didn't deal with any uh postpartum depression. I definitely had the baby blues afterwards. Yeah. The normal stuff. But some women go through that and it is a pitfall.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

And if, yeah, and if they do, they need to they need to get help. There's medication for that because that's that's a legit problem. And then as you move on from that, you you and Chris have been talking about this a lot with me and dad, the expectation of schooling and what's next. And here you are, you've got a baby, a brand new baby, and already the conversation that you have with some of your friends is school. It's like, why are we talking about this now? Can we just play with her toys on the floor? Yeah. Why are we so caught up about the status symbol of education in our kids? Yeah. And when do they start? And it's funny because in the same week, you called me and asked me a question. Yeah. That the other night your brother asked me the exact same question in the same form. Yeah. And I'm like, what are we talking about? Why is this coming up? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

Well, I it is with the the this generation, there's so much pressure on everything that we do. It's like, can we just get a huge billboard everywhere that says relax? Just relax. Stop chasing. Who are you trying to compete with? Yes. Do you really want to have the smartest kid in the world? Because then he's going to be smarter than you. I know. And I don't want that. I don't want my child to be smarter than me.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

No. And what does that even mean? I mean, what, what, what, and that's are these superhumans that we're giving birth to now?

SPEAKER_02 15:47

Mike, I don't, I don't understand the pressure to put a child into school so soon.

SPEAKER_01 15:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:53

When it is scientifically proven that for the first five years of the their life, they are just trying to become.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

Forget about math, forget about English. They're trying to become their personality. And they're absorbing what mom's doing, what dad's doing, what grandparents are doing, what their friends are doing, what their aunts and uncles are doing. That's all, oh, and their brothers and sisters. They're just absorbing social things and daily lessons that you're teaching them, along with potty training, the food that they're eating, and you their normal day-to-day. And then to pressure them with, well, you've got to have a social life. Right. So I need to put you in school. And I you have to learn, you have to remember the phone number. You have to do this. It's like relax.

SPEAKER_03 16:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

They will get it. There is plenty of time to teach them these things. There's plenty of time. Even the baby-led weaning stuff.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_02 16:52

As opposed to purees, purely purees. Oh my God.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

The pressure.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

Are we seriously going to be arguing over how to feed my child? Like, can I just give her a banana and relax? Like, can I just make her a puree and not feel guilty that I'm not teaching her how to sit at the dinner table and have a dinner with me? Right. Right, right, right. Let's just chill. And it's it's really a lot of pressure. I don't, I can't tell you what it comes from. Maybe it is social media. Maybe it is. I have a theory. Maybe it is this disappointment in our generation. I don't know, but what's your theory?

SPEAKER_01 17:25

I have a theory that we pass on the things that we hear that aren't really true. I think that our culture in the last probably 25, 30 years has been having babies is hard. Yeah. And I think part of it is because of the abortion scan scandal, which is horrible. Yeah. You know, that it's so hard to have a big propaganda. That's the word. Yeah. It's propaganda.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

And we believe it, and it's become our basic building block of truth. That's true. And it's not true at all. Yeah. So the parents that say, pre-K, I'm not teaching my kids pre-K. They're going to start in kindergarten like everybody else, are shamed for it. My daughter's three years old. She needs school. No, she's active. Yeah. And maybe that parent doesn't know how to deal with a hyperactive kid. And so they just default to putting them in school. Yeah. But I do think we have oversold a philosophy that isn't true. It's hard. Yeah. It's so hard. Having a baby, it's dangerous. Yeah. When did it become dangerous dangerous? For thousands of years, women had babies nine kids, ten kids. And in the field. Yeah. Without anything, without any medical help. Yeah. And of course that was dangerous. They lost children. Obviously, that was scary. I'm grateful for medical help nowadays, thank God.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

But I think we have created this doctrine out of propaganda that it's so hard. And then now the pressure comes in, and you've got them, and now they're precious, and you adore them, and they become these little gods that have to have this journey in life and they have to have this experience. Jerry Seinfeld said something that was so true. He said our parents, who were of the generation of the depression where they lost everything, they wanted to make sure that their kids knew they'd have a roof over their head and they'd have shoes on their feet. Then the generation of those that are boomers that are in their 60s, they took it so far as not only will my kids have a pair of shoes, they're going to have almost a Disney-like childhood. Yeah. It's a way to get as far away from suffering as we possibly can into the land of self-promotion and status, pushing our kids to a place that they really don't benefit in the long run.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

