How to Work with Family When You're Not Family | S1 E12

Steve Alessi: 0:09

All right, we want to welcome you to another episode of the family business podcast with the Alessis. And I'm pretty excited here because we have a full table. And we're talking about things we cannot talk about on Sunday, because nobody would believe what you're going to hear today, if we said it on Sunday. And so listen, we just want to make sure you're being encouraged by our family business podcasts. And you heard Chris on the intro. And if it is encouraging to you, maybe it'll encourage others. So go ahead and get the word out there and subscribe. And let's have fun with this. But here at the family business, we talk about things about business and family because let's face it, family's everybody's business so today's episode is brought to you by Ricola. Just before we go on Armando decides to stick a Ric cola lozenger in his mouth,

Armando Gomez: 1:12

But nobody knows. It's right here

Steve Alessi: 1:13

on that side?

Armando Gomez: 1:14

Right here.

Steve Alessi: 1:14

Ah, couldn't tell

Armando Gomez: 1:15

I'll try ... I'll try not to do this.

Steve Alessi: 1:18

That is great.

Jon Roman: 1:19

That's gonna be fun to edit.

Steve Alessi: 1:21

Well, we have some senior gen guys around the table, and you can tell that Armando and I are definitely senior because we're more silver lined than the other guys, especially Jon here, who only has a little pepper.

Jon Roman: 1:39

It's in my beard. I got it in the beard here.

Steve Alessi: 1:42

Great beard, Jon.

Jon Roman: 1:43

Thank you.

Steve Alessi: 1:44

Yeah, usually Jon is behind the glass over there. But we have Ashley doing it. So if anything messes up on this audio, it's Ashley's fault. And AP is right behind her AP for Allen Paul. And then behind the cameras today is who, Chris?

Chris Alessi: 2:04

My boy, Caleb Perez.

Armando Gomez: 2:05

Caleb!

Steve Alessi: 2:06

...he's with us. Alright, so we're gonna have fun today because I want this episode to focus on since it's family, I wanted to focus on the guys that work with our family. So there's some things here that we got to talk about. So myself Armando, Jon, Chris, we're around the table. Let me... the focus is going to be on how to work with the family when you're not family. So our family's in leadership, you guys are in leadership. You've been incredibly loyal and faithful to Mary and myself since we started the church. And every since you came along with us, incredibly loyal to us, couldn't ask for better people. Matter of fact, some of my friends who minister come, they're just so impressed that you guys are still here. I don't know what that says about me and my dysfunction.

Armando Gomez: 2:59

I was just talking to Jon about that.

Jon Roman: 3:02

How do we do this?

Armando Gomez: 3:02

That we're still here!

Jon Roman: 3:04

On next week's episode Armando and I...

Chris Alessi: 3:05

... are behind the glass.

Steve Alessi: 3:13

And there's a compliment to be paid to all of us because we stay in this thing together. But you have had to also work with us as our kids have started to grow up and they mature and are on staff with us. And some of your kids are on staff with us, Armando and your kids in future, Jon, could be on staff with us as well. So it's a definitely a Senior Gen and a Next Gen. So all three of us on this side are the senior gen and Chris is the next gen. So let's just kind of put it out there, all right? How do you guys... how do you manage... what are you saying behind our back? And what are you saying in the back room? How are you processing making way for this next generation who happens to be the... you know, boss's kids, and you're making way for them? You know, let's just jump right into this. So take it away senior Armando.

Armando Gomez: 4:21

Well, we're not blood family. So... but I would say that we it's family to us, your kids are our kids to us. Which is interesting as well as an interesting dynamic in that sense, because here we are with the love that maybe a father would have for children and we're more connected with some than others. Like, Pastor Chris was in the youth group and we had a really beautiful, and still have a beautiful relationship. And you know, with the girls is a little different, but they still feel like our kids. So as they come up, and they grow up, all in their 20s, I think... I think if anything in the back room, it's... when needed, we talk about grace. Because first of all, we were all in our 20s. We... I was in my 20s outside of church. So even though different processing for that. But I think that, if anything, it would be that. They're not laden with mistakes or issues or... you have incredible kids. Um, but you know, with the management things, and the church things and things that go into the family business, and the church...First, they're family. We treat them just like we treat, at least I speak for me, I think I speak for Jon, just like the relationship we treat with you and pastor Mary. It's not going anywhere. It's not changing. We love each other. So that's like the bedrock.

Steve Alessi: 5:42

Yeah.

Armando Gomez: 5:43

And then from there, we take it one step at a time, learning curves, just like you would with any... anyone else. So I think that that's what it is. Grace when needed, but, but mostly, you're just loving the loving to see the transition, and the growth, like you would with your own kids.

