One Too Many? How Family and Faith Can Help You Quit Alcohol For Good

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Um, you know, um this can't be me. Uh this can no longer continue, and this is gonna stop.

SPEAKER_02 0:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Family Business with the Alesssies. So glad you are joining us today. I have a very special guest that is with us in the podcast studio, and that is Mr. Tony Caladoyu. Do you want to say your hello, Tony?

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Well, first of all, it's a blessing to be here. Season nine, right? Yep. Oh, that's it's this is this is like uh one of the one of the big time shows on HBO. Even better, though. It's even better, okay? And uh and blessed uh, you know, 26 years in this beautiful church and yeah, and pastored by you, which has been a blessing to our family and great to be on this uh on this podcast. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:04

Well, we're gonna get into our subject matter, and I think our podience is really gonna love it. First off, we want to encourage you that if you're liking our podcast, make sure you like it, make sure you're sharing it, subscribe to it, get the word out, let people know that we have some great information, quality information that can really bless their lives. And we're hearing about it all the time, especially as it pertains to family, because our tagline with our podcast is uh the family business, man. If you're watching it, you you got to get it down because family is everybody's business. Now, I do want to say this since we are moving into our ninth season, we always like to hear from our podiums. What topics do you want us to discuss? Even from it, uh, is it more cultural, what's going on in the culture around us, or family? What information do you want to hear us discuss? So please let us know that. Drop a comment to help us get that done. Now, Tony, we are in our ninth season. And on this particular uh format, or or at least information-wise, uh I wanted to tap into something. Uh, let's make sure everybody knows. You you mentioned we're in relationship actually over 30 years because we had some, we're pretty much raised in the same neighborhood, went to the same high school, Fole Park back in the day.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

And yeah, you were five, six, seven years ahead of me. No. Anyhow. So no, a couple of years. A couple of years. A couple of years. I got more gray hair than you did.

SPEAKER_03 2:41

So we've we've been around each other for a long time, so much so that now we're family because family now. My daughter and your son are married. So Christian is uh part of the family, and it's great, and we're part of the Kaladay family.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Gabby's part of us.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

Yeah, we love it. Great things are happening there. So you and I, we get to be able to spend a few minutes now and then on the patio enjoying a favorite pastime of ours with some good uh cigars. Yeah, absolutely. We enjoy spending time just chatting, talking. And so this uh conversation, your story, just came up and um and it has to do with you dealing with alcoholism.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

Yeah, we were we were talking about that just in the backyard and just freely.

SPEAKER_03 3:29

And you know, uh I want you to tell your story. I want people to hear it because here here's some statistics. More or less, if you're to take ages 12 and up, we're dealing with 30 million Americans that are dealing with, and here's what they call it these days, an alcohol disorder. So alcoholism, alcohol disorder.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

That number is that number is small.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

You think it's small.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 3:53

Okay. So then if we think about it, they tell us that if you look talk to somebody, they 50% of people would say they they know someone dealing with alcoholism. All right, that then means in our line of work and our church work, if we look at our congregation, half of our congregation is either dealing with their own alcohol disorder, or someone, or they know somebody in their family or a close friend that is 50%. So we can talk about it on the platform from a, you know, don't do it because it's sin, whatever it is. But we know that in the Bible there's a lot of sins, right? Nobody's perfect. But the effects of this with people walking through the front doors of our church or dealing, going in people's living rooms and having to deal with it, you you don't know. It's it's not as though, like obesity. You can look at me and say, Man, you're obese.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

You got to deal with your wife, right? You gotta stop going to McDonald's, my bro. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

If your your spouse has a black eye or something, you're like, wait a minute now, somebody's messing with you being abusive. The problem with alcoholism is it's kind of it's it's a person. It can be quiet.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

It can be quiet.

