What No One Tells Newlyweds About Managing Their Money

Social media, when it comes down to that, and frankly, a lot of other things, I think as like a macro, we should probably not be on social media, but whatever. Like, you see all of these people, like, with a bunch of money and doing all these things, and this kid's 21 and he's driving a Lamborghini that is almost always either not true or not lasting. Yeah. Hello and welcome back to the Family Family Business podcast with the Alessi's. We are your hosts for the day. The gladiators, the Gladio. We're so glad that we are back on the podcast. What do we talk about last time? Last time we talked about the engagement season. We talked about marriage a little bit. I think it was a good podcast. We got some great feedback too. We did. I had a friend of mine, she was like, I. I heard it, I loved it. And then she was like, my daughter is dating this guy. They've been dating for a few years now, but they're not in the season for marriage. They want to get married. And she's like. So I told them to sit down and listen to the podcast, which was just such a blessing to hear, that it was impactful to people. So hopefully we did the same. I mean, hopefully we do the same in this podcast. And just as a kind of a prerequisite. We're not experts in anything we're talking about. I don't think we're old enough to be experts in anything. We haven't lived long enough. We haven't lived long enough. But we are speaking out of our own experience as we kind of go through it, as we move along through it, and especially to our young adult audience, the people that are closer to our age, the parents that are watching that might have kids in this age range that we're in going through a similar season. We can only speak to that season and only speak to those experiences. So today's gonna be a good podcast because we're very practical again. Very practical. You know, talking about a new season that we're walking into, particularly in our finances and in our stewardship and how we're stewarding our finances in the first year of marriage. You know, we were talking about. Before we jump to that. Oh, sorry. We have to mention we have officially passed a million views of. There you go. Christian's ready to go. I'm ready to go. I'm locked in. I thought we were going. No, we are officially past a million views. That is a huge accomplishment. So thank you all for your support, because this isn't just Something that we reached. It's because of you. You got us here. So thank you so much. And we are also coming up on our 250th episode. Wow. And it's 250 years of America. Wow. How wonderful is that? So we have a. We have an idea plan. We have some thoughts of anniversary episode, but we also want your suggestions. We want your comments and what you think we should do. So please comment, share with us. We want to hear from our audience because you guys are such a great support to us. So please let us know what you want to see on the 250th episode. I feel like we should get the entire family on the podcast. Wow. I don't know what room we could sit in that would fit all of us. If we do all of that, it'd be super long. But I think we should. I think it'd be a good time. All right, so let's jump into it. You were. You were starting. I was starting. Go for it. No, so, I mean, we're. Today, we're going to be talking about our finances, our stewardship, how we should, you know, kind of move through that in the first year of being married. And we were talking off camera about it, how one of the biggest difficulties that newlyweds will have is the finances, especially through the first year of marriage. We're at. Excuse me. Month. Month. Eight, right? Oh, my gosh. Today. Today. Wow. June 3rd. Happy. Eight months. There you go. Eight months. So weird. Yeah, that was weird. But sorry. We're going into. Never do a handshake thing when we don't know, like, how we are gonna do it. That's just. It always ends up weird. There you go. So we're eight months today. We're also not just us two up here anymore. I know. We have a little tiny baby. We have a bean. We have a little tiny bean. Gabby is pregnant. Da, da, da. There you go. We're expecting. We're expecting a lot of stress. We're expecting a lot of stress and a lot of sleepless nights. But now, more than ever, stewardship is really important of how we handle our finances, how we handle our time, how we handle so much of that aspect of our lives within the busy ministry lives that we both live. Right. I have my own job that I work a part of as an insurance broker. You obviously work for the church here full time. But you and I, our. Our nights are almost all ministry. I think last night we didn't have anything to do, and it was like, this is weird. It was weird. It was missing something. It's true. So. But really talk about our. The stewardship of our finances. Talk about the different principles that aren't. I think the best way to describe it is that the principles of God's finances and the kingdom finances isn't secluded to 30 up or 40 up. It's very true. I think that that's something that if we can start to kind of have that conversation, have that discussion, it'll really be unique because you don't see people our age or even younger say, well, I'm going to tithe 10% of my income every single month, every single paycheck or whatever I get, I'm going to tithe that. I'm going to give offerings, I'm going to be generous. And then even what I have left over. Right. That 90%, how am I operating with that? Is it for me or is it for we? Yeah. So I'd also say to jump in here, one of the things that we've been walking through, and I love that you said at the beginning, we're speaking out of direct experience. Like we are in. We're in the trenches. So we talk about it with a lot of our newlywed friends or friends that are about to get married or even people that are dating. We talk about it a lot because if you're not prepared, it can feel very blindsighting. Yeah. And when, when you do get married and then. Or really it's when you get engaged and then you guys start to talk about money and who's paying for the wedding and who's doing this and. And how much money do you have in savings and how much money