Stepping Up Against Clickbait: Daily Practices to Reinforce Your Resistance and Renew Your Mind [Clickbait Mini-Series #4]

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Well, alright, everybody. This is week four now of the uh mini-series of clickbait on the Alesi family business, and I'm here with my sister and youth director, Gabby Alesi. Hey Gabby.

SPEAKER_03 0:21

Hello, Chris. Hello, everybody watching. This is awesome to be on here. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

It's a lot different, you and I, than with dad or something, huh?

SPEAKER_03 0:28

Oh my god. And I'm on his side, which I don't feel comfortable and I don't feel right, but I'll I'll make it work.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Gabby and I both struggle because our uh good side is our left side.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

The good side of us, so that's why I'm trying not to look at the camera too much, and I'll let them figure it out. But yes, you have my good side.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Interesting. Well, um, we're gonna be discussing clickbait a little bit. Of course, the first three episodes were us really running through all the content just so they can see what is in the book, and now we're gonna just discuss it. And I hear you got some questions for me.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

Yes, we're gonna chat a little bit. And I'd like to just kind of dive right into it because now that the book has it is still a new release, and it's not like we are saying it's just kind of it's not new anymore. But now that the dust is settled, the the big crazy promotion of it now you've you've done your part. You've done an amazing job doing that. But now that you've gotten to the place of this book is now um a tool in their tool belt, like you you say a lot of times. What is something in this book? Maybe it's one thing, maybe it's multiple things, that they can take away and really apply to their life that it can really be a guide for them.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Yeah. Well, I don't know if I address it well enough in the book, but I would definitely say one of the things that I'd want somebody to know, especially about their thought life, yeah. It's not something you're gonna fix because it doesn't have one thing wrong with it. This is at the depth of it, broken by a sin sick world and will never, never be fixed. I think we sometimes we get into this space where we think I can I can live a life where I don't struggle. And that sets us up because once we do struggle, now we've like, we feel like we've lost two battles, not just one. That's true. So it's good to know this is not something that I can fix, it's something I need to manage. And that's why I I use verbiage like tires uh for the the four solutions, because the solutions I present, which are you know an elevated focus, yeah, uh it's really a call to just step up to the plate.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

I can't let my thoughts run me.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Um, it's find a good church, find a good pastor. Yeah. And then it's every once in a while, you're not gonna know why, but you got to move forward anyways. Those are not the most life-changing solutions.

SPEAKER_03 2:43

No.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

But at the same time, try to drive a car without four working tires.

SPEAKER_03 2:47

It's so true.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

It's not gonna work. So you could have a great church, great pastor, and you know what? You don't always need to know why. But if you don't step up to the plate, you know, I think you could find a great church. But if you're not connected to the pastor, at some point in your life, you're gonna hit a road like an obstacle, but you just you needed a good pastor. So um, I think it's the understanding that there's not one thing wrong. So there's not one fix. I need a lot of things to be working well.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

And then ultimately, I would say the other thing is just to understand that there is a part of this battle that God wants to fight for us.

SPEAKER_03 3:21

That's so good.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

That's a hard thing to understand because it's in my head.

SPEAKER_03 3:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

But there's an aspect of this that God wants to take care of for us. So I think that's what I'd want people to know. I think theoretically, yeah. Um, but it is different in practice.

SPEAKER_03 3:36

Very different, very different. And there, there's the one I would say that really stuck out to me, and I wish I could say it's just for me. I am that type of person that sometimes I'll read the Bible and I think this person needs to hear it. I feel like I can almost diagnose anybody, but it's like a I'll Bible diagnose you if we should add that and make it a term. But the one about self-pity is this is huge for people because I feel like we don't even realize that we are pitying ourselves, and we are. And you said it perfectly, and well, the enemy, your enemy, tweeted you saying, Do they really know what you're going through? And I would ask this particularly because you could read this entire book and feel great about yourself. You feel like you've gotten the your offenses under control. You feel like you're you've stopped self-diagnosing yourself. You feel like you have stopped thinking about what if and and going back, you're you've stopped reminiscing and and the maybe of life. You feel like I've done a great job of controlling that. But then something comes up in your life. Your your job's not where you want it to be. Um, you're still not in the relationship, you're still not married yet, you still haven't had the kid. You are still on medication, you're still relying on your parents, whatever it is. And life hasn't changed much for you just because it's life and life's supposed to be the same thing all the time. And we can find ourselves our lives, our own mind, our own situation without realizing it. I would ask you, how could someone apply it daily to that self-pity area?

SPEAKER_00 5:12

Yeah, well, that's the one that I said I could have called the clickbait of Chris Alessie.

SPEAKER_03 5:16

Are you serious?

