Not So Merry: How To Manage Your Mental Health and Beat the Holiday Blues | S6 E10

Lauren Alessi [00:00:00]:

Last Christmas, I wasn't doing well with my finances. Again, this year, Christmas, things are even more expensive, and I'm still not doing well with my finances. Last year, I was doing so much better. And then this year, I'm still you know, I'm not as good as I was last year. So we're thinking cyclically, and we're always thinking in a cycle. We're always thinking, You know, this year would have been so much better had I not done that, like, last we're always thinking back on last year. And what complex Thought allows us to do versus cyclical thought is it allows us to sort of understand where we are now, but challenge us to think a little deeper and allow us to to challenge our own awareness.

Steve Alessi [00:00:44]:

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Family Business with the Alessis because Family is everybody's business. I'm Steve Alessi, and today in our podcast booth is my wife, Mary Alessi, as well as our Her daughter, Lauren Alessi. Now the last time you would have heard from Lauren daughter Lauren and her ridiculous

Lauren Alessi [00:01:09]:

Laptop.

Steve Alessi [00:01:09]:

Laptop with all this stuff on it that messes up the beautiful scene here in our Podcast booth, which, by the way, is filled with some great merch. Does she have 1?

Lauren Alessi [00:01:25]:

Don't think so.

Steve Alessi [00:01:27]:

No? No. We need to add that.

Lauren Alessi [00:01:27]:

 I'll add it.

Steve Alessi [00:01:29]:

Yeah. We'll get rid of the country country thing until we for the podcasts. Okay. So here's some great stuff on our table here, Mary.

Mary Alessi [00:01:38]:

We've got some great stuff.

Steve Alessi [00:01:39]:

We got our book, 42.

Mary Alessi [00:01:41]:

Podcast merch.

Steve Alessi [00:01:42]:

Man, I love this phrase. Family is everybody's business. I'm telling you. I I I that was that was actually came to mind. When I'm driving back from Georgia one day, yeah, it hits me. Family's everybody's business.

Mary Alessi [00:01:55]:

You're a genius.

Steve Alessi [00:01:56]:

And I love the Podience one.

Mary Alessi [00:01:58]:

I love the place.

Steve Alessi [00:01:59]:

The T shirt for podience explains who you are that are listening to us.

Mary Alessi [00:02:03]:

That's right. And I can I just say that, you don't have to feel like, oh, I don't know how much I listen to the family business to wanna own one of these because they really look cool.

Steve Alessi [00:02:13]:

They do. Mhmm.

Mary Alessi [00:02:14]:

And people wear Tees all the time Yep. And you don't think about what they say. So you know?

Steve Alessi [00:02:16]:

It's a conversation style. Well, the baby one, I like too. The little onesie.

Mary Alessi [00:02:23]:

Love that one. Alright. And I love our colors, the navy blue and the cream and blue. 

Steve Alessi [00:02:27]:

So have to give it up to Allen Paul

Lauren Alessi [00:02:29]:

We do.

Steve Alessi [00:02:29]:

Because he's the guy who pulls all this stuff together. So Round of applause, AP. Alright. So we're in the podience excuse me. The Pod cast recording booth today, and we're gonna be talking about now this is serious.

Mary Alessi [00:02:45]:

Mhmm.

Steve Alessi [00:02:46]:

Mental health, Especially during the holidays.

Lauren Alessi [00:02:50]:

Yes. Yeah.

Steve Alessi [00:02:51]:

How do we manage, the thoughts, the feelings, Everything that goes in line, which ultimately should make the holiday special, but maybe we get a little tripped up with some of the things now. Lauren, who is our middle daughter, she's our 3rd child. Mhmm. You are with us. You have your education In?

Lauren Alessi [00:03:15]:

I have my master's in clinical mental health counseling.

Steve Alessi [00:03:18]:

There you go. Mhmm. And you have proven yourself already to be Quite an asset to the ministry

Mary Alessi [00:03:24]:

She sure has.

Steve Alessi [00:03:25]:

People work with you through our mental health coaching that we have as well as just, different connect groups that are now helping some of the different, families and people that are in our church. So you're proving that you're just as valuable as what we do on the platform. You're doing in offices and Behind closed doors with people

Lauren Alessi [00:03:45]:

Yeah.

