Year 1: How to Communicate Better as Your Marriage Begins | S4 E14

Intro to Szn 4 Ep 14 with Chris and Richelle Alessi

SPEAKER_04 0:09

Welcome to another episode of the Family Business with the Alessis. And today, because family is everybody's business, I'm joined at the podcast table with Rochelle Alesi. Hello, everybody. And Christopher John Alesi. Give them a hand and round of applause. Wow, look at here. And because it's going to get hot in here. Oh, yeah. We brought some flames. There's going to be some good, hot, juicy conversation going on. Actually, we're here talking about your first year marriage. You're a year and a half into this thing.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 0:51

Closer to two. Yeah. Closer to two. February will be two. My gosh. I know. Time has flown. When's the last time Rochelle been in the podcast booth? Was it when no, you did a second one.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Yeah. I think it was one with the with everybody, the girls. We were talking about Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_04 1:09

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:10

Okay. So over a year ago?

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:12

Wow. So that would have been like season two or three. So you that was a good one, by the way, on Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:19

Yes. Season three. Season three. So if you're watching us, listening to us as our podiums does, uh, you may want to go back and subscribe. If you didn't get that episode, you would have been able to hear from uh Rochelle and the girls, our her sister-in-laws, and talking about Thanksgiving and all good things. So go back and subscribe to the podcast, and you'll be able to pick up on some of those older episodes, which man, I can't believe we four seasons in life's good. But look, your first couple of years of marriage. Um what do you think? How's it going, Rochelle?

Managing Expectations in A New Home

SPEAKER_00 1:59

I think it's going great. It's going really good. Yeah we definitely have learned a lot about each other and um just everything in life, but it's been great. Yeah, we've had a great time.

unknown 2:12

Really?

SPEAKER_00 2:12

I would say, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:14

So you have your own house.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 2:16

You like that?

SPEAKER_00 2:17

I love that.

SPEAKER_04 2:18

Really?

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Yes. I think um we've ha having to work together to put a house and you have different opinions, you like different things, and trying to bring all that together and find a common ground, it's been the best because it really is our home.

SPEAKER_04 2:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

So that's been a great experience.

SPEAKER_04 2:40

And a guy needs to realize that his newly wife that he brings in to his life is gonna want a home.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 2:48

She he of her own. Yeah, not living with the in-laws, huh?

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 2:52

It's a big deal.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:54

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

I love having our own home. That's great.

SPEAKER_04 2:57

Good question.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Tell me.

SPEAKER_04 2:58

Is Christopher clean?

SPEAKER_00 3:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 3:01

He is.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

He is. It's perfect because in the areas that he's very clean, I'm not. And in the areas that I'm very clean, he's not. So it's like a perfect balance in the house.

SPEAKER_04 3:12

I'm surprised he didn't jump right in there and try to defend you. No, she's not not clean. All right, Chris. My son, my only son. What do you think?

SPEAKER_03 3:23

Almost two years into this. Since you did say it was gonna get a little hot and spicy, I'll tell a story that happened very recently to describe how marriage has been. It's been amazing. It's the way that God intended life to be for sure. But very recently, I uh I was a little sharp with Rochelle. And I was just focused on other things. I had just jumped back on our eating program. So I was a little cranky. And I came into her real quick and I said, Hey, I just want to apologize. I I was not trying to be uh sharp or mad. I wasn't mad at you. I'm so sorry. And she was like, Oh, you know, I didn't even think anything of it. I I whatever. Of all the times that I've been mad at you without you knowing, this wasn't one of them.

unknown 4:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 4:05

I said, Oh, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

And then he went on, how many times have you been mad at me that I didn't know? I'm like, I don't know, just a few times. I don't remember them, but I know if they have happened.

SPEAKER_04 4:17

Not too bad.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

And I was thinking, I thought, man, if you would have asked me five minutes before that interaction, have you ever made Rochelle angry? Oh my god. Once yeah. I guess not. A few times. And one of those happened to be.

SPEAKER_04 4:30

I was gonna say, maybe we could get into what one of those times would have been.

