April 26, 2023
Gentle Parenting or Tough Love? Why Your Kids Actually Need (and Want) Strong Discipline | S5 E15

Have you tried "gentle parenting" but got nothing but disrespect from your kids? The Alessis unpack the secret ingredient to raising confident, respectful children - strong discipline.

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Do you feel overwhelmed as a parent because you're not sure how strict you should be? 

Have you been told to "be more gentle" and consider your children's feelings, yet they only get more demanding and disorderly?

In this episode, Steve and Mary Alessi reveal the importance of discipline in your parenting and highlight the irony of gentle parenting, and explain why being strong  and firm is not the same as shaming or damaging their developing personalities. 

Parenting questions you'll get answers to include: 

  • How to embrace the vital role discipline plays in successful parenting techniques.
  • How to introduce discipline early on in your child's life.
  •  How to enforce rules and boundaries without feeling guilty.
  • How to find guidance and role models for improved parenting skills.
  • How  the importance of long-term dedication in raising well-disciplined children.

If you like this episode, you'll love:

How Successful Parents Set the Right Family Priorities | S1 EP2

New Parents, Old School Parenting: What's The Best Way? | S5 E6

The Right Way to Raise Leaders | S1 EP 3

Steve Alessi's powerful new book "FORTY-TWO"  is Now Available! 

For 42 frightening minutes, Steve Alessi's life hung in the balance.  Now he's sharing the truths learned from facing death - and coming back stronger.

You’ll be inspired by these powerful life lessons and discover how you  can finish well, even when you were almost finished!  

TapHEREto order your copy!

Join our family business every week as we talk about life, and help you build a great future with your family, no matter what business you are in.

New episodes are uploaded every Wednesday! 

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Mary Alessi: So welcome to another episode of the Family Business with the Alessis. I am Mary Alessi, and I'm here with my wonderful husband, Steve Alessi.

Steve Alessi: Hello.

Mary Alessi: And I love this topic today.

Steve Alessi: Yes.

Mary Alessi: Because we, uh, like to talk about family because it's everybody's business. We know family is everybody's business, but today we're going to get into your business about your family. Yes, we are.

Steve Alessi: It's going to get nasty.

Mary Alessi: We are going to get into a subject that might bring, uh, some controversy.

Steve Alessi: Okay.

Mary Alessi: But we don't care. We're too old to care. Thank God. I love being 55, I have to tell you.

Steve Alessi: Yeah.

Mary Alessi: Because I know what I know.

Steve Alessi: Now you're alive at 55.

Mary Alessi: I'm alive at 55, and I know what I know. Okay. So I love to be able to go, in my 30s, I'd say something dogmatic, and then I'd end up and go, I think I'm right. And then in my 40s, I'd go, yeah, I'm right. Now I can say, oh, don't even question me. I know I'm right. Okay. Yeah. It's probably not the best thing. I have to keep surrendering it to Jesus. But most of the time, when it comes to these subjects, this particular subject, um, I'm pretty right. So we're going to talk about raising the little kids when you are raising your children and the level of discipline that you think is either the right care or the wrong care. Did you know we were going to talk about this today?

Steve Alessi: I think so.

Mary Alessi: Okay. Because I see the look on your face. We're getting in. You and I have this conversation all the time, so this is natural.

Steve Alessi: So repeat what we're talking about. Gentle parenting oh, yes.

Mary Alessi: Uh, versus the way we were raised, where there was a kiddie table and you sat at it.

Steve Alessi: Okay.

Mary Alessi: And today, there's so many parents that feel like that's demeaning to their children to put their children at a kid's table.

Steve Alessi: Oh, boy.

Mary Alessi: Seriously? Or gentle parenting, which means you never raise your voice and you never get aggressive with your child and everything's in a gentle tone.

Steve Alessi: Yeah.

Mary Alessi: Okay. So I see this all over Instagram and social media, and I do have some things about it that I think is wonderful, and I do agree.

