Sisters in New Seasons: How We're Managing the Shift From Singleness to Marriage

Lauren Alessi:
I want to feel bad for you, but it's just not making sense to me. Wow. And I was like, that's. That. That is all that I needed. And she's like, you have so much that you can use right now with your time. It's all like, you can't control meeting somebody, so why even waste your time and energy on that?

Gaby Calatayud:
Welcome, everybody, to the Family Business podcast with the Alessies. And today you've got Lauren and Gabby in the booth.

Lauren Alessi:
Cheers. Lo.

Gaby Calatayud:
This has never happened before where it's the two of us. Well, you know, it was.

Lauren Alessi:
When was the last time we did this?

Gaby Calatayud:
What?

Lauren Alessi:
We had our own podcast.

Gaby Calatayud:
Oh, my gosh. We.

Lauren Alessi:
We tried. It was a whole two episodes called Girls Talking Sports. And we had people that were like, it's actually a great podcast. Keep doing it. And we were like, how old were we?

Gaby Calatayud:
I think I had to be, like, maybe 19 or 20.

Lauren Alessi:
So I was like, 21, maybe even.

Gaby Calatayud:
I think we were younger.

Lauren Alessi:
And it. Honestly, it wasn't a bad podcast. We were probably very obnoxious.

Gaby Calatayud:
It was at the beginning of Podcast World, and we were like, let's do it. And I want to say, Girls, what was like, Chicken Office was, like, about to take off, and we were like, let's do it. And we were going to talk about sports, even though we know nothing about sports. And that was the funny thing. And we had segments. We had segments.

Lauren Alessi:
What was our segments? I forget.

Gaby Calatayud:
We had a segment called Hottie. Hottie. Hottie. The segment where we would talk about the most attractive, like, football players or any. Any sport, like, athlete. We would talk about attractive athletes. And then, because this is what you.

Lauren Alessi:
Do at 18 and 19 years old.

Gaby Calatayud:
And then we had one thing where we would say, Danny Amendola, do you remember that? That was like a tagline. It was stupid. And we had two or three episodes that we dropped on SoundCloud.

Lauren Alessi:
Yes.

Gaby Calatayud:
And they were way too long, but.

Lauren Alessi:
That was like, 45 minutes. We're like, we know nothing about sports, but we're gonna talk for 45 minutes about sports.

Gaby Calatayud:
And we had asked people, like, hey, what do we think? Like, should we update? Like, maybe make them short? And now look, long podcasts have taken over.

Lauren Alessi:
It's true.

Gaby Calatayud:
We were ahead of our time. We should have kept.

Lauren Alessi:
I. I have this weird feeling that, like, that podcast actually could have been something, but we just. We just didn't do it.

Gaby Calatayud:
We're just lazy. Everybody did tell us, like, after years after. They did tell us, like, that was a really good podcast, and you could have been something because there are so many podcasts today that I look at them and I'm like, that was me and Lauren. Chicks in the office. That's. That's what we did.

Lauren Alessi:
And they would have seen us grown up because we were like super young.

Gaby Calatayud:
And we would have had to stop doing the hottie, hottie, hottie segment. Now that we're married and engaged anyway, life is beautiful.

Lauren Alessi:
That's the last time we've done this together.

Gaby Calatayud:
And so now we're jumping in years later and we're actually going to talk about marriage and engagement and the season of it. So if you guys don't know, I am recently married. Been married for a month. Yay. Yay. And Lauren has been engaged for a month.

Lauren Alessi:
I think about a month or at least three weeks.

Gaby Calatayud:
Three weeks, yeah. And so we want to talk a little bit about this season and I really think this is a good episode for daughters, for sisters and for mothers. Any really, it's the women in the family. I think it's good for fathers too, to know what girls go through and what your daughters might be processing. But if you do have more than one daughter and if you do have a sister, this is a really useful episode. I think it's going to kind of shine a light on sisterhood because sisters, the bond of sisters is the most beautiful thing and we love it. I don't know what we would do without each other with us three girls. And we've been so close literally since the moment we were born.

Gaby Calatayud:
We've all been like triplets. But it is a. It can get complicated as you grow up as sisters. So we wanna talk a little bit about the complications of that and what you and I have faced in the last really two years. Talk about each other's perspectives. But before we jump in, let's talk about your engagement because I think this is the first time that you're getting to talk to the family biz family about your engagement.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
So first of all, are you engaged? Because you don't have a ring on.

Lauren Alessi:
I'm engaged. I'm getting my ring sized. So it's been gone for two days and then cuz it's just getting tightened. But I am engaged.

Gaby Calatayud:
She is engaged. I should give you one of mine. Just so it looks.

Lauren Alessi:
I know I'm wearing.

Gaby Calatayud:
I could move this here. She is engaged. Nothing's wrong. And they're happily engaged and she's planning a wedding.

Lauren Alessi:
And it's literally just. I was on the phone today with two vendors. Like, I'm getting Married?

Gaby Calatayud:
Yes.

Lauren Alessi:
But yeah, I'm just getting my ring size. No.

Gaby Calatayud:
So I'm tell the engagement story.

Lauren Alessi:
The engagement story. Or I think I should tell the story of like how we met because people don't know the details of that, which is pretty crazy. Go for it. Because I met my fiance, my now fiance, what's his name? Daniel. So we met.

Gaby Calatayud:
He's not a Chris.

Lauren Alessi:
He's not a Chris.

Gaby Calatayud:
Which.

Lauren Alessi:
Okay. And this is more what we want to talk about today is like, yes, marriage and engagements. But something that was like really weird for us was that you're my younger sister, but you went through the engagement and the marriage season before me.

Gaby Calatayud:
I went through the dating.