SPEAKER_03 4:34

Well, this is a great example of who's clean, who's messy, the different people having your own home, all that good stuff. Um, as you know, Rochelle and I are into gardening. We really enjoy it. Uh, I've gotten a little too much into it. Now it's kind of taken over our entire backyard. Used to be a section. Now the seating area is a section. Everything else is plants and gardens. Uh, so one day we had a Saturday. I spent about four hours out there. No way. Consolidating, cleaning things, making things look better, putting them in bigger pots, getting things off the ground. I spent a lot of time. I built some furniture that day to have stuff out there, and I'm finally done. I'm exhausted. I built I'm I did you use tools? Yeah, of course I did. So amazing. So doing all this stuff. And Rochelle had been inside. Uh that day she had been feeling very good. So she was really relaxing most of the day. And I, you know, I totally like it. I liked what I was doing too. But I'm exhausted, I'm sweating, I'm dirty. I had picked everything up. And I had taken two now empty pots, and I had just left them by the entrance uh, you know, back into our house. I just left them there because I was like, tomorrow when I get back from church, I'm gonna put pots in that. So I don't want to take them into the garage, they're kind of dirty, anyways. And so I come inside, Rochelle's like, What'd you do? I tell her everything I did, and then she's like, Well, please, please close, close the blinds. It's a mess out there, and I can't even see it. I don't even want to look at it right now. It's just so messy out there.

SPEAKER_04 6:02

After four hours of what happened.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

So then I said that, and Chris was like, Well, hold on. I've been out there for four hours creating the space that you want, building furniture, moving things around so it's everything you want, and you are upset because two pods are not in place. And I felt so bad because I'm like, he's right. I was making a big deal over two little pods because they're not in place. I was getting a little uh OCD because I'm like, it's not perfect. And so I was seeing two little things not in place. It didn't mean the whole place was a mess, it was just two things, but in my head, everything was a mess. So I felt so bad. I I apologize. I said it was fine. It was so funny.

SPEAKER_04 6:46

I think he's used to it though because you are like his father. Yes for someone so smart. Oh my gosh, my gosh, let's major on the minors.

SPEAKER_03 7:01

It was actually funny though, because we realized very quickly, like, wow, we just we have different definitions.

SPEAKER_04 7:07

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:07

Like to me, I go out there because to those thinking two pots, you know, well, out of four or five pots, that's like half the pots. We have got like 45 out there for obsession, for so many to be in the right place and only two. It was funny, but at the same time, I had to understand that, you know, that's how she is. That's she wants to see things clean. So it makes total sense. But she does have her areas where she wants to be clean and areas where she could not care less.

SPEAKER_05 7:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:31

And I happen to be those are the areas that I care about, and I don't care about the others. We've found a great balance, and and it's been really fun.

SPEAKER_04 7:38

You know, I gotta say, for for you guys and Muinas, you know, I'm proud of you for not renting a home, but going into marriage, knowing, okay, from the get-go, we're gonna start letting our money work for us. We own our home. So you guys stepped into it, Chris. You saved your money. Uh, you were able to buy your first place, and it just happens to be about five doors down from where Muinas live. So that is like a dream come true to see this happening. And we only need two more of those units for when Gabby and Lauren get married.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

Another church member moved in too, into the area. That's right. So now there's we're taking over caddios.

SPEAKER_04 8:18

So you got them. You also have uh uh Otto and uh uh Madeline. Yes, that's cool. You you've got some good neighbors there. It's nice. It's the best neighborhood, too. Oh gosh. Yeah, we were talking about Halloween for a minute with Steph and Weena telling the whole story about them pouring the wine and the beer out.

SPEAKER_03 8:36

Oh, they told the story. Oh, I love it. Our pot store is nothing compared to that one. Yes, it was great.

SPEAKER_04 8:42

And but yet the the neighborhood, you guys, your neighborhood is so family friendly that they blocked off the street. They had a big event there just for Halloween. So that's a great little community you guys live in.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:55

Tell tell everyone about what you said to the grandmothers the other day about hearing kids.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

I love it because every afternoon when we get back home from work around 5:30 to 6:30, you hear the kids playing from uh playground. And then you know at that time you have to drive carefully because there's kids on bikes, scooters. And I love that because it feels like a little hometown within our neighborhood where you actually see kids playing outside, and our neighbors are friendly.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

So from our couch, we hear it all. And Rochelle sees that as like, this is why I love it.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:28

Meanwhile, I'm like, this is why we're gonna move.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

I don't want to keep hearing so many people.