Steve Alessi: Is this the same kind of parenting, um, that encourages trophies just for showing up, basically. Okay.

Mary Alessi: No, just everybody's even because we are so desperate to keep our children out of the sad, mad, or bad zone.

Steve Alessi: Yeah.

Mary Alessi: Right. I don't want them to be sad. I don't want them to get mad, and I don't want them to ever be seen as bad. And it's terrible because they're children. They're all those things. And instead of calling them out as who they are as kids, we say gentle parenting keeps them from that. Well, it doesn't. Kids are kids. They are who they are. Their brains are developed the way they're developed. I don't care how many kids you raise, they're all the same. Yes, there's some differences between some who are a lot more strong willed and some who are more rule followers. But at the end of the day, every single one of us in our child development years needed to know where the lines are. And we need strong discipline.

Steve Alessi: Okay?

Mary Alessi: So we're going to talk about what we see today. And we've been dealing, we deal with this is what maybe our second generation, our third generation of young parents that, huh, those that we raised our kids along with when we were trying to figure it out. Then the next generation when our kids were a little older. And now this might be our third or fourth pass of watching the different styles of parenting. And we're all trying to recreate. Every generation is trying to recreate a better way to do it.

Steve Alessi: Okay, so can I say something to just set the stage as we go forward? Uh, we're not making fun of anybody. Um, we're not putting anybody down. What we're going to show you is not just an Alessi's way of parenting.

Mary Alessi: No.

Steve Alessi: But there's a principle that has to be introduced to your child that is going to affect them for the rest.

Mary Alessi: Of their lives and yours.

Steve Alessi: Not just for the few minutes, whether sitting in time out or in their room, not being able to go out and play with everybody else. Okay? This is going to affect them. And yes, like you said, yours for the rest of your life. Of their and your life. So here's the principle. You said it at the end. M, and it's discipline.

Mary Alessi: Yeah, it's discipline.

Steve Alessi: Um, biblically, it says no discipline. seemeth right in the moment.

Mary Alessi: Yeah.

Steve Alessi: Okay. Nobody likes being disciplined or being disciplined.

Mary Alessi: Right.

Steve Alessi: Nobody likes being disciplined for doing something that they did wrong. And nobody likes being disciplined. This is how you live your life every day.

Mary Alessi: It's hard.

Steve Alessi: Two principles, right? Nobody likes that. But the way that you eliminate being disciplined in your life is to be disciplined.

Mary Alessi: Right.

Steve Alessi: You don't want to get in trouble and in trouble, uh, throughout your life, whether it's from law enforcement or a boss or marriage. You don't want to be disciplined in the long run. So that means you have to figure out how to learn discipline, where the rules are and where does that begin.

Mary Alessi: That's right as a child.

Steve Alessi: It begins as a child. And we don't leave it up to a schoolteacher or somebody else to do it. We don't leave it up to the grandparents.

Mary Alessi: No.

Steve Alessi: We don't just leave it up to one member of the family. The mom or dad. The mom and dad both look at their children and think, okay, what we're doing right now with our young child is either teaching them how to be disciplined, or it's setting them up to be disciplined.

Mary Alessi: Absolutely.

Steve Alessi: Take it away.

Mary Alessi: Well, I will say we raised four children. We've watched all of our friends raise their kids. We've watched a lot of different experiences of parenting around us. We've seen a lot. So we are coming from the perspective of we've had a front row seat with a very large spectrum of what to do and what not to do. And we've seen the fruit. We've seen kids grow up all the way based on how their parents train them. So we're not coming at this as parental experts per se, but we do have a lot of information. We've seen a lot. So we do come with a lot of experience. But I will say, when it starts with a toddler till about six years old, and we see a parent that says, I just can't control them, that is not a kid issue. That is a parent issue. Uh, every single time, there are not kids that are just out of control and kids that are not out of control, you didn't get one that was out of control. Now, I can say, based on when we were raising Christopher, he was a rule keeper. He was much easier to control. Stephanie was not. But I did not change my parenting. I had to come in strong. It had to develop in me more discipline to know how to deal with her. So what worked with Chris? A look, uh, just if I would give him a threat, he believed me. With Stephanie, she had no fear in her. We had to inject fear into her.