SPEAKER_03 5:09

Maybe left in their own home. So that's why I wanted you uh to come on, and bravely you said yes, I'll I'll be willing to share my story. So tell us a little about where you were, why people would look at you and think this guy's not dealing with this, but then tell us the facts of how that happened.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Look, um, I think um these things always start, you know, uh small. Yeah. You know, uh, I went to college, University of Florida. Uh, my roommate, you know, uh, maybe have a beer or two. I really wasn't a beer guy. Okay. Honestly, the only thing, uh, there's only two things I would drink and I would in my life, really, is red wine, because I hated white wine. Yeah. If you gave it to me, I didn't want it. And uh and vodka. Those are the two things. So I was in college. Uh really, and then a friend of mine was in my roommate, hey, you should try this. You should try this shot of vodka. It was a little tiny thing like that. And so I I I took a shot and and and you know, you know, for six hours, I'm, you know, I'm feeling good. I'm fine, you never had your so your body's never seen that, never felt that. And so the effects of the that alcohol in your in your brain is uh is a pretty strong euphoria and situation. But again, this is this the this is just small little things. And then and then the college scene at the University of Florida. I mean, everybody knows this is the time you you're getting away, and uh, and everybody, I mean, if you want to talk about alcoholism, 98% of the University of Florida is alcoholics. Right. I mean, I knew guys that are you know, uh fraternity, I would say 80 guys, 78 drank a lot. I mean, that's you know, that's just that was the culture there. So you kind of you know, you grow up in that and and and uh and you um it's it's kind of normal. Every Thursday, Friday we're gonna, we're gonna we're gonna party and hang hang out. Um, so as you get out of that and you start, you know, I I think uh it slowed down quite a bit as I get back here, uh, get my first job in the investment banking business, obviously uh with my my girlfriend, and then marry my wife, you know, and and and we start having a life. And that really, really is not something that's on the on the forefront of a problem. I mean, I'm I don't even remember if we were I I would drink once a week or it it it really wasn't. I I think where the situation starts getting complicated was quite a few years later. Um you know, I would say maybe about uh 16 years ago. Yeah. That puts me maybe about 40 in the mid-40s. Wow. And um and God is is blessing me in a tremendous way. Um I'm you know, I'm launching I'm launching Christian radio stations across the country.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

And God's giving me favor.

SPEAKER_02 8:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

With, you know, we had uh 1.400 pastors on the air and paying, which is even more important, with pay up front for the Hispanic pastors, give me the money up front. But 400 pastors on the air in 15 different cities, and I launched, I think totaled 20 radio stations. But as I'm as I'm building all that, as I'm building all that, you know, 2006, 2007, 2008, um, you know, uh there there seems to to to me to to sense uh there was a a little bit of a lax to me in the sense of, hey, things are going well. And with that, you know, um, there was a deception really by the enemy that, hey, you you you need to disconnect a little bit too. Wow. You you need to disconnect a little bit. At least that was the deception. And again, I'm thinking about it, yeah, I need to disconnect a little bit. I'm just thinking that's so there would be, hey, let's go out, and so at the same time, I am always being offered, hey, let's go out and have a drink. I mean, people um inviting me. So it becomes kind of the norm. I I have, you know, I'm not even doing it, I'm getting invited. But at that point, also I'm launching all these radio stations on the country, and so I am I'm traveling literally about three weeks a month. Yeah, I'm one week here. But it's not three weeks, come back a week. It's like four days, come back one, then come go to five and come back. And so I'm I'm in different time zones doing different things. And the interesting thing about it is, now that you look back, you know, I'd be up at nine in the morning, I'm at two pastor uh churches talking to pastors about getting involved. I'm at a pastor association meeting with 80 pastors. Yeah, yeah. I've had a long day, everything's going well, and we would finish, you know, eight o'clock, seven o'clock. You know, I didn't but did what I got to do. And then uh we're working, and I'm alone. I'm alone. You know, and I'm and the other thing too, I can't take anybody that I just spent the day with, right? Two pastors, hey brother, let's go get a couple drinks. So so I would be in San Antonio or whatever, I'm gonna go to the river walk, I'm just gonna have two or three drinks, or you know, two or three, one, whatever. And so you it it just becomes kind of commonplace, but it's sneakily commonplace. You know, it just becomes a kind of the norm. So between traveling, being here in Miami, which everybody wanted a piece of me when I got here because nobody had seen me, so the business-wise and a lot of other things, you end up, you know, you you end up starting to go from level one to level three to level six to level eight. You know, the interesting thing about and the deception about drinking, if you go back to that University of Florida day where I had a little shot of vodka, literally I took that shot of vodka at six o'clock in the afternoon, and I'm telling you at one o'clock, I was feeling good in the morning. Yeah, but my body was never felt that before. Go forward a few decades. So you're in your 50s and you're going one time a week. No, it's not one now, now it's two times a week. No, you're invited three times. Uh, you you're four times a week, you're drinking. And and you're drinking, you know, not a little shy. No, I'm gonna take three shots. But what happens is at 21, a thimble gets you six hours of euphoria. At 53, five shots give you 10% of that. Because your body is used to that. You you've been drinking. Well, we're just your lifetime. And the older you get, and you've had, you know, you go out and you're you're meeting people, whatever, because it's all business related. But at the end of the day, I didn't have to be drinking, but I'm drinking business related. Right, right. And I kind of said, Well, I'm doing business, so it's okay. Even the Lord's business. Yeah, I'm doing the Lord's and no, and that's the incredible, because I also had a station that wasn't a Christian station. Yeah, the business. Yeah. So that was business guys. Yeah. Uh, and so as time goes by, you start, and and and what happens is, you know, you're in your 50s, uh, you know, you're in the middle of all that, a lot of business, but also you're disconnecting too much and having a lot of drinks. Okay. So, so, okay, so what's cause and effect? What's happening? Well, what's happening is, and you may not even notice it that much, but you know, you get home and you've had a couple, you know, and hey, what's going on? Are you okay? You know, and and there's nobody that's okay when they've had two or three drinks.