It's so funny because that generation would say that I'm going to bless them with all of the technical blessings that they I can give them a phone, let me give them a computer, let me give them an iPad. So I can bless my child. And now my generation is saying, I want my child to have a healthy life. No phone. Right. No iPad. Isn't that crazy? I want to go live on a farm. I want to get a couple of things. No screen animals.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

It's coming back. It's coming back.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

To how life was 100 years ago. But with more money, with filters on your camera, and with really cool equipment. But still, it's definitely something parents are going, the simple life is the best life.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

The pressure-free life. And even homeschooling. We we've done a whole thing on homeschooling. We believe in homeschooling. I wasn't always a believer in a homeschooling uh environment. I am now. I don't think you should start a three-year-old with pressure. Yeah. I think they should be running around and playing in the dirt. I think that's super good for them to feel textures and understand. I mean, I remember I was making mud pies till I was 10 years old. Yeah. And I loved it. And we were really developing the creative side and the fact that our parents would let us do a lot of make-believe and fun. And our brains were, I think there's a lot of release there. There's a lot of stress that's relieved in the land of make-believe and fun and just being outside till it got dark. Yes, the world has changed, but I think we should not now interject this lifestyle for our kids that we're already seeing so much anxiety, so much stress, so much pressure on a kid. For what?

SPEAKER_02 21:34

And I I think what I've learned in just my short time of parenting is whenever I reach this point of constantly, whenever I reach a point of worry and of stress, um, and becoming anxious because of Gianna's future, that's not normal. Right. That's not normal. That's not a God idea. God is not going to come and stress you out about your child. Future. That's right. That is a thought from really good. Yeah. That will never be a got that a thought that God gives you. No. God says your quiver will be full.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 22:11

That's literally the promises of God. So anything different from that is a thought from the enemy. And whenever those thoughts come up to in my mind, I have to tell myself, be honest and tell somebody and talk about it. Talk about it with my husband. Chris, I'm stressed out. I don't know why I'm stressed out. And I'm thinking too much about how I should be feeding her. And he tells me, Well, relax, chill. I go and I talk to you. I talk to other moms. I ask other moms, how are you doing? Turns out they're failing as much as I am. And we're all in the same boat. Our children aren't taking the spoon. They don't like this food. These other women are feeding their children 100 foods in 100 days. And Gianna's only had mozzarella cheese. And it's giving her a skin rash. And I need to take her off dairy. I need to stop eating pizza because it's giving her a rash. But I really just want pizza.

SPEAKER_03 23:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:02

And it's just constant. And then if I'm feeling like super stressed out, I just have to tell myself, pause and go talk to somebody.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

Go talk to someone about the reality behind raising a baby. It's it's difficult, but also it's not going to be picture perfect. No. And a baby, babies are crazy. Kids are crazy. They get a fever from one little cough that a kid had. Yeah. Then the next fight, finally, that fever is done. They're at 103 fever for five days straight. That's death. I know. And then they live. They're fine. And then the week after they break out in a rash from the fever. Right. So it is craziness to raise one child, and then it's craziness to raise three, four, five kids. But that is the norm. Right. That is raising kids. That's the beauty of it. Embrace the crazy and talk about it with your friends. Go on mom dates and talk. Talk to your mom. Ask your mom for help. Ask your parents for help. That's where I have to tell myself, like, okay, if I'm reaching a point where I'm getting way too swept up into one particular topic with my child, I need to talk to somebody and I need to laugh about it. Yeah. Because this is, this is this, this isn't normal. This isn't what parenting should be like. No. We need to make this fun. We need to make this enjoyable.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

Because that stress is passed on to your child and they feel it and they sense it. Yes. And then there's it's purposeless. There's no fruit in it all. And you know, when you have a lot of kids, like I did, I had four, three back to back, you don't even really have time to stop and check for eczema.