SPEAKER_04 9:34

I know, no. You know that they finally opened that uh little playground, huh? Yes, they did. Took them COVID took it for a while, but no, it's a great little neighborhood. Love seeing you guys. Okay, biggest challenge, you think, your first year or so of marriage. What do you think that's been, Chris?

SPEAKER_03 9:48

Oh, I was gonna say you should go first. Okay, biggest challenge for me

Communication Challenges for New Married Couples

SPEAKER_03 9:53

has probably been, I think I've said this before. Uh, my unique role as the man of the house to know when to make things a big deal, when to not. So the way that I call it, the way I guess I've been describing it is when do I, because I'm always the leader of the house.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

Right.

SPEAKER_03 10:10

When do I lead in a more aggressive way? Okay, no, those pots need to be moved. Okay, no, it's been a week and a half and we haven't done this yet. Uh, okay, no, that thought, we're not gonna entertain that thought. Okay, we're not gonna sit here and and just keep venting about this thing. When do I lead more aggressively? And when do I just lead with more patience? When do I just say it's not a big deal right now? You know, did give me an example.

SPEAKER_04 10:36

What is not a big deal to lose your stuff over?

SPEAKER_03 10:40

Well, I tend to be somebody who I'm gonna err on the side of making things not a big deal. Um, I just I I'm I like conflict, but only when it's I believe it's necessary. Um but for instance, like for me as a as a man, you know, before we found out about where we're at right now, um, there were there were there are things that are my chores, and then there are things that are her chores. And I don't mind ever doing my chores. I like them. I do the dishes all the time. In fact, I kind of tell her, don't touch the dishes, I'll do them. Uh laundry's the same way, but there are some times, so her thing is like mopping and vacuuming. And there was a time where the house had just felt like, you know, maybe we haven't cleaned enough. And I'm sitting here and I'm like, do I want to sit here and make a deal out of it? Or do I just want to grab our vacuum? Our house is not that big, anyways, and just vacuum it up for her. Now, there wasn't a whole lot of deep thought into this. I'm not making a story out of what that wasn't. But it's just an example of do I just want to do it myself? Good thing I did, by the way, because we ended up finding out, you know, why the house was a little bit messier and stuff. And um, but it was just more of do I walk in and say, hey, this is something we need to address, or is this just something I just gotta do myself and not worry about it? Uh, other examples, you know, would be when maybe I am a little sharp with something towards her, um, because of other things going on. You know, there are times where Rochelle will make the decision, I'm not gonna make this personal make it seem like that was, you know, aimed at me. She does that really well. I don't do that well. I feel like if you're if you're spicy at all, I want to know what I did to cause that spice. And so I will come back, which means sometimes I expect apologies and it's it's not you do? Well, not really depends.

SPEAKER_04 12:26

Does he have to have hear the words sorry?

SPEAKER_00 12:29

Not often.

SPEAKER_03 12:30

Good.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Not often. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:31

No, but just sometimes if it was reversed, if she had had the tendency when she was stressed to be spicy like I do, I would probably expect it differently. But she chooses, you know what? This is not a big deal. Right. And most of the time I come back and go, hey, I I that wasn't even directed at you. When she could have been like, hey, you shouldn't have, you know.

SPEAKER_04 12:48

So they're just examples of how about you, Rochelle. First year, biggest what was your biggest challenge, you think?

SPEAKER_00 12:55

I think is communication because I've had to learn because I have a way that I think and I process, and I tend to think everybody thinks that way. And I've learned that he doesn't. He thinks very differently than me. He communicates very differently. So we've had to learn together that when in stressful moments or not stressful moments, how we're gonna communicate and never assuming the worst because he'll get it's the weirdest thing. We'll sit down and have a plan. We'll come up with the plan, we'll leave. And we have two completely different plans. And like, Chris, but we talked about this. We said we were gonna do this, this, and that. And then he'll come back and say, No, I thought we were gonna do this and this. And I'm like, but we sat down and we talked about this. So now I've learned communication is so important because he doesn't think like I do, and I don't think like he does. And that's not a bad thing. That's a good thing because I need him to thank the way he does to lead our home. And I need to thank the way I do to compliment each other and help. And so the the past year has been a lot about learning each other's way of thinking, communicating, and never assuming the worst in the person. And that's helped because we do avoid little fights that could turn into something big as just by just saying, okay, that's not what he meant. Let's just talk about it again. And learning now more how he thinks, it's become quicker when we're trying to, if we are in a little argument, I know, okay, he's just processing out loud. I'm just gonna wait till the end. The last five minutes is what he really means, not the first 10 or 15.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