Steve Alessi: Right. Christopher would be the kid that if he's up sitting on the stool and he even thought about pushing the stool back to be on two legs instead of four.

Mary Alessi: Yeah.

Steve Alessi: We'd just say, Chris, put that down. Put it down. Yeah, sit down. He'd do it.

Mary Alessi: Right.

Steve Alessi: Stephanie would keep pushing, pushing, pushing, testing. And just look at her chin. Next time you get closer and you'll see a little scar. Because she's the kid that had to learn by she was disciplined by not disciplined.

Mary Alessi: Right.

Steve Alessi: Not listening. And we ended up having to take her to the emergency room, and they end up giving her stitches. Stephanie didn't. Same kids, uh, same home. Two different kids, same home. But you got two different kind of temperaments and personalities.

Mary Alessi: And what that meant for us is our parenting. We had to say, okay, with her, we're going to be stronger. We didn't have to be as strong with Chris, but we are going to be strong with you, because that will not be something that's tolerated. She needed to know where the clear lines of discipline were a little bit more. The other two, we didn't have that issue, but we did have one that was a little bit more strong willed. But if they stay out of control and they're running around and you're raising a kid that other people really don't like, right? Then that's a you problem. That's not a them problem. And I want to say this because our church, we're a village. We are all close to one another. We help one another with each other's kids. I can talk today, but there's certain things that are missing in the next parental style. There's some phrases that are missing, and I've shared this with a few of them recently, and much to my, uh, joy, they've implemented this, okay? They're teachable, but it's the words, I don't want to embarrass my child. So what? Embarrasses you as an adult does not embarrass your child. Their reaction to being embarrassed is humility, and it shows them where the lines are. So what I mean by that is I'm not talking about humiliation, right? I'm talking about speaking to your child in front of others, where you warn them and you say, if you don't, I will. And then you're in a place where you have to follow through, and you go, Well, I don't want to embarrass them. We want you to embarrass them. They're not embarrassed. You don't need to be ashamed. We want to see you do what you say you're going to do because you're going to make a better child. You're going to make a better grown adult. So right now, all the other parents are rooting for you to do it, right? We're not walking away going, I can't believe she embarrassed him because she followed through and did what she said. We're walking away criticizing you saying she said she was going to do something and she didn't do it because she was afraid. Well, um, I was rooting for her, but I don't want to embarrass oh, you embarrass my kid. Embarrassed your kid again. We're not talking about humiliating, making fun, bullying. That's ridiculous. We're talking about following through that we have now categorized as well, I didn't want to embarrass them or bring shame. Truth be told, that's the posture your kids need to be in to understand discipline. They're not developing their brains are not developed with reason and not logic. They're in the moment. That's the moment they're in. And me and Alan were talking about this before the podcast. I was telling him, in the family I grew up in, when our family was all together, and my aunts and family members and my grandmother and my parents, they're all in the kitchen cooking, and all the cousins are running around, right? If I were to run into that kitchen and wreak havoc, I'm running in for what reason? I'm just running with my cousins, and I'm not thinking. I am not thinking. And I run into a kitchen where there's heat and there's knives and there's danger, and I'm getting under my mom or my aunt's skirt, right? One time I'm going to get warned, get out of this kitchen for my own good, right? If I run back in that kitchen, what am I doing as a kid? I'm not thinking it is my mom's responsibility or my aunts or my grandmothers, and they did to reach over and grab me, and they did, and say, look at me. Do not come in this kitchen again. Now, did I walk out as a little kid thinking, uh, she just embarrassed me in front of my aunt and my grandmother? I'm not even processing that. My brain is not developed as a child. Children's brains aren't developed to think about embarrassment the way you think about embarrassment. I didn't walk away offended. Uh, their brains aren't even at that level. It's called discipline and care and love. So that I knew, if I run back into that kitchen, I'm going to get it. If I try it a third time. But we watch this and we see this all the time. Kids that don't listen to their parents and what is the reason that the parent does not get sperm? It's because you say, okay, I'm going to count to three. Quit counting. Uh, quit counting.

