In this episode, Steve and Mary Alessi tackle one of the biggest relationship killers—defensiveness. You'll hear raw, personal stories from their early life and marriage as they share practical advice—including how to recognize when YOU'RE the defensive one (even if you don't think you are), and how to listen to what people are saying without going into battle mode.
If you're tired of always feeling like your walls are up or fighting with a loved one who never listens, this conversation will help you break through the defensive barrier and build stronger, happier relationships.
Watch the Sermon that Inspired this Episode
"Too Busy Defending to Be Changed"
https://youtu.be/Zk1pWBPUR74?si=IVfIwxzg4P43ipr5
00:00 Introduction
02:56 The Dangers of Defensiveness
04:40 How to Know If You're Defensive
09:46 “We” Not “Me”
11:32 The Power of Tone
15:35 Setting Boundaries vs. Being Defensive
20:37 Lessons from a Hot-Headed Italian
26:05 Taking Responsibility
29:35 The Modern Struggle with Defensiveness
34:46 The White Flag Moment
37:44 Listening to Learn, Not Defend
40:12 Transparency vs. Vulnerability
44:17 Die to Yourself
49:33 Turning Away Wrath
51:44 Let’s Talk
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