The Reality of Addiction Recovery: Why Your Family Needs You to Seek Help

SPEAKER_02 0:00

So the the thing with the addiction is it's not just the individual. So, you know, may think, well, all I'm doing is hurting myself, but that's not true. The family is suffering. Um, how did you eventually reconcile with that? When did you get your eyes off of Tony and start seeing the bigger impact of your decisions? Hello and welcome to another episode of the Family Business with the Alessis. Today you're going to find this episode very encouraging as I have a family member, Tony Villasuso, that's sitting in the podcast booth. We're actually sitting at tables today rather than the comfy chairs because we're getting down to business. Now, this is season nine, and I want to encourage you if you are finding yourself liking what you're hearing, go ahead and subscribe and then share this episode, especially this one, with as many people as you can. Now, don't forget we also have a new podcast for our men. It is our man up morning devotionals. And every day you're hearing from myself, my son Christopher, my son-in-laws, Chris Muina, Danny Burgos, and Christian Kalatayud. And it's a great way for the men to be able to get a man up word to help them throughout their day. And don't forget to let us know what topics you are really enjoying as you are following along with us. Today's topic, very different, very deep. So, Tony, first thank you for very uh very much for being with me in the podcast.

SPEAKER_04 1:44

Well, it's an honor and a pleasure to be here with you, Pastor. And uh uh great to get to dig in and talk a little bit about addiction and talk about the things that uh have helped me in my life and do the turnaround that where God has me right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

Wow, and he does have you in a great place. I mean, I hear your story. Uh, we first off, we've known each other for years. You and Deb and uh Josh have been a part of Metro for so many years, and uh you've been a blessing, always serving. And you your job actually is helping those do what?

SPEAKER_04 2:17

Those that that need can uh to come off life controlling problems. Not only that, homelessness in general, and um I get to to spearhead an organization that uh truly changes people's lives. I get to see people come off uh uh dire situations. You know, a lot of times homelessness leads to addiction or addiction leads to homelessness, but sometimes while you're homeless, it leads to addiction as well. So I get to see first front, uh uh every day lives being transformed. I get to see, I get to sit now at the top and look at everybody that comes in through our doors, and I see somebody's uncle, somebody's brother, um, a lady that was maybe being abused or being uh taken advantage of. And I see all those transformations take place right before my eyes, and I see the miracles that are taking place in their lives and how they took place in my life.

SPEAKER_03 3:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:10

And I get to see that all unfold before my eyes.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Well, I believe in a philosophy that you can never take people to a place you've never been before. So here you are working with uh homeless population or the unhoused population. Um, you're dealing with all that goes into it. And that's almost where you were at one point of your life, and you've been able to walk through because your story, when you talk to me about dumpster diving, um, your story from where when when you see where you're at today, people would not be able to understand it. So you've walked this out, which is why the Lord's positioned you to be at the top now.

SPEAKER_04 3:50

It's been a a true miracle from where I was in 1997 to where I sit now today, you know, August 2026. I sometimes I just turn around and I go, Well, the Lord, what how how why me and why did I come from out of this situation? But it's it was quite a journey because my love was drugs, drugs, and more drugs. That was my relationship was with that. My relationship was was with cocaine, marijuana started off early on in high school. You know, you you hang around with the wrong people, yeah, and then you make the right choice, the wrong choice. I'm sorry. Yeah, and you make those choices, and those choices lead you down a road that you think you're never gonna go. Well, I'm never gonna do that.

SPEAKER_03 4:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:36

Well, you're never gonna do that until the addiction is so much ahead that you can't stop it, you can't control it. It's it's out of your control now, and you're making choices of taking something that is it it deals with your psyche, it deals with your uh self-esteem, it deals with uh your work habits, it just, you know, coming from a father that worked so hard and and and and and did so many things to get his family in position, to make us go through good schools, and here I am wasting my life away uh because I wanted to belong. I wanted to be a part of something that I thought I was missing out on. You know, I wasn't the one that was easy to say no to the things that, you know, back then it was just say no. It's not just say no, it was just just say yes, what's next, you know? And little did I know that I had such an addictive personality. And, you know, started with a beer and a joint and turned it around and to now it became every two days. It used to be the late days that you reported. I used to go right around here to LaSalle High School, and I thought it was all that in a bag of chips because I was getting high with the cool people. Well, some of those cool people are not around anymore.

SPEAKER_03 5:44

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

And uh and God still has me here.

SPEAKER_03 5:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:47

So um, from that moment to getting help, it was quite a journey.

SPEAKER_03 5:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:52

How old were you when you finally got the help? I I got help when I was 26, just turning 27, yeah, is when I finally decided to hang it up. It was not an easy journey either for my family. I it was seven rehabilitations. So I understand when, well, my family understands, we understand what it is the high and low of addiction when somebody's doing well, and then you drop the ball and everybody falls again because you're affecting all those that are around you. You're you're you're you're like, you know, I went through program one, a year clean time, everybody's celebrating. I come back and boom, a couple weeks in, I'm out, I'm out the door again. And it it was like that six times, and the seventh time was was the one. Not everybody has to go through that journey, right? But I, you know, I I can attribute it to either a hard head or, you know, it's just yeah, the the process that I had to go through. But but in that, you know, if I'm speaking to those that are addicted right now, maybe those that may be listening to this, yeah, uh, the family business, maybe they just clicked on it and they they said, What possessed you to get straight? Well, I remember in one of those journeys, I was going to one of our local churches, and I had like maybe 30 of my family members showed up at church because they they didn't, they were so happy that my life had turned around. And then I saw that journey go from 30 people to five people to three people to two people, and then the only one that was in my corner was my dad, and that was it. And I had lost everybody around me. No way. Nobody wanted to support me anymore. Even the gentleman that was getting me help said to my father, hey, listen, I'm done with your son.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

Because you kept relapsing out.