do you make? You go from dating to where money's not really real real. And you're just going to restaurants every Friday and you're not worrying about things. And then the minute a ring comes into to the conversation and then now it's on your finger and you're trying to plan the wedding and where are we going to live? Yeah. Things become real. Yeah. Fast. And they become very stressful. Yeah. And it's not just the physical money, but it's the. Even your job. Yeah. Your career. What. What's the best career for the both of us? Are we doing the right thing? You know, are we in the place that God wants us to be? Or. As a girl, you know, for all the girls listening, it is very normal when you get engaged to sit back and go, can I trust him? Like I'm. I'm called to trust him and I'm Called to submit to him. But is he the person that I actually trust? Like, I know I love him, and I know I adore him, and I see my life with him, but when it gets this serious, can I trust him with not just the finances he brings in, but now the finances we bring in? Do I trust his job? Do I trust everything? Because you go from being in your environment with your dad or on your own providing for yourself, or you had a parents that provided for you, and you never had to worry. Yeah. Maybe you had a car payment to worry about, maybe you had gas to worry about, or food that you had to worry about. But the idea of a mortgage and savings and paying off your credit cards, like, all of those things really weren't a part of your thought process and your planning. And then you get engaged and you get closer to marriage, you. And life becomes real. And you're looking at this person like, we have to trust one another. Like, if I am giving my life to you, then I have to also give my trust over to you. And really, it's trusting God through you. It's like I am still trusting God no matter what, but I have to trust that we are both of the same mind, and we're both believing God as our provider, but we're both gonna handle and manage our money. Right. And also pursue the right careers. That brings in the money for us. Yeah. And I think you said it right there that God is our provider. Yeah. And that is a foundational aspect that you and I have adopted. Obviously, we've seen it with both of our parents. We've seen it with so many great people in our church, in our community, but that is a foundational piece. That the Lord is our provider. Yeah. That there is no person that we have to please in order to provide. No. The Lord is our provider, so we please the Lord with everything that we do. And, you know, I think even going back and saying, all right, well, what's the goal of Kingdom Finances? It's not so that you and I have a lot of money and we can do whatever we want. It's so that we're trustworthy. Yeah. Right. The goal of Kingdom Finances is not to get rich, but to be trustworthy in the eyes of the Lord. So true. Because, you know, me and my friends were having a great. Not a great conversation. We were just talking the other day, and we were talking about, you know, what if I made a million dollars a year tomorrow and I started getting a paycheck and I'm making a million dollars a Year. And I legitimately felt in my heart, in my spirit, I said I would not be ready for that. Would that be sick? Like, yes, absolutely. Like that would. I would be able to give 10% to the church. I would be able to give 10% to his kingdom, even offerings. But I am not in a place where my foundation has been made trustworthy so that God can give me that allotment of money that he owns. He owns a cattle on a thousand hills. We're still learning to be faithful with the living. Learning to be faithful with what? I wouldn't even say little, but with what God has given us. Yeah. And as we kind of go through that and you start to learn like, oh, the finances that I bring in is not so that I can be wealthy or my family can be wealthy or my family can be set up. Those are all fruit of the root of. I am going to be. I'm going to be trustworthy in the eyes of the Lord. Yeah. So that when I go out in my job, when I go out, you know, I'm in sales. So a lot of my success is kind of hinges on other people. It hinges on other people trusting me, trusting what I can bring to the table, trusting on what my company can bring to the table. That makes it really hard because it's like, lord, are you my provider or are they? Yeah, it's true. And it's like, oh, but, but, Lord, you're going to sway their heart if they're, if they need to be with me and having that foundation of saying, it's not about us getting wealthy, it's about us being trustworthy. So when you take it from that aspect, it's not like, well, Lord, if you give me this money, I will do what I have to do. It's like, are you doing what you have to do with the money that you have now? Are we doing what we have to do with the money that we have now? And, you know, it kind of goes back to being, you know, this isn't a principle that just kind of clicks. It might be a principle that clicks. It shouldn't be a principle that is only adopted when you're 30 plus or you're 40 plus or you're 50 plus or you, you mess up financially and then you got to get it together. Yeah. You got to kind of get it together. It's. It's a principle that. It's a principle that if you can get it, the earlier you can get it, the more trustworthy you can be found. Yeah. And the more God can give to you. It's true. The more God can impart to you. And I really feel like marriage, like you said, is a microscope of our money theology separately. Oh, my gosh. That now it's okay together. What does it mean? Right. And the difficult part, I think, is you and I were pretty aligned because we have a similar upbringing. Yeah. There's a lot of couples that are probably watching this, even older couples. Right. That aren't in our season where the wife might believe in tithing, but the husband doesn't, or the husband believes in tithing but the wife doesn't. That's a really difficult thing to navigate. And again, there's, you know, I don't know if we have a solution to that, but it's more so saying the marriage puts a microscope on both of your money theologies, and now it's being melted into one. Yeah. It