Steve Alessi [00:03:45]:

To help them find stability and get some direction. So we appreciate that, which is why you have to be part of this conversation today. So, Mary, help us move forward, give Lauren some, insight here. Where where are we going?

Mary Alessi [00:04:00]:

Well, I I'm so glad that we're talking about this Because I don't care who you are, where you are on the economic spectrum, family spectrum, whatever your circumstance is, The holidays can bring very different emotions to everyone. Yeah. And if you're very busy and it's overwhelming to you and you like to dot every I and cross every t And the holidays just seem to be like a wrecking ball in your life, and you can't get that tree up. And it can range from just simple anxiety over getting everything done To grieving over a lost loved one.

Lauren Alessi [00:04:33]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:04:34]:

That's a huge range. And then we're expected the Christmas experience is expected to give us all the joy we need, and it can't. It's not designed to do that. So it's super important that we talk about What people who are right now in their cars listening to this or washing their dishes listening to do this or they're out in their patio listening or wherever you are listening to this right now, If you are struggling with feeling the blues my father used to call it the blues, and then it gets termed depression, and now it's mental health. Mhmm. And they're all 1 in the same. It is making sure that, emotionally, we are caring for ourselves. And something that, Lauren, you always say that I think is so helpful in our family because We're all emotional in just different degrees.

Mary Alessi [00:05:18]:

It's something that she has helped us through her studies and getting that master's has helped us understand that That sometimes feeling what you feel is a good thing. Mhmm. It's important to do that. And as Christians, we have a tendency to say, If I'm feeling negative, that's the devil. Or I gotta no. Sometimes it's okay to feel what you need to feel. And I think that's what we should talk a little bit about Mhmm. In launching this that maybe as you're listening, you're feeling some kinda way right now, and you're not looking forward to the holidays, or you're not looking forward to the stress of it all.

Mary Alessi [00:05:51]:

Why don't you speak to that? Yeah.

Lauren Alessi [00:05:52]:

And I think there's there's, like, different degrees. So you have people who are probably on You know, they're grieving a loved one who maybe passed away. So you have people who are going through significant life change, and this is the 1st holiday where they're having to face that. Or this is the 2nd or 3rd holiday where it's just, okay, having to overcome that life change. And it could be the loss of a loved one. It could be a divorce. It could be, Okay. My kids are out of the house, and I'm not used to that.

Lauren Alessi [00:06:21]:

It could be just life changing. And I think we're all under this Spell of the holidays are perfect, and everyone's happy, and nothing goes wrong. And the truth is we're all struggling with something. We're all trying to navigate something. And then you also have people so that's like one extreme of it. Is it life change? And then you have some people who are like, you know, And you had said this on Sunday, another year around the sun and still still haven't found the one. So they're lonely and they're single. And If you live alone and you don't have any roommates, or if you're living in a city alone and you're not with your family, or you have to go fly and be with your family, That could be a very, very lonely time for some people.

Lauren Alessi [00:07:03]:

Because, again, we all have this expectation of what the holiday should be, And life is just not matching up to that expectation. So I think there's a really broad spectrum of What can kind of be really sad and depressing during the holidays? Some people are going through significant life change. Some people are having to get used to what's new around the holidays, and then some people are just sad and lonely. Yeah. No.

Steve Alessi [00:07:30]:

I'll tell you this financially.

Mary Alessi [00:07:32]:

Oh, that too.

Steve Alessi [00:07:33]:

Pressure that the holidays put on people. Yeah. Yeah. That in itself, especially now with So some of the things have become just so expensive, my gosh, where you used to go to lunch or dinner and around the holidays. You gotta be careful these days because It's very expensive just going to a restaurant for your Christmas celebration or Hanukkah gathering, whatever it may be, and you've got More expenses, so that puts more weight on you. And I guess, ultimately, here's what we learn about life in general, but it's not like the Hallmark movie, No. Where everything seems to be so sweet, and there's this constant bed of music going on, sweet music behind, And then the snowfall outside and everything's perfect. Oh, they have a little hiccup somewhere.

Steve Alessi [00:08:18]:

Oh, no. He left too soon, and he didn't say goodbye, or he's mad, or, Oh, the love of her life just they didn't make the connection, but but somehow they resolved it at the end of the whole episode. Yeah. Life's not like that. So How are we helping our audience today, deal with some of the mind monsters, the challenges, the feelings, the emotions that Could be draining during these holidays.