I have said things and followed them up immediately with, I didn't mean that. I don't even know what that means.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

So now I'm just like, let him talk. Wow, you have to do that. Listen to the five la last five minutes. That's what he really means. And then when I've done that, I avoid getting mad or angry at the first 10 minutes because then I'll go in and be like, but you said this, this, this, because I'll remember everything because I'm a facts person. Chris is an overall picture. So we're learning in that way.

SPEAKER_04 15:20

That's that's some real good some real good tools right there. If you have somebody that processes out loud, go mute for the first 10 or 15 minutes, and then come off mute for the last few, and you're gonna get the facts. That's really good. And then if you are that person that is on mute, you know that what they're saying on the front end isn't really what they mean.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:52

Wow. Or just arrive at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Yeah. I've learned he's just trying to get to a place and he's gonna go through all these different thoughts, but then he'll arrive to the right one.

SPEAKER_04 16:02

Okay, now does he do the same thing with you?

SPEAKER_00 16:06

Yes. Like the opposite. He's he's really good. Yeah, because I tend to say, well, give me some time to think about this when he's ready to just talk. I'm not. So he's we've learned when there's times where I'm like, okay, I need to talk, I can't just be quiet and wait. But he's been really great at saying, okay, you can have your space, process what you're thinking, and then come back and tell me.

SPEAKER_03 16:32

So well, I'd say the opposite tool for me is to ask her questions um and very specific questions. So if we have some type of interaction with somebody that made us uncomfortable, or we really liked, or maybe we happen to hear something, and I just happen to know that that's like a thing for her. And I'm wondering, is that connected to how you've been thinking or ask the question point blank? Hey, are you thinking about this? Or hey, uh, did that make you uncomfortable? Asking those questions and then shutting up and letting her talk, it's quite funny. I don't think there are mental processors, I just think there are people that don't enjoy talking about things until they've given some time to get past their anger. And that's what I think Rochelle will be because the minute she starts talking, when I ask those questions and I stay quiet, she'll always answer with one or two words, like a 30-second pause, and then here comes some more. And I'm not like that, there's no pauses, but for her, um, I have noticed that my questions help her make sense of what they are rather than me uh assuming I know what she's thinking, because many times I'm I'm very wrong.

SPEAKER_02 17:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:46

Where I'm thinking she's gonna answer this way and she doesn't. Um you know, we found something, and I I would love for you to expand on it, but we found that every single time we fought, every time, they've always come down to I'm trying to release her from a burden that I think she's experiencing, and she's trying to release me from a burden that she thinks I'm experiencing. And so the fight eventually, that's how it starts, and then it becomes about something mean that we said, Come on. And it's like, wait a minute. This started as I was trying to make you happy. Yeah. I was trying to have to help. That's like every fight we've had has been like, wait, you were trying to help me. Yeah. I was trying to help you. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

And now we're fighting with each other. Yes. I remember one day um we were we were about to get married, and it was an afternoon, and I wanted to do something. I had a plan. I wanted to go to Target. We were at that time buying some little things for the house. And Chris wanted to eat because he was hungry.

SPEAKER_04 18:51

Hungry.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Starved. And so I learned that day that when he's really hungry, at least get him a snack before we do anything else.

SPEAKER_04 18:59

The baby needs a little snack.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

Or everything will be ruined because he gets angry. Yes. And so at that time, he was trying to say, no, no, no, let's go do what you want to do. And I was trying to say, no, no, no, let's go try it and eat. So then we went, and when we were eating, when we said, okay, let's go eat first, then it turned into, well, what do you want to eat? And then I was saying, Well, you're the hungry one, so you pick where we want to eat.

SPEAKER_04 19:26

Here we go.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

We went back and forth and ended up fighting for like 30 minutes in the car.