SPEAKER_04 7:38

I kept relapsing, and you know, the truth to addiction is that, you know, if you look at the books, if you look at what uh the studies show you, every every relapse is one step closer to a victory, if you could, if you could accept uh the road again to recovery, because a lot of people don't. A lot of people turn around and get and and get upset and they say, I don't want to go through that anymore. I don't want to go into your program no more. They they get mad at you for giving them a like I got mad at people. I got mad at at pastors and leaders that were in my life that just, you know, everybody just cuts you off because there's no time for foolishness. You know, addiction is something that you can't play with. Yeah, you know, addiction is something that is real. And today you could be drinking a beer and and and a few hits of cocaine, and then here you are uh taking uh cocaine nowadays is mixed with so many things from the days back in the day. You know, nowadays when you talk to a family, the the family member could be having cocaine mixed with fentanyl. And that cost 78 million overdoses last year of death. One too many for us, right? Yeah. In the business that we're in, we want to see people turn their lives around from a bad situation to a better situation. And sometimes people, you know, we were talking earlier before we started uh going through this journey. Some people don't want to go through the process, they don't want to go through this whole thing. So that's how my journey started. It it was uh been a long 30 years to get to where I am now. Um, but I'm happily married, going on 24 years with my wife. Uh I'm a father of a special needs child. And you know, a lot of people say, hey, God gave them to you because he knew, well, you know, it's difficult at times sometimes, but you know, you don't you build up enough that you know you can't go back.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:32

You can't go back. So this is what we see.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

Well, uh that's that's the thing. You know, people look at you today and they they wouldn't expect this would have been your past, um, that you know, you would be eating out of a dumpster. Just uh you'd you'd you would be out on the street having a good home to go to. But you know, what what causes that? What is the addiction saying to you or to a person that says more or less that keeps them from being able to say this is wrong?

SPEAKER_04 10:00

It's it's a choice, but then it becomes psychological pain. And and you take the next drink, you take the next uh shot, you take the next hit of heroin, not knowing if that's gonna be your last one, but you do it because you just wanna escape the pain. Yeah, maybe the pain of of of of a broken marriage, maybe the pain of something that you caused or something that you did. But uh but there's always hope in Christ, there's always hope in this business. I tell the people, all you have to do is give yourself time. Yeah, nothing is gonna change, they're not gonna stop selling the drugs. You know, when when there's over 48 million people involved in addiction in this great, beautiful country, this is numbers from 24 that we're talking about here. You you're looking at that number and you're saying 48 million lives, two out of every three people are involved with some form of addiction. Either they're in in the addiction themselves or they're dealing with a family member that's bringing chaos to the whole family unit.

SPEAKER_03 11:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:08

And it's and it's so difficult. And so when you want to stop, but you just you think you're too past the moment, so you just go and you go, and then that addiction leads to the homelessness and the dumpster diving, or it can lead to your six foot under and you're done. Yeah, because you just don't know. You just don't know nowadays, even back then, you don't know when you know. Like I I say to you face to face here in this uh podcast today, the things that I did were enough to to die from. But I didn't. So there's purpose, and as long as you have life, there's purpose. And as long as you know you need to connect, you need to belong. Uh, but addiction could be very tricky. It could, it could, it could think you think you could do it, you think it can function. I functioned for a very long time. I I worked, kept my job, yeah. Uh, but it catches up with you.

SPEAKER_03 12:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:11

One day you just go past, you get paid on Friday. Yeah, you give your money to your to your mom. In my case, it was my sister, and then not even 12 hours later, I need, I need, I need, I need $100, I need, I need $50, I need $60. And addiction is like that. There's no stopping, there's nothing, there's no respect. Like now I, you know, I could say now my family looks for me. Yeah, I always longed for that. My family wants me at the birthday party, they want me at the kids' party. I don't say that to gloat, I say that that's what's missing. You know, I go through family pictures and I'm missing for many years. Because I was just never, never cared about what was going on. Addiction will lead you to that, you don't care. You don't care about your haircut, you don't care about a shower, you don't care about a change of clothes, you don't care about making it to your job on time, you don't care about uh you. I even tried to go to church with crack in my pocket, in my pocket. No, sir. Oh yeah. Yeah, I I I did it. It was it was part of my uh let me see how I can please my family, let me see how I can hide, let me see how I can keep this under wrap so nobody tells me anymore. Because let me tell you, when the journey started, the last thing I wanted to do was anything with uh Christian or or I was a good Catholic boy, wanted to do things my way. I went through Catholic school my whole life. You know, I'll do my confession, I'm good, and and we move on from that. But uh it really transformed my life. It really put me on a place where I could now speak from experience and speak from overcoming.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

Helping so many others, trying to try to do stuff, yeah. Trying to lift them up, you know, yeah, always always have a word for them. So who gets hurt the most in addiction? Is it the addict? Is it the friends, the family? Who who gets hurt the most, you think?