Unknown: 5:59

Yeah.

Jon Roman: 6:00

Now, Armando, you've been here a little longer than I have, you've been here from the beginning. So you've seen them since they were even younger. But for me, I've been here since 2001. So at the time, Chris, you were probably seven.

Chris Alessi: 6:13

Eight or nine...

Jon Roman: 6:14

Eight years old. Gabby was on Pastor Mary's hip. So we truly have seen them grow up

Steve Alessi: 6:20

Gosh.

Jon Roman: 6:21

And I think part of what has helped us is Pastor Steve and Mary have always given us the open door into their world.

Steve Alessi: 6:28

Right.

Jon Roman: 6:29

So you treated us like family. So we treated reciprocally, you like family.

Armando Gomez: 6:34

That's good.

Jon Roman: 6:34

And your kids, you know, we have stories on each of them. Chris was a goldfish thief when he was in children's ministry.

Chris Alessi: 6:44

Still is a goldfish thief, I don't mind admitting it.

Jon Roman: 6:47

But we've seen the growth over the years step by step. Yeah. And having a relationship with you has allowed us to have a relationship with them. That's first we know we are in their lives, because you've allowed us into yours. Yeah, that's first. Second is you have never protected them from us. We've always had an open door. If we saw something, you'd always tell us. Make sure you call it out. Because you're not always there. Yeah. And it's not an A, in a bad way. But if we saw something, Hey, Chris, this... that. Steph... So that's the second thing, you've always given us that open door. And the third thing I feel is, on our end, we've always had to put... put out the fire in our mind that we know that one day they will be our boss and be okay with that. And I remind myself, it's okay that I am work....I am going to work for someone who I saw in diapers. And that's okay.

Steve Alessi: 7:46

Yeah.

Jon Roman: 7:46

Why? Because if we want something generational, if we want to be a part of something bigger than us...

Steve Alessi: 7:52

Yeah.

Jon Roman: 7:53

Then I want to see them succeed so that they can pour into my kids what you've poured into me.

Steve Alessi: 7:58

Yeah.

Armando Gomez: 7:59

Can I...sorry, can I go into that word, boss? Because I think that that's an important. We all know what that means, and it's cute. But there could be ministries that have or businesses that have a real boss-like feel.

Steve Alessi: 8:10

Yep.

Armando Gomez: 8:11

We don't feel that here. We know you're the boss, quote, unquote, I don't think that's ever crossed my mind, in that sense. We'd have to actually say it like we are now to actually see that. So the... we've all been able to put on a lot of different hats over the years. And we can be personal.

Steve Alessi: 8:28

Yep.

Armando Gomez: 8:28

We can be coworkers. We can be mentor mentee. He can be like, hey, Armando, I want to talk to you about something. And, and I think that the most interesting thing about Metro Life Church because I have not grown up in another one. This is... this is my church, is we're all really good at putting on different hats, depending on what environment we're in. So that has been really special as well. And you set that culture. You haven't set a boss culture. You have expectations and you want things done, but you haven't set that boss culture. And that's made it a lot easier. I think.

Steve Alessi: 9:03

You know, Chris, you're sitting around the table. And you represent not only Steph Lauren and Gaby, but you you represent Marcus, Allen Paul's son, Marcus Paul, who is precious, man, having him around, he went to school. And while he was in school, he worked part time for us. And now he's pretty much full time and helping out with Gianni in the finance office. So that next gen is right there. You know, we're the senior Gen you guys are the next gen. I mean, listen to what these guys are saying. How does that...How does that make you feel, first off? Well, it was besides the fact that your dad's a great boss.

Chris Alessi: 9:45

Well, it was it was it was really awesome to hear Jon say that you never protected us from them. Because I'm literally sitting here thinking, I know what I'm going to say when it's my turn that you never protected us from them. And when you really break that down just psychologically... If the people who, the parents, the bosses have poured into the most, if the parents put a dividing line between their kids and those people, you've actually just watered down all of your teaching. Because you've said the people that have been the most important.. and I've watered...like I've poured into the most still aren't good enough to speak to you like a person.

Steve Alessi: 10:23

Yeah.

Chris Alessi: 10:23

So it actually starts to break down the very foundations of everything you teach. So I mean, if they're supposed to be the, I guess you could say the represent... the best representation of your business? Well, then if you draw a line in the sand between family and business, well, now the whole family draws that line in the sand too. And everything starts to crack. So I remember being 20 years old, laid out before these men and a couple others. At my worst, I remember, there was never a moment in my mind, because of the way we did things where if I was called on the carpet, by one of our senior staff, doesn't matter how it was said, or what it was said, I never felt like I could go home and get them in trouble for that.