SPEAKER_03 19:32

Scream fighting. We don't have scream fights.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

And at the end, I'm like, okay, just drop me off. We we don't have to do this today. I was done. And then I'm thinking. And Chris is like, but I'm hungry. And Chris is hungry.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

And then And then right around that time, you texted me saying, Hey, we're having dinner over at the house. Do you guys want to come?

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Yes. And so at that moment, we're fighting. And then Chris goes, Okay, all right, stop, stop. Realize that we're fighting because I was trying to please you, and you were trying to police me. So we were like right sitting in front of a restaurant, bole, and we're like, it doesn't matter. Let's get off. Let's go eat. We ate. Within like 20 minutes, we were happy again. Everything was fine. We went to Target. We even stepped by your house. It was like a great night. But it was the I was trying to please him and he was trying to please me. We ended up fighting.

SPEAKER_04 20:24

Well, uh, not too long ago, uh, Rochelle, who usually is all dolled up in the morning and she heads out the door, makeup, hair, clothes, everything, you

Announcing A New Addition to The Family Business

SPEAKER_04 20:35

guys showed up at our house before work, about an hour before work, and you came in. And uh, when you first came in, you were not like your usually morning dolled up self, and you came walking in with Chris, and what was what was all that about both?

SPEAKER_03 20:55

So I told you guys that you know, 99 times out of a hundred, Rochelle and I are on the same page. Uh, but whenever we get to that one, we've kind of noticed because of the guidance that you and mom have given, both at church and in life, that we we we come to you for more guidance. And so this is one of those times, and then I threw uh two pregnancy tests at you and said, What do these mean?

SPEAKER_04 21:16

Yep, yep, yep. Tears, joy, uh just feeling um the goodness of God, which brought on the tears because it was like, Are you kidding me? Everything is playing out the way it's supposed to, the way it's supposed to. The way it's supposed to. And so you have now you are how far along?

SPEAKER_00 21:41

We are almost 12 weeks.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

Basically 12 weeks. Tomorrow makes 12 weeks.

SPEAKER_04 21:45

Okay, can I ask you this? Did y'all come up with this whole agreement that we're gonna call it we are pregnant? Because I just asked you, how far along are you, Rochelle? And you said we are. And I noticed, Chris, when you made the introduction to the church, we are pregnant. So isn't that a thing?

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Am I am I used to say I was pregnant and then he would say we're pregnant, so I thought I had it wrong. I thought it was pregnant, so then I just had it wrong. I thought I had it wrong. So I just started saying what he's it. I'm like, oh, so it's we. We so it's we're pregnant.

SPEAKER_02 22:14

Well, here's what's hilarious. Chris is not pregnant. Trust me. He's not the one throwing in the morning five years ago.

SPEAKER_03 22:20

This wouldn't have been a problem. It's a problem now because there are people who would think that men can get pregnant. But it was not a problem five years ago.

SPEAKER_04 22:26

No, not any man we know.

SPEAKER_03 22:27

No. It was a a statement to say, as a as a family unit, we are expecting. Maybe that's what's better. I need to say we're expecting because you're the pregnant one is pregnant.

SPEAKER_04 22:37

So back to my question, Rochelle.

SPEAKER_00 22:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 22:40

How far along are you?

SPEAKER_00 22:42

I am almost 12 weeks. Wow.

SPEAKER_04 22:45

How big is the little Alesi?

SPEAKER_00 22:48

The baby right now is the size of a little prune. Prune? Right?

SPEAKER_03 22:52

No, it's a strawberry. It's the the doctor told us yesterday, four to five centimeters long.

SPEAKER_05 22:56

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 22:57

Okay, so that's yeah. Uh prunes. What did you say? Strawberry? It's a strawberry. Must be a big strawberry. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A big homestead strawberry, an orange downtown. Oh my gosh. Well, we started with a what? What was the first size? A pea?

SPEAKER_00 23:13

A size of a pea.

SPEAKER_04 23:14

Since Chris and Rochelle are into plants and I'm gonna find that all of the fruit bearing plants, that's how we are determining the size. It was a pea. Then it went to a peanut. No.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

A blueberry. A blueberry, yes. So here. And then it went to a little olive.

SPEAKER_03 23:31

We found out it six weeks. Started as a sweet pea.