SPEAKER_02 13:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

I mean, I mean, you're with you. You, you know, you can be home. Hey, how you doing? Good seeing everybody, but hey, you better have two or three drinks. Okay, nothing's gonna take that away.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

Right.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

And so, you know, and and I think, you know, my family, you know, started seeing that. Yeah, you know. Um, my wife starts seeing that, obviously.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

Uh, and and you know, and you smell, you know, like uh drink comes out of you. It comes out of you. And the more and the more you're drinking, the more it comes out of you.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

So you're not fooling anybody. You can do all the scopes you want, brother.

SPEAKER_03 14:06

You know, drinking scope, mouthwash, gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

I gotcha. You're you're dripped, right? Yeah, forget the scope. You're right. So you can't get away from it.

SPEAKER_02 14:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

So um, but as time goes by, you know, um, you know, you you have a uh a family that gets affected. And for and for uh for a time, they're getting affected and they're not communicating it to you because they're just in pain to a certain amount of pain, but they don't want to bring it up, kind of hoping just this kind of goes away. But you can you can sense that, you know, um, and I have an incredible family.

SPEAKER_03 14:54

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

You do, man. I'm blessed from here to there.

SPEAKER_03 14:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

Okay. A wife, uh 38 years. We've been together 47, yeah, which is hard to believe because I'm I look 40. So 47. So we've been together 47 years, and um, you know, uh uh uh just uh a blessed family, three amazing children. Yeah, amazing children. You know, I I say, you know, we I think we taught them okay. They're better than we taught them. I'm with you, man. I'm with you. God has done incredible things with my with Anthony, Alexis, and and Christian. And so um, but as time is going by, and of course, they're younger at this point, too. Um, you know, we're we're we're talking, you know, Christians, you know, maybe 16, 15, and Anthony's in his 20s and Alexis as well. But they they you know, they start, they, they're they're seeing this, that that it's not just dad's in business, blah, blah, blah. Dad's coming home, you know, kind of dad's coming home uh a little different, you know, kind of too many times a week. Yep. And so as that continues going, you know, look, you also start, you're your people are people drinking are are bringing up, hey, business, um, you know, social, there are all sorts of stupid excuses of why I'm doing this.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

And uh at the end of the day, there's there's, you know, if you really look at it, there's nothing really positive about it.

SPEAKER_04 16:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

But you you're kind of blind to that. And at that point, you know, as I remember uh Tony Robbins always says, you know, pain versus pleasure. So if you go one way or the other, it's a seesaw. And if pain is all the way over here, in other words, when you see alcohol as a as a you know, uh, you're seeing it as a social thing, I can disconnect, I get a little uh happy, I uh I'm able to talk to women or men easier, right? You know, you see alcohol as a pleasure.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

That's a pleasure. Uh am I drinking too much, that aches nay, I'm not gonna wake up. Okay, but okay, that's fine. But the the pleasure way outweighs that little pain.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:23

But when you get to that seesaw, and you know, you're you're it's happening way too often. You're, you know, your wife's obviously, you know, saddened or bothered. Um, you know, you see your kids and and you know, it's and they're there you can sense there's something troubling them. And the trouble is you with that. Yeah. You know, they love you, yeah, but man, you're it seems like it's going a little, you know what I mean? Like something's happening on a too consistent basis. Yeah. And uh, and that was occurring. And that was occurring, and it was uh it was is all on me. At that juncture. And you were aware of this.