Steve Alessi: 11:08

Yeah.

Chris Alessi: 11:08

Because... and you've raised us this way... If there was a fire, which one of you did it? Well, so if, if I did have to get told off by Jon or if I did need to be put in my place by somebody, it was always a "Okay. Well, what in the heck did you do to get that?" And maybe, I don't even know, maybe in y'alls backroom you guys handled that separately. But I never saw that. All I knew was to not do that again.

Steve Alessi: 11:32

Yeah.

Chris Alessi: 11:33

And now I look at - and I know I'm next - But there's a lot of guys, seven, eight years younger than me coming on staff right now. And I feel like because I started so late, it's crazy to hear you say you work for Papa for 13, because September makes 10 years for me.

Steve Alessi: 11:47

Yeah.

Chris Alessi: 11:47

So I feel like even I am coming into it like, well, I can't let these guys... I can't protect these guys from... from, you know, Pastor Armando. And from Jonathan and from Dez. And Maury. I can't protect them, either. You've got to be at their full mercy, because it's what made me who I am.

Steve Alessi: 12:01

Yeah, Chris, do you realize at your 13th year, you're going to be 33. That's that year of crucifixion. So be careful.

Armando Gomez: 12:13

No pressure.

Steve Alessi: 12:14

You know, we we have an just on our end, you know, because there's backrooms in our family, too, when something happens between a senior staff and our next generation staff, and the family, they'll come home, wow, I had to get talked to today. And I didn't appreciate the way they talked to me or they were a little hard to me, they were a little rude to me, or there, there was those conversations going on in our living rooms, in our back rooms, about staff members who would have to correct them. And so whenever our kids would come home at that point... now, I've heard of some parents who really think their kids are perfect. And they hold their kids up there like, their kids are perfect. So if, if a teacher had to talk to him, it was bad teacher, I'm gonna go talk to that principal, because that teacher is not going to talk to him. If it's in business, and a senior staff talk to their kids in a certain way, they would then go and put... reprimand that senior staff for talking to their kids that way. That was never going to be the case in our home. Because for one, you know, actions speak a whole lot louder than words. And the actions of you guys, and the other senior staff Desiree, Maury, your wife Jackie, even Ana over the years, the senior staff, Allen Paul over the years, has always been honor, loyalty, love, good character. So if our kid ever came home, because one of you had to correct them, they'll tell you. We didn't go to their defense. We had to say, all right, man, listen, we know so and so's character, we also know so and so's personality. Hey, as long as it's not a character issue, don't you worry about it. If it's a personality issue, I mean, if it's a character issue, we'll deal with it. But if it's a personality issue, you better get accustomed to dealing with different personalities in the office, because these are people that love us. These are people that go to battle for us every day. They serve the calling that's on our life. And these people, if they're going to go to battle for us, they're going to battle for you. So you better figure out how to get it right with them. We always put it back on them. Figure out how to deal with the different temperaments and personalities because loyalty and relationship is going to lead how we will ultimately work with each other.

Chris Alessi: 15:00

Well, I'm just thinking, that's the better business decision. Because there's going to be a day where the parents aren't in the office that often. Couple of years ago, you and mom were five days a week in the office, and then you kind of let everybody know, we're gonna get a lot of our work done from this area, this area. If I as your son was walking into the, into an environment where people felt like they could not correct me, because only you could, how would I ever know if I was actually doing something wrong?

Steve Alessi: 15:30

Yeah.

Chris Alessi: 15:30

And people may think, oh, there's a confidence in that. But there's actually no confidence, when you are thinking, if I'm doing something wrong, no one will tell me. I won't know.

Steve Alessi: 15:40

Yeah.

Chris Alessi: 15:41

There's a confidence that comes about if no one's correcting me, it's because I'm doing something right.

Armando Gomez: 15:46

Yeah.

Chris Alessi: 15:47

But you've created an environment where if I walk in, and I'm wearing something I shouldn't, I'm speaking in a way that I shouldn't, somebody will speak to that. So there's this confidence that comes on your kids, on the days where you're not in the office all that much, where they walk in and go, you know what? If I'm not being corrected, it's actually because I'm doing something right. So you set your child up to fail, if you can't allow the pillars of your organization to speak into your kids.

Jon Roman: 16:15

And outside of the Alessis, there aren't many people who want to see this thing succeed more than than the senior staff. We've poured a lot of seed into this to not see it continue. I want to see this thing work.