is really unique. Well, what was when we were coming into marriage? What do you think was like, what did we learn about one another when we. In terms of money? Like, when we got married and we started talking about our finances? What is your money personality, like, leaning. And what do you think mine is? I think yours was very centered around. You had an incredible dad that provided a lot for you. And all he told me was just to save. And all he told you was to save. And he gave you the opportunity. Right. To save. You took care of, obviously, housing and stuff like that. That's kind of normal when you're a parent. No, but my dad really did set me up, not just physically, but mentally. And, like, this is how you handle things. And I didn't have to pay for a lot, and I was really grateful for that. And now you do? Now I do. But it's okay. I'm grateful for it because it just means more responsibility. But I think the biggest thing was just for years, I, I would tell him all the time because it, it doesn't mean, oh, I saved, which means, like, oh, I'm. I'm really, like, mature and like, I understand. I would just look at my bank account and be like, okay, I don't need all that money. Let me just put it in the savings. Yeah. And that was what I was going to say. Like, your money personality is very like you. At least when going into marriage, you didn't know what you had. I. You were like, well, I think I have this amount. If the numbers looked good enough, then I was happy. Yeah. And. Or even in, like, your separate accounts that weren' right in front of you, you'd Be like, I think I have this. And it's like, oh, I actually have that. Whereas, you know, I was kind of the money personality, where I knew where everything was granted. You. You did have an opportunity to save a lot more than I did, which I was blessed. I was blessed for that. And it goes back into your dad. Really instilled into you a mindset of. And obviously it helped you out as well, but instilled to you a mindset of save for what you're not expecting for. Yeah. And, you know, my parents did the same for me. I was at a different circumstance, so I had to spend a little bit more money. I had to buy you a ring, which was, you know, a lot of money, but I know. Poor guy. Can we just say something real quick? I want to insert this. Thank you. Because this is my piece of advice to the girls that are getting into relationship, especially a serious relationship when you're in your 20s. Yeah. And you are ready to get married and you could marry this person, do not force him to pay for everything when you're dating. Yeah. I don't think that's realistic. I don't think it's healthy. I think if you make money as a girl, you need to be prepared to say, hey, I'll pick up the tab tonight, or I'll. Let's both go in together. Let's pay for this together. Because then the guy has to pay for every meal, buy us presents and things that we want, buy us a ring, and then we go to marriage and we go, well, you got to put up the mortgage and you got to put. And where are your savings? And. And it can kind of just be unfair because it's like, well, this guy's been paying since the moment you started dating to the moment you're married, and now he doesn't stop paying. And I do think it's good. Yes. We both come together and we're both providing. We're living in a city that you, you really. You can survive on one, but it's very difficult to survive on one income. Yeah. So we had to come at it together. But I always had the mindset of like. Like we had an agreement. Like, our personal thing is, I'll handle one thing, you'll handle the other. And it always equaled at the end. Yeah. But girls do not put the pressure on them. I do think at the beginning, when they're pursuing you, you should. Yeah. Let him pay. That's what I was about to say. Like the first six to eight months, maybe even year of Us being together. I paid for the majority of things you did. And I felt it like. I felt. I was like, man, I feel like I can't save as much or we also are more bougie, so we would. We wouldn't have affordable. Yeah, that's true. And I was going to go into. That is kind of something that I've. I've realized between us two that we really have to come to terms with. Yeah, Right. Which is avoid looking rich while becoming poor. Like, I. We have to avoid looking rich while we are becoming poor because it's like, man, like, what. What's it worth to go out and have all these great dates and, you know, have the really nice car, two nice cars, and all of these things? And meanwhile, we're. We have no money. No. Every month is, you know, we're kind of scraping along. Scraping along. And I feel like it's pretty normal for that to be the case during your first year of marriage, because you're balancing so many different things. You know, I think a lot of people rent, but we bought. So we had a mortgage payment that was substantial, like, immediately. And that was. That was a. That was a big deal. Like, our mortgage payment is a sizable mortgage payment for two people that are in their mid 20s or know early to mid 20s. And we are both in our mid 20s. We're not early mid 20s. I know. You're, like, directly in the middle of your 20s. Yeah. That's fair. You're late 20s. I'm not late 20s. No, no. She's 26. I'm 25. But. But no, I mean, that. That was a big thing that we. We kind of had to balance out and figure out, and I. Frankly, we're still figuring it out where you. You don't want to seem. Like when friends go out and, hey, we're gonna. We have a lot of engaged friends. Right. They always, you know, they want to go get dinner. Hey, let's get dinner after service. And we don't want to be the people that are like, we can't go get dinner after service. You know, we have to go eat rice and chicken at home. And. But that is the reality. We cannot go out. We can't. No, we can't. And obviously, we budgeted and we make, you know, we assign our money in certain places so that we have the opportunity to do that when we want to. But sometimes our friends are like, back to back weeks. Hey, let's go out. And it's like, no excite, bro. It doesn't exist. Well, I Will say this along with, like, your. Your money has to change. I think what it really