SPEAKER_03 18:11

You were aware that you could see the pain.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

I was beginning, I was beginning, I was, yeah, I was seeing as a progression, um, you know, uh this, you know, this is not sitting right properly with my family, and I'm the leader of this house.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Okay, so that puts me in a very interesting situation. I'm the leader of the house, and I'm the one that's not exactly being an example. This is all something I'm keeping here. Sure, sure. So that is, you know, I've got to deal with it. And at the same time, I'm still thinking, well, I, you know, the the you know, the pleasure of kind of what I call disconnecting, which is all Yep. I gotcha. Yeah. Yes, I know.

SPEAKER_03 18:56

I'm not gonna go into You're not gonna beat me out.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Um you guys know what I'm talking about. Yeah. And it gets to the point where where it's just it it got to the point after, you know, uh uh honestly, a few, a few years of a couple times, two times, three times, four times, bum, bum, bang, it's just getting to the it's just too consistent.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

Yeah. And so now at this point, Tony, this is let me just interject. Yeah, this is where the the pleasure becomes an addiction. Because unaware, by the way. Yeah, unaware. No, well, because you see, like we come home, we see the effects that it has on our family, on our spouse, uh, and and what they're s saying or seeing. And we know deep down the conversation we're having with ourselves is this is not good behavior. Oh no, you know every day it's not good behavior.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

But then you can't stop yourself. But the pleasure's still on the on the pendulum, the pleasure for some reason, in a deceptive way. But the pleasure is still, it's still more pleasure than pain. It's still more pleasure than pain, even though there's pain because of then my family's pain, where I get pain, but then then I I you know I do need that escape. I do the escape. So there's in that seesaw, we're still like this a little bit. On the pleasure side. Until on the on the on the fake pleasure side. And so, because you're not even the other thing too is you're only getting 20% of the effects of what you used to get 100% of. So what are you even doing? You're not even getting to the disconnection you want to get to. And then what happens the next day? You wake up and you go, I I I don't feel well. I mean, I I feel I feel like I drank. And so my head hurts. And what am I, you know, and and and and it still is that little pleas, somehow deceptive pleasure, until it gets to a point. And then in September of 18, um, they did something which was the right thing to do. Your family. My family.

SPEAKER_04 21:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

Yeah. Um, so they did uh they did uh uh you know uh intervention. Yeah, you know, we'll meet you on Saturday, blah blah blah. Um sat you around the table? Sat around the table, and one by one, you know, they started sharing testimony of you know how you know this has been painful to them, how they love me. You know, we love you, but this has been, you know, this has gotten to the point where you know uh it's untenable for this you know, this family body you know, you know, we can't do you know, we can't do this anymore. You know, you know, so you know and and And one by one, one by one, they went across the table.

SPEAKER_03 22:05

So we're tearing up in here if you're just listening and not watching, because this is definitely the painful moment for you. So I heard that they actually uh wrote you a note, uh, wrote you a letter. What was that?

SPEAKER_01 22:18

No, they wrote me a letter um, you know, sharing from the heart what they what they felt and love about me and the pain that this was uh causing in this in this in this season of of our lives. And you know, to me, um to me, uh you know, that day was it. I mean I mean September 15th. Yeah, you know, yeah. I remember the day, September 15th, and um, you know, you're there and you just um I think the interesting thing about it is this is the last thing you want. Sure. You know, you've got a loving, beautiful, amazing family that I love, and we all love each other.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

And and just it's like uh it's like an enlightenment of of uh you know I've been harming them. But by the way, I don't wake up in the morning wanting to harm them. That's the last thing I want. Sure. Yet I'm harming them.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

That's the addiction aspect of it. Right. So I'm not, I don't want to harm them, and I'm harming them. So that day, that Saturday, was was was it.

SPEAKER_03 23:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:45

Um tears at that uh yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

A lot of tears at that table, a lot of tears at that table.

SPEAKER_03 23:53

Yeah. But what were you thinking? Can you remember?

SPEAKER_01 23:57

Yeah, no, I was I was thinking as leader of this house, um, you know, um, this can't be me. Uh this can no longer continue. And this is gonna stop.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

And um, and I I was blessed first of all by their love.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

Um and we hugged and we, you know, the whole thing.

SPEAKER_03 24:27

And this was the first time, by the way, the whole family got together.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

Yeah, it was the first time.