Steve Alessi: 16:28

Yeah, no, Jon, that's a good point. I think you

Armando Gomez: 16:28

Right. deserve that. I think it anybody who has sowed into something...it's like the people that when we left, Grace Church, my parents church all those years back, and we came back in the picture 15 years later. I couldn't just go in and change everything. I couldn't change the look of the building. I couldn't change....You know....too much that was was taking place. I, some people, you know, they just on that alone, somebody told me, you know, you just need to shut the church doors for six months. And let all the people that were there, just find another church. And then you come in with your spirit. That's how you're going to create culture. I'm like, Are you kidding me? I can't rob the people that were faithful all those years. They should appreciate the journey of the new and the growth and everything else. And it's the same thing, what you're saying. You guys, as much as we deserve the opportunity to watch this thing succeed, because it's what you've given pretty much your whole career, your whole adult life. And Armando has been with us from day one other than a couple of jobs here and there that he picked up. But then full time, even when he was working full time outside, he was still serving as one of our pastors or youth leaders or worship leader. You... You gave.... you and Jackie. I mean, Jackie's father...

Jon Roman: 17:55

Is a pastor in town.

Steve Alessi: 17:56

...is a pastor in town. You guys walked away from that. And you came over and came to work for us, which I felt was an incredible honor, you know that y'all would do that. So you deserve it.

Armando Gomez: 18:08

Pastor, I wanted to rewind to that whole correction. Because if there's a... if there's a crisis right now, I would say is a correction crisis.

Steve Alessi: 18:18

Explain that.

Armando Gomez: 18:19

Okay, so to set everybody free, nobody really likes it. But the Bible says we're supposed to love it.

Steve Alessi: 18:24

Yeah.

Armando Gomez: 18:25

Ahem...excuse me. So we have always opened our lives up. You have, too, and I know you have to pastor, your whole life was open to correction. And what's not happening...because there's so many people watching this. What's not happening right now is people going to bat for the teacher, for the police officer, or the authority, for the pastor for the...there are some out there situations, but for the most part, those people want the best for their kids. But now it's this defensiveness which anybody contend to. Our flesh wants to do that, defend. I do that a lot. But, but the truth is 24 hours, 48 hours, a few hours. Yeah, that comes down. And then it's like, wait, that person loves me. That person wants the best for me. Why are they telling me that? Let me love correction, like the Bible says, and that is the spirit that I think has brought so much success to Metro Life Church.

Steve Alessi: 19:26

Yeah.

Armando Gomez: 19:27

Probably your whole congregation or most of it is okay with sharpening and correction. Definitely those that are close to you. We know what correction is. We've all been through it. And we've all stuck around to to get some more. So I think that that's the crisis in the world right now, not to make this a really big subject or anything. But embrace correction. Let's...if we can all just embrace correction - Not necessarily like it, but we can love it because it's good for us - then things would be so much better. And that's how we're going to get generational and that's how we're going to get legacy because everyone keeps that spirit and nobody gets offended. Nobody gets rebellious. It's just, okay. Correct me. Help me.

Steve Alessi: 20:06

Yeah. Do you remember that time though, when Chris was younger, and he referred to it earlier, where it was it was a wobble. He was young man who was what we called really at that point, he was age appropriate behavior, something he got involved in. And I wanted to make sure he knew that this was unacceptable. But there was just certain things in our line of work. We just, we can't do. Bottom line. You maybe get by with it in other lines of work. But for us that have to lead in this way we just couldn't. So tell us about it Jon, you remember that day?

Jon Roman: 20:45

You pull us all into an office. And you have Pastor Chris now, but he was just Chris, back then.

Chris Alessi: 20:53

20, 21, something like that?

Armando Gomez: 20:54

No. Was this? I thought it was a younger one. Not 13, 14? Yes, yeah.

Chris Alessi: 20:58

Oh, we're doing that one.

Armando Gomez: 21:01

So there were two.

Chris Alessi: 21:03

I made two mistakes.

Jon Roman: 21:05

At 13. In sunset place, there used to be a restaurant, it was Dan Marino's restaurant. So for his 13th birthday, in honor of number 13. You bring all the big, big guns around a dinner table. And you had us all talk to him about what, what it meant to move forward as a man, as a young man.

Chris Alessi: 21:26

Stuff I didn't have to apply until the last two months.

Jon Roman: 21:33

There goes our rating, Allen. It's PG-13 now.

Steve Alessi: 21:40

No, what about when he What about you referring to

Chris Alessi: 21:42

the same look when I was 19 2021? Yeah, I remember that day. Clearly, gosh, because that was, you know, they talked about in the Bible in the Bible all the time. Like they they sat down and they built an altar to what God did there. That's an altar moment from Yeah, or somebody in the office. Yeah. Every time I walk by, okay.