unknown 24:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Or shoes sometimes. Well, or shoes. Yeah. You know? And you've just got to get through it. And you realize, wow, I did that. We got through that. I've got four kids to show for it. And the little uh baubles along the way, I'm glad I didn't stop. Yeah. I didn't have time to. Yeah. Having more kids kept me from doing that. I'm not talking about a broken leg or ignoring something that was really serious on my child. I'm just talking about the little things that we can inspect our entire child's body, and there's a little eczema behind their knees, and we feel like we're a failure. Yeah. That those are the things that we've got to let them go. Yeah. They come with parenting. There's gonna be times they have diaper rash. That's it. And it's and it's okay.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

And I and it's not a failure on you. It's not a failure on you. It's just babies are crazy. Their bodies are fresh to this world. There's a lot going on. That's right. So, and the world's been crazy. It's not because of the pesticides and the GMOs. They've eaten junky food for centuries. There's been worse civilizations, and kids have.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

Every generation has its issues.

SPEAKER_02 25:51

Yeah. And I'm now from a uh I've married a Hispanic, so I could say this confidently. Do not put the panic in Hispanic. I'm gonna say this again. If your child has a rash, don't run to the hospital and please do not put the panic in Hispanic. Okay. Everything's fine. That's really good. Everything's fine. Yeah. The baby will, if there, you know when it's serious. Oh my gosh. Okay, now we should call the doctor. Actually, small tip, side note, practical tip. Call your pharmacy. Call W uh WCS. Call CVS pharmacy and call the pharmacist. Go to the pharmacist. Don't go to the ER and then pay for all that and do all that craziness. But a rash is a rash, it will go away the next day. Like if they have eggs and they break out, they will be fine. It is totally fine. It will go away. Just don't panic about every little thing because you're right. It passes on to the child. And then I've seen it where children are panicking over the smallest things. And I'm like, I know why you're panicking. I know. Because I saw your parents freaking out about a little red dot you had on your face last week. You need to chill. You need to stop passing it on to your kids.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

That's an Italian thing too, though. Oh my gosh, yes, it is. That's an Italian thing too. It's definitely cultural. Yes. And Papa used to be that way.

SPEAKER_02 27:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

Oh my word. He would point. If you didn't see it, he'd see it on you and go, What is that? What is that? You need to get that. You need to fit. That's just the way some cultures are. And they they want to be ahead of everything and make sure they're not missing something. Yes. And that's true, but but when you're gonna raise a whole lot of kids, you're gonna have to be a whole lot more laid back than that, or you won't, you'll stop it too. You won't. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:29

You won't be able to. And you know, uh, me and Chris had this conversation the other day. My husband, we were talking about what if you had a child that was so different from you, that didn't like anything you liked? What would you do? Honestly, what if my husband had a son who did not like hunting, that did not like cars? What if he was an IT guy?

SPEAKER_01 27:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

And we got into this really good conversation and we said, well, that's totally possible. That's that's gonna be normal. I may have a daughter that's so different from me. What if she doesn't like music in Jesus' name? That's not gonna happen. But I think the one thing that you want to communicate to your child is that you're gonna be intentional with them. Right. So I bring this up because if there is a day that you accidentally miss a rash or there's eczema and you miss it, it's okay because, or let's say in another about like forget about the skin rashes. If they sit watch a movie that you didn't screen and they saw something they they uh weren't supposed to see, and by accident you truly just miss it, was a misstep. And now they were exposed to something. That is that's what's the word salvageable, salvageable, salvageable. That is salv z salvageable because all you got to do is follow it up with a very intentional conversation. That's right. And sometimes that's even better than protecting them from every bad thing. That's right. Because not only did you teach your child a specific lesson, but you also showed them intentional conversations, which is all you have the older you get with your parents. That's right. And you have to it's funny, your sister got a call in the middle of the podcast too, right about this time. That's hilarious. I'm so sorry. That was is it dad? That was Simone actually calling me about Gianna. So it was a call about my yeah, it's time. So what I was saying was the the portrayal of intention to your children is so important. And the conversation in the in conversation. That's right. Because sure, we may be different in a few areas, but I want my kid to see I'm gonna be intentional about our time. If you Chris said it, he said, okay, if he doesn't like hunting, but he likes to make videos, then come bring your drone drone while I go hunting and videotaped everything. That's true. Let's meet halfway. Yeah. Because not only is that giving you alone time with your kid, but it's showing them intention.