SPEAKER_03 24:30

First time your kids ever expressed it. First time and only drinking.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

Well, I mean, look, and once in a while you would, you know, you'd hear maybe my son say, you know, hey dad, man, you had a few, you know, you gotta, you know, you gotta be careful in the car, you know, things like that. But nothing like, you know, hey, this is it. Wow. And so that day, that day, um, left that table, and you know, God showed me every show the movie.

SPEAKER_02 24:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Um, and and say that again. God showed you the movie, meaning God showed me the movie, and the movie is, and we talked about it, it's today, tomorrow, and going forward. Some people go, no, because six weeks ago, I don't go six weeks back. I'm here today. And what I saw there at that point really was, and the Lord shared with me, he goes, I have, and I he's given me a promise that's that's two things have already happened, and this is right told me something so big is gonna happen, they're gonna say only God.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

Uh only God could have given it to you.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

That was the promise that he gave me. So I know there's a very big destiny that's just beginning.

SPEAKER_02 25:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

And I said that at that juncture, I said, you know, the destiny that God has for myself and for my family, because as you go, you know, so does this. So does your family. And you know, the destiny of everybody's in play.

SPEAKER_02 26:06

Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

That's what I thought. And it's too big. So you've got to go with me. Let's go. And let's do it right. Um I can tell you. I can tell you in front of the Holy Spirit. I've never wanted to have it right again. Never. Never thought about it. I've never thought about it. Which is which is a beautiful thing. Thank God. It was just it was just placed on me. Just because then the pain versus pleasure. My thing was the pleasure of God's destiny in my life and my family's life is way better. Right than anything else that you know I I perceived as some pleasure. My pleasure is the destiny that God has for me and my family. That's that's my pleasure. And so interestingly enough, in all these years, that's that's going on eight years now. Yeah, um, I have probably had, because you know, I do like cigars, that is not going anywhere. I can I can assure you that my my wife told me one time, hey Nunkey, no, I've you're having a few too many. I go. Thank you. No, no, no intervention required. No, no intervention required. You remember the uh the vodka days, don't you? Yeah. This isn't going anywhere. Okay, cigars will continue to be an integral part of my life. Okay, uh just so everybody uh everybody knows. But um no, and what I did is I had a uh um let's go back to some real quick question.

SPEAKER_03 28:09

Yeah, you and I talked about this. Really, God graced you at that moment, all right. Somehow or other, you were able to see that the the pain that that behavior was causing was enough for you to say, all right, that's like a mouse trap, and I'm not going near that thing again, okay? Never. So that showed you the pain of it was gonna be too much. It was a price that you were not willing to pay. And and you talk about destiny in the sense, Tony, as a man, that it's something you're going to accomplish. And yet, what sometimes we forget as men is the biggest destiny we have is our family. So if you're looking in the eyes of your sons and your daughter and your spouse, yeah, and she's saying, and they're saying, Dad, we see this, this is causing too much pain. That's right there where the destiny has to come alive. Because some people will go back and just give more credit or more power to the addiction, to whatever alcohol, drugs, uh, pornography, whatever that addiction may be, and give that more power over them rather than look in the eyes of their family and say, wait, I I I can't, that's that's too much of a price. I can't pay that price to know I'm gonna hurt them and destroy them because their destiny is going to be hurt. Our destiny is a family, the Calado you'd name, the Alesi name, that's on the line here. Our legacy is on the line, so we can't continue to go forward. So you were graced with the ability, God given, and you say it, to walk away and not feel that temptation again.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

Never.

SPEAKER_03 29:47

Some people don't have that. So they're processing and working through that. And that's where, of course, we have the grace of God in another area for them. Yeah. But then you said something, and I thought this was very cool in our conversation, that when somebody does offer you a drink, your response is Um, I don't drink.

SPEAKER_01 30:05

That is great right now. No, no, I mean, and and literally for the in the last eight years, and I'm not lying, I mean, there's uh I'm being frank. Yeah. I've been offered at cigar shops, at restaurants, probably over 250 times a drink. Sure. Over 250 times. Just people are nice and they're money. Yeah. And they want to, you know. The other day we had an event at La Polarosa, our new radio station at uh Tapas de Madrid, which is a Spanish place here. Tony and the owner, here's two bottles of thing. I go, Bob, I don't drink.