Steve Alessi: 22:01

In the office, there's harnes. So and feel free to give input. guys looked as uncomfortable as Chris did that day.

Chris Alessi: 22:10

As did you, by the way.

Steve Alessi: 22:11

Oh, gosh.

Jon Roman: 22:12

Well, we're in a room. And you know, usually when we get called into a room, it's because we did somethinig. You know, there's that stress level on us. We're like, oh, man, what did we do now?

Armando Gomez: 22:22

What did you do?

Chris Alessi: 22:24

Chris has to watch it now? My gosh.

Jon Roman: 22:27

So you, very wisely, had Chris explain to us his sin, his shortcoming. And then he had to hear it from all of us on why that was unacceptable. And it's, and that's what we go back to, you gave us that opportunity. And it didn't take anything away in our minds of who he was. It propped him up even higher, because if he can be a man, and if he can be man enough to state his sin before other men, which is biblical, then this is a young man we can trust moving forward.

Steve Alessi: 23:01

Yep. And I'm trying to stay away from the sin word just to not make you feel uncomfortable.

Chris Alessi: 23:05

I was.... I was 100% a virgin when I got married, I feel great.

Armando Gomez: 23:09

I can I can. So when you jacked it all up.

Chris Alessi: 23:12

Well, okay. But I think about this, though. If only my dad was allowed to say those things to me that day, then that makes all of that truth, a him truth. Which means if I'm uncomfortable with the truth, then I just got to get away from him. No, but when he didn't say it, and all of you said it, but man, it sounded a lot like him. That now said, Okay, this isn't a dad issue. This is a life issue. This is a man issue. And I really, I really hope people see that you... you actually remove all of the weight of your words, if you're the only one that can say them. They have weight when everyone else shares them. So that was..

Steve Alessi: 23:53

Two or three.

Chris Alessi: 23:55

That was a mountaintop moment for me where I realized Okay, I don't I don't live my life. We talk about backrooms. I don't live my life in backrooms.

Steve Alessi: 24:03

No way.

Chris Alessi: 24:03

I live it in front of people. And so that was the little squabble never grew any worse than that.

Steve Alessi: 24:09

Yeah.

Chris Alessi: 24:09

And it was, it was 100% Because of that day.

Armando Gomez: 24:12

You just said it was a mountaintop moment. And let's go back, you were in the pit of the pit in that room. The interesting thing is the amount of lessons that were in that and I can't name them all, but I can name a few. Exposure. God always sees. Think about the lessons in that room. Your peers and your brothers are there for adversity. You were... it was adversity, adversity, but it's all good. Yep. You...you being humble. You were very humble. Here's what I did. Here's what I didn't want to do. Blah, blah, blah. And, and then, the way we... you just said this, the way we looked at you was not changed. It was age appropriate. It was things that any guy would go through, anybody would go through and we're able to see you when you're probably looking at us going... What are these guys thinking? We're just saying, Wow, you just opened up his life.

Steve Alessi: 25:06

Yep.

Armando Gomez: 25:06

to us for correction, which, which, by the way now transfers through generation because when my boys, I have four boys - when my boys have an issue. I mean, there might not be office moments, but either he's going to know, you're going to know or he's going to know... Jon, Jon corrects my boys all the time.

Jon Roman: 25:24

It's a lot of fun.

Armando Gomez: 25:26

So I'm waiting for Isaiah to just... but think about how that now continues. We're pastor Chris now is pastoring my boys.

Steve Alessi: 25:36

Yes, sir.

Armando Gomez: 25:37

And has those conversations that I never not never have. I have them as dad. But now they're hearing it from Pastor. And then they're hearing it sometimes from Pastor. And oh my gosh, that is like, talk about a community to help help you raise your kids, the family business...

Steve Alessi: 25:56

Yep.

Armando Gomez: 25:57

...brings in all kinds of support. Yeah, it's an entire church that's helping you raise your family or stay connected or stay married. So I think it just goes in that direction.