SPEAKER_03 29:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

And then we even talked about then when you get older and you're in your 20s, what all you have between you and your family and you and your parents is intention. Yeah. So now I'm I'm living separately from you. We don't have this off time that we used to where I can come home and just talk to you whenever I want. We can't go on daily walks. Right. So what do we have? I've got to be intentional and I've got to call my parents and ask them how they're doing.

SPEAKER_03 30:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:21

And you can start training your children how to do that at such a young age. So even if you know that they come to you to ask. Yes. Yes. Like not their friends. Yes. And if you make, if there's a misstep, you they saw something on the TV they weren't supposed to see. You um had to then go to a doctor because you missed an eczema thing. It's okay because you're showing them intention by the time that they actually remember it by five, six, seven years old. And those are vital lessons that your kids are going to pick up. My dad, he was intentional about intentional about vacation time every summer.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:56

My parents, they were intentional about dinner time conversations and talking about the hard conversations. Yes. Yeah, I remember I accidentally saw something on HBO at 2 a.m. when I was a little girl, and that traumatized me. But the next day, I was able to go to my parents and say, I just saw something disgusting. I saw something on YouTube I wasn't allowed to see. And we had the conversation about it. And it bonded my my parents and I even more. It's right.

SPEAKER_01 31:23

And we didn't shame you. We we helped you walk through that of that understanding that these are things in life. Yep. That's not who we are. And I think, I think what we are finding today is that the parents who are really nervous and uptight, what we're telling them through this episode, you said it in the very beginning. Relax. Relax. You got this. Yeah. You're gonna be great.

SPEAKER_02 31:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

If you have a good support system, or even if you don't, you're gonna be okay. We recommend a good support system. It makes things a whole lot easier. Yeah. But you know, parenting can be difficult, but it's not harder now than it was a hundred years ago or a thousand years ago.

SPEAKER_02 32:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

Parenting is an incredible gift. Yes, it is. It is a massive blessing to your life. Relax, build your family, and enjoy the process. Enjoy it. Because even though the days are long, the years are short. Yeah. So I love it. This was great. I love it. You are a lactating mom.

SPEAKER_02 32:21

You've got to go take care of my baby. Okay, well. But yeah, I love this conversation. And I guess I would just say find the moms that you want to be like. Right. And get around those moms. That's good. You're one of them. You are the the peak mom for me. That's sweet of you. You've done it so well. And I I go to you for everything. Yes. And there's probably two other moms that I really love and I want to do it like them.

SPEAKER_03 32:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

And I truly just, I'm, of course, I do listen to everybody's advice. I take in everything. I filter it. But go to the moms you want to be like and they have the kids that you like. Yeah. And and get close to your community and be honest. Be honest about a stressful day. Be honest about the mistakes. Yeah. Laugh it off and enjoy it.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

Well, Steph, I have to say, this has been probably one of my favorites. Good. Uh, because it's just good to sit and have this time to talk to you about what being a mom is like now. And I have been waiting for this day. I know, it's good. And I tell your sisters and your brother, I cannot wait for everybody to have kids so we can really sit and talk bad about our children. So there you go. Today that is another episode. We hope you've liked it. Guys, listen, go back and binge watch and binge listen. We've we've got a lition. I've misspoken a lot. I've misspoken a lot. I have a sore tooth. That's what it is. It's right. It's okay. Anyway, go back and listen. There's a lot of good stuff that we talk about on the family. We we want to be a help. And if you even have something that you want us to hit, a topic you want us to tackle, please let us know in the comments. But share and like this and get the word out about this podcast. And again, thanks for listening. Have a great day.

SPEAKER_00 33:58

You've just enjoyed another episode of the Family Business Podcast with the Alesssies, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. First, make sure you're following our podcast right now and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. Second, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode and share it with them. You'll be helping them and helping us to spread the word about the family business. Third, go to AlesiFamily Business.com and tap the Ask the Alesssies button. This is really cool. You can use it to record a voicemail comment or question, and we can add your voice to our conversations. Finally, while you're on our page, tap the reviews tab and you'll see a link to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. We love reading your reviews and we might even share them on the show. Thanks again for joining us, and we'll see you next time at the Family Business with the Alesssies, because family is everybody's business.