SPEAKER_04 14:07

I think it it's everybody. I think that my family turned around after I got everything right, even though that there's good people in my family. My family had addicts in it. Uh whether it be gambling or or maybe drinking when more than you're supposed to, uh passing, you know, the normal two or three drinks that people have, you know, having four, five, six, seven, eight, and then calling you on the phone, singing a few songs, and you know, all that good stuff that goes on with the alcohol. But we all get we all get hurt.

SPEAKER_03 14:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:46

The addict gets cut off at one point because the family decides. But once I got my life back on track, I could I can truly say now, you know, I I sit now and I look at my family and I sit a proud. Not all of them are serving the Lord. Some of them are serving them the way they, but they're all one is a chief firefighter, another one is a lieutenant, another one is sergeant of Miami Beach Police Department, another, we're all in some kind, I mean, I look at all the stuff that we do as a family.

SPEAKER_03 15:18

Right, right.

SPEAKER_04 15:19

And it's like four firefighters, a captain, another, another, another chief. I I am honored that I get to, you know, at least be a social worker, somebody that can make a difference. But you know, lately, he's been dealing with my brother, the police officer, and I hope he listens to the podcast. Uh, he's uh his name is Alex Torres, and he's a Miami Beach police officer. And he's been bringing all of his beach officers to the to the shelter.

SPEAKER_03 15:48

Come on.

SPEAKER_04 15:48

And and we've been we've been building a relationship. They just held last Thursday, the Miami Beach Police Department did chapel for the homeless. Come on. And one of them preached such a word to the guys, they they spoke such a word of encouragement. And my brother was standing there and he said, Every time I step into your place, yeah, I said, It's not my place, Alex, but it's it's it's the community's place. Every time I step into the caring place, I see a different perspective. Here's here's from a guy that when he used to drop me off at work, he used to put the gun on. I said, Don't do that, man. You're gonna scare the people I'm trying to help. And and and now he comes in and he knows he'd rather bring somebody to the shelter than get them arrested.

SPEAKER_03 16:32

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:32

And and and I say that that there's a lot of officers that are doing that right now. There's a lot of officers that are connecting with the caring place to make sure that there's an avenue for somebody that they run into that's an addiction that could come and get some help.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

I'm glad you mentioned earlier about two out of three are dealing with this in our country because we, of course, we're in the church world, so and we're calling this our family business podcast. And the tagline is um family's everybody's business. So either it's your business you're taking care of, or you've got something going on in your family that other people are talking about your business at the dinner table. So the the thing with the addiction is it's not just the individual. So, you know, may think, well, all I'm doing is hurting myself, but that's not true. The family is suffering. Um, how did you eventually reconcile with that? When did you get your eyes off of Tony and start seeing the bigger impact of your decisions?

SPEAKER_04 17:33

It it took a few years. Yeah. Came back and and mom said, You're not staying here. Really? She was that strong. No, no, no, no. You're not staying here because she had taken so many lessons from the people that were guiding her to get me to the help. So she already had all her, and it's not that they didn't love me. Sure. Because I just came back from seventh time being in rehab, almost three years gone, still family clutched their purses when I walked into the door. Uh-huh. Because it's you're forgiven in Christ, you're forgiven in the recovery part. You've you've abstained in a place for three years, but you haven't come back to society yet. You're not you're not waking up and have a paycheck and you're and you're dealing with money again and you're dealing with life. So, so they told me you're not coming home. And I and I and and and I understand now why. Yeah, because I had caused so much chaos and they had peace. Yeah, they wanted that peace. Now, they let you know they let me stay there for a couple days. You know, my family is the best.

SPEAKER_03 18:32

Right.

SPEAKER_04 18:33

They let me stay there. Then my dad gave me a few weeks, but then I connected with one of our local pastors, and you know, he did something that a lot of people don't do. He gave me a helping hand up and he goes, Hey, listen, I I'm gonna bring you to my house. And he brought me to his house.

SPEAKER_03 18:48

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 18:48

So I started from the outside working back and earning back my keys and my responsibility, and being able to go to my mom's house without being checked on. And that took years of process, that doesn't work overnight.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

Yeah, to build up that trust.

SPEAKER_04 19:06

And people do people think, you know, oh, I'm I'm I'm I've been in rehab. I want to go back. And I tell the guys in the program when I when I get to talk to men, I say, when you go home, you've been missing from that family unit for a long time. Yes, you're the man in the house, but you're not gonna be the man in the house right now. You haven't been paying your bills, you haven't been taking care of the everyday stuff. It's been your wife and that you still have her, it's a blessing. Yeah, and so you better go low and let God build that up, which I was talking to you about that as well. I'm learning more through the years. It's gotta become relational. Yeah, it's gotta be about that relationship that we talk about here in this business that we have. Uh that people have to belong. Yeah, you know, I needed to again build up, belong. So God built me almost from the outside end back to the family unit. Yeah, He built me up with outsiders, yeah, built me up with the church, built me up with relations I knew God, I knew I couldn't go get high successfully again.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

Really?