Steve Alessi: 26:07

And I think, guys, if we can try to really show the importance of something here pinpoint it really does show the if I needed someone, need for exclusivity, I'm sorry, inclusion, not exclusion. Raising our kids, even though we are the pastors, the boss, raising them in the environment of you guys and your wives. And having y'all come alongside of us was was very helpful. So that they would be the better version of themselves. We didn't try to cover anything, we've never tried to cover stuff. I feel bad for the parent that feels like they gotta cover when their kid does things that kids are going to do. It's just what it is. Now, we're not talking about major immorality here. We're ot talking about a major reakdown. But we're talking bout stuff that's pretty age ppropriate. But you got to each them a lesson early on. If ou hide it, you teach them a esson to hide this stuff. But e've always said when the ights put on something, when he light comes on the ockroaches run, right? We...w know, put the light on it, i keeps the ugly, dirty, nasty sickening stuff out. So we were able to use that. But over the ears, then what that lesson woul teach for all of us was, if y u needed to speak into his life speak into his life. And if h needed to, yep

Chris Alessi: 27:37

I knew who to go to.

Steve Alessi: 27:37

Outside of dad, outside of mom.

Chris Alessi: 27:39

Well, sometimes in the family business, guess what you have to process, Mom and Dad.

Steve Alessi: 27:43

Yep.

Chris Alessi: 27:44

And you need help processing mom and dad. And they think that their safety that they can handle that. I know that if the worst of me, even though that was the worst that got that day, they can handle that, well, they can handle this. And Dad, all I can keep thinking throughout this podcast is the only constant in my life, the only constant in my life, are Metro Life Church, and the senior staff.

Armando Gomez: 28:08

Chris, you just said something that's extremely powerful and talk about what could happen in other businesses or ministries when the children of the boss don't have somebody they can count on, and trust that we're gonna have your back.

Steve Alessi: 28:25

Yeah.

Armando Gomez: 28:25

But we're gonna say it way different than you're gonna say it...him with his personality me with mine, or whoever else, the ladies with your sisters. But there were times that he had to process Pastor Steve and dad. And everybody has to do that. Because your parents

Steve Alessi: 28:38

Yeah. are your parents, but now he's your boss. And now he's... and talk about being able to stay...like how, how important was that to be able to just stick around with your calling in those crisis moments where we just had to sit down with my youngest. And.... and in that model, which you guys kind of know a little bit. But in that model I brought Alexis and sorry, Addison, the two older brothers and Aiden... Alexis was not there. The things that they said, after I was addressing him about some things, the things that they said, floored me, like my heart was melting with pride. The way they were saying how important Dad is...he's not your friend right now. He's your dad. All these things that I've said to him, or you've said it to them right now they're saying it to their younger brother and again, not major issues just sure agee appropriately. Because we don't want to I'm not throwing anybody out there without neither are we?

Chris Alessi: 29:44

Welcome to my life, Eric.

Armando Gomez: 29:45

Gosh. It just is a beautiful cycle.

Steve Alessi: 29:48

Yeah.

Jon Roman: 29:49

You know, I remember a time, Pastor, and this goes back to you allowing us to speak into them. It works to their benefit as well. I remember a time Chris did something and Pastor you just set him straight you laid into him. And it was something he wasn't even responsible for. But you wanted him to fix it. And it was like, and he looked at me. And he's like, he was just floored, like, What? Why me, what's going on? And I said, Chris, Pastor Steve is looking at you because he trusts you. And he didn't understand that he thought he was just getting it because he was a son. And it was like no password trust you. So that's why he's treating you this way. And it changed the way he saw you. Because I understood that.

Chris Alessi: 30:28

In an instant.

Steve Alessi: 30:30

Yeah,

Chris Alessi: 30:30

I remember that conversation. It was on the front row. So I'm the campus pastor, but I got nothing to do with the lights in the building, nothing. And there was something that you didn't like about the lights. And so you came to me and you were like, and you... you, I would have thought that I took 80% of the church people and told them, they're all stupid. You were so angry about it. And it was all on me. And I just happened to say it jokingly, to Jon kind of like tongue in cheek, but he couldtell that it wasn't...

Steve Alessi: 31:01

Wait, you complained about me to Jon?

Chris Alessi: 31:05

He could tell

Jon Roman: 31:06

He processed with me.

Chris Alessi: 31:08

He could tell that it wasn't all tongue in cheek, that there was a little bit of hurt there that I was like, Okay, that was funny. Please tell me that was funny, right? And he was able to say, Well, you know, I remember having to shift it in my mind that wait. Yeah, maybe that doesn't come under my realm of responsibility. But he's coming to me because he trusts me to get it right.

Steve Alessi: 31:28

Hmm.

Chris Alessi: 31:29

And I remember saying, Oh, my gosh, john, he did do that with you for all of these years. And man, you got to be able to pass that baton on. So I get it. And that, that moment, it wasn't because what he said was so profound. It was because the relationship is so profound.

Steve Alessi: 31:47

Yeah.

Chris Alessi: 31:48

Because of all of the smaller years, smaller moments where he's spoken into me. And you know, it was insane because just recently, like, Jon and Jackie are the people who, if someone needs them, they are there.