Lauren Alessi:
The dating, marriage, all of it, like before me as my younger sister. So that was like a really weird thing. But then also, God was super cool cuz you got engaged and I think a month after that.

Gaby Calatayud:
I don't go into those details yet. Go into Daniel and then we'll go into.

Lauren Alessi:
Okay, okay, got it. So anyways, me and Daniel met. We. We met at the gym at the ymca. And then, and I'm get, I'm saying this part of the story because people don't know the details. So we met at the gym. We met one time, we talked, got each other's names and he helped me with a machine. So we got each other's names.

Lauren Alessi:
The next week. Gabby was hyping me up. She's like, you should talk to this guy. You should ask him to work out. I.

Gaby Calatayud:
That's not what I said.

Lauren Alessi:
Yes, you did.

Gaby Calatayud:
Listen, we were having a conversation and you were like, guys, because you had said hello to him a few times, like maybe two or three times, and he was coming up to you and saying hi and he gave you a high five that one time. And we were like, okay, no, just regular guy gives a high five like that. So then I was like, if you want to get to know him and if you want to see if you have the same values as him in a five minute conversation in the lobby, you're not going to be able to do that. So next time just go up and say, hey, we should work out sometime. Little did I know that the next conversation you had with him when you asked him to work out, you guys ended up having a full conversation.

Lauren Alessi:
So then, but you were hyping me up. So then we, the next week. So I meet, get his name. The next week, I'm like, hey, like, we should work out together sometime. We both come to the same gym, whatever. I know nothing about him except his name. We start talking. I find out we're both Christians, both involved in our churches, have similar friends.

Lauren Alessi:
We live five minutes away from each other. And it was just weird because then he's like, oh, what church do you go to? Oh, I go to Metro life. Oh, you have two campuses, right? Like, you know, I have a friend that goes to that church. And so then it was so weird because it turned to this guy that was in a gym that, like, you're not gonna meet a good person at a gym to. All of a sudden, like, I'm meeting this really cool, good Christian guy. And so then.

Gaby Calatayud:
And we even both said it. We're like, there's no way. Like, there's one thing to meet, like, a. A guy that's like, I'm a Christian, but then there's another thing to meet, like, a legit believer. And I. I remember you told him, like, you're like, I'm not just like, a Christian Christian. Like, I'm a pastor's daughter Christian. I'm like, yeah, no, Like, I'm like a full believer.

Lauren Alessi:
Like, I actually believe in Jesus.

Gaby Calatayud:
Yes. And I live my life according to that. Like, that is a long shot to meet them at the YMCA. And people need to know. The YMCA that we go to, the 80% of the population at that YMCA are 80 years and up. They are so old. Like, you do not find young people there. I kept even telling you to go to Lifetime.

Lauren Alessi:
You were like, go to Lifetime. You're going to find a husband. And I was like, I'm not going to spend that much money to find a husband. It's not worth it. Like, I'm sorry.

Gaby Calatayud:
So you spent $25 and you found Daniel.

Lauren Alessi:
Look at that.

Gaby Calatayud:
So continue. Then you.

Lauren Alessi:
Then we met. But then, plot twist. Our church was having a Greece trip. So we meet, we find out each other's, like, that were not just Christians, but that were real Christians. That night, I have to leave to Greece. And so we invite him to church because he's like, I'm actually looking for a new church. And I'm like, well, I'm gonna be out of town Sunday, but look, come to our church. Check it out.

Lauren Alessi:
So I leave to Greece for 10 days, and he comes to church.

Gaby Calatayud:
He does.

Lauren Alessi:
He meets you, like, a little bit more. He meets Christian Pastor Armando, and he comes to church the Sunday that I was out of town. And that was, to me, like, okay, this is crazy, because first of all, you don't meet a guy at the gym that's a good guy, that's number one. Two, rarely do you invite somebody to church and then they come that next Sunday. Yes. And then that happened.

Gaby Calatayud:
And then also something that we haven't told people was that when Christian and I were talking to him, we were like, oh, like, what kind of church are you looking for? Like, I think I had asked him, like, what brings you around? And he was like, you know, I just really have a heart for ministry.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
Christian and I looked at each other, and we're like, who is this guy? Because we're a part of a ministry family. Like, we've given our lives to the ministry. This guy comes in, he's like, I have a heart for the ministry. And it wasn't disingenuine or anything. Like, it was real. And to help the ministry. To help the ministry. And I remember telling Lolo, I'm like, lauren, this might be.

Gaby Calatayud:
He's either your husband or he's a fraud.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah. Yeah. Which that has been the case with all of the people we have married.

Gaby Calatayud:
Every single person.

Lauren Alessi:
They're either a total fraud or they're the one for you.

Gaby Calatayud:
Yeah. So any sign?

Lauren Alessi:
It's a great sign. So then I come back from Greece. We see each other in the gym. We start. I gave him my number before I left to Greece, and then he waited a little bit to text me, which at first I was like, he doesn't know what to. But then it was great. He explains to me. He's like, no, I wanted to actually take my time and be serious and make sure of, you know, because you were a serious option, and I wanted to respect that.

Lauren Alessi:
And then he texted me, honestly, almost a month after returning home from Greece, seeing each other in the gym. And then we texted for a couple weeks, took our time. We're just acting as friends. And then we got coffee, like, a month after that. Yeah. And then we haven't stopped hanging out since then. And then now we're engaged, and now we're getting married.

Gaby Calatayud:
It's incredible.

Lauren Alessi:
It's incredible.

Gaby Calatayud:
So you were talking about it earlier, which is really what we wanted to make, like, the main topic of this conversation, that it didn't happen in sibling order.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
So, like, our birth order is Christopher, Stephen, Steph, you, and then me and. You and I are two years apart. Stephanie and I are four years apart. Christopher and I are eight years apart. So we all have a. Us girls are pretty close. But from Christopher, there's eight years there. Christopher got married first.