SPEAKER_04 20:09

Because you get high and and all you see is all the flashback of the times you were clean and the times that you served, yeah, and the times that you opened up for in a group and and and opened up in prayer or said something and talked in those groups that we had here early on at Metro that people would come to get help with addiction and and and you know, which we run into now with our connect groups and everything that we do every every so often. It's it it just it was built like that from the from the outside in. And then I recognized, you know, I I can't blame nobody else but myself. I found out what was the root cause of my addiction, and and a lot had to do with the divorce and a lot that my parents had, and a lot had to do with that, but a lot was my own doing. Yeah, it was my own doing, and I had to take ownership of that. And a lot of people don't want to take ownership, they don't want a process, they don't want instruction, they don't want to sit down for a little while, they don't want to uh listen to counsel. Yeah, you know, it's okay to to branch out, but it's not okay to to to not stay up under people that could hold you accountable and work with you. Yeah, you know, I see it. I I've connected many people in my journey to to Metro. Yeah, and they fall by the wayside.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:34

And you've seen it as a pastor, I see it as a minister, I see it as a leader, I see it as a person. You know, people want to know. Well, I tell them at nine o'clock, if I have nothing to do, I'm in my house. Yeah, I'm not on and about.

SPEAKER_03 21:48

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:48

You know, it's just some people can and some people can't.

unknown 21:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:52

Pastor Steve, some people can do it, some people can't.

SPEAKER_03 21:55

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 21:55

And you need to like learn. So it it's The restoration has taken place and is still taking place.

SPEAKER_03 22:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:03

And it's still going. You know, I just spent a week with them, with my sister and my brother-in-law. And I just love my family to death. I just love spending time with them because it feels like I've missed so much, but it's it hasn't.

SPEAKER_03 22:17

Right.

SPEAKER_04 22:18

They they always were there for me.

SPEAKER_03 22:20

Right.

SPEAKER_04 22:20

I can't say, you know, church was there always for me. They were, they always had an open door for me. Yep. But family is family. Yeah. And family will always be my number one. I'll drop whatever I gotta do for my family.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

Well, that's the thing with addictions. It seems like the people that love you the most are the ones you hurt the most. And you don't even realize it until the light comes on. And somewhere along the line, I believe, I guess, Tony, that the patience in the family with strong boundaries is required because there's there's no way we can rescue an addict. Well, you know, we we want to help them. We want to help the person that's dealing with alcohol. We want to help them, but there does come a time where you have to put up boundaries. Is that true?

SPEAKER_04 23:04

The boundaries are, you know, sat at a step, you know, got home after a three-day run, and I got home to want to take a shower and eat. And a long 10 minutes later, a Miami police car pulled up. So my my mom had taken those steps of boundaries that I had to take step as a mom, she had to call the police.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

No way.

SPEAKER_04 23:27

And um, it was just it you were out of control. You know, you you can really, I can, I can really get into some of the ugly parts of it in this discussion, but they're too ugly yet to even talk about them.

SPEAKER_03 23:40

Right.

SPEAKER_04 23:40

Um, you know, my mom rest in peace. I had to suffer a lot with with my thing. Thank God they were all my stepfather, my mother, my father, all of them got to see me sober.

SPEAKER_03 23:53

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 23:53

They didn't get to see this part.

SPEAKER_03 23:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:55

That that, but they always believed, you know, hey, Tony's gonna get that. But yes, the family unit gets hurt. Um, you have to do the boundaries because I I mothers are always gonna be mothers. They're always gonna sneak you the $20 bill, they're always gonna take care of you. Mama's gonna always be mama, and mama's gonna always take care of their kid. But I've seen it on both ends. I've seen a young man recently in our in our shelter that his mom was also an addict, and she had cancer now at their la later stage of life, and uh, she passed away, and he was just finishing recovery. So he had no time like I had. He had no time to reconcile with his mom, only what they had those moments before she passed. And he's still hanging on, and he hasn't gone back, and I and I keep sharing with these men and with these women, you need to find somewhere to belong. You need to to find your your church, whether it be this business or one of them, but you have to be somewhere, yeah, because that's where where you could continue working on the trauma and working on your shortcomings, and working on building yourself up to be a better person, a better, a better, you know, for for for you know, and this I I share because I remember my first day calling my father and saying my first paycheck from the caring place, Miami Rescue Mission. A lot of people know, my first paycheck. Hey dad, you're gonna be proud of me. I paid this, I paid this, I paid this, and he said, You don't do nothing. I've been doing that for the last life, for my whole life, I've been paying bills. Yeah, good job. Yeah, so my heart sunk because I thought I had done something amazing because I got a paycheck and I didn't blow it. I paid my, but you know, I had to start learning. My dad is my dad, and Tony's Tony. I'm an adult, and I have to like celebrate those victories for myself. And so, in that recovery, you have to learn how to do all those things, and you learn how to build relationships at your local congregation, at your connection with your pastor, with your loved ones that are around you, with people that you meet in certain groups. Not everybody, you don't have time to be talking to everybody that comes in through the door, but we have to we have to know that addiction, some people know how to deal with it, and some people don't. And some people get mad at me. Yeah, right here. Yeah, get mad at me when you tell them, hey, this is the way it's supposed to be. Oh no, you got it all wrong.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:32

I go, okay, well, I'm just telling you what works and what worked. And maybe not avenues the same, but addiction is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Addiction is addiction. It's not gonna, yeah, it's not gonna change the road to recovery. It has takes a lot of discipline, and it and you have to walk it. You can't, you can't just uh God will deliver you.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:56

And uh, you know, he's dealing with me. I I I sometimes, you know, I see Jesus, right? I see the 12 disciples. There was a lot of people there that did wrong things, but he still used them.