Steve Alessi: 32:01

Oh, my gosh, yes.

Chris Alessi: 32:01

They rarely ever have needs.

Steve Alessi: 32:03

Yep.

Chris Alessi: 32:03

And I'll tell you right now, my entire life, if I needed something I knew Jon and Jackie were there , and to the same degree Pastor Armando and Ana, but just like a little bit, that was Jon and Jackie. Well, there was a day where, where they were just...they needed lunch. And I remember telling Richelle, let's go be Jon and Jackie, for Jon and Jackie. Let's go do it. And that's not the way that I think.

Steve Alessi: 32:24

No.

Chris Alessi: 32:25

And it was just amazing, because it was like talk about legacy. But at a different level. Yeah, just continued. And I just want to go back to the only constants in my life, I've had so many friends, and for different reasons, they've come and they've gone. The only constant in my life have been my parents and and your business. Yeah, your friends, your staff members, the business that you've started. That is the only thing that's lasted. So when I wake up, and I look at the pillars, the foundation of my life, I'm married, now my house has changed, all these things are changing. But what remains the same are these people.

Steve Alessi: 33:09

Yeah.

Chris Alessi: 33:10

And it just it gives me solid ground to build my life on.

Steve Alessi: 33:14

I'll tell you when I was young, I came back from college. I wasn't working for my dad right away. And I had to work construction, which was a crazy deal because I had an education and... for ministry, and then my dad thinks well, you got to be like Jesus now. Go swing a hammer, and I hated it. But I did it for like two years. And then when I started working, I remember complaining about all the employees to my dad. Because I was there full time every day and Dad was not. He was not a office guy at all. So I would see different things. And I'd go to my dad, dad, this guy, this.... this, that this guy that. And it was just so unwise of me as a young man, because I put pressure on my dad to do things and he was having to take my word for it. It was...and it was a flawed understanding because I was only in my 20s at that time, coming out of school thinking I knew everything and not recognizing the wisdom and their experience of these guys that were in the office and the weight each of them were carrying. So I made it about the stupid things that they were late to meetings or they were late getting in the office or they were going out to lunch too much. And I would come home and complain and, and my dad was put under such ridiculous pressure because of me. And I remember it was... even for our dynamics here in the office, that it's natural for a young, younger generational, next gen family member in the business, family business, in the ministry to come up and want to pinpoint things about different members of the team. Because they're, they're young, just like I was, it's just kind of natural. They want to bring up stuff about this one or that one. And every time, not that it happened all the time. But every time that would happen, we'd always go back and say, Hey, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait a minute. For one thing, you're too young to make a judgment call. Two, you got to know the gifting and the talents of each and every one of these staff members. And three, you got to know that they are committed to us more than anything, or else they wouldn't be here. I say that because just as much as the leader in the business, wants to protect his family, if the family is wrong, so they'll cover up things, they have to be even more protective of the staff that has demonstrated to the family over the years loyalty, commitment, and integrity. Because the younger minds of the next generation don't... don't see the big picture. And the dad, that is... the mom that's running this, you know, enterprise, they're taking such a higher level of perspective, they have to fly over all of this. So they know who brings what to the table, who brings that to the table, who's strong here, who's strong there. And it's a great understanding for the next generation to know that, Wait a minute. Everyone on that team that's with us, if they're for us, they have a role to play. So honor that. Don't get picky over what this one's not doing, that one's not doing or this one is doing, or the way that one is saying it, or the way that one is handling the situation. Know the uniqueness and the balance that each of the team brings to the table. And that's kind of what we're saying here today. The only reason he's able to have, and Steph, and Lauren and Gaby and Marcus, your own kids Armando making a way, your kids future making a way? The only way they're going to be able to have the opportunity to really succeed is if we all show them how important the honor is for everybody on the team. And we said something and I'll bring this thing for closing here. We throw this out, it's my favorite, to whom much is given much is required. You know, we.... we lead by example, not by parking space. But we always said about our kids, especially when they were younger. Our kids are asked to do something no one else's kids are asked to do. For one, right now we see with Jon, Jon and Jackie are here full time. Their kids are here full time. They're here earlier, because their workday starts earlier, especially when he's dropping them off at school down the street, they would be in the office earlier than anybody else would be in the office. their kids are asked to stay later than other kids are asked and yours went through the same thing back in the days, right mando. But we said this, alright, because they're asked to do more. Just because they're here. And in our offices and so on, because they're asked to do more. They deserve a little more liberty than the average kid. So as much as we didn't want them in the office, if they were in our offices, because when they're kids it's not the best place for him to be because they're disrupting the flow of things, like kids will do - age appropriate, we still have a little more grace for that. And we tried to go ...even bring kids with us, if we go on certain events, try to bring the kids if we could. We always wanted to make way for our kids to be a part of it. Because we know that the family unit, just the staff isn't going to be as happy if the family is not happy. I need my kids alongside of me to be happy, Mary and I need to make sure they're respectful. And if we need that, so do you guys, so does every staff member. That's one of the reasons why if our kids, if we have a position that's open for something, if our kids are there to help fill that spot, we're going to hire them. We're going to put them in that place of leadership. They deserve that opportunity. And may the Lord just bless their lives because of it and their destiny would play out. So we do try to make way for our kids and we all chip in along the way to make sure our kids are on the straight and narrow and doing what they need to do, but you can't...you can't raise healthy family business without others alongside us.