SPEAKER_02 30:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

I don't, you don't drink. As opposed to saying what? As opposed to saying, no, thank you. I appreciate it. I not now or something. I tell people I don't drink. And the funny thing about it is 98% of the people who, by the way, are drink a lot of alcohol that have been invited me, say, Oh, you know, that's great. That's great. I gotta stop. They do the same thing in the laugh. It is a script. It is a script. Yeah. And I go, yeah, you gotta stop. He goes, no, no, one day, one day, one day. Yeah. But I love that you say that though.

SPEAKER_03 31:12

I don't drink because it puts everything in you on notice. It puts your mind on at notice. The moment you say it, you know the power of the word, right?

SPEAKER_01 31:21

Everything you speak is everything you speak.

SPEAKER_03 31:23

So the moment you say, I don't drink, you just you shut down all options because you told your body, spirit, soul, body, and the enemy that's a notion.

SPEAKER_01 31:32

And it's automatic. And here's another thing, too. And I this is controversial a little bit to some people, not to me. Um I went after that intervention. I had a a really cool guy uh named Louis who who had been an alcoholic for many years and for 20 years was out and was helping people. And so I I started going to a um it was suggested. Yeah, Bible study, right, Bible study slash alcohol anonymous thing for like uh for for like three or four months at uh on a Saturday at a at a at a church down south. Yeah. Which is commendable. Headed by some great people. And um, well, I did that. Yep. I I did that not because that would help me not to drink anymore.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

I did that because they asked me, please do this for three months. But family? Whoever's my family and the gentleman that was kind of coaching a little bit. Coaching me a little bit. And yep. So I went to this thing. And and I can tell you, we'd be there with 15 or 20 folks, and we go around the room, and uh and right from the beginning, I said, well, talk about confession, guys. And and this is something I have a problem with. No, no, it just isn't. God bless everybody, okay? But you know, go around the room, and I'm sure this helps a lot of people. Go around their room. Hi, I'm Bob, I'm an alcoholic. Hey, Bob. Well, guys, today, this week was tough, but being whatever the case may be. Okay, uh, Ron, I'm an alcoholic. I I don't understand that. Life and life and death is in the top. You had a problem with them saying I'm an alcoholic. Uh uh, yeah. I mean, that's that, you know, I mean, once a murderer, always a murderer, you can't get out of it. You killed somebody. Alcoholism or drink or having too much alcohol, which is the way I thought about it. Um, the this thing about it's a disease, you never get over it. You're always fighting it. Look, there's gonna be everybody's different, and there's gonna be people that are challenged by that every month, every week. I've got it. Yeah. Okay. But you've got to be able to confess life victory and and and and destiny in everything you say.

SPEAKER_02 34:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:19

Okay. And so they would get to me and I go, Hi, uh, I'm Tony. Great to be here. He didn't and then it's like it's like that Seinfeld episode where everybody has the ribbon and you go, You don't have the ribbon. And Kramer's going, I don't want the ribbon. You've got to have the ribbon. Uh and so yeah, and here it's like, you have to have the ribbon. Uh uh guys, uh, I I love you to death. I'm not gonna. So that happened for three weeks before somebody in the thing on a coffee break said, Brother, why aren't you wearing the ribbon? I know. Why aren't you saying that? I go, because I'm not.

SPEAKER_02 34:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:59

I'm I'm not an alcoholic. Yeah. Well, but you had with trouble with alcohol. I've had trouble with several things, uh, you know, in the sense of uh I don't know what it is. But I mean, in other words, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not labeling self, I'm an alcoholic from now until you know the Lord takes me at 105 years old. We're not doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not an alcoholic. That's so good, Tony. No, I'm not. No, I mean, we're not. That's a label. And look, I got it. The guy that started AA, and they blessed a trillion people. Yep. And the guy that did it, hey, every you got to say a drug, blah, blah, blah. And I it look, it works for a lot of people. It don't work for Tony Collati. Yeah. Okay. I don't believe and that's okay. I don't believe in that. I I what I believe is I confess, no, I don't drink. Right. If you told me, are you an alcoholic? I go, no, I I'm I'm just don't, I don't drink. I don't drink.