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Yeah, because you know this as my sister. I I really struggled with this. And self-pity, I think, I think it's this chapter where I say self-pity will take a man out of the garden and put him in hell by his own hand.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

Jeez.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Like he did it to himself. Um, we obsess over our own problems. I I had done that, and I had somehow turned everyone who loved me. Uh in my own mind, I had turned them against me. Yeah, they didn't like me. Um, but that's actually where in that chapter I discussed the idea that there's no dress rehearsal. Meaning this life's the only one you got.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

So even if you have a lot of problems, like what are you gonna do? Are you gonna just wait this life out and then the next one hope to get one without as many problems? Yeah, you sit back and you think, okay, I'm on medication.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

But I better come to terms with it because like what other what other option do I have?

SPEAKER_02 6:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

This is kind of where this idea of like stepping up to the plate comes in.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

When you think of Esther, Esther had a lot of reason to obsess over her own problems.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

I mean, a lot of bad things were happening, and it was the husband's like decree that allowed these things to happen. But at one point, I mean, she had to have the mindset, all right, if I perish, I perish, right? Yeah. It's kind of like this is my only life. Uh I'm gonna die either way.

SPEAKER_03 6:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

So I I consider that when it comes to applying what you might learn about self-pity. I actually write down some things like when you start to think my life is hard, think about the police chief that has to go into families' homes and say, I'm sorry, your dad didn't make it.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

Think about the doctor who or the the paramedic who lost somebody on the table. And now they have to go home and live with that.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

Or they have to go to the next call. And sometimes it's the same situation that they just dealt with and they lost somebody, but now it's you have to do it again.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:18

With this better mindset.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

And let me tell you one thing about being married that's changed me. Yeah. I have respect for anybody who's been married even more now, because I realize, oh my gosh, when you're single, you go home at the end of the day and your life is your own.

SPEAKER_03 7:31

You get to make your own decisions. You're okay. TV shows, whatever you want to eat.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

And you don't have to ask anybody's opinion. And you also don't have to worry that somebody else is thinking as you do what you want to do, that maybe you shouldn't be, you're thinking about what they're thinking. That's so true. You just, and I'm not saying it's a burden, but what I'm saying is I sit back now and realize I didn't realize that this thing came with its own challenges. Yeah, I thought it was all blessings. It's like, oh wow, there are challenges. So what about kids? When you start looking at a uh at parents that have three or four kids, you start realizing maybe the big issues like the medication or whatever aren't issues, but I don't see all the issues they have. Yeah, there are things going on there too. So I actually think this is the one area where it's good to compare. Sit back and think, wow, what about the CEO who, if one thing goes wrong, there's a hundred families who can't live. Yeah. They can't feed themselves, and that's on that's on them.

SPEAKER_03 8:30

That's on that person.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Think about the families who who to take their kid to school one day, and then when they come back to pick them up, there's news channels all over because a tragedy took place. And think about what that parent has to do when they come home now, the life they have to live. I know that's that's morbid, but like sometimes we make it seem like we're the only ones with deep problems, and you gotta consider it. That's why 1 Peter 5:10 says, resist the devil, standing firm in your faith, knowing your brothers and sisters are going through the same things.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

So somehow not obsessing over my problems helps me resist the devil. And that's what you just gotta consider.

SPEAKER_03 9:11

It's funny, Lauren and I were talking the other day. If you don't know Lauren, it's our sister. She we were talking about just how, as when you're young, you think going to another place is gonna make you happier, or going to another job is gonna make you happier, or doing something different, doing something new is gonna make you happier. And it's the same old thing of the grass is always greener. And we said, well, grass is just grass, wherever we go. And the color green is just green. And there's nothing more to it. Yes, there's different shades of green and there's different types of grass, but at the end of the day, you are in Miami and you're like, wow, look at this grass. You go to LA, grass is grass, grass is never going to change. So when you kind of come to terms with that, of grass is everywhere and everybody has grass, and some people have turf, and somebody have some people have pebbles as you drive up into their driveway. But at the end of the day, it's the same thing. It's just a foundation that you're walking on. And maybe it's nicer for them, but look at all the other nicer things in your life.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Well, think about this. God promises the Israelites the promised land. Yeah, it's a land flowing with milk and honey. Okay. Don't you think a land flowing with milk and honey would be wanted by giants?

unknown 10:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Don't you think? If it's out there, the giants are like, we want that life too.

SPEAKER_03 10:17

It's so true.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

There are obstacles and opposition to the things that we want in life, regardless. Yeah. Because if we want it, so do other people.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

So do other people.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

So the grass isn't always greener because green.