comes down to is your habits have to change. Yeah. Like, your mindset of, oh, for lunch today, I'll just buy lunch. That is not as easy and accessible when you get married. Yeah. The idea of, oh, the girls are getting together. I'm doing nothing on Tuesday night. Let me just go hang out and we'll go spend $60 on dinner. Because that was the reality when you're single. It's like, $60. It's like, I haven't spent money in a week, so I can spend money now. And it's great. But those mindsets and that habit has to change. The restaurants you go to change, the amount of times you go out, eat at restaurants changes. You start to look at when discounts start to drop. That's what we do. It's like, oh, we're gonna get our Uber Eats discount next month. Let's wait there. Let's. Yeah, it was May 31, and we were like, all right, let's wait till June can get a free. And there's some meals. We still have it. So we still have it. There's some meals that we eat that we're like, this was terrible, but. Terrible. But it was sustenance. It was sustenance. But that, I will say what I appreciate about it is it's building. It builds a character in us. It does. Because our generation's very different. There's a lot of people that are getting rich quick, and they're getting rich earlier in life. I feel like if you, like, just pursue Instagram and social media long enough and consistently enough, you'll just start to make money. And everybody keeps saying that. And people are making money out of nowhere, and they're like, 25 years old, 26 years old, and they're making so much money. And you're like, how are you doing that? And I just think it goes back to what you're saying. We're not at the season yet to fully be able to handle that much money. We're still learning how to live with one another, trust one another. So to have all of that, it's like, that's great and great for that person, but I want to live a life that we slowly get there. Yeah. And I would even, like, backtrack and say, do not be deceived by social media. Yeah. Because social media, when it comes down to that, and frankly, a lot of other things, I think as like, a macro, we should probably not be on social media, but whatever like, you see all of these people, like, with a bunch of money and doing all these things, and this kid's 21 and he's driving a Lamborghini that is almost always either not true or not lasting. Yeah. And I think when you are looking at our mindset as Christians, as people that believe in an eternal kingdom that is coming, why do we see our finances so minute and finite in terms of, well, what happens today or tomorrow is going to deter, like, or what people think it's like. No, like, if we're, if we believe in an eternal kingdom, why do we place such an emphasis on how we look today to other people? Yeah. Obviously we don't want to, you know, be ragged in the street and have holes in our socks. But like, at the same time, why are we so consumed with how other people seemingly have money and think, well, I'm behind now. Yeah, that is the greatest deception of the enemy. Because when you have that mindset that says, okay, I'm looking at this person that has a bunch of money, I'm behind now. How can I make more money? How can I shave off? Do I need a tithe? 10%? And it starts to get into a trickle down effect where money becomes your God. Money becomes the thing that gives you status, that gives you validation, that gives you validation, that gives you joy. It starts to give you the same thing that God promises us, but in a finite, not eternal way. And I think, you know, to what you were saying, these people that are on Instagram that are doing all these things, you really have to guard your heart on what you see. Sometimes what you see, it's not a lust thing. It's not a, you know, it doesn't have to be a dark or sinister thing seemingly like that. Sometimes it's seeing the really successful person and it getting in and creeping into your heart and saying, I need more money. No, I need more God and God will bring me the money. It's true. And so it goes back to avoid looking rich and becoming poor. I think that's what a lot of people are doing on social media. Some of the richest people that we know don't even have social medias. Like, they don't do anything on social media. And obviously they're older, but even the young people that are successful, that are building lives, that are building families, that have homes, that have homes paid off. Yeah. Like these people aren't posting every day about it. No, obviously they share their wisdom, but they're not posting every day about it. Kind of showing off their finances. And their money. No. The other thing I wanted to kind of move into is the big thing about money, and I want you to speak on this is having open communication. Yeah. And a lot of. A lot of marriages. And what. What. What we're realizing is sometimes we don't have a money issue. We have a communication issue. Because your money personality is things are coming in and things are coming out, and I don't see it as often. Right. That's because you're not focused on that. I take on that load as the man and then myself, it's like, you know, I'm doing all these things. Things are coming out. I know there's a payment coming next week that you don't know about that we have to pay for. And then you just bought a pair of shoes. And I'm like, oh, time out. Why are you buying a pair of shoes? We have this payment. Well, you didn't tell me about. Yes. So it's this entire kind of cycle. Very true. Where it's not a money issue. Because if I were to tell you that, say, okay, fine, like, I'll do what I have to do. It's a communication issue. Yeah. Touch on that. Well, I think I love what you're. What you're saying about that, because I think the biggest thing is learning when you are married and when you join your bank accounts, that your money is not only yours anymore. Yeah. It's not that your money's not your own. It's just. It doesn't only belong to you. And you don't make money just for yourself. It does go into a pot that you share. We know a lot of the stuff that we pay for, at least bills around the house, we've kind of separated where it's like, okay, you'll take on these type of