Your Guilt-Free Christmas: How To Break Free of Unrealistic Family Expectations | S2 E14

Intro: Christmas Gift Mishaps

SPEAKER_04 0:09

Welcome to another edition of the Family Business Podcast with the Alesssies, where we talk about things we can't talk about on Sundays as a family that works together. But here we can talk about it. Because family, thank you, Gabby, is everybody's business. And especially at the holidays, all of us have the business of family. And um we our last podcast wrapped up kind of heavy. We were talking about entitlement a little bit. And when we left the podcast room, we said we need to go back in and talk some more about not only that, but about guilt. But then we wanted to share some of our favorite Christmas memories as well, because sometimes they all kind of go together. You feel entitled to a certain gift. Um, you feel guilty that you didn't give a person the right gift. I can start by saying right now, because we've already pre-discussed this, I know what I feel guilty about every year that drives my children crazy. Because I do something I don't mean to do. And if you are a parent with a lot of kids, maybe you have done this exact same thing, and I need you to holler at me if you have, send me an email and say you're not alone. I did the same thing because I need some support. But Gabby, what is it that I do every holiday that drives you bonkers?

SPEAKER_05 1:