SPEAKER_04 23:35

Then it was then it was a blueberry. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 23:39

Then raspberry.

SPEAKER_05 23:41

A raspberry.

SPEAKER_03 23:42

Then a green olive. Then a prune. And this week it's a large strawberry.

SPEAKER_04 23:49

May, if it's she, always be a prude until she's married.

SPEAKER_05 23:52

So that's good.

SPEAKER_04 23:54

Um, that's beautiful. That is beautiful. You went to the doctor this week and we got the pictures, and um you have taken a blood test to determine what the uh if there's any uh disease or any issues there, right? It's it's it's really checking the DNA strain already. Yep. And then you will find out uh around December your birthday. Around my birthday, we should know the gender. You should know the gender. Are you gonna tell everybody the gender? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:26

Yeah, yeah, we want to tell everybody.

SPEAKER_04 24:28

Yeah, so we're gonna have a gender reveal. Wow, that's cool. So for our podcast, our podiums, uh, they will learn most likely next year. I guess next season. Next season for the uh fifth uh season of our episode. So that's really cool that we could share that. But you know, it's interesting because as Instagram social media uh focus as you've been over the years, and Michelle, that's part of your job here as you handle all uh things, social media account for the church and myself. So thank you for doing that. Um we realized about two weeks after we made the announcement, nobody put it on social media that you guys were pregnant.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

We didn't. I didn't think about it. I guess when we told the church, yeah, that was like real for me. That's what made it like real life. Yeah, I didn't think about social media at all.

SPEAKER_05 25:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:25

Believe it or not, we've if I wasn't authoring books or a pastor, I wouldn't even have it. I don't like it. She really doesn't like it. I think her last post social media. Yeah. Her last post was like for clickbait, and then before that it was like June.

SPEAKER_04 25:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

And so we just weren't, we we don't feel like that social media world is the public announcement anymore.

SPEAKER_04 25:45

Well, can I tell you just that in itself shows how healthy the marriage is? Yeah. Because I know so many people that are either married or are not married, they're single, and that is their their sphere of influence and their friendship circle. This false reality of social media. So they're always on it, or they're always needing to be posting on it to this supposed group of people that really don't know them. And the fact that we weren't even thinking about sharing something so personal as this uh says a lot about how healthy the marriage relationship is. The worst thing, not to go on a rabbit trail here, for me, is to sit in a room with people of people and all of them being on their cell phone while we're present with each other. We're also not because we're following, checking on people that are doing this, that, or the other hundreds of thousands of miles away. That to me is the worst because I feel like, wow, we're not even giving each other our attention here. We're diverting it, and yet we're spending supposedly quality time together. Well, that's what I love. I'm glad that we didn't have to do that. Yeah, but here you are going into your second year, you're gonna celebrate your second year, and you're not gonna be doing it with just the two of you. No, now you're on this journey, girl. You are bringing an Alessie into this world. No pressure. Do you feel any pressure?

SPEAKER_00 27:14

No, I feel very happy. Oh, thank God. I I think this experience at the beginning, it was a little scary. I mean, your first is always a little scary, but it's been it's been beautiful. Yeah, I feel so blessed, and I can't wait to bring that grandbaby. It's gonna be a blessed grandbaby to have you and my mother-in-law as a grandparent. It's gonna be I'm crying. It's gonna be a wonderful that baby's gonna have a wonderful life, and that makes me so excited.

SPEAKER_04 27:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

So I'm just happy.

SPEAKER_04 27:47

Oh my gosh. Uh, we're having to change our our stinking employee manual around here because we used to say nobody can bring babies into the church office. And here we all are with all these babies that we're bringing around this church office. So um, even our nursery. We are like, no, everybody that serves got to put their kids in nursery. And now we can't even get them off the front row. That's because we want baby G with us. You know, we've always tried to say this about our business, our work environment. We've always said of our staff, guys, if your family is sacrificing with you, there should be certain liberties given to them. And if you look at, especially the younger ones, now now as they get older and they start developing friends around here, it's not an issue because when staff gets here at 7:30, 8 o'clock, whoever's here with their children, first thing in the morning, they're looking to go hang out with their friends. But when they're so small, like I look at little Gianni, Gianna, and I know that's either going to be with little or uh we just announced the names. No, these are just names that I have in my heart that's I'm praying for. Um uh we can delete that part of this not to be put out there yet. Anyhow, um and be a boy, by the way. Yeah, it's not yes, okay. So the point being, they will get here as an infant eight o'clock in the morning on a Sunday and go through two services that keeps them here till almost two o'clock, two thirty in the afternoon. That's a long stretch for any volunteer child or staff child. So when they're so small that first year before they start walking and everything, it's it's so unfair to keep pushing them from arm to arm, person to person, trying to carry them and so forth. So, you know, we try our best to be as lenient as possible, understanding as possible, because at least look, get them in one service next door in the nursery. But the other service, it's kind of unfair to leave them there for that two-hour stretch. It's hard on you for feeding and for all those things that come into it.