bills, I'll take on these. And yeah. And we do it that way. But at the end of the day, it's still going to the same location at the same place. And then it leaves from that account to then pay off those things. It is ours. Yeah. The thing that I've found myself, and it's kind of in alignment with the communication, but the thing that I find myself having to, like, walk away from is the idea of, but I made this money, so I should be able to do what I want with it. Yeah. And I can't imagine the case when the. The wife is. Makes more money than the husband. I can only imagine how she would feel that even stronger. But I've had to kill that thought a lot because I was used to, well, it's my money and if I want the shoes, I can buy the shoes because I work for this. Yeah. And it came into my account and I make this and I feel good about what I make and whatever. And I've really had to walk away from that thought and think, well, if the 40 bucks, 50 bucks that I really want on those shoes, if we need that to go into savings or to pay this thing off or to pay for dinner tonight, that's what we need. And it's coming together, saying, okay, let's communicate. What are the needs of, of one another, of our marriage, of the home this month. Yeah. Because it's very difficult when you bring in stuff and your husband's just like, okay, thank you. Okay, I got your money, you're good. I'm going to go send it here. I'm going to say, and you're like, but why can't I have fun with that? Like, I have things that I want to get and I want to have things. And so it can be hard. But that's where we've had the conversation of. And we're still learning the budgeting system because you can start it and then you have to fix it. That doesn't work. So budgeting is never really set. That's what I feel like we've learned. You're constantly changing it and then we're having a baby. So our budget's going to completely change. But right now we have your spending, my spending, so I can use that money for what I want to do and what I need to do. It's probably just going to turn into the baby, baby spending and we won't have anything but that. Which is fine. Which is fine. But that has helped us communicating like, well, I really enjoy this. Yeah. One of the things that like is a non negotiable for me in my spending is my, my nails. And that's something you agreed about, like, hey, you should go and you do that. But then I had to cut. Okay, I'm not going to get my hair done as much as I want or the other things that I'm not going to do. But that came down to just having an honest conversation, not being mad about it, not being angry, not being like, well, you get to do this and I don't get to do this. It's having that, that conversation. And I'd also say to the future wives or to the current wives, don't have a to do list or not to do list, but don't create a list of all the things that your husband buys and your husband goes, and, and he can just do. And you hold it against him and you harbor it. It's not bad to sit back and go, hey, how much was that like? Like, you golf and you enjoy that. I'll ask you, like, how much did that cost today? Just so we know, where are you? How much did you spend? Where did that come from? But don't harbor all of that. And then later you're like, you did this and you did that and you spent money on. And when it's like, don't think it's a tit for tat, like, oh, you went to golf. Well, I can go to the spa, or you went to this. I'm gonna go to the mall. It's like, no, be balanced, be mature about it and remove your emotions. And I'll, you know, speak to the guy's side of that and the, the man's perspective, which is, you know, obviously in our relationship, you know, I make more money than you, so more money comes in and my money, it feels like the reason why I'll be like, okay, thank you. This is, you know, this is what you brought to the table. Okay, thank you. We're going to grab this, we're going to, you know, assign it is because so much of my money is going into the entire house. Like, the entire house, the mortgage, the payments, like the essential payments. And you can almost get into this rut of. Frankly, you get into a rut as a man if you're in that position where you're saying, well, if I'm doing all of this, like, if all of my money is going into this, I have leverage to act the way I want or to say, no, I'm not going to do that, or, no, I'm going to do this. When that's something that men have to guard against. And I myself. You're talking about your own things to guard against. Where I have to guard against in myself. To be like, well, that's my role, that's my responsibility. When I said I do, that's what I took on. And I think our budget, you know, frankly, our budget is just so unique because of. Of. Of my pay structure that's very commission based. That is varies monthly, different things like that. Where other people kind of have like a set. A set kind of budget and you just have to talk about things. So I envy that a little bit because that's kind of nice. But. But monthly weekly meetings are weekly. If you're really in a tough spot but monthly meetings are great. And we found that works really well where, you know, they're tough to do because you. You're. And we're a little different because there's just so much you're doing throughout the week and different things. And if you serve at church, you know how it is. It's just. It feels like every day there's something, and they're all great things. But then it's like, okay, where do I. Once I'm done serving and I'm done working and I work a little bit longer till six, and then I have church at night, and then the next Tuesday, I have nothing. Do I want to sit down and talk about money? I know I don't. It's so hard. It's so hard. But sometimes you have to do it. Sometimes you have to sit down and you do, and you have to help another. Yeah. I think that's something that the both of us have to help each other and remind each other, hey, this would be a good time to do it. I know neither of us really want to do it, but let's sit down and do the hard thing. Because doing the hard thing and knowing how much you have to spend, it almost frees you up more. Yeah. I have found that budgeting and knowing