Steve Alessi: We had to learn that early.

Mary Alessi: Stop counting. You're going to count all the way to infinity and beyond. You've got to stop and not worry about, I'm going to offend them or I'm going to embarrass them. Discipline your kids. Love them. Yeah, but it's not easy in a world that we are being fed. You're doing it wrong. If you would, gentle parent. So guess what? We see these instagram, hilarious Instacrap is what I want to call it sometimes. Reels of the poor mom with her hair in a bun and she's spent and she's trying to gentle parent when she's got kids jumping up and down in the background, screaming, not Listening, with junk all over the place. Take the authority that belongs to you. You don't have to be a screamer. You don't have to be a yeller. But there are times you've got to be stern with your kids, and you've got to let them know. Put a little fear in them. This is the line, and don't cross it.

Steve Alessi: Yeah, that's smart. Mary, uh, Caesar, Milan, uh, he's got that whole phrase I love it about, uh, more or less good masters.

Mary Alessi: There are no bad dogs, only bad masters.

Steve Alessi: Yeah, something like that. Right. Better humans, better dogs.

Mary Alessi: Better humans.

Steve Alessi: Better humans, better dogs. It's the same thing with kids.

Mary Alessi: It is.

Steve Alessi: Kids were given to parents to be raised, um, not always to be celebrated.

Mary Alessi: No.

Steve Alessi: Not to be put on the shelf and made to look like they're perfect.

Mary Alessi: Uh, or always protect them. Overly protecting, uh, them. It is so damaging, and parents don't understand it.

Steve Alessi: Yeah. I'm afraid sometimes parents will think that they need to be easy on their kids, and it's motivated by guilt.

Mary Alessi: It is, for sure.

Steve Alessi: So sometimes it's because the mom and dad are both working.

Mary Alessi: Yeah.

Steve Alessi: So they're working full time jobs. Their kids are being either raised by a nanny or daycare or some other school. And by the time they get home, they're feeling like, man, I need to give them so much attention, that they just overdo it. They're too kind. And they let their guard down and they let the kid do what the kid wants to do and the kid is in the wrong. But they don't want to discipline them because they feel guilty that they're not spending enough time with their kid.

Mary Alessi: Right.

Steve Alessi: Um, and that's ah, a temporary fix. But it's not a long term solution.

Mary Alessi: Right.

Steve Alessi: Because the temporary fix isn't going to help your kid in the long run.

Mary Alessi: No.

Steve Alessi: Sometimes life is tough. Life isn't easy. You make sacrifices. People have to work. People have, as a family learn, have to learn how to sacrifice together. So you teach your kid those disciplines as an early the earlier they are, the better in the long run. It's going to help them.

Mary Alessi: Right.

Steve Alessi: You may be divorced, a couple may have been divorced. And so again, guilt sets in. Uh, and a m parent says, I don't want to hurt them anymore because their parent, their mother or father is not here. So you lax a little in how you discipline them and raise them up. And all of that is a short term fix, but it's not a permanent solution. It's going to hurt them in the long run. Life's not fair. Yes, the marriage should have stayed together. It didn't. But don't compound the problem now with letting your kids get off the hook with certain areas of discipline, because what they're going to end up doing in the long run is blaming you for things that don't turn out in their life. Because now you've created this monster. Sorry to say, I don't mean that in a bad way, but no, but yeah, the world center is just they're the center of the world. And hey, they're going to blame you. They're going to point the finger and say, because my mom and dad divorced, I didn't get this particular upbringing. That particular upbringing when what you need to teach them as a young age is no, discipline is a good thing. No, you're not going to talk like that. Uh, when we're on this plane and we're traveling, if I say stop, you're going to stop, right? If I say color your book, color your book. You're not going to throw crayons all over the place, and you're not going to make it bad for the person traveling next to us when we're in a restaurant. You're not going to have a tantrum in a meltdown. I'm going to pick you up, I'm going to take you to the bathroom, we're going to deal with it. I'm not going to sit there and let you get away with all of that and upset everybody else who's paying for a meal in the restaurant. I mean, you and I would not allow that to happen at all. Didn't matter. We could hardly afford going out to eat. When we'd finally go out to eat, the kids surely weren't going to mess up our time while we were eating together. They were going to be disciplined, or else forget it. We're not going out to eat, guys. Uh, and you're not going to have the fun to go over there and.