SPEAKER_02 35:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:54

What did I drink at some point? Yeah, I drank at some point. Yeah. But I'm drinking now. It's been eight years, and and I'll never drink again. So, in other words, I don't, I don't think about it. I don't, there's no. No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 36:04

That makes so much sense, Tony, because look, I I felt at one season of my life, okay, I I was obese. I mean, pretty obese to the point, 230-something pounds, almost 240, that it gave me a heart attack. I didn't continue going throughout my whole life saying I'm obese, I'm obese, I'm obese. I had to work on not being obese to finally get down to the 180s where I need to be. Yeah. Thank God that happened. So I don't keep identifying with the fat guy, you know? Because you're not. No. And it's the same with this aspect, which I so appreciate. And again, I can I can connect with that because the moment something comes out of your mouth, you identify with it. So if you say, hey, I'm an alcoholic, come on.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

That's not what I was taught in this church.

SPEAKER_03 36:50

No, no. So here's one of the reasons, Tony. So first, I I just applaud you for overcoming that because we uh we are in environments at different times, and I can smell on you uh that there was the alcohol. Never judged you for it because I just your personality always was there was times I came to church on a wanted to ask you to mention this because this is where I want to make sure our our audience is knowing. This happens in our house, in our church. It's part of what goes on, all right.

SPEAKER_01 37:23

So tell the story you come to an event one night, and yeah, we have like some revive, some revive thing or something. But I've been, you know, on the street and and was in a meeting or wherever I was and had three or four drinks, and then coming over. I remember my wife saying, You're not if you had drinks, do not come here. You know, if you drank anything, and you know, obviously before you showed up and uh no, and then get some scope, uh, you know, and let's and let's and and here I am with uh you know four drinks and I'm I'm watching revive. And then of course your wife's looking at you like this, why don't you sit over there? No, you know, why don't you sit over there? You know, in other words, get kind of why are you next to me, you know? And uh in other words, uh which obviously at that point you're you know, you're you're always thinking you're I'm a little wiser than everybody. So let me go there. I'm sure with the scope I just uh downed uh I uh nobody's gonna uh everybody knows, yeah. And so, but you know, I I I made the effort to come in when I reality should have been home watching it on YouTube and and not being here because but those are the things that happen when when you're flowing in idiocy and flowing in, you know, hey, if everything's okay, everything's not okay. Yeah, and and and to people that are out there now that are listening to this, okay, I'm sure there's a lot of people gonna be seeing, hey, that's me.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:49

I'm having you know a couple of drinks a night, three drinks, that's it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter about me. And you end up, if you go back on Sunday, look back for the week, you go, I had 13 drinks and I drank four nights. Wow. No, by the way, you don't think about that. People just keep on going. Yeah. But if you honestly took inventory, you look back and go, I had 13. No, here's the I had 13 drinks in four nights, and I spent 345 bucks. There you go. And I spent 345 bucks. Yeah. And and at the end of the day, what did it bring me? I guess the bottom line, if we're doing this for a victory, what's the victory? Where's what's the end result of the win? Where's the win? Good, Tony. Yeah, and and there's no win. No. Everything, your wallet, your and your body too. Let me tell you something. You don't sleep well. You don't there's yeah, there's about a thousand things. Yeah, you know, a thousand things. Uh, your work can't be as good. There you go. Your work cannot be as good. And I was good. Yeah. And I I I was good. It was amazing, some of the things that God allowed me to do that nobody's ever done in this country. Yeah, thank God. But then again, I'm thinking to myself, well, what would have happened if I just would have been a hundred percent? Wow. But interesting how you know God restores things. Yeah, buddy. That man I worked for all those years, um, you know, who's been you know a mentor to me is now my partner. Wow. He's not my partner. Him and I. He left this company after 50 years of December. Him and I are partners now, and guaranteed. There would not be that without what happened eight years ago. Yeah. Because he knew me. Yeah. He knew me. Even he knew Ed Atzinger, yeah, who's amazing man, um, and has done amazing things. Right. Uh, Christian stations all through. And he's been, he's been, you know, well, he's been a great mentor to me. And I remember him even telling me a couple years ago, a year ago, you okay? Yep. You drinking or not drinking? I go, I haven't drank. Didn't think about it ever again. And you know, and God opened the opportunity two months ago for he and I to buy the most important Spanish radio station in South Florida, which we're already blowing up. Yeah. And that partnership would have never happened.

SPEAKER_03 41:39

I'll I'll take it a step further. I don't think our kids' marriage would have ever happened if you didn't.

SPEAKER_01 41:45

I I I tend to agree with you. Yeah. I tend to agree with you.

SPEAKER_03 41:49

I don't know if your kid, Christian, could have handled the the um, I don't want to say hypocrisy, there's a better word for it.