Gaby Calatayud:
The two, three months later, Stephanie got married. Because they got married back to. Back and then there was like a four year drought and season of like, no marriages, no dating, no nothing. And then about two years ago, I started dating Christian. Actually, it was two years ago and you weren't dating anybody. And Daniel is your first relationship. So I start dating Christian. And I remember for the family, it was sweet, but it was weird because everybody was like, wait, hold on.

Gaby Calatayud:
And in your mind you're thinking, Lauren's next. And I know because I've talked to a lot of girls about this too. And even moms, that every mom has that same desire is that all of their children would go in order. I think every parent has that desire.

Lauren Alessi:
And it's not a desire, I would say it's just a. It's like this is the expectation.

Gaby Calatayud:
Yes.

Lauren Alessi:
And when that doesn't happen, you kind of feel like your world gets rocked a little bit.

Gaby Calatayud:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
And it's not like this is a bad thing, it's just like. But I just didn't see it happening like this.

Gaby Calatayud:
I think that's a great way to put it, because it's not like you don't want.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah, it's not a desire.

Gaby Calatayud:
No, but it is the expectation. And when it's not met, you just have to process now this new reality. And so I remember when Christian and I started a date, that was the, the, the realization or the reality of our home. It was like, okay, we're processing. What, what if this is something. Christian and I were younger, so we took a little bit longer to.

Lauren Alessi:
But everybody knew when you and Christian started dating. We're like, oh, but they're. They're going to go the distance. Like, they might take a little bit longer, but this, they're the ones for each other.

Gaby Calatayud:
And let's also clarify, in our family, a little bit longer is two years.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah, like five, seven.

Gaby Calatayud:
We were in a year and a half and we got engaged. But we do things quite fast. But no, you're right. It was something that, like, I knew. I think the parents knew, the siblings knew, but we just had to let time take its course. With Christian and I, we had to do some things in our dating relationship to get our careers ready and to get our lives ready to be married to one another. But it was pretty much like we all knew it was a done deal. We wanted to marry one another.

Gaby Calatayud:
So in that time, I remember you and I would talk and we kind of went through a little bit of an awkward season, you and I, because I was always. Let's say that. Let's go back when Steph got Married. Steph was the first girl out, so it was like she broke the cord. And then you and I, like, got closer. And so we would rely on each other and anything that, you know, we were petty, too. Stephanie made us mad. We would go closer to each other.

Gaby Calatayud:
It was like she left us. So it was like we got closer in that. But then as time went on, when I started to date Christian, then things got a little complicated because it was for you, for me, for mom and dad. The thing was, well, then when is Lauren's guy gonna come? Because you're right. The expectation is you would start dating next or before me. So what was it like for you when I started dating Christian? Knowing or feeling like it was a done deal? How were you processing all of that?

Lauren Alessi:
It was totally weird. That's the best way to put it. And we were saying, like, we've never talked about this. But then I started thinking about how many people like, that this is a thing for them, that their younger sibling goes first or it's just out of order. But like we said, it's not like. It's not like somebody's sitting there longing that, like, I need to go first because I want to go first. It's just. That's the expectation.

Lauren Alessi:
Like, as an older sibling, even if it's by, like, 18 months or two years, like, I've always gone a grade ahead of you. Right. Like, I've always gone to college first or, like, I've always driven first.

Gaby Calatayud:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
So that's just the expectation. That's just been life. So then you do kind of feel this. I'm sorry. I'm so congested. So forgive me if you hear something come up. But you do feel this. Like, oh, but they just skipped me.

Lauren Alessi:
Like, they just jumped ahead of me. Like, they skipped me in line, which. And we'll say this, like, we'll cover it at the end. You do realize, like, how false that is, because, of course, there's a whole comparison trap and you can't compare. But there is a super valid feeling of, like, wow, I just got skipped in line. Like, I've been waiting here. And kind of the natural progression of things is that I go next. And that didn't necessarily happen here.

Lauren Alessi:
So it was very weird. And I think for me, what was even weirder is that my parents were also feeling the same things. Yeah, that was weirder for me because usually as a kid, you feel certain feelings and then talk to your parents about it, and they're like, knock it off. Knock it off. Like, suck it, Up. But what was weirder for me is that I'd be like, hey, I kind of feel this way. And they're like, we feel the same.

Gaby Calatayud:
And we don't know how to handle it.

Lauren Alessi:
And I'm like, well, crap. Like, this sucks.

Gaby Calatayud:
And on top of that expectation or on top of that, like, realization, it was also me being gone all the time because now I had a boyfriend, which is natural for a relationship.

Lauren Alessi:
So then you need it.

Gaby Calatayud:
You need to be gone. But then I remember feeling like I wanted to go out with him, but then feeling this guilt of leaving you or feeling this. This man. Mom and dad would be like, hey, did you ask Lauren what she's doing tonight? You might want to call her. Hey, you might not want to see Christian tonight. You might want to hang out with Lauren. So it's this battle of, like, well, if I pick hanging out with my boyfriend, I have to choose to then now leave my sister. When it's part of life, like, you have to do that, but at the same time, you don't want to hurt.

Gaby Calatayud:
You feel like you're being disloyal, whatever that word is. Like, I feel like I was. I was not being loyal to you, and I was, like, betraying you, which is not the case, but which.

Lauren Alessi:
I remember we talked one day, and I was like, gabby, I've never felt that need. Yes. And we were like, oh, we have put expectations on each other.