Mary Alessi: Eat what you want to eat. No, it's true.

Steve Alessi: No. Being a strong and fair parent requires disciplining your kids in the right way.

Mary Alessi: Yes.

Steve Alessi: When we went through the heart attack and the whole 42 book, it would have been very easy for you and for us over the next couple of months to be lax in our parenting.

Mary Alessi: Right.

Steve Alessi: Because we were so consumed with trying to get back on our own feet. But we didn't allow that to happen. No, we were right on point, because we knew, all right, this is something we didn't change our parenting because our life situation changed. No, we need to make sure the kids are on point here. And, uh, even though it meant having to take our attention away from recovering, we had to make sure our kids stayed on the plane, the right plane that allows them to stay committed in the long run to being good adults.

Mary Alessi: Well, let me speak to that, because in the picture of that would be this. Christopher was 15 when you had a heart attack. Right. It was very traumatic. My mind is not his mind. Our brains are not he was a he had a 15 year old brain that once he heard his dad was okay, obviously he was affected. I'm not saying he wasn't impacted and he wasn't deep. It was very painful. I understand he had his effects. They weren't nearly as deep as our effects. Why? Because he was 15.

Steve Alessi: Right.

Mary Alessi: Uh, he had no real scope of understanding what he would have lost. He didn't lose.

Steve Alessi: Right.

Mary Alessi: So in his mind, he had really not much at risk. You lived, so it was fine. It's like, okay, where's my Game Boy?

Steve Alessi: Oh, good.

Mary Alessi: That's okay. Great. Can my friends come over?

Steve Alessi: Right.

Mary Alessi: I'm sorry, but that's where kids are. And when we elevate our children to some place of, um, level of intelligence because of our own, maybe the mistakes we've made in our lives, we're really projecting falsely, and it puts a burden on the parent to be a psychologist. But if I say this to them, maybe they're hurting. And I say that because there was a moment he's, uh, about 18, and you were really disciplining him for something. And in my mind, I started thinking about my own fears, and I said to you, but maybe he's acting this way because he thought he almost lost you, and you need to go easy, because maybe this is just manifesting from, um, the heart attack, and you just need to speak lovingly and kindly and don't punish him. And you looked at me and you went, what are you talking about? He's an 18 year old boy. I promise you, this has nothing to do with my heart attack. Mary and I thought, it doesn't. Well, I wasn't an 18 year old boy. Now flip it with the girls. And I totally understood that perspective. They're not thinking about things you think they're thinking about. We are our brains are more developed. We have more at risk. We're the ones that are supporting this family and understand things that, uh, they have no capacity to understand yet. So that can translate to somebody. Maybe you're divorced and you are afraid to discipline your little boy because you feel guilty. Separate your guilt and discipline your child. They're not thinking like that. That's not in their capacity. Their brains are not wired to say, I can't believe you disciplined me after all you put me through. You left my dad or, My dad left you. I am the product of a divorce. Their brains are not that's not their process. All they're thinking about is, you won't let me play my games, and I'm mad at you.

Steve Alessi: Okay? So help. Help the parent who has been lax and now says, all right, I need to get a little bit firmer here. What should they be expecting? Beside yeah.