SPEAKER_03 10:32

I wanna I want to bring up something that you spoke in one of your recent messages. Is and it was a it was a more applicable point that you made. I love when someone gives me a word and says, okay, here's how you're gonna use this word.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:45

And you said take a piece of paper out, draw a line down the middle of the paper, and on one side write the lie, and then on the other side write the truth. For somebody that's listening today, they could even be listening to this in their car right now. And maybe they don't have the physical piece of paper or whatever it is. Um, how can we do this practice daily? How can in the moment when, for example, if if I were to tell you, no, I'm I'm having this right now in this in this conversation, I don't feel like I I am I'm able to speak this truth or you know, I feel a little nervous or I feel um not worthy or whatever it is. How can I, when I'm in the moment when paper's not around me, how can I apply it and write the lie, write the truth down and walk in that?

SPEAKER_00 11:29

So you're thinking, how do I do that just in my mind?

SPEAKER_03 11:32

Yeah, how do you do it in your mind? What do you say to yourself?

SPEAKER_00 11:35

Ask yourself, okay, what's scaring me? Yeah. So there's an episode of a show called Sherlock where um it's up Sherlock Holmes. Watson sees something that they need to see, and Sherlock wasn't around to see it. When they go back to see it, it's been painted over. And Sherlock grabs Watson and goes, close your eyes and starts to spin him. And he's like, What do you see? What do you see? Tell me what you see. Close your eyes, tell me what you see. And he's like, Why are you doing that? And he's like, When your eyes are closed, your internal visual memory actually is heightened. So you can actually remember what you see because you close your eyes. So I actually would tell people, close your eyes. I feel like obviously if you're driving, don't. But close your eyes and think, okay, what's scaring me? What's what am I afraid of here? Normally, when you ask yourself that question, if you can be honest with the answer, you'll pluck out somewhere the thing that's scaring you. Um or and I know there's there's other things like you know, that maybe fear doesn't seem like it's the right thing, but at the base of a lot of the clickbait is I'm my case is different. That's at the base of what is going on. And that's why I think that song, I'm no longer a slave, is like such a great song to sing because sometimes we're like, I'm not dealing with fear every Sunday. No, no, no, no, no. You are.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

You absolutely are. At some way, like when you're offended, you're thinking, but what if they're right? What if I'm not worthy of putting my chest out like the way I want to, or whatever it may be.

SPEAKER_03 13:13

You're afraid of being wrong.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

So what I would do is I would sit down, I'd close my eyes, and I'd say, okay, what's what's scaring me? Most of the time, the minute you can actually verbalize it, yeah, it's gonna take all the sting of it away. So true. Because you're like hearing it makes it less scary.

SPEAKER_02 13:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Seeing the monster under the bed, he's under the bed for a reason. Because he's not as scary once you see him. Um, but then I would, I know this is well, then once you come up with that, you've got to think, what does the Bible say about that?

SPEAKER_02 13:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Is that true? And if you pull up what the Bible says about it and it still doesn't help, it's because you don't believe it. And that's where you've got to have the faith to say, okay, I believe this. Uh, but one of the practices, Gabby, that I do when I'm just getting mentally overwhelmed, emotionally overwhelmed, I'll get a piece of paper and I'll rip it up into nine different pieces.

SPEAKER_03 14:07

Oh, you did this with me once.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

I did. And I will write down on each little thing an area of my life that's overwhelming me. Yeah. Uh work, uh, personal life, money, um, whatever it is. And then I will, I will make sure that none of those papers touch. And I'll look at each one individually and say, okay, what is it about each of these that's bothering me? And somehow just not seeing those things touch helps me bring each of them into captivity and into the submission of Christ.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

Because I'm not trying to lasso a million pounds into captivity and the obedience of Christ. I'm just going one at a time. And I've even taken it a step further where I'll write Bible verses on the back that apply to whatever's bothering me and I'll keep those things on me. When I start to freak out, I pull that thing out and I'm like, okay, let me look at this. You'd be surprised what that does.

SPEAKER_02 15:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:02

Um, so if you're struggling right now, I know Gabby was like, hey, if you don't have paper, get paper.

SPEAKER_03 15:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Write it down and apply the word of God to it.

SPEAKER_03 15:10

Yeah. That's so important. And that's so, that's so critical that we have that on us all the time because you you won't have the constant, oh, I gotta phone a friend type situation. To be a healthy Christian, you have to learn how to control your mind. You have to learn how to renew your thoughts daily. You have to make sure that you know how to take that thought into captivity and and not just lock it away. It's almost like, how can you go on with life without letting that thought be your kryptonite? Because you said it. It's not like that thought's just gonna vanish and you're never gonna think about it again. It's gonna come up in your life and you're gonna think about it. But how can you get that thought that cripples you? How can you make that thought humorous in the future? How can you go from I can't even think about that tour? Now you're looking back and you're like, wow, I can just laugh at that. That's what renewing your mind is. That's what taking it into captivity is, is when you're saying, yeah, it's still there by me, but I'm able to say, that doesn't have a hold on me. I'm not worried about that. And you're walking in that freedom and healing daily.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

Yeah, well, there's a great scene in Harry Potter. I think it's called a boggle.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

I think so.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Is it that? Is that what it's called?