SPEAKER_03 30:04

Well, it was so much easier for us to talk about it and say, you know, other couples should do this. Yeah. Until we started holding our niece, and we're like, I would we, she's gonna be in a room with people we know and trust, people we train, she's gonna be in a room with them for four hours. It was like it, it it gave us perspective.

SPEAKER_04 30:21

Yeah, it's not easy. You have a pooch, yes, I do. You do, I do, is there? Oh my gosh. And by the way, that was one of the things, one of the ways you knew you were pregnant was because every day you jump on the scale. And how old, how are you? How heavy were you? I was how light are you?

SPEAKER_00 30:42

I was six pounds heavier than usual, and my pants were fitting a little tight, and I had no idea what was going on. And one evening I was so hungry, I had a full Chick-fil-a sandwich, and then I and fries, and then I was still hungry. I had nuggets, and I remember saying, There's something going on with me because I don't eat that much, and my pants are fitting really tight, and when I went away to myself, I was six pounds heavier, and I knew, okay.

SPEAKER_04 31:11

Okay, but the funny thing is you're like 98 pounds every morning. Yes, and finally you tip the scales over a hundred.

SPEAKER_05 31:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:18

Triple digits.

SPEAKER_05 31:19

Oh my god, triple digits. It was great.

SPEAKER_04 31:23

Yeah, meanwhile, uh yeah, we got an eating program for the rest of us that we have to stay close to. Well, uh, your first year, and now you're moving into your second complete year of marriage, and your beautiful baby that you're gonna be bringing into the world and carrying the Alesi name, of course, gives us great pride. No pressure. We we don't want you

Closing Thoughts

SPEAKER_04 31:47

to feel pressured by that at all. Uh, Chris, we know you're doing your manly part, and you are shooting bullets and super proud of you. This is gonna be fun. Uh, y'all are a great couple. I'm glad that we can work together. You're doing a great job working with us, not for us, with us, Rochelle. Is that tough?

SPEAKER_00 32:11

Um, I think I've learned a lot. And the great thing is that the church, we work hard. And I've learned you have to work hard. You have to do it. But I love it.

SPEAKER_04 32:24

I think it's the people don't know that. They don't know the work level and load and responsibility. And we got a great staff and all of y'all working together, especially during these holidays. So crazy, all that's going on. Well, anything you want to say before we depart, Christopher?

SPEAKER_03 32:39

Uh, just do things God's way. His way is so much better.

SPEAKER_04 32:44

That's so true. Well, thank you for joining us for another episode of the family business with the Alessis because family is everybody's business. And um, hey, if you've enjoyed this, why don't you share it with maybe another young couple that you know that may need some assistance and help and encouragement as they are in their first year or two of marriage, and especially if they're expecting or believing for a child to come their way. This is proof doing it right. You'll be amazed at how God blesses. So thank you for joining us, and we hope you were encouraged today.

SPEAKER_03 33:18

You've just enjoyed another episode of the Family Business Podcast with the Alesssies, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. First, make sure you're following our podcast right now and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. Second, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode and share it with them. You'll be helping them and helping us to spread the word about the family business. Third, go to AlesiFamily Business.com and tap the Ask the Alessies button. This is really cool. You can use it to record a voicemail comment or question, and we can add your voice to our conversations. Finally, while you're on our page, tap the reviews tab and you'll see a link to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. We love reading your reviews and we might even share them on the show. Thanks again for joining us, and we'll see you next time at the Family Business with the Alesssies because family is everybody's business.