Mary Alessi: Besides about a month of it being difficult. I promise you it will lead you to a much sweeter place in your child. First of all, don't be afraid. Step out in the authority that's yours. We were talking about this earlier, that gentle parenting is not being used by the right people. Gentle parenting should be used by people who are like, look, I lose my cool. I need to be a gentle parenter.

Steve Alessi: Right?

Mary Alessi: The average person is already a gentle parenter. Huh? We don't need that skill. We're already two lax. Don't see your child as somebody who's going to be crushed under the weight of your correction.

Steve Alessi: Right?

Mary Alessi: They're going to respond to it. They're not going to like you for a minute. But when you are in a position where your kids don't like you because you're making a stand, you're finally being a parent. That's what a parent does. That's what parents get. They're mad at me. Good, I'm being a parent. But if I try to keep my kid out of the mad, sad, or bad zone, that's a mistake. So it's okay that they're sad. They're mad because they didn't get what they wanted, because you put your foot down. Put your foot down and don't pick it back up. You can do this. Then ask God for help. Ask for resources around you. Listen, I don't think, except maybe I can count on one hand, parents that have actually come to me and said, will you help me? Because you've described Stephanie. I have a three year old. Sounds a lot like how Stephanie was. What should I do? And I'll tell them, okay, I'm going to tell you what you got to do, but are you willing to do it?

Steve Alessi: Mhm.

Mary Alessi: You've got to put a little fear in that child. You don't have to strike them. You don't have to get physical. You just have to be authoritative and strong and keep your word. Follow through. There used to be a show on TV about this nanny that would come into your house and deal with these out of control kids. Amazingly, in 24 hours, she had control over kids that parents couldn't get under control for years. Why? Because they knew she was going to set some rules in place, and she meant them.

Steve Alessi: Yeah.

Mary Alessi: So you're going to have some tantrums, you're going to have some fights, because your kids aren't used to you putting your foot down. That's okay. Do the hard thing. Let them be sad. Let them be mad. Too bad. I am not going to buckle. And even if they act badly, don't give up. Don't change course.

Steve Alessi: It's going to be bad for a while.

Mary Alessi: It's not going to be easy.

Steve Alessi: You're having to change your style, and you're seeing, all right, you probably, as a parent, if you've been more laxed in this area, you're probably already picking up on things that you wish you weren't, that you didn't get on earlier.

Mary Alessi: Yes, but you can always turn that around.

Steve Alessi: You can turn it around.

Mary Alessi: Absolutely.

Steve Alessi: But just like you're seeing it, and once you start to change it, your child's going to respond and say, wait, how come I don't have this liberty anymore? Why are they being more on top of me? So they're going to kick the system. They're going to buck up against you. And remember, uh, you're not your kid's friend. I don't think you should go there with the mindset thinking your kids have to like you, like you're their friend. They're going to love you in the long run. Right now, they're just going to be uncomfortable with the new set of standards that you have put around them. Now, uh, you and I have seen people make this adjustment, because raising kids, what we learn is they don't come with a manual.

Mary Alessi: No.

Steve Alessi: Just like marriage doesn't come with a manual. A lot of this stuff, it's OJT, uh, you learn on the job while you're doing it. So you make some adjustments, made some changes. We've seen couples do it. We've seen their kids respond, which is why when you and I were talking about this, okay. We see how it's changed the kids behavior.

Mary Alessi: Absolutely.

Steve Alessi: Not just the behavior of getting, you know, being more, you know, less less disruptive or less bratty. No. We've seen a confidence. There's confidence in a child that is raised with discipline.

Mary Alessi: Right.

Steve Alessi: They learn discipline. They are better, they're happier, they're more secure when they are disciplined.

Mary Alessi: Absolutely.

Steve Alessi: So we're not just talking about them being okay. They're finally a good kid to be around while you're doing something and they're not disrupting you. No, they're actually fun to be around because they feel better about themselves and they've learned respect. That comes with discipline.

Mary Alessi: Yes.

Steve Alessi: So we're trying to help parents see that this aspect of parenting. Your kid is going to raise a better child for you in the future, and you're going to sit back one day 100%, and say, man, hey, uh, I'm really proud of what we've accomplished here.