Mary Alessi [00:08:49]:

Hi, everybody. It is Mary Alessi, and I am popping in here today just to let you know, Steve's book 42 is out. It's available on Amazon. You can click the link in the description and find everything you need to know about it. But I promise you, if you get this book, You will want to share it with everyone you know that might be going through a difficult time. They got knocked down and they're having a hard time getting back up. So make sure you get it. 42.

Mary Alessi [00:09:15]:

It's available today. And, hey, do us a favor. Leave us a review when you read that book. It's a Quick read. You're gonna get through it very quickly because it is so well written, and you're gonna love all the stories that are in there. So make sure you get it. 42, Steve Alessi. Thanks, guys.

Lauren Alessi [00:09:35]:

Yeah. So I think there's there's 2 important aspects that we have to think. There is a mental game that goes into this, and then there's also a physical game that you do have to walk out. You it's not just all your thoughts. You do have to say, okay. Hold on. This is how I'm gonna think. I'm gonna think positively, but then also I'm gonna get outside and I'm gonna do something active, and I'm gonna exert some Physicality here because I it's not just all in the brain.

Lauren Alessi [00:09:59]:

Mhmm. But I I thought this was really, And, like, in a great thing to bring into the podcast booth was that there is actually a term within the mental health community, and it's called SAD. And it's called Seasonal affective disorder. And what happens is that we don't throw away like, no one's ever gonna say, oh, you're diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder. But what happens is with the time change, people go to work, people come home, and the sun's gone.

Steve Alessi [00:10:24]:

Mhmm. Yeah.

Lauren Alessi [00:10:25]:

And we're getting a lack of vitamin d. The time change is really throwing people's schedules off. You get home and you're stressed with Christmas shopping, and really, People don't realize how much sunlight really does affect your happiness.

Mary Alessi [00:10:37]:

Wow.

Lauren Alessi [00:10:38]:

And so everybody calls it the winter blues because that's what it is. But We are being affected from the lack of sunlight, the lack of exposure outside. I was talking to a friend last night, and we're like, You know, we usually like to go for a stroll. We usually like to go for an exercise. But we can't do that as young women because we don't feel safe going outside and walking outside. That's true.

Steve Alessi [00:10:58]:

Yeah.

Lauren Alessi [00:10:58]:

So We're indoors more, but that's sad also because the weather is beautiful outside, but we feel like we can always enjoy that as much as we'd like to. So one is that it is important to keep that in mind. We are all struggling with this time change. There is a lack of Exposure to the sun, and that is going to affect you. So part of this is natural. Your body is going to respond to the lack of Sunlight exposure being outside, physical exertion. And also, again, it's not just mental. Your body's going to respond.

Lauren Alessi [00:11:30]:

This is completely natural. It's your body responding. Also, for the mental aspect of it, there's this argument of, like, cyclical verse versus complex thought. And I thought about this again when you mentioned, you know, another year around the sun, and so the one hasn't I I don't know the saying. But We often think a lot in terms of like humans think cyclically a lot. Yes. You know, Last Christmas, I wasn't doing well with my finances. Again, this year Christmas, things are even more expensive, and I'm still not doing well with my finances.

Lauren Alessi [00:12:03]:

Last year, I was doing so much better. And then this year, I'm still you know, I'm not as good as I was last year. So we're thinking cyclically, and we're always thinking in a cycle. We're always thinking, You know, this year would have been so much better had I not done that, like, last we're always thinking back on last year. And what complex thought allows us to do versus Cyclical thought is it allows us to sort of understand where we are now, but challenge us to think a little deeper and allow us to challenge our own awareness. And Humans naturally think cyclically that's how we are, but it only will frustrate us.

Steve Alessi [00:12:37]:

Right.

Lauren Alessi [00:12:37]:

It will only dig us a deeper hole. And so I think To anybody listening, what I would challenge you to do is instead of thinking about last Christmas, instead of thinking about where you were in the past and, again, this has to do with people who are going through life change. If you're spending the 1st, you know, holiday without a loved one or if you're going through this season lonely, instead of Thinking upon last year or 2 years ago or 3 years ago, just be present. Just be where you are. Be intentional about where you're at right now. And that's why I have my laptop with me because I wrote some things. It's you have to be intentional about where you're at today, this year in this holiday because you can't affect last year. You you have no control over last year.