SPEAKER_03 16:19

It's the yeah, and it's it's in the closet.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

It's in a closet and it becomes the thing you fear the most. And when they open it up, it pops out and it becomes the thing you're most afraid of. And then you have to envision your greatest memory. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:33

And it when you do the, we're not gonna say the word because it's not a Christian word. When you speak over it, speak to it, it turns into something funny.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

So you saw like uh, what was it? You saw like a big old uh big old spider all of a sudden it had like roller skates on and it was funny. Um, I don't know if that stuff works. I don't think just reenvisioning things, but um I will say mom actually walked me through something once. You know, people sometimes just they can't get past certain images.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Uh and sometimes those images aren't even things that have happened, they're things they're afraid of happening.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

And maybe they're not even images, maybe they're just deep, deep rooted fears. First thing I would say to this person is like, if you're going through that, label the thought, don't label yourself. So if you're having hard thoughts, just say that's a hard thought.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:25

Uh, or if you're having a weird thought, say I'm having a that's just a weird thought. But the other thing, and I've hoped to bring this up earlier, and I just haven't had the chance to, but uh, mom walked me through one time like a mental practice of envisioning a canvas. And on that canvas is the image that I want to forget. And she walked me through envisioning the blood of Jesus running over that.

SPEAKER_03 17:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

And envision it and sit there and envision I'm watching the blood of Jesus, you know, cover that. And then when it's all done, you envision Jesus taking that and dumping it and then giving you a new canvas. And I think some people can't get past the image of becoming like their parents. They can't, they can't get past the image of hurting their family. They can't get past the image of the hurt they've already done. You've got to watch in your mind. You've got to let Jesus come in and clean that stuff out. Um, and so I would encourage people to even do that if it gets too too crazy. Sit back and I'll tell you, you'll you'll get a lot by just labeling the thought. Yeah, but it won't do everything. And when you get to that last little part, you gotta envision, you gotta envision the Lord taking care of it. And that's what I mean by God wants to fight for you. Yeah, you know, everything. This is what's crazy. You know, if God has already handled crushing the head of the enemy at a spiritual realm, you know, if I've also this is crazy too, right? If Christ condemned the enemy, that makes Christ the ultimate condemner.

SPEAKER_02 19:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

That's crazy. So if it's kind of like a belt. If the enemy had a belt of I can condemn, yeah, and Jesus came and condemned him, then now Jesus gets to be the ultimate condemner and he chooses not to condemn us. So he chooses to put the belt down and say no one will.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

Right? If if Jesus has condemned the one trying to condemn me, then it's just like, man, I just yeah, I should remind the enemy of what's going on with him. It's like, buddy.

SPEAKER_03 19:37

It's true.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Everything you're trying to say to me actually applies to you.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

And remind yourself of who you belong to. Yeah. You don't belong to the enemy. You don't belong to that thought or to that experience anymore.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

You have been renewed by Christ. You have been made new in him. You're born again in him. I identify with him. Like you said, don't identify with that, that thought. Because that's what we see is people walking around identifying with being anxious instead of, no, I had an anxious thought.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:03

And that's something that you have to remind yourself. No, I belong to Christ now.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Yeah, I will say this and then we're going to close, but none of this will help. Not one word of this of this book will help if somebody's not actively trying to get into their word and to get to know God more personally.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

It just won't. It's there are great books, but none of them are supplements to the word of God.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

No.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Um, and so what I try is to write a book that turns people back to it, that makes people realize they are worthy of it, that they can read it, that they can learn from it. So obviously, we could sit here and discuss for a lot longer, but that's been another mini-series of the uh the clickbait Aleste Family Business miniseries. Thanks for being with me, Gabby.

SPEAKER_03 20:45

Thanks for having me. Loved it.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Thanks for listening to the Family Business Podcast with the Alestes. We appreciate you listening and learning with us as we just shared more about the family business. You know, I bet there's someone you know who could use this kind of advice, encouragement. So make sure to share this episode with them and their family because let's face it, family is everyone's business. If you want to be a part of our family, subscribe to the show right now on your favorite app and make sure to download the episodes so you can hear them at any time. Oh, and one more thing one of the best ways to help us spread the word about the family business with the Alessis is by reviewing the show on Apple Podcasts or your favorite app. So help us out, write a review, and join us next time at the Family Business Podcast with the Alesi.