Mary Alessi: And your kids will think you're the best parent in the whole wide world because they're going to see all the other kids around them as life goes on, whose parents don't enforce the rules and watch people get away with things because nobody disciplined them. And they're going to look at you and say, thank you for being the parent you were. You didn't let me get away with that. That is instilled in us. It's in the bedrock of who we are. We want someone to not let us get away with things because we have unruly seasons, uh, in our development. But when there's someone that's alongside of us, a parent that says, I'm not going to let you get away with that because I love you, that changes everything. It builds character, it builds confidence, it builds security. There's someone watching over me that is going to tell me where the line is and what I am not allowed to cross. And I just want Moms and Dads, these younger parents, to feel confident they can do it. They don't need gentle parenting instagram reels to learn how to raise their kids. Those children belong to them. They don't belong to the system. They don't belong to society. They don't belong to the government, they don't belong to the school system. Those children are yours to get to them. They got to go through you. And so you can create the most beautiful experience. Still chaotic when your kids are small. A lot of screaming.

Steve Alessi: How many years? What are you putting up with?

Mary Alessi: I think by the time a kid's six years old, if you do it right, it's awesome. After six, you can sit around the table and laugh and giggle and have kids that listen to you. Not perfect. Nothing's ever going to be perfect. But that crazy tantrum fighting the kids that nobody wants to be around. By the time they're about six years old, all that settled down. They know who they are. They're trying to be one with society. They're finding their friendship circles, they're finding the environments they work well in. And they are coming to you for safety, m, and for wisdom, even at six years old. But when we let that two year old, three year old, four year old out of control, I don't want to enforce the rules, well, then you won't have a six year old. It's going to get.

Steve Alessi: Worse.

Mary Alessi: They don't grow out of that. You have to help them grow through that and set the parameters in the home. Plus, it makes you feel like as a parent, you're doing your job, you're loving your kids the right way. So don't feel like maybe this skill was not given to you. Maybe you came from a family that there weren't a lot of rules or disciplines, because you did. You were at Moms for the weekend and you were at Dads for the next weekend. That's tough on kids.

Steve Alessi: Yeah.

Mary Alessi: And we understand that if you weren't given the skill, it's very hard to use the skill. You don't have it right. But in today's society, listen to this podcast. It's in you. It is innate in you. Because if you parent with guilt or you parent with shame or you parent with your child is somehow smarter than all the other kids, you're not going to like the results.

Steve Alessi: Yeah, well, Moms, Dads, you can do this.

Mary Alessi: Yes, uh, you can.

Steve Alessi: You just be careful what voices you're listening to. People that do not share your same values should not be people that you take advice from in this area. People that do not haven't done it, people that haven't raised kids that you like being around. Uh, if you don't like being around somebody else's kids, then don't adopt their parenting style. But look for role models that have raised kids, not are raising have raised kids over a period of time where now they are adults pouring back into society.

Mary Alessi: And don't listen to experts out there that don't have children.

Steve Alessi: Okay, that goes right in line with what I'm trying to say is I'm closing my I'm so sorry, but I closed by my wonderful head and close discipline. When we're done with this, uh, do that. Find the right kind of voices to listen to and lock into this thing for the long haul. You're raising children. That's a long process. Don't give more attention to raising your dog than you do your own kids. Come on, you can do it and do it right and parent them in a way that is teaching them how to be disciplined throughout their life. It's going to pay huge rewards for you in the long run. We hope you've enjoyed our podcast, spending our time together with us as we have been talking about raising kids. And, uh, we look forward to seeing your kids in a very happy and healthy environment. Hey there. If you enjoyed this episode of the Family Business podcast with the Alessis, then you'll want to know we've got more insight, more encouragement, more great conversations that we can't have on Sundays, and even some surprises coming your way. So you want to make sure you subscribe to our channel and watch one of these next videos here. Next. Because remember, family is everybody's business.