Lauren Alessi [00:13:21]:

You have no control over yesterday. You only have control over right now in the future, and I know that gets thrown around a lot. But it's the truth. We have no control over that. So you just have to be intentional about your time, what you're gonna do with it. And if it is very severe on the spectrum that you do not have, Like, you are spending time, the Christmas time without a loved one, and it's it's weighing you down, or you're not doing well in your finances and and it's really, really weighing you down, Then find 1 thing that's gonna bring Christmas joy. Some people, it's like just a clean house. Yes.

Lauren Alessi [00:13:56]:

That brings me joy. Okay. Then then let it be a clean house, and and Clean your house to the best of your ability. You it doesn't have to be the most amazing Christmas tree, the most amazing mantle, the most It's amazing gifts. Like, just find 1 thing that brings you joy. You looked at me when you

Mary Alessi [00:14:12]:

said that. You looked right at me.

Lauren Alessi [00:14:14]:

I didn't. Or at least I They

Mary Alessi [00:14:16]:

get at me and not.

Lauren Alessi [00:14:17]:

Thank you very much.

Mary Alessi [00:14:18]:

And I felt I felt, seen and heard and judged at the same time. But I get no. You're absolutely right, because it's so easy for us to start dwelling on the things that really don't matter.

Lauren Alessi [00:14:30]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:14:31]:

And if we don't stop our brain and go, wait a second, and practice that

Lauren Alessi [00:14:35]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:14:36]:

I haven't been outside today. I've not exercised. I didn't eat right. I've eaten Four Starbucks, you know, scones, and I've had all the foam frothy pumpkin latte. All that extra sugar also physically affects too. Mhmm. But it's also a brain exercise to say, wait a minute. It doesn't matter.

Mary Alessi [00:14:54]:

It still looks good.

Lauren Alessi [00:14:55]:

Mhmm. And

Mary Alessi [00:14:55]:

if we are comparing or we're We're putting all the pressure to feel good on simple things like Christmas decor or, even the things like traditions.

Steve Alessi [00:15:06]:

Mhmm.

Mary Alessi [00:15:06]:

That might get changed up. That can throw that can throw people's equilibrium off. I'm just gonna be honest. It certainly throws me off Because the things that really matter to me that don't matter to anybody else, when they don't happen like I want them to, I feel like that's it. It's all ruined. It's ridiculous. And I have to stop myself and say, no. It's not.

Mary Alessi [00:15:27]:

It's okay that all the Christmas store decor didn't get put out this year. There's always next year.

Lauren Alessi [00:15:33]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:15:34]:

And that might be, for some, petty, but I I got friends that struggle the same way, maybe in different areas. But it's it's Amazing how much more you have to exercise that around the holidays.

Lauren Alessi [00:15:45]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:15:45]:

Because the pressures are greater.

Lauren Alessi [00:15:47]:

You

Mary Alessi [00:15:47]:

know? Families coming. The expectation of the food and the time, like you said, comparing to last year or comparing to the most memorable holiday you ever had. Mhmm. And that can really, put you in that sad place if the holidays are different this year than they've been Or you're not getting that Christmas mojo magic feeling again.

Lauren Alessi [00:16:10]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:16:10]:

And we put so much pressure on that and just being grateful for a minute, just stopping And telling your brain, don't do that. That's not good for you, is so important to practice and exercise that around the holidays. I I know I have to.

Lauren Alessi [00:16:26]:

Yeah. And that so that's a perfect example of thinking cyclically. Like, okay. Last year, I already, Excuse me. Last year, I already had my decorations up, and I was already baking cookies, and I was already doing this. Why am I not able to do that this year? But thinking with complexity is allowing you to go, hold on. This year's been a lot busier. I have my My mother-in-law in town, I have my mother in town, and we're doing our house.

Lauren Alessi [00:16:56]:

And we are focusing on a lot of other things right now. We have another grandson coming. That's right. So we are not really focused right now on getting a tree up. We're focused right now on our family. That's right. So that's thinking with complexity, and it's allowing you to give yourself the benefit of the doubt, and it's giving you awareness and understanding of where you're at right now. And just that sort of break will allow you to go, oh, I'm good.

Lauren Alessi [00:17:21]:

And then you'll know and you'll be able to get your Christmas tree up, But you'll be able to figure that thing up.