Gaby Calatayud:
That's a good point to bring up.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
Because we did have a moment where we both spoke up to one another, and I told you, I feel like I'm betraying you.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
And you were like, that's not what I feel. And then you shared what you were feeling, which was just that, like, I've been skipped. I've been bumped.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
And opening up and clarifying that to one another brought the right expectations and the right idea of, like, okay, I know what Lauren's going through. And that helped me out because I was able to leave the house and not feel like Lauren's mad at me. It was more of, like, Lauren's just processing this season, as am I, as is mom and dad. Like, everybody in this conversation or in this situation, we're all just processing what just happened.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah. And that really helped moving forward because, like, I'd get weird, and you'd be like, why is she getting weird? Because we're not hanging out. And I'm like, no, I'm weird because I just. I don't know how to process this.

Gaby Calatayud:
Yeah. And I think also it was Good for me. And siblings have to do this, because at a certain point, for siblings, you do start to live your own life and process in your own way. And you have to make decisions for yourself apart from your siblings, which is so difficult because the majority of my thoughts, feelings, and decisions in life has been wrapped around what my sisters think and what my sisters would do. The outfits I wear. Well, what are they wearing? The boys that I date, like, how. How did they date? You know, going to college, what to study. Do I go away? I always held it up to.

Gaby Calatayud:
Well, my siblings studied this, and my brother went here, and Stephanie went here, and Lauren did this. So now you're in a season where you have to kind of think for yourself and hold it up to your judgment or even hold it up to, like, what the Lord says and, like, what you're feeling, the leading of the Holy Spirit is telling you to do. And that's a hard transition.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
To, like, cut that. That cord with your sibling. But I think this scenario and this season of our life helped us get there with each other because you had to make decisions on your own. And I'd like for you to talk about that, too. Like, because, Christian, I didn't just date for three months, six months, a year. And you didn't date anybody. We got engaged. And you were still single.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
So what did you do? I was talking to Ashley about it. Ashley was like, was Lauren dating Daniel? I'm like, lauren did not know Daniel.

Lauren Alessi:
I didn't know Daniel because we got.

Gaby Calatayud:
Engaged February 14th of this year. Which you met Daniel in March.

Lauren Alessi:
In March. Which it was. It's so crazy. So I. I did get in, like, a. Y'. All. What? Y' all dated for how long? And then you got engaged?

Gaby Calatayud:
A year and a half.

Lauren Alessi:
Year and a half. Then you guys got engaged. So it got. It got, like, tougher for me when you're like, hey, we're talking about marriage. That's when I was like, yeah, that was hard. What? That's when I was like, I got. I totally just got bummed.

Gaby Calatayud:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
Before you guys were dating, I was like, I mean, it is what it.

Gaby Calatayud:
Is, but, like, you're just like a normal sister.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah. I was like, whatever. Where was I going with this? But no, I was. I was good. I was pretty chill about it because I understood, like, I. What was good about us sisters was that, like, in the dating season, we all kind of knew we were very, very different. Like, I didn't have serious relationships. That just wasn't, like, my cup of tea.

Lauren Alessi:
As I'm drinking a cup of tea. And then, like, you would, like. We all had different paces of dating, so we all kind of respected that. But then when it came.

Gaby Calatayud:
And dating's not marriage, exactly. In our family, dating is. You're getting to know one another, and it's not. We really do take dating as, like, it is what it is. It's dating. You are not married. You're not engaged in dating. Because that's a huge step.

Lauren Alessi:
Yes.

Gaby Calatayud:
So I think when. When we date somebody, whenever our siblings have dated somebody, we're like, yeah, they're dating and they're serious, but, like, until they start talking marriage, it. It's not that serious.

Lauren Alessi:
It's not that serious. Exactly. So I was pretty chill. And I was always very. Honestly, I was always very confident in myself and, like, my decisions that I was. I'd have low days, of course. Like, obviously, like any normal single person, I would say, but I would be pretty normal. Like, I was pretty consistent with myself.

Lauren Alessi:
I was good with my decisions, having fun. But then when y' all started talking about engagement in marriage, that's when I was like, oh, are you kidding me? Like, for real?

Gaby Calatayud:
And again, it wasn't a knock against us.

Lauren Alessi:
No, it was just. It was totally just like, I just got bumped.

Gaby Calatayud:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
Like, what the heck? Which is so funny because, like, I've never dreamed of, like, a wedding day or, like, an engagement, so I don't know why I felt that so strongly.

Gaby Calatayud:
And what was interesting about it was that I always wanted to go last. You did. I wanted to end the Alessi weddings with a bang.

Lauren Alessi:
With a bang.

Gaby Calatayud:
And so when I. I was hoping. I'm like, God, please let me get married first.

Lauren Alessi:
I was dating Christian. I'm like, lord, please.

Gaby Calatayud:
And then we got engaged. I'm like, there's still time. We have eight months. Maybe she'll meet somebody and bump me. Like, I didn't mind it. And again, it goes back to the expectation. I didn't mind it because I've always gone last. Yeah, I.

Gaby Calatayud:
I drove last, I went to college last, I graduated last. That's part of what I'm used to, and that's what I expect in life. You are used to the older siblings going first, but not me. So it was just an adjustment.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
So how did it feel then when we got engaged?

Lauren Alessi:
So then when you guys. Oh, no. But before this, I started meeting with my own individual coach. So we all have coaching going on for, like, our staffing, so they help us work, they help us with our own you know, personal issues. So I started meeting with a coach one on one. And the first session, I just was like, I'm going through a tough time. Life is hard. Life is really tough.

Lauren Alessi:
And she just looked at me, and she was like, well, Lauren, it's all.

Gaby Calatayud:
Out of your control.

Lauren Alessi:
And honestly, what you're going through is not a big deal. And I was like, oh, my God, you're so right. And she goes. She's like, I'm sorry. Like, I want to be empathetic with you, but I just don't see what the big deal is. Wow. She's like, people have younger siblings that get married first all the time. And, like, I want to feel bad for you, but it's just not making sense to me.