SPEAKER_01 41:58

Well, the yo-yo, the up and down, the things, and the emotional ride sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 42:01

The enemy would have run uh a game on him, kept him out of the house of God because of what he was seeing, that incongruency. And um, so there's a lot that is standing in the way of uh uh a person that just can't get through their alcoholism. And and what over the years, what I respected about you is you never quit. You stayed in there. You quit for the right thing, you quit the right thing, but you stayed together, your family, your commitment to the house of God, you uh were have been a blessing, you've been been a friend, and now we're family. But you know, one of the reasons the grace is there in this house, this church, for people going through their addictions and their challenges, all right, is because in my own family, I recently, and you know, we love legacy, so I recently was doing a deep dive on the Alesi side of our family. I started to do the same on the Grice G-R-I-C-E. That's my mother's maiden name, all Americans. And it was her father, he died in his 50s uh from a a uh blood disease that takes him back to the days of his drinking. And um little story, he just he just would go on drinking binges and he'd be out a pocket for days on end. And one time when they were here, South Florida, my dad and her, his uh, my dad and my mother's brothers worked construction together with the father. So uh this was my granddad, and he would have been a redheaded grandfather that I actually had some red hair from at a certain season of my life. And so uh he was like the gun smoke man, just leather skinned, smoked, unfiltered cigarettes, you know. Until he got saved. But then prior to that, my dad goes to work one day and my granddad's not there. And they say, Where is he at? And they say, Well, he's sick. He's not feeling good. Well, the next day they went to work. He still wasn't there. And so my dad took it upon himself to go to all the union workers, all the guys, and say, Hey man, let's, they, they need help financially. You know, why don't we go ahead and take a little, you know, give me a little contribution. So they, my dad grabbed all this money, the people, the guys on the job were given, and he went home and he gave it to my grandmother, which would have been my mom's mom, because my my mom, meanwhile, never told my dad that my grandfather, her dad, had a drinking problem. So he, in his innocence, goes and says, Hey, grandmommy, which was my my mom's mom's name, uh, hey, I took up a contribution for dad today, you know, since he's not feeling too good. And she took that money and she looked at my dad and said, Hey, John, he's not sick. He's just drying out. He's in the hospital drying out. And my dad in his innocence thought he was doing something so sweet, but he just didn't know how bad the alcoholism was. And it was a sickness. And it ended up taking my granddad's life in his 50s. And I remember the funeral. I didn't know it was because of what occurred for so long. I always just figured granddaddy was just mean because nobody could sit in his seat. He watched gunsmoke. Don't get in the way of his black and white television show. But it just shows over the years why we can be so grace-filled is because we're real. Our ministry's real, our family is real. We know life's not easy. We know life's not perfect.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

And we can everybody's everybody's got everybody's got challenges, and some 10 times more than we're talking about here. You know, and if this look, if this serves, if this serves, and we want to be transparent on everything. Yeah. Um, you know, the the the ones in trouble are the the ones a secret. Yeah. Um, but uh I can tell you if one person, which I'm sure more than one, will be blessed by this, yeah, buddy. Uh, we've done what we needed to do. And I in God's eyes, yeah. That's it. I mean, that's at the end of the day, that's that's all.

SPEAKER_03 46:17

I appreciate your transparency and your willingness to come talk about it and put it out there. And we just want to be an encouragement to your family as you continue. And I'm glad we're in this together as family. Got grandkids gonna be coming.

SPEAKER_01 46:31

No, it's a it's a it's a big blessing. Think about that. At that, you know, we started coming to this church like 26 years ago. Uh, your daughter, my son were like two, three years old, and they're in their little classes here. And and who would have thought that you know, 25 years, 22 years later, uh, we're gonna be uh granddads of the same boy. That is good. Is that beautiful? Yep. That is Stephen Antonio. Stephen Antonio.

SPEAKER_03 46:57

Oh, we got him in there. We got it. We got it in there. Well, I hope today that you have been encouraged by what you've heard on this podcast because we want to make sure we're impacting your life, especially as you continue to go through and face some of the challenges. Because what we learned today from Tony's story, as much as it was his challenge that he shared with us, and something that was there from the professional standpoint, it did come back to the family. It affected the family. And that's what the family business with the Alesssies is all about. We want to make sure your family stays in business. So thanks for joining us today.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

Thanks so much for joining the family business today. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to follow or subscribe, share with a friend, and leave us a review. We appreciate your support and can't wait to have you join us next time because family is everybody's business.