Steve Alessi [00:17:26]:

Yeah. Mentally, you you really do have to take your thoughts captive. It's difficult to do Yeah. But it's required to do. It's you know, we're talking about something as insignificant as for me hunting season. I the last since we get into hunting, November is the time that you gotta do the whole hunting thing. So this year is being interrupted because of little Matthew that we're on baby watch right now. We could be there, but we we're not because we gotta be here Just in case.

Steve Alessi [00:17:57]:

So it's like, oh my gosh. I'm missing out on the thing that I work for all year long for a 2 week window Yeah. That's gonna give me an opportunity to go do what I wanna do, with regards to hunting. But I'm thinking to myself, well, It's just hunting to to keep myself from getting a bit overwhelmed with it. I'm just like, it's just hunting, And it's a grandson for God's sake. It's it's okay. There's gonna be animals next year. There's there's gonna be an opportunity in the future.

Steve Alessi [00:18:28]:

Mentally, you have to be able to address the thought that you're having and try to bring a balance.

Lauren Alessi [00:18:35]:

That's

Steve Alessi [00:18:35]:

why I like your comments here. You're bringing a balance to it. Maybe it can't be a 100% or even 90% of the celebration that you once had in the past, But it could be 75% of that, and it will be fun and exciting. It's like the editing of a movie. Nobody knows what's left on the edit floor. You only see the excitement and the high points. It's the same thing with your holiday. Yeah.

Steve Alessi [00:19:02]:

Something's being edited this year. Somebody's gone. Loved one's not there. Hey. That's an edit. You hate to think of it, but it's an edit. But you're still gonna enjoy the best holiday, the best experience you have, and that comes from really, and we're talking mental health here, really mentally Addressing the issues Yeah. When you are sensing it and feeling it.

Steve Alessi [00:19:24]:

So instead of staying home because you don't feel like

Mary Alessi [00:19:28]:

Right.

Steve Alessi [00:19:28]:

Going out, You know, it's okay to say, no. No. No. I'm gonna force myself here. Let me think, who can I reach out to? Mhmm. Who could I say, let's go to coffee? Who could I say, meet me over at Merrick Bark, and let's just walk and enjoy. True. Yeah.

Steve Alessi [00:19:40]:

Mentally, you've got to pour force yourself because it we your life goes in direction of your thoughts.

Mary Alessi [00:19:46]:

Yes.

Steve Alessi [00:19:46]:

And if your thoughts are blue, then you're gonna stay blue. That's right. But if you start thinking excitement Yeah. If you you start looking at in the morning getting up and say, wait a minute. I feel kinda low, a low. I feel kinda down, but let me put on something that's bright, a color that's bright.

Lauren Alessi [00:20:02]:

Yeah.

Steve Alessi [00:20:03]:

Dress a little bit more exciting for the holiday. I don't feel like it, but just that in itself Yeah. Would help you start to feel different Because your brain, your thoughts are being affected in a more healthy, more positive, more bright way. It should change the way that you actually feel.

Lauren Alessi [00:20:21]:

Yeah. And I will always fall back on the argument. And and I've told you this before that when you learn more about Positive psychology and psychology and how it affects your thinking and your brain, you're like, this was taken from the Bible. So, like, there's this new movement of Positive psychology and thinking good things over yourself, and I'm like, okay. Philippians 4:8, think good things. Whatever is noble, whatever is Good. Whatever is lovely. Whatever is true.

Lauren Alessi [00:20:49]:

Think on such things. Take captive every thought. Renew your mind. Mhmm. So I can throw This psychobabble out every day. But the truth is it's already in the word of God and it's biblical and we know that. And I think, you know, The mental health talk, what we learn in psychology, I think it's great. But the truth is as Christians, and if you consider yourself a Christian, You do have to know that.

Lauren Alessi [00:21:12]:

You do have to know that. You do have control over your mind, and you have to practice that control over your mind. But I love what you said about being intentional because it's very easy to just kind of be lazy and be sad during the holidays. Especially when you have an excuse to. Especially when you're like, well, the sun's already gone. Right? Like, it's 6 PM. I could just watch a movie. There's There nobody wants to hang out with me.

Lauren Alessi [00:21:38]:

And one of the things I wrote down here is, like, be intentional with your time. And if there's nothing for you to do, serve the church. Serve your community.

Mary Alessi [00:21:45]:

Mhmm. That's right.