Lauren Alessi:
Wow. And I was like, that's. That's. That is all that I needed. And she's like, you have so much that you can use right now with your time. It's all like, you can't control meeting somebody, so why even waste your time and energy on that? So I want to say thank you to Lynn if you ever hear this. You changed my life. So then she was.

Gaby Calatayud:
I also love how she talks to you. I'm going to take that.

Lauren Alessi:
No, it was great. It. And it wasn't like, oh, suck it up. Because I don't respond well to that, like, so sort of language. But it was just very black and white, like, well, can you control it? No. And also, like, it reminded me of in the Kardashians when she's like, kim, people are literally dying. That's what I felt like. It's like, you're right.

Lauren Alessi:
There's people with much harder issues than.

Gaby Calatayud:
It's true.

Lauren Alessi:
And this is such a minuscule, like, issue. So I just remember I left that meeting, and I was like, okay, why am I wasting time and energy on this? Like, first of all, I'm single. I'm in my 20s. I should be. Funny enough, I left with this thought. I was like, I should be the most in shape and fit and healthy I've ever been in my life. So I'm gonna get dedicated to the gym. Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
Because at this time, you did not have a gym membership at the Y.

Lauren Alessi:
I did not have a gym membership. So I just remember, like, literally, I'm like, I'm gonna lock in. I'm gonna get better at, like, everything in my. In my life. So then that's when I decided, like, I'm gonna join a gym. I'd always worked out. I'd always been active, but I. We stopped Going to the Y for whatever reason.

Lauren Alessi:
So then I was like, no, no more excuses. I'm done falling into this trap of, like, a low. So then I. We started joining the Y. And, like, people think I started going to the gym because of Daniel. And I just want to clarify this right now. I met Daniel because I was waking up three, four times a week at 6am going to the gym.

Gaby Calatayud:
And, like, were you.

Lauren Alessi:
During that season, Gabby would go with me. Yes. During that season, Yes.

Gaby Calatayud:
I fell off, but it's okay.

Lauren Alessi:
But I met him because I was pursuing that on my own. And I just loved it. I loved feeling like I was taking control of my life. Like, why would I let such a dumb, small thought that I can't even control? That's the kicker. Like, if it was something that I can control different, take control over it. But here's this one thing I can't control, and here's a million other things I can control. And. And I'm letting this one thing dictate my emotions in my life.

Lauren Alessi:
So let me feel better and just control what I can control. And that's when I was like, okay, I've got this. And then, funny enough, while I was in the midst of, like, literally, I'm going to grab control of my life. I'm going to be the best I've ever felt. Look. The best I've ever looked. Boom. I meet Daniel.

Gaby Calatayud:
And what was incredible is we all sensed the shift in you, but it didn't happen. Like, okay, you joined the Y. And January, the next week, you met him, you joined, you got the whole family to join. You were super consistent. We all noticed the shift. Like, even in our relationship, you went from being, frankly, like, it would be awkward to talk about, like, the engagement with you to, like, you were so supportive and celebratory about it, and everything changed. Then I get engaged February 14th, and you were so excited for me. You picked out my outfit that night.

Gaby Calatayud:
Like you were a part of the plan. And it was like, wow, Lauren is really just. You really took it. You could just see that. You just found contentment, but also you. You stepped up your life in that season. So it wasn't that you just became, like, you didn't just become comfortable, you were challenged, but you also became content. And then we were engaged a month.

Gaby Calatayud:
Then you met and saw Daniel for the first time. And it was just so incredible to see how, like, it wasn't a one day to the next change. You changed your mind. You changed your mindset and the habits in your life. And then, with consistency, this person came into your life. And we didn't go in and say, wow, Daniel really changed Lauren. Like, we don't look back and go, she's fine. Now that she has a boyfriend, or now that she's engaged, she's fine.

Gaby Calatayud:
You got good on yourself, and you kind of found that contentment with the Lord and with your life and were achieving things for yourself. And you created things during that season and came up with things that if you were in a relationship, you would not have time for. And then you started to meet that person, and you stepped into that season. But I think it's a really cool lesson of, like, you do have to get into a position for marriage, but also, you got to get your ducks in a row. Like, yeah, there are things in your life that you have to get in order. And I think for us, we all kept saying, like, oh, my gosh, it's out of order. Lauren's supposed to go first. But you knew that there were things that you wanted to get in order for yourself before that season, and it was beautiful to see that come into your life.

Gaby Calatayud:
And then when we went into the engagement or when you and Daniel started to date and Christian and I were engaged, planning the wedding, it wasn't until that moment that you and me both said, it makes sense as to why I went first.

Lauren Alessi:
Yes.

Gaby Calatayud:
So share that perspective.

Lauren Alessi:
No, but hold on. Like, I'm like, why did it make sense for you? I know why it made sense for me.

Gaby Calatayud:
Well, I think it's exactly what you. You said. Because I think it was a lot for you. Like, you want. There were things that you wanted to do, and there were things that, like, I liked. Like, for example, what makes sense to me? I always wanted to have the last wedding. A big bang and a big celebration and whatever. But your personality is the complete opposite.

Gaby Calatayud:
Like, you do want a smaller wedding, and you do want something. So I felt like it was my way of, like, I'm going to do this for the family, because I like to have the big wedding, and I like to do it for the church and everything, and you're going to do the church wedding as well. But, like, it just made sense why I would go first. And then you're like, okay, I'm going to do it, but half of what you did, so that just. That made sense. And then I also thought it was sweet that, like, Daniel was a part of our wedding, you know, like, to see that all take place. And it was. Our wedding was Daniel's first ever wedding.

Lauren Alessi:
First Ever wedding.