what's available to me, I'm almost like, wow, I have more money to spend. And you don't, but you just know exactly how much that you need to spend. And I'd also say, yeah, it's not a restriction. It's an assignment. It's what budgeting is. Exactly. And I. I'd also say, don't be so hidden about your finances. Girls don't feel like. Like if you feel like you're both having a hard time or you're. You're not understanding it, or maybe you want to do something with your finances and you don't know the next step and you need help. But a lot of times you can feel embarrassment. Are we handling. Are we managing it right? Don't be afraid to ask for other advice from people, for financial help and advice from people, because not everybody is a whiz at those things. Neither of us are really. Well, likely, if you're. If you're in your mid-20s, you're not going to be like, almost. Almost assuredly you're not. That's true. But even our personality types, we're not very like. Like dot every I and cross every T. We don't put it on an Excel sheet. No, we're not super intense, but we do have someone in our life that we lean on, that helps us and walks us through. Hey, explain this to us, because money is a big deal. It is a massive part of your life. And no, it doesn't rule your life, but it's a huge part of your life. And you have to make sure your marriage is healthy, your communication is healthy. You're on the same page, but you got to make sure your money's in order. We. We. We want to make sure that we're saving, like you said, for potential outcomes. No, you don't need savings now, but you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. That's why they're savings. You're saving it for something. Exactly. And it's. It's always the thing of. It's put. Have a sa. For a rainy day. Yeah. You just have that. You need to be saving. We need to be making sure that we're. We're paying things off. We're working on that. We're. We're buying responsibly. We're in the season of looking at everything is Amazon, Wayfair, and Facebook Marketplace. Yeah. Yeah. And I would love to go to Pottery Barn, but that is not the season that Pottery Barn doesn't exist. It doesn't exist for us, but that's okay because that's the season that we're in. We spend more of our time than we do money building a table. But you know what? That. That's where we're at. And you just need to embrace that season. And I. I think the biggest thing is remind yourself you're a team. Yeah. You chose one another. If you just got married or you're about to get married, know that you're choosing this person. Yeah. You're not saying, God, why did you bring me this person? You chose them. Yeah. You both chose one another. You were on the same team. I chose you. You chose me, and we're on the same team. And so we might think about money differently. You might have that your husband might be bringing something in that you didn't bring in. You might be bringing something in that he didn't bring in. You're gonna come in with different mindsets, but what's important is that you stay united. You communicate. You have the tough conversations. You set aside time to budget and to look at your money. You have to be honest with one another and just don't hide in those moments. Don't hide. You just gotta be. You gotta be naked with you really do. You have to be vulnerable. And I think we should end this with the story. Well, I do want to touch on one more. I'm sorry. Because we have about 11 more minutes, and I think it would be a disservice if we did not touch this thing. And it is something that you and I have had to work through and, you know, still working through unique ways. Debt. Yeah, we have to talk about that because people are. Age group. It really is something that is. It builds up. It builds up. It can get, like, just be so hairy so fast. The Bible says that the borrower is the lender. Excuse me. The borrower is a slave to the lender. So we really have to be mindful of it. Again, this is something we've had to work through. And when you're in the engagement marriage season, we just talked about it, it feels like money isn't real. And it's like everybody's telling you, hey, you know, you want to max out your points, so make sure that you open three different cards that are going to give you 50,000 points each and put all your wedding expenses on it. Yeah. And then it's like six months into marriage, and you're like, all of these cards are due, and all of my wedding expenses are on them. And it's like, okay, I just kind of postponed that. Yeah. Like then. And then your honeymoon, if you're on Instagram and. Or on Pinterest and you're planning it, people are like, you only get one honeymoon. Yeah. Spend it all. And then it's, like, brutal. Kind of brutal. So, you know, that's one thing where it would be a disservice not to talk about, but you really got to get creative with it. Debt is one of those things that you have to wipe out as soon as possible for as little as possible. Yeah. You don't want to accumulate interest. You. You want to make sure that you get out of it as soon as possible. You. You avoid looking rich while becoming poor. Putting things on credit cards, overspending throughout the month. I think that was something that we had to learn, you know, adjusting in our. In our money personalities were like, oh, like, you know, first two months of our marriage, we wanted to continue living how we were living, and we really didn't feel it because, you know, of. Of different reasons. And then it's like, you look back at the month and it's like, well, I. I spent more than I had. Yeah. Because I'm putting stuff on credit cards and. Exactly. And then I look back and I say, well, I should have put everything on my debit Card. Yeah. So that's even something that. But then you. You go, but the points. But the points. The points are scam. The points of the scam. We only put things on credit cards now that we know for a fact things are going to get reimbursed. Like, for example, if we need to buy something for a youth group night, we need to buy, you know, the, the kids have to get food or whatever it is, and we don't have our. Or we'll use it when we know we have the money to pay it off. Correct. Or we