Lauren Alessi [00:21:46]:

Do something. We have so many events here at the church. There's so many events in the community that Can use your help during the holiday season. So if you're literally like, no. None of my friends can do anything. Put yourself around people. I I cannot stress that enough. You can pay so much money to go see a Christian counselor.

Lauren Alessi [00:22:05]:

You could pay so much money to see a therapist and a psychiatrist and a psychologist. They're gonna tell you, get around people. Be around others

Mary Alessi [00:22:12]:

That's right.

Lauren Alessi [00:22:12]:

Because it's not good for you to be alone, and we already know that. But Serving the church, being around a community, and not being alone is really gonna lift your spirits up during the holiday season. And being intentional with your time. Okay. If you can't be outside and, like, I I truly believe in the importance of Being outside, getting some physical exertion out, soaking up the sun even if there's barely any sun out. Okay. At least getting something because it's gonna lift your spirits up. But if you can't do it at night, do it in the morning.

Lauren Alessi [00:22:44]:

Yeah. Work out your schedule in a way that okay. If you can't do it at all during the week, do it on Saturday. Do it on Sunday. Figure it out to where you can at least get some physical activity and get some vitamin d in. And so, I mean, that's What I'm a big believer in just being intentional because we know this is a very busy season.

Steve Alessi [00:23:02]:

We wanna help our our listeners. Mhmm. Yeah. So, you know, The intentionality of this, you you you you use your thoughts to help you plan out your holidays Instead of sitting there and just use allowing your thoughts to run crazy about your position, your circumstances, Use your mind, your thoughts to say, alright. As a family alright. I always loved the 12 days of Christmas even though I think we did that 1 or 2 times when the kids were younger. But every time I try to do it now, it never happens. But plan things you do 12 days, 7 days, whatever, a a week out Before Christmas and every day, every night, do something with yourself or your family, whether it's, You know, grabbing some logs and throwing out in the backyard a little, fire as the temperatures cool down, Have something where the family's just out bad out back, and you and you do some s'mores.

Steve Alessi [00:24:01]:

Something that you put on the calendar, you tell the whole family about, or you invite your friends over. Like, we'll we'll probably go and spend some time this year at Christopher's house 1 night. That's gonna be 1 night just at his house for him and Rochelle And little Marino, to entertain all of us, whatever that looks like. And then we'll also get 1 night over at Chris and, Steph and the Moina's house With little Matthew now on the scene and and so forth and Gianna, we'll spend 1 night there. We've got 2 nights It's taken care of right there. Yeah. If we plan out something where we give everybody a plan as a family, hey. This is what we're gonna do.

Steve Alessi [00:24:39]:

Then maybe 1 night, it's a matter of, hey. It's It's gonna be friend night. Don't don't hang with us. Go find your friends. I'm gonna go find my counseling group. You know, Mary, go to hang out, and We're gonna do something outside whatever it is. What I'm saying is if you can just use your thoughts, your mind. Yeah.

Steve Alessi [00:24:56]:

Instead of letting them run crazy and looking at your situation, use it to be constructive and say, who can we reach out to? What can I do today? Where can I serve? A great way to get your

Mary Alessi [00:25:06]:

Oh my goodness.

Steve Alessi [00:25:07]:

Family up and out of the houses.

Mary Alessi [00:25:08]:

That'll break off anxiety and depression circles.

Steve Alessi [00:25:10]:

Caring place, the Miami Rescue Mission. Commission. A a great way to give back to the homeless community.

Lauren Alessi [00:25:15]:

Yeah.

Steve Alessi [00:25:15]:

Go walk down the street. Pick up some trash in your neighborhood. Do something as a family that's a little bit more Creative. Something that, like you said, Lauren, gets us out of the house Mhmm. Gets us busy, gives us something To look forward to. I'm not crazy about the, ugly Christmas sweater, parties, but

Mary Alessi [00:25:35]:

But they're

Steve Alessi [00:25:35]:

fun. Have have a dinner.

Mary Alessi [00:25:37]:

They're it's an easy way to have a fun night, a fun day. It's just an ugly from target or amazon. Com.

Steve Alessi [00:25:44]:

We don't shop Target. Yep.

Mary Alessi [00:25:47]:

True. But Amazon .com has the ugliest Christmas sweaters ever.