Gaby Calatayud:
He had never been to a wedding, so there was just little things, and I'm like, wow. It just. It made sense for this to happen.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah. And on, like, even a deeper level, I was talking to some friends last night, and I was like, you'll see that, like, when. When the blessing comes, you're like, oh, my God. And it's not just, like, a guy.

Gaby Calatayud:
Right.

Lauren Alessi:
It's anything. When the blessing comes, you're like, but God gave me everything. Yeah. Because even the things that I got to do, like, wow. Sort of waiting for God to bring Daniel into my life. I. I did some really, really cool things that I think God knew my personality needed.

Gaby Calatayud:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
Before I just settled down and, like, got married. So I got to do some really, really cool things with my life Right. While I was single. So I was like, I'm very, very content with. With my life. And I'm very content at this age being, like, getting married and settling down. And so I think you really look back at it now, and you're like, oh, yeah, the timing does all make sense. And, like, yeah, duh.

Lauren Alessi:
God knows what he's doing. Yeah. Like, even on a deeper level versus, like, weddings are just one part of life. It's not a whole thing. But just on a deeper or larger scale, you really can see, like, yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
Why you need to go first.

Lauren Alessi:
Because, one, you needed to date Christian a little bit longer because of your age. You guys needed to get to know each other. You guys needed to mature and grow together. And something that, like, me and Daniel have noticed was, like, we both need to grow on our own and then come together.

Gaby Calatayud:
Yep. Which is real in a lot of relationships, both scenarios.

Lauren Alessi:
So, yeah. It's just. It's really, really interesting. But I will say that that whole. Oh, I feel like I've been bummed or, like, even you skipped me. Or even. But I remember mom vocalizing that, like, how weird that is, and she was like, you'll see when you have kids. That's just a weird feeling.

Lauren Alessi:
It's very valid to feel like things are out of order. But I think. I think when we get stuck in that mindset, like, we're thinking too small. Yeah. We're not thinking on a larger scale. That, first of all, this is just a wedding.

Gaby Calatayud:
Right. It's just.

Lauren Alessi:
I.

Gaby Calatayud:
Well, I think also, like, now I'm. I'm learning in this season that, like, marriage is really day one for you. Like, you think marriage is the achievement. Like, oh, now we're married and we can start. Then you're at your wedding. And you see all of these married couples that are married for 20, 30 years, and you're like, we have such a long way to go. Like, it's just a part of your life.

Lauren Alessi:
It's.

Gaby Calatayud:
It's you joining together with somebody for that, for your life. But your life still goes back to normal. You're still. My job has not changed. My. My responsibilities have not changed. All. All that's happened is things have been added to my life.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
But I'm still doing what I was doing when I was single. But someone's just there.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
Like, your habits are still the same.

Lauren Alessi:
That is like, the funniest description of marriage.

Gaby Calatayud:
What?

Lauren Alessi:
I'm still doing all the same things. Someone's just there, literally, like.

Gaby Calatayud:
And there's parts life. Yes. There's like, nuances that are different, but it's true. You're still going to wake up at a certain time. It's not like you get married and all of a sudden you're like, I'm up at 6am and we're at the gym every single day. You're probably. Your eating habits might even get worse because you don't have as much money as you did before because you have more responsibilities. But your eating habits.

Gaby Calatayud:
Like, I'm reverting back to like, my childhood. Christian bought trick cereals and Reese's peanut butter cups the other day. Or Reese's Pieces, whatever cereal. I haven't had that since I was like, 11. That's what we're living on.

Lauren Alessi:
Reese's puffs.

Gaby Calatayud:
Reese's. That's what it is. Thank you. But like, you the. The same habits that you had back when, like, we were talking about the other day, like, our phone habits. We. Now that we're married, we're both like, going back to, like, when you get in bed at night, you scroll. And now we're realizing, okay, we have to change these habits because we can't just revert back to what we're used to.

Gaby Calatayud:
But your life is still the same. So you either change when you're single or you change when you're married.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
The only difference is somebody's there and you just need to pay for more things. But, like, it is. It is incredible to. To see that. And I think it was great that you did get yourself into a place that, like, you were gonna make those habits before you were married, and you were gonna get that settled before you were married. And then when you met Daniel and you talked to him and got to know him, he had the same thing. He had to get things in order before he was married. And there's no better or worse.

Gaby Calatayud:
Christian and I. I really think it just comes down to what you want.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
Like, Christian and I wanted to get married. We could have waited to get to. To date longer and. And maybe been. Been in a better position, but we wanted to get married at the season, and I'm so grateful that we did. And the Lord has blessed us in this season. And what's so cool is when something about this gym, man, this gym has like magical powers or something.

Lauren Alessi:
It's a Hallmark movie. Like. Like, you know those. Those dumb Hallmark movies.

Gaby Calatayud:
You know, the hotel has matches and.

Lauren Alessi:
You like, it has the sound effects around. You know what I'm talking about? That is the ymca.

Gaby Calatayud:
We need to make a reel about that. But like, you met Daniel. You met your husband at the Y. I found my house on the way to the Y. Like the house I'm about to move into. And me and you.

Lauren Alessi:
Okay. Before meeting Daniel, me and you would drive to the Y and we're like, can you imagine living in this neighborhood? This is like a dream neighborhood.

Gaby Calatayud:
Yes. And that's where you're moving into. We found this strip of townhomes that there are no townhomes in the area that we. We live in. I live five minutes from mom and dad, five minutes from Christian's parents in that area.

Lauren Alessi:
There.

Gaby Calatayud:
There's no such thing as like a town home. There's really only condos or apartments. And they're in different. They're like a little bit north, but, like, you just don't find it. So there's all these huge single family homes. And we're driving through one morning and we saw this little community of townhomes and we both said, man, what a dream. And we saw, like, people like this one guy come out of the. The neighborhood story for another day.