have the money, but, you know, we don't have the church card on us. So we have to use. Okay, we' credit card, because, all right, that's going to get reimbursed, the whole thing. Or, you know, a medical expense where we know it's going to come out of the HSA that we have put together. Those are all things where you're like, okay, I know it's going to be reimbursed, so I'm going to put it on the credit card. And when it gets reimbursed, I'm not going to use the credit card again. But because we never fly, we never go on trips, we never fly. We're never using those stupid points. No, no. We're rarely. Well, six months into marriage now we have a baby coming, so there's really no chance we're going to use those points. But all that to say, you know, you have to get creative with the way you tackle your debt. Yeah. Sometimes you can have people in your life that can, you know, lend a helping hand. But what really comes if you're not paying that every single month down, the issue becomes the interest. They start just tackling, you know, tacking interest on over and over again. It compounds month after month. And it can really get to a point where you're feeling like, man, I'm paying this. I feel like I'm paying so much. And a minimum payment, I'm paying as much as I can, and I'm still even. I'm breaking even throughout each month, and it feels like my credit card hasn't gone down. Yeah. So just some practical ways. Obviously, if you have someone that can help you in your life, a mother, a father, an uncle, someone that's trustworthy, that won't kind of hang it over your head, ask them, hey, can you help me out with this credit card debt that we have? Whether you're a couple or a single person, Another unique way that some different cards, some different bank accounts do is a Balance transfer card where you can transfer the balance onto a card that has a 21 month interest free period and you can pay it off over the course of those 21 months. But the idea is you have to get creative with it because if you don't get creative with it, they're going to, they're going to keep tacking on interest and by the end of the year you could pay 5,000,$10,000 worth of interest depending on the credit card debt that you have. And it just starts to compound and then you feel like you're choked out. And it's good that you mentioned this. I will say it's good that you mentioned this because you don't realize this when you're only paying for yourself. Yeah, you take on a lot more expenses. It usually happens when you have more to pay for and you just swipe the credit card and you think it's fine. And then you look at your bank account and you go, and it's been three, four months and you go, what the heck has happened? What's going on? I haven't even paid off anything. Yeah. And it's, it's good to know. I think we should, I'm thinking as you're talking about it as like the whole debt thing and then the state, whatever, what are to finish it out fast, quick, easy. Three piece of advice that you'd give to the young guys, married or getting married about money. Don't use a credit card. Number one, you can open one, don't use it. If the temptation is too difficult, don't use it at all. Save more than you think. Okay. Two, save more than you think. And the third one, and it's something that I'm, you know, that we're working on now, knowing that we're gonna have a baby. I actually haven't told you this. Talk about communication, but this is how we're communicating. Even at a young age, even at an age of 18, 16, 25, in this time frame where you feel like everything that is my future is just ahead of me, I can put it off. Think about legacy now. You have to think about legacy now. That's good. Max. If you, if you have a job that has a salary, that has a retirement, max out your retirement, make sure that everything that you can, if your employees, if your employer is matching 3%, 4%, put everything you can so that they match it at the max capacity. That's good. If you have a Roth IRA, contribute to it, even if it's $50 a month. If an 18 year old contributes $50 a month to a Roth IRA. By the time they're 50, that thing would be$3 million, $4 million, depending on the market. So don't quote me on that. I mean, I think that's the math. Ask Connor Tripp. But contribute to a Roth IRA if you're having a baby, which we're having a baby. I'm now looking into different funds that I can start putting into that are similar to a Roth IRA, but for their schooling, for their expenses when they're 18. Me as a father. As a father. Because that's a little baby in there, right. As a father and as a husband, I need to have. Okay, where's my life insurance? Do I need to get life insurance right now? So that if something happens to me, she doesn't have to worry about the home? That little baby doesn't have to worry about the home. And yes, she has a great parents. I have great parents. That in that tragic event, you would be taken care of. But I need to make sure that I do my part. And the biggest deception is saying, okay, that is something for older men, for older men to set up. I think when we hear legacy, we think of people your dad's age. And I really think that that's such a wrong way of thinking. It is. Because as much I think if you were to tell your dad or ask your dad or my father or any one of the men or women that are older that are now thinking really about legacy, because they're coming to, you know, to the back half of it. It's like, what if you would have been thinking about this at 25, they would have said my entire life would have changed. Exactly. And they were likely not thinking about legacy at that point. It's true. And it's such a mindset shift that you have to have. But that's that third point where if you can have that locked in. And again, the biggest deception, or to finish my, my, my thought, the biggest deception is to think that's just added expenses throughout the month. And when I need to shave, I shave there. Yeah. That could not be further from the truth. When I need to shave, I'm going to shave for my groceries. I'm not going to get a couple different things that I like. I'm going to shave from my dining out. I'm going to shave from your spending account. I'm going