SPEAKER_03 27:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:08

So God will use whatever, but if you want to get free from addiction, you have to, you have to like submit to some things that others don't have to do, but you have to do too. You have to go through it.

SPEAKER_02 27:17

Well, not that we want to preach here, but there is a great story in the Bible about, you know, lepers, 10 lepers that Jesus healed. And then he says to them, now go show yourself to the priest as part of the cleansing ceremony to show that now you can be welcomed back in society. They had to go show themselves to their priest, and the scripture says that as they went, only one of the ten turned to thank him. And he recognized that. He said, Hey, wait, weren't there ten? And yet only you come. And then he tells him that, yes, your sins are forgiven, you're healed, but really he says, now go be whole. And it that right there is a great example of somebody who's willing to humble themselves, willing to come and not just want to, okay, I uh I'm sorry. Now let me get back in society, let me get back into the bed with you, honey. Let me let me get back into the family, okay? Well, sorry is good, but humility and repentance, being able to really go low uh and realize that you don't have it all in yourself, that's what's gonna ultimately lead to this wholeness that you're talking about. Because you said functional addicts. Um, sadly, you know, you'd think church would be the perfect place for a person to go to not have to deal with addictions, but the church is filled with people that are dealing with an addiction of one type or another, which is why I wanted this podcast because I I want people to be able to see that yes, things could be really ugly and things could be really low for you. Um and maybe you're tempted to just turn to the bottle or turn to the drug, whatever it may be. And because you're only in church once a week, um, you're learning real quickly, that's not the end all. There has to be something else on the inside of you. And I since we are uh a family-focused church and ministry, um I I would I would ask the the person dealing with their addiction to think about them, not yourself. Um, there's some things in life that we just allow to take over, and it's it's a quick fix for us. And it may feel good in the moment, sends good for a moment, but we don't realize that after the moment, so many other people are being hurt by it. So, you know, not to preach, but I I I do think dealing with these kinds of addictions, number one, but and even the the hurt that maybe cause you to stay addicted to this particular drug, something that happened to you, something on the inside, you're depressed, you're you're anxious, you're you're hurt, you're uh misled, whatever that might be. I think first you you you definitely need to give God a chance to work in a person's life. God, who put us together knows how to fix us. When something's broken, we turn to Him. Second of all, I think actually time is a real blessing. Time is good. You may feel bad today, right, Tony? But a week from now, things could feel totally different if you just let time do what time does. And time can be, as they say, a healer. It heals all wounds, right? It really does over time. I mean, we we can sprain our ankle, but if we give ourselves time, go through the process of therapy, rest, that ankle will heal. Every hurt that we ever have in life can be healed if we just go with the time. Some of us just get too anxious, though. And then we look around and we we don't give time the chance to do what it could do.

SPEAKER_04 31:12

We live in a quick society, so everything is quick. Everybody wants now, uh, you know, yeah. I deal with a lot of people that want to set their timeline for recovery. Uh, no, I need to be out by this date, I need to do this, I need to take this by this date, and I'm like, uh, brother, it ain't gonna work like that. You know, you know, because I walked in through the door and I had to deal with a car that you had to put three quarts of oil and ten dollars of gas every two days. You you're not gonna have a brand new car and you're gonna have to deal with that, and you're gonna have to humble yourself and go through the stuff you have to go through to get to there's no easy way. Yeah, there's no easy route. And you know, even with the Lord, his blessings, he wants to be the one that that runs the brook for you. You know, and we're not preaching, but again, it it has a lot of with the addiction, it's not how you want it, it's not McDonald's, and you can't do it your way. You have to do it the way that it's written. You know, the the places that are there give you the instructions, give you the manual. It's it's it's up to you, like you said, with time. Time has put me where I am today. Yeah, and and and it's been a long, almost 28 years to get to people want to be the boss right away. You can't be the boss right away. Yeah, you can't be the the the the the things can't be given to you right away. Yeah, you have to get them back piece by piece.

SPEAKER_02 32:32

They just want to get right back in that driver's.

SPEAKER_04 32:34

Well, no, it's okay because sometimes the people's talents are like that, and they can, you know, their their talk, and you know, listen, it wisdom doesn't come from your talk. Yeah, it comes from God, it comes from the things that you do. You practice you have to practice these things, you've got to be around people. Like, you know, today's you know, you have to be who you who are you with? Yeah, who you're hanging around with? Yeah, what are you doing? Yeah, what are you doing with your time? You know, are you are you going back to the places where it leads you back to your addiction? But again, yeah, it it it it is it is I'm I'm honored and privileged that the Lord, I don't question him no more. Why me?

SPEAKER_03 33:15

Right. I said, thank you.