Steve Alessi [00:25:52]:

And, you

Mary Alessi [00:25:53]:

know, I think the point that you're making that I really like is planning out your joy.

Lauren Alessi [00:25:58]:

Yeah. Mhmm.

Mary Alessi [00:25:59]:

Yeah. Make a plan for your joy.

Steve Alessi [00:26:01]:

I'm gonna be happy. I'm planning to be happy. I will be happy.

Mary Alessi [00:26:05]:

But there's something in that that that's really true that works. Yeah. It will give you what you need. It there's an effect to it. So when you don't do it, at the end of the day, there's it's nobody's fault but your own.

Lauren Alessi [00:26:16]:

If you

Mary Alessi [00:26:17]:

Sit in that sadness.

Steve Alessi [00:26:18]:

Can you even say that today, ma'am?

Mary Alessi [00:26:19]:

Yes. I'm saying it. It's it's my fault. It's not anybody else's fault. I have Complete authority, control, and power over my emotions and how

Lauren Alessi [00:26:27]:

I feel.

Steve Alessi [00:26:28]:

Mhmm.

Mary Alessi [00:26:28]:

So and you do too, and Lauren does, and all of us have that. I think that's very empowering. Because if I felt like I left my joy and and real sense of satisfaction and peace is in somebody else's hands,

Lauren Alessi [00:26:41]:

here.

Mary Alessi [00:26:42]:

That's that's terrifying. That's called the worst of the worst.

Lauren Alessi [00:26:45]:

We're not.

Mary Alessi [00:26:45]:

Victim. Terrible. And we're not. And especially around the holidays, it can ramp up And be exacerbated, and we feel even sadder. And I I've heard people say, I'm not celebrating the holidays this year.

Steve Alessi [00:26:57]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:26:57]:

I just don't want to. It's just too sad. Okay. You You don't have to celebrate the holidays, but you do need to think about yourself and how long that feeling of low or Depression or whatever might last you past the holidays if you don't use the holidays as a catalyst to pull you out of some of that. You know? Because the problem with and we'll take a little, turn here with staying low for too long Is that people will use things like alcohol Yeah. To help lift them out. It's called spirits for a reason. But the problem is if you don't learn how to talk yourself through, Plan your joy.

Mary Alessi [00:27:35]:

There's not a person on the planet that would not be susceptible to some sort of either addiction or just Codependency on something Mhmm. That could eventually, lead them to something dangerous. I think it's wrong for anybody to think that they are above or above that happening to them or not me, I would never. I think all of us need to be mindful of the fact that being in an environment like we're in right now in the world where there's a lot of conflict. You can feel the tension. People will use Christmas as an escape, and it might not give them what they think it should give them because it's not equipped to give you that much joy. You really have to take authority over your own mind, over your own thoughts. You said it.

Mary Alessi [00:28:20]:

Don't think cyclical

Lauren Alessi [00:28:23]:

things with Think complexity. With complexity.

Mary Alessi [00:28:26]:

With complexity, this too shall pass.

Lauren Alessi [00:28:28]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:28:28]:

This is a tough year. We had a better year last year. It's a tough year, but there's always next year. This too shall pass. Those are Things that you you we all need to have in our arsenal and learn how to speak those things. The Bible says to speak those things that aren't as if they were.

Lauren Alessi [00:28:45]:

Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:28:46]:

And I know there's people that are jaded and say, well, that's ridiculous. That's not reality. Yeah. But it sure makes your reality feel a whole lot better.

Steve Alessi [00:28:53]:

Yeah. Yeah.

Mary Alessi [00:28:53]:

When you can speak those things that aren't as though they were.

Steve Alessi [00:28:56]:

Lauren, help me out with this. Some people Resort to alcohol or medication. Yeah. The problem with everything that gives you a high And one moment is it's followed by a law. So the alcohol can only help you in the moment, probably causes you to have a little regret because you're acting a fool and said things you shouldn't have said. But the problem is you're gonna wake up the next day. You're gonna experience something in your body that your body's saying this I gotta recover from this. Same with medication.

Steve Alessi [00:29:27]:

It's only it's only limiting in what it can do for you. And as much as the medication, I understand. I I would encourage our listeners. Stay away from if you're you're struggling with Yes. Emotional rollercoaster, stay away from the alcohol Yep. During the holidays because it it doesn't help you in the long run. But even your medication, what what are we saying to people that have to They're on medication. Their doctor's giving them medication to help them through the highs and the lows.