to shave from your spending account and my spending account. Because what will not be compromised is the legacy of my family. What will not be compromised is how much we put into a baby fund now that we have to create for our baby or, you know, looking at different life insurance policies will not be compromises. I have to pay it 50 bucks a month, 100 bucks a month. If I can pay 50 to 100 bucks a month for subscriptions. Yeah. How much greater would my baby, you, the future kids, benefit from a life insurance policy, which is a tax hack. And then you can even. Sorry. I mean, you're going on about life insurance. Okay, I'm sorry. I don't know. Can you tell he's an insurance person? No, I don't sell life insurance, so don't worry about it. But. But it's a tax hack. It's something that you can pull out of if you get the correct one. I don't know the right term, but if you get the correct one, you can pull out of even early. The different returns and the things that you've put into it. The entire point of that saying is you have to think about legacy. And that's what I would tell every young man watching this. Every young man that's my age or even younger than me. If you think about legacy now, how much greater of a legacy will you leave? Yep. If you start thinking about it at 40, at 50, at 60, it's too late. You have already lost the opportunity. So, you know, at 25 and younger, married, not married, engaged. Think about legacy. Think about the different things and. And really make it a point. It's not an expense. It's. It's a. It's a. An investment. It's an investment into the future. My piece of advice would be, girls, think the best. Assume the best. Yeah. About your spouse, about the guy that you're marrying about, even about money. But assume the best of him. Assume that he's got it and he can handle it. God's given him everything he needs to handle the money. Number two, don't be afraid to help out, help one another. This is something that we're both carrying. It's not just on you. I have a lot of friends that. Their husbands aren't really great at the finances, but they think in a more financial way in their brain. Help. I don't think that's a problem. If you both do it together and you collaborate on that. And then lastly, just trust one another. Yeah. I mean, yes. Save that. That would be my number four. Save whatever you can do. If you're single right now, put everything away. Yeah. Have your own eating out and enjoy your single life, because you should. But put your money Away. You do not know where your life would be a year from right now. You do not know. Sometimes. I remember right before we got married, I went on a. A trip to Greece. It was. It wasn't before we got married. It was before we started dating. And I went on a trip to Greece and it was like a couple thousand dollars to go, obviously. Yeah. And the minute I came home, it was the most incredible trip. But still I had that thought of, man, what if I didn't take that trip? I would have that money right now. So just be mindful of. You want to live your life and enjoy your season while you're single, but put money away to prepare you for the next. When you're dating, put your money away. And then once you're engaged and you're getting married, learn to trust one another, be open with one another, and depend on each other, because you are a team. Your budgeting is together, your spending is together, and your saving is together. And you're investing. Can we add one more thing? That would be our last point for each of us. Right? We gave our three points. You gave four. This would be our tide. One give of your tithes and your offerings. That is like. That's all of it. Exactly. Be generous. That's our first one. That's our first one. Like that. That's the foundation of it all when it comes to Kingdom finances. But be generous. Yeah. Like, the Lord has been so generous to us, and it's not even about us finding each other, us having a baby, us, you know, finding a home in Miami, all of these different things. That's great. But it's that he gave his son. Yeah. So that we can live a life that is full of joy, that is full of peace. How can we not give up our finances? How can we. How can we spare something that's in our lives when he gave his entire son, his entire body to die on the cross? So tithes and offerings is so uniquely tied to God's heart because it's us saying, lord, everything, every part of my life, and not just the tithe of the 10%, but when a pastor calls for an offering, when you feel like there's an offering in your heart, man, like, give it. Don't question it. No, give it. And the first thing that comes out of our account, or at least the first thing that's allotted in our account, because I like to give, like when I'm in this Sunday. But the first thing that's allotted to our account is our tithes. Yeah. Every single week and you don't tithe off the net. You tithe. You don't tithe off the net, you tithe off the gross. Yep. Because there's different things for that. But I love it. But yeah, that's. That's the last thing. Give up your tithes and offerings because it really is important. I agree. Well, we hope you guys enjoyed this conversation on money and finances and stewardship from people that are also figuring it out just like you are. So we hope this blessed you. We hope it added to your life again. We want to remind you we are coming up on our 250th episode, our anniversary episode. I think it's anniversary. No, it should just be called episode. But let us know what you want to hear more of. If you liked this conversation, tell us. Comment. Like share. Well, we'll be linking as well, I think. I believe there's a conversation about money from season four. Oh, good. And they'll be linking it in the description below. I love that. We can go back and listen if you want more watches. All right, guys, thanks for listening and watching today. We hope you have a great rest of your week. Bye. Thanks so much for joining the family business today. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to follow or subscribe, share with a friend and leave us a review. We appreciate your support and can't wait to have you join us next time because family is everybody's business.