SPEAKER_04 33:17

Well, I've questioned it because you know, I've had to talk to many people on the phone that their son didn't make it. So, you know, you have to, you know, I've seen it at my own place. You know, I was counting, maybe this is a little bit too drastic, but I was counting how many people have passed away while I'm when I was a director of of the of the men's center because of addiction. And I was sharing this conversation with a few of the officers, and nothing like coming to work and finding a young man, 27 years old, that took too much drugs, got through your front door, and that day, you know, he looked straight enough to get to his bed and didn't wake up in the morning. No, so it's bad. Yeah, addiction can end up like that, but addiction, somebody can also walk in through the door of the caring place in the Miami Rescue Mission or uh the family business, and and they could turn around and be the next Billy Graham. Yeah, you don't know. Yeah, a miracle is up to God and to the person, right? That's how you and Jesus make the majority, and you, you know, you and who you put yourself with could lead you to many blessings or many curses, right?

SPEAKER_02 34:28

So well, Tony, you're you're talking about, gosh, 97. I was uh that's the year we started our church. Wow. So God was preparing me to come back here later. And and all these years later, uh, what a blessing. I mean, I I do we need a before and after photo of Tony V. Yeah, because you're definitely a guy that many of the men look up to and respect around here because of what you've done. So, you know, I do want to I first applaud you. And I know some people are being inspired by what they're hearing, and they're dealing with family members, so they need a lot of patience and they need a lot of grace, but they also need to set the boundaries and be strong and not be suckered back into uh um, you know, uh allowing somebody to continue to stay in their mess. Um, so here we are, and uh I just from a person who's dealing with it today, what's the first thing you would say to them to help them get out of this addiction?

SPEAKER_04 35:32

The first step that everybody has to take is to understand that as much as you want it for them, the person's gotta want to get the help themselves.

SPEAKER_03 35:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:41

If if the person doesn't want to, I mean, the first step is I talk to everybody. So I have that, I don't know if it's good or bad. Uh as a leader, I'll take anybody's call at any time, anywhere, any place. So I'm there to listen.

SPEAKER_03 35:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:58

And and first step you got to take is ownership and wanting to get the change.

SPEAKER_03 36:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:04

And then and then the family is gonna want, is gonna have to let them get the treatment that they have to get. Yeah. You have to let that person get recovery, whichever way that recovery is gonna look for that one person. And and you're gonna have to let them go through. And you can't put uh timetables, you're gonna have to you're gonna have to trust uh you and what you have to get through. Because I know sometimes it's affecting a marriage or a unit. Sometimes that person needs to get away from the business. In my organization is right now a young man that used to be a millionaire and he's broke. And one of our brothers can attest to this young man. He had a $2 million, $3 million printing company and doing uh kids in the best schools, and right now he's even trying to get his home mental status back. He sees me and he starts crying. Yeah, he bought my he bought my first sofa when I got married. He told me go to go to rooms to go and pick out a sofa when I was first starting. So, what I say to the family is don't give up on your loved one. Don't give up on them. Please don't give up on them. Nobody gave up on me. And even if you're at the wit's end, don't keep praying, keep pushing, keep believing, because I'm one of many. Yeah, I've seen thousands come in through the doors, thousands of men in my 30 years there. I could say thousands. Yeah, I could say thousands. I can I used to not be able to, yeah, but time has allowed me to say thousands.

SPEAKER_03 37:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:35

And not everybody makes it. So the family has to be willing. It has to be willing.

SPEAKER_03 37:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:40

They have to be willing. Can't cover it. The person has to be willing, and you and you can't cover, you gotta, you can't be in denial about the situation.

SPEAKER_01 37:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:47

You have to accept. And and yes, it could happen right at the altar. It could happen right at the prayer time, it could happen in a conversation. Who am I?

SPEAKER_03 37:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:59

But there's always, unfortunately, there's always steps that you have to go through. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:04

And when a family is doing that, so if I have a child, I have a spouse that's that's struggling, and and we're trying to get them help. What does my posture need to be as that family member? I mean, because how do I protect myself and protect the home?

SPEAKER_04 38:17

You can't put a time on recovery. You can't put a time in if it's a one-year program, it's a one-year program. If it's a uh a six-week program because of insurance, because nowadays the federal government has changed around. They're looking at people now and and and knowing that treatment is needed, knowing that mental uh uh situation is needed, knowing that there's money now for these things. Federal government's changed the way it used to be housing first. Now it's now it's how do we get some some some, you know, life has shown us, has shown the federal government, has shown society, you just can't take somebody from the street and put them into a home and say, hey, you're housed.

SPEAKER_03 38:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:54

But but in talking to the families, you you've got to understand you just can't get that person through a uh a drive-through uh uh recovery and get them in back into the normal because because if if if you're a family, and I say this with all security and honesty, and people may get mad at me, but if you're a family that you, your husband is an alcoholic, but you still like having three or four wines every day, you might have to stop doing the three or four wines so that you can help your husband get back to where he needs to be, and vice versa. If your wife is the one going through it and you like to have a beer because you like to watch a college game day and enjoy yourself, you've you've got to probably stop doing some of those things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:39

You have to, you it just there's no way around it.

SPEAKER_03 39:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:43

And then tell me, what does a community do? So now we're we're church, we've got people in our our Connect group where we're meeting, and we know they're struggling with it. What can the community of the church do to support uh the family and the addict?

SPEAKER_04 39:58

You you continue to be there for them.

SPEAKER_02 40:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:01

And continue, I mean, we just have to have one voice. You know, if if it's an addiction, you know, you find out it's meth, people are not gonna like get over meth just because they're just coming to church. Yep. They're gonna have to deal with some steps. And who's watching those steps? Who's who's drug testing the person every so often to find out that they're okay?