Lauren Alessi [00:29:58]:

That's a complex It's a question. I mean, I'll I'll just say this. I if your doctor's giving you medication to get through the highs and the lows, it, Again, that's a whole

Steve Alessi [00:30:11]:

another Yeah.

Lauren Alessi [00:30:12]:

Spectrum in itself because there are some people who they very you you just don't know their situation. They very much need it. There are some people who

Steve Alessi [00:30:20]:

Yeah.

Lauren Alessi [00:30:21]:

On the lower end of the spectrum. And that's not my responsibility to talk about, but whatever. I agree. I I think, Obviously, during the holidays, you just have to recognize whether you're on somebody who's on medication whether you are somebody who's on medication or you are somebody It's not a medication for anxiety, depression, whatever you're going through. Recognize that the holidays are a season and that this 2 shall pass. Mhmm. That the holidays are here for now. This time change, the seasonal affective disorder, It's here for now, and then the sun's gonna come back out again, and you're gonna feel better.

Mary Alessi [00:30:58]:

That's right.

Lauren Alessi [00:30:59]:

Thanksgiving is a day. Christmas and New Year's, 2 different days a week. You can get through it if, you know, whatever happens, Whatever your doctor tells you to take, that's on you. That's on your doctor. I'll put that back on on you and your doctor, but I would just say mentally where you should be. Tell me where you should be.

Steve Alessi [00:31:21]:

Well, let's say this because you're struggling with answering this because you're being

Lauren Alessi [00:31:24]:

Well, I've trying

Steve Alessi [00:31:25]:

to be sensitive. Don't double up on your meds if you're feeling bad.

Lauren Alessi [00:31:29]:

Yeah. No. I I think you should overdo it. Don't overdo it. Always follow what your doctor says.

Steve Alessi [00:31:34]:

Don't run through it. Don't get to a place where you run and run and forget them, and then all of a sudden you're feeling this

Lauren Alessi [00:31:38]:

Right.

Steve Alessi [00:31:39]:

Darkness come, and you're like, oh my god. The world's won't know. I just forgot to take my meds.

Lauren Alessi [00:31:43]:

Yeah. No. Always follow what your doctor says. And and everybody knows this because I'm on medication for epilepsy. That's something I still follow through and I'm still making sure I'm good on. So follow what your doctor says. Don't be irresponsible during a stressful season. But, also, just recognize Christmas time is just a Tiesen.

Lauren Alessi [00:32:00]:

The holidays are just a season. Don't get caught up in the season that you're being irresponsible. Just recognize. Okay. Hold on. It's just a season, and this is gonna pass.

Steve Alessi [00:32:10]:

Yeah. So our biggest advice or our biggest thought would be Get through the season.

Lauren Alessi [00:32:16]:

Yeah.

Steve Alessi [00:32:17]:

Yeah. Look for the highs.

Mary Alessi [00:32:18]:

Mhmm. Enjoy. And your joy.

Lauren Alessi [00:32:20]:

And be intentional.

Steve Alessi [00:32:21]:

Your joy, be intentional, and, wear bright colors.

Mary Alessi [00:32:25]:

Go get an ugly Christmas sweater.

Steve Alessi [00:32:26]:

There you go.

Mary Alessi [00:32:27]:

And wear it.

Steve Alessi [00:32:28]:

And if you do that, then you'll be around the next time we have another great Podcast for you to listen to. So thank you today for joining us on the Family Business with the Alessis. I'm Steve. There's Mary and there's Lauren, and we hope you were encouraged by our podcast today. Take care. You've just enjoyed another episode of the Family business podcast with the Alessis, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of

Chris Alessi [00:32:55]:

our podience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the Family business. 1st, make sure you're following our podcast right now, and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. Second, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode and share it with them. You'll be helping them and helping us to spread the word about the family business. 3rd, go to Alessi family business com and tap the ask the Alessis button. This is really cool. You could use it to record a voice mail comment or question, and we can add your voice to our conversations.

Chris Alessi [00:33:28]:

Finally, while you're on our page, tap the reviews tab, and you'll see a link to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. We love Reading your reviews, and we might even share them on the show. Thanks again for joining us, And we'll see you next time at the family business with the Alessis because family is everybody's business.