Gaby Calatayud:
But this old guy come out of the neighborhood and he was on a scooter and he like, took his scooter down to Publix.

Lauren Alessi:
Yes. Every morning.

Gaby Calatayud:
Every morning. And we said it. We're like, what a dream. Like, you just walk down to Publix and you can walk to the mall because it's so central to everything. And that ended up being where I'm living now.

Lauren Alessi:
Wow.

Gaby Calatayud:
I found a place. The Lord opened a door for me to live there, and we completely renovated the house. But like, it's really. I think it goes back to like, yes, the season wasn't in sibling order, but it was in the order and timing of God.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
And we. We got our lives in order. It's not that we took control, but we did submit to the season, and we controlled what we were able to control, and we stewarded what God gave us. And that was taking care of ourselves, making sure that we put the right things first, being content in the season and grateful. Not just content, but grateful for the season. And we started to work on the things that we had to work on. And for me, that was getting engaged and getting married and finding a home. Like that was part of what God had required me to do for that season.

Gaby Calatayud:
You had different requirements, and then as the time went on, you started to see that it was God's timing all along. And I think what was beautiful about me and Christian getting married first is that it allowed you and Daniel to date without the pressure of, Lauren, when are you going to marry him? Because since there was a wedding, like, you guys started dating in March, we didn't get married till October. So you had all that season to get to know one another and to talk to each other and date and have fun without everybody around being like, well, Lauren's next. When is she going to get married? Yeah, because there was a wedding coming.

Lauren Alessi:
It's true.

Gaby Calatayud:
And so there was more. People were like, lauren, don't get married. Save your dad. Help your dad out, rather than forcing you to get married. And I think that just gave you guys a season to really date without pressure. And I think every dating couple needs that. Everybody, that anyone that wants to get to know each other and get married, they need a season to do it without any pressure or any voices that pushes them to get married too soon. And I remember you telling me that you were like, I really appreciate this because we're able to just enjoy each other and not have someone that's asking us all the time, when are you going to get married? When are you going to get married?

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah. No, and I will just say, like, you. You said something like, it comes down to what you want. And yes, that's true. But I also think. Because if you told me that before I met Daniel, I'd be like, well, I'm not. I don't have, like, what I want.

Gaby Calatayud:
Right.

Lauren Alessi:
So there's truth to that. But I also think on a deeper level, it really comes down to, God knows, like, God in heaven is like, I know you want that and you're gonna get that. But trust me, there's also something else that you need. So let me just help you out here a little bit. Like, I just truly believe that, like, he's acting as a parent and is like, I know you want that, and trust me, you're going to get that. Like, that's coming. But you also need this. So just let me help navigate you a little bit.

Lauren Alessi:
Like, if we always got what we wanted, we despoiled brats, like, we wouldn't be the greatest people and we probably wouldn't even be happy. Because we all know that friend that always gets what they want. And, you know, they're never happy.

Gaby Calatayud:
No.

Lauren Alessi:
So I think for me, I could say, like, it's crazy to think. I don't know, I feel like a spoiled brat because I was like, I did get what I wanted and I got what I needed all at the same time. And you just have to picture it like that. Yes, it comes down to what you want. Absolutely. And God's going to give you that. But it's also going to come down to what you need. And God knows you better.

Lauren Alessi:
God knows what you need and what you want better than you know yourself. And there's no way for you to know that until you see it. Because I didn't know it until, like, I still don't know it.

Gaby Calatayud:
I know, I know. And I think that's a great point because we are just at the beginning of our lives, essentially. We're still. We haven't achieved anything just because we're engaged and married. We're still living our lives and the Lord is still developing us and showing us what we need. And now there's just going to be a new season. Right. We're just in a different season.

Gaby Calatayud:
And there will be things in this next season that we want, that we desire, that maybe it's not the timing of the Lord yet, but we have to stay. We have to stay faithful. We have to stay consistent with Him. And I think a great reminder for anyone that's listening and a takeaway from this is God's timing is perfect. Yes. But things have to happen in a certain way. And sometimes it's not to our worldly expectation.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
It might not be in the sibling order. It might not be in the order of even the seasons and how time works. You know, your life might not happen in the timing that you thought or the thing that you want might not happen in the timing that you thought, but it doesn't mean nothing's happening. And I think your story of it is a great example that there were things that you could make happen. Even though there's just one thing that's not happening, there were still things in life that you could come take over, take control of, and make happen. And as you did that, you were developed. God developed you. God spoke things to you.

Gaby Calatayud:
You achieved things, you tried new things. You traveled. Like, you cannot say that you're going into this marriage and you've never traveled the world. You've been almost everywhere you've wanted to go.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
And you're going into this marriage with a lot of experience and a lot of stories that you can bring into it. So you achieve the things that you wanted to achieve. And now this is just like, this is just a blessing to come together. And now you're going to continue to do more. Yeah. But I just think that's a great lesson for us all. It's like, it's all going to work out, and it might not meet your expectations, but there is the. The wants that you have, the desires that you have.

Gaby Calatayud:
God's going to meet them.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah. And I remember right before. This is like, the last thing I'll say because I think it encapsulates perfectly, but. Oh, is that a word?

Gaby Calatayud:
I don't know, Alan. Encapsulates? I don't think so.

Lauren Alessi:
Anyway, it's a word. So I remember right before I met. Right before Daniel and I met, I really, weirdly, because I had never felt this before. I really felt like God was like, hey, you're like, it's. It's gonna happen soon. Like, you're gonna meet the one for you very soon. But I felt. Because of course, like, when you're in that position and if you're listening and you are in that position of like, I just feel like everyone's going before me, and even if it's not siblings, like, there was a point where all of my friends that were all my age, they all got married and.

Lauren Alessi:
And we're in a season of, like, pregnancy and having babies, buying houses, and I was like, I'm living with my parents and I'm totally single. Like. Like, that happens, too. And I just remember the Lord putting in my heart, like, right before I met Daniel, he's like, stop comparing and start preparing. And that sounds.

Gaby Calatayud:
Stop complaining.

Lauren Alessi:
Stop comparing. I'm sorry. I'm very congested. Stop comparing. Start preparing.

Gaby Calatayud:
I think you said it the right way, but I heard the.

Lauren Alessi:
It's okay. Yeah, no, I'm very congested. Stop comparing.

Gaby Calatayud:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
And start preparing. That's good. Because if you get stuck at a place of comparison, and I know this sounds very cringe. Christian cringe and chat. Gbt. But if you get stuck in a place of comparison, it literally, it paralyzed me.

Gaby Calatayud:
Like, well, I'm just not going to.

Lauren Alessi:
Do anything because everybody goes before me. But if you stop comparing your life to others, but you put yourself in a place of preparation, like, God's gonna do it, so I'm just gonna be ready for it.

Gaby Calatayud:
Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
And I remember just thinking to myself, what if I'm married this time next year? So I'm gonna start looking my best, like how I want to look on my wedding day.

Gaby Calatayud:
That's good. Yeah.

Lauren Alessi:
Like, I'm gonna start taking care of my skin. I'm gonna. And I know that's like little, little things, but even I. I want to be married. I. I feel like God's gonna do it, so let me take care of my finances. Yeah. And like, genuinely putting your best foot forward and preparing and not saying, oh, but why? Why does it happen to them and it not happened to me? No.

Lauren Alessi:
But put yourself in the place of preparation and not constantly comparing, but preparing.

Gaby Calatayud:
So.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
Well, I think that's such a good lesson because it really does put you in the place of, like, you humble yourself.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
And you need to. Because there is this bad habit and mindset of people and young people today of. But I deserve that. If they have that, then I deserve it. What do they have that I don't have?

Lauren Alessi:
That was me 1,000%.

Gaby Calatayud:
And we would have that conversation all the time of, if that girl got married and she's the way that she is, then how am I not married? What am I missing? And I love that point. It has nothing to do with you. You've got things on your own that you gotta work on. And I think that's another lesson for us. And I would even speak to the person that if there are sisters out there and one's engaged or married and the other one isn't to the married one. You haven't achieved greatness just because you're married. You know, it's just a part of your life. You didn't win this medal.

Gaby Calatayud:
You're married. It's a blessing. And marriage is incredible. But you aren't higher than the other. You're not better than the other sister. But also, you haven't betrayed your sister.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah.

Gaby Calatayud:
And you haven't left your sister or you haven't left your sibling. You know, this is a season where you just stepped into marriage and there's no understanding why you went first. There's no reasoning for why you went first. As much as we could sit here and try to find. Oh, that's why it makes sense. We don't know why, but it just happened that way. There is no I am better than you or you are better than me in this situation, and I didn't betray you. It's part of life.

Gaby Calatayud:
And you and your sibling might have to go through a little growing pain and a little bit of that pulling or cutting the cord where you have to separate. But it's part of God's plan, and you're going to be grateful for it. And if you are married, you need to start building that bond with your husband now or your wife, the same bond that you had with your siblings, because you'll forever have that with your sisters. But you have to start balancing it out. And you cannot be more loyal to your sisters than you are to your husband. That has to be something that you start to. To transition. Because naturally, I'm always gonna be more loyal to my sisters.

Gaby Calatayud:
But now I have to work on cutting that cord and changing it. But that's the new season of Life, and thank God Lauren's got that part easy because she is the last one getting married. So we're already gonna be like, you.

Lauren Alessi:
Can cut the cord.

Gaby Calatayud:
You're good.

Lauren Alessi:
Yeah, I do. I see. Totally. The blessing in getting married last is actually pretty great. 10 out of 10.

Gaby Calatayud:
10 recommend you have the house to yourself. Mom and dad don't bother you anymore. Mom and dad let you do your thing.

Lauren Alessi:
No, it's really, like, literally 10 out of 10 recommend.

Gaby Calatayud:
Well, this was a great conversation, and I hope it. I hope, first of all, it gave insight to our relationships, our relationships with our guys, but also our sibling relationship, because I think what's really sweet is that to end it all now, we went through a little rough patch with the dating and how it all happened in the engagement, but now it's like, we're in such a fun season because we're planning your wedding and we're talking about your wedding, because I just finished a wedding. I did tell you I will not plan your wedding, but I will give you insight. I will consult if need be. But I think that's what makes it so fun is, like, we went through a rough season, but now we're just in a whole different season of sisterhood. And it's a different bond, and we can connect over different things, and it's so much better. So we got through it. Thank God.

Gaby Calatayud:
No more dating. Praise the Lord. We're gonna be married, and now we're just gonna move into marriage problems. It's gonna be fun, but we hope you enjoyed this episode of the Family Business podcast with the Alessies. We want to encourage you to please subscribe, comment, follow us, whatever it is, and also share this episode. If you know of sisters, if you know of a mom that might need this, if you know of maybe even an aunt, I don't know if you know of anybody that this could even friends, if this could help anybody, send it to them. Because that's our heart and that's our desire, is that this conversation and our experience, our little bit of experience would reach somebody else and help them in their season. I love what Lauren said.

Gaby Calatayud:
Stop comparing, start preparing. That is a beautiful takeaway from today's episode. We hope you enjoy it. And that's all for us, folks. Cheers.

Lauren Alessi:
Thanks so much for joining the Family Business today. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to follow or subscribe, share with a friend and leave us a review. We appreciate your support and can't wait to have you join us next time because family is everybody's business.