SPEAKER_03 40:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:23

You know, it it goes to because you probably don't remember this conversation, but you had this conversation near me one day with somebody, and stay close to me. I want you to stay close to me, be accountable. What happens when most people, when you tell them that, they end up disappearing.

SPEAKER_03 40:38

They do.

SPEAKER_04 40:39

And it's it's nothing you can do about it. And sometimes you feel, what can I, what could I have done differently? I've also learned to not carry that guilt.

SPEAKER_03 40:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:46

You you tell the person, hey, you know, and then you gotta turn around and be there for them. That's the hard part of being in the things of this business. Yeah, you know, you gotta turn around and still be there for them, even though you know that they're sinking daily, they're sinking, but you're there trying to give them a hand up.

SPEAKER_03 41:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:04

So if if the if the if if the connect group connects with somebody like that, number one, you you know, we do the things, we pray for them, we might fast for them, but point them in the right direction. Yeah. And hold them accountable. And hope and hold them accountable. And and and make sure, you know, if if they're saying they're gonna be here at this place and then they've gone missing, because I tried that too. You know, I don't want to go anywhere, mom. I'm gonna go to the meetings. I promise you, I'm gonna go to the meetings.

SPEAKER_02 41:30

So you you go to the first one or two, three meetings, and then you start asking for a couple dollars for gas, and then you start doing this, and then you know, I laugh only because I think of some of the people over the years that we have sent to you. Yeah, and you you've helped uh quite a few of them, but you also have been able to decipher real quick, once you say what's needed to be done, there's some people just not willing to do it. And they're looking for a handout, not a hand up, and that's not.

SPEAKER_04 41:59

Or when they hear shelter, right? I I tell people all the time when they call me, I said, this is not, this is not a vacation in Marco Island. This is a shelter with 360 people, 320 people coming through, 250 people coming to eat every day from the outside that stink and come in for a shower. And and and I'm not, I'm there for them because I'm hoping that one day when they come in through that door, it's like I tell my team there's a day that they're gonna make a decision to say, hey man, I'm ready.

SPEAKER_03 42:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 42:32

And usually our lingo is, okay, I see you on Monday.

SPEAKER_03 42:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 42:37

And people say, well, why don't you take them right now? Because we want to make sure the decision is the right one. And like when I got help, that was given 50 cents. Back then, that's what the pay phones used to be. And they gave me 50 cents and they said, call me on Monday if you're ready. And 50 cents, I was looking for 450 so I can get the rest of the crack so I could keep going. I didn't keep the 50 cents to make the call on Monday because addiction had overtaken. So, you know, if if you want to come in, I'm it's not, you know, Betty Ford Clinic. It's not one of those players. And I don't mean to drop names of any places, but you know, it's not a place where you're going where they're gonna where it's gonna be the best meals. It's the best that we can do to get you through. Yeah, and that's what helps you to fight to now, hey, I don't have to have that meal anymore, right? There's nothing like going through rehab and saying, man, I'm missing a whopper. Man, I'm missing a McDonald's, you know, because you take those things for granted. You take life for granted. And freedom is is is real, but you freedom is a gift, and you have to be be ready to deal with the freedoms that the Lord gives you or your life gives you. And you got to be, you got to be ready. But I'm I'm I'm I've always been here for this business and any business. This and anybody that calls, because like I said, two and three people. Like I have a buddy of mine that's opening up something soon here. And uh you know, he's putting up some good stuff, but he tells people he, you know, on his on his um uh Facebook, you see the the the how people want to tell him how to do recovery. Yeah, and he's like, no, it doesn't work that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gotta be this route. Yeah, and if they don't want to take this route, it's not gonna happen. It's like like here, right? You know, I come into the family business. I have to respect what the family business tells me that I have to do.

SPEAKER_03 44:35

Right.

SPEAKER_04 44:36

It can't be what Tony's business wants to be done. Yeah, it has to be what you what you have to do to be able to be set free from the thing that's holding me back.

SPEAKER_02 44:44

No, Tony, it's an inspiration that you can come out of it, have a beautiful marriage that you have today. Josh is such a precious young man, and to see your life uh influence so many others. We're we're so fortunate. Tell us real quick about the caring place. What um somebody needs help, what should they do uh specifically, also how they can support what we uh what you do with the code.

SPEAKER_04 45:06

Well, the thecaringplace.org is the place to go to. And um, you know, people tell me I'm crazy. I've had my same number for 20-something years, so 305-491-4111. I will take your call. Yes, I'm still one of those that'll take a call at 3 o'clock in the morning, even though on Fridays I'm putting it on mute now as I get older.

SPEAKER_01 45:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:26

But uh I'm I'm there for you. Yeah. Uh 305-571-2215 is another number that they could call. That's our direct number to dispatch. But uh the caring place does intakes uh every Monday, every Monday morning at 7 30. We're there. But you know what? The family business has the best connection. For now, as I'm the president, you one phone call from anybody at the family business or anybody that needs help from our family. You know what I'm talking about. All they need to do is call and we'll make and we'll make arrangements. Support is always needed.

SPEAKER_01 46:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:04

Uh uh, you know, hope for us begins with a meal. And I'm not just saying that, it does. You know, most people are hungry because they haven't eaten in days because cocaine suppresses hunger, heroin suppresses hunger. So you're out there running around for days and you're hungry. So the best way we try to do it is give the person a plate of you know, a hot meal. So you can do that. Yeah, you can sponsor beds, yep. You can you can get behind us. I know that our Kinect groups get behind us and they serve the line, you know.

SPEAKER_03 46:34

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_04 46:34

But uh, you know, we just had to, you know, I think my legacy there is gonna be fixing things that are broken. And that's what we've been doing for the last uh couple of years under my leadership. We've been fixing roofs and we've been fixing kitchens and and uh fixing broken elevators and getting everything, not because the prior leadership didn't do it, it's just getting a plan in place so that the caring place continue can continue to be a light to those in the community. Not talking about perfection, sure. Talking about being a light.

SPEAKER_03 47:04

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 47:05

And you're not gonna make everybody happy. Where's it located? So we have two locations, 2056 Scott Street in Broward, and we got uh the 2020 Northwest First Avenue location. Our headquarters is at 3553 Northwest 50th Street. That's where I'm more located now as I deal with more of the administrative side of the ministry. And uh grown up in a lot in the last couple of years in that area, you grow fast and you find out who's your friend and who's not your friend. But all that stuff is going on, but the caring place is there to serve those, uh, especially this family right here.

SPEAKER_02 47:39

You know, Tony, it's funny because some of us think, well, I can take my church or I can take my team and my group, and we can go feed the homeless on our on our own, instead of partnering with an organization like the Caring Place, who's out there every day, not just every so often. And I remember in our naive days that we thought we can go minister to the homeless as a church. This was back at my other church. And um, we went out there, we set up a stage, and we started singing, not not with partnering with anybody. And we started singing, and all of a sudden the the crowd started to come, but the crowd started when they started to come, they didn't come all sweet like a church crowd. They all of a sudden you start dealing with fighting. I don't mean to cut you off, but you have to have solution. No, no, no. So here we were. So here we were, and you'll see where I'm going with this. Uh, all of a sudden, police came up, said, Hey, you're about to cause a riot. Get out of here. And that was back in the day. And and I I know some people who think, oh, it's so righteous of us to go feed the homeless and go provide a meal. Doing it on your own is not an effective way. You got to partner with somebody that's doing it. You're there every day of the week. You're providing food. So I would say to any organization, even within our church and our our influence, that wants to provide backpacks to kids or wants to have a holiday meal provided for those that are homeless and those that are going through these hard times. Partner with the caring place. It was beautiful over the years that our family early on, getting our kids out there for a Thanksgiving meal and letting my own kids see what real ministry on the streets looks like. It was great to be able to do that. And it taught them to value what God can do, but also value what an organization like yours is able to do. So I would say to our listening audience, support, uh, pray for, uh, partner with. Uh, we do have our connect groups when they do the summer serve. Got some pictures not too long ago about one of the groups going, and it was great to see them with their little caps in the kitchen, all serving food and giving back. And all that's huge. And anybody within our church family, our metro family, uh, if they if they see you, they got to come show you how much they love you because you're doing a whole lot that uh we don't even know about. I don't even know about. You keep those things uh as your job, but you you're always here to help, and we have to make sure we're helping you. One last thing I got to say, I'm going long, but Tony, we got homelessness on the street. We got young men, uh, not young, but we got men and women out on the street on the street corners that are walking up to our cars. And um, and some people have a bleeding heart. They really want to help, they think they're doing right to help. What do we do in those kind of environments? Do we are we helping them or not?

SPEAKER_04 50:33

Listen, I I can't tell you uh with the full statement that you said, I can't tell a church not to go feed the homeless. Who am I? I just like you agree, you need a partnership because what what are you gonna do at the end? But no, we're not helping anybody when we're giving them money. Um I'm uh I'm um not 100% uh supportive of that. We do have care cards that we give out. Um keep something in your car, uh toiletry, something that you could give them, and then encourage them and point them towards the caring place. There's the caring place, there's other partners in the community that you could point them to that they gotta get help. Because not everybody wants to come into the caring place. But the truth of the matter is that if you prepare yourself, you know, I've seen people give their lunches. I I I see them a lot on the way to work every day, and people give their whole lunch. That's you know, God bless people are hungry, you know. You you're taking care of a need, but you're not helping anybody by putting $5 in their pocket. It's not gonna, it's not gonna do nothing but give them something to get high for a little bit longer and just stay out there. It's just not what I would recommend people to do.

SPEAKER_02 51:42

I appreciate your honesty, appreciate your openness, and thanks for sharing your story today. Thanks for having us here. Oh, are you kidding, Tony? You're the best. Well, today I hope you were challenged and encouraged at the same time by the family business with the Alessis. This particular podcast is in a series of uh dealing with addictions, and uh, we just want to encourage you that if you are dealing with an addiction, hey, we're here to help, and we've got some great resources that'll be able to point you in the right direction and uh your family. Because it's uh everybody's business, we're praying for you. We're here to support. So thanks for joining us today with the Family Business with the Alessis.

SPEAKER_00 52:18

Thanks so much for joining the Family Business today. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to follow or subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave us a review. We appreciate your support and can't wait to have you join us next time because family is everybody's business.