Jon Roman: 40:12

And in the Bible, if your last....if you are Levite, you're a priest.

Steve Alessi: 40:15

Yep.

Jon Roman: 40:16

So if you're in Alessi, guess what? It's okay that you're gonna get preferential treatment, if you're Roman or a Gomez., and that's okay. Because they're pouring into this ministry.

Steve Alessi: 40:24

Yeah.

Jon Roman: 40:25

But people don't see it.

Steve Alessi: 40:26

Please make sure you say they get... a Gomez and Romans get preferential treatment as well or else people just say, oh, only the Alessis

Jon Roman: 40:35

If your last name's Roman, if your last name's Gomez.

Steve Alessi: 40:37

Good. Or Paul.

Jon Roman: 40:38

Or Paul

Steve Alessi: 40:38

or Martinez

Armando Gomez: 40:39

It's not favoritism. It's preferential. I think it's a good word. Pastor, we've all been in the team...When I was on the team where my dad coached. I had to, I got harder than the other people. But I also got different I love yous than everybody else. So I think that's the preferential treatment, like you get it harder. But you also get a different intimacy, with... with your parents or the boss's families.

Jon Roman: 41:03

Most families don't want to trade with us, they don't realize what it takes to be us. And for that there is a benefit. And yes, there's nothing wrong with that.

Chris Alessi: 41:13

I remember a couple of years ago, Addison, Armando's second son, who's now on staff and is really doing a great job. By the way, he now when we share wins on a Monday morning? Two out of every three is his win is Jonathan correcting him. And he's thankful that Jonathan corrected him. So just to tie all this up, literally, it's it's proven even outside of this room. But I remember when he wasn't on staff, he was younger, you needed him to run an errand to, we're all having this staff meeting. And I watch him as he walks into the front door, and he puts his head down to like, not distract from the meeting. He walks into the offices, he does his thing. And as he's coming back, I'm thinking, you know, if I was 18, if my dad was leading a staff meeting, and I walked in, the whole staff would stop and acknowledge me.Not to get in the flow, not to distract, but they would never make me feel like I was getting in the way of business. And so when he came back out, I said, Hey Addison, one quick... good to see you. And I just wanted to make sure that in...that we keep that the team's kids who are part of the team too, who are going to be the first ones to clean your campus when they get there, if you need help, they're the first ones there, yep, we're always gonna acknowledge them and honor them. And we will never set a culture that "wow, you're getting in the way of what we're doing." it's like, no. that's good. And I just remember that day. And look...now. I mean, he's on staff, and he's really doing a good job.

Steve Alessi: 42:42

They are. And we're blessed to have that. So guys, I want to thank you both. And all of our team that's really our family and friends that make up our staff here at our church. And, Chris, I want to thank you, you're doing good, being able to let them speak into your life and not get small and sensitive. And we've got something good here. So now, we just got to keep it going.

Chris Alessi: 43:06

Keep it going.

Steve Alessi: 43:07

So we hope we were encouraging to you today at the family business with the Alessis and the Romans and the Gomez's and we hope you had a great time. We sure did. Take care.

Chris Alessi: 43:18

Thanks for listening to the Family Business podcast with the Alessis. We appreciate you listening and learning with us as we just shared more about the family business. You know, I bet there's someone you know who can use this kind of advice and encouragement. So make sure to share this episode with them and their family. Because let's face it, family is everyone's business. If you want to be a part of our family, subscribe to the show right now on your favorite app and make sure to download the episodes so you can hear them at any time. Oh, and one more thing. One of the best ways to help us spread the word about the family business with the Alessis is by reviewing the show on Apple Podcasts or your favorite app. So help us out. write a review and join us next time at the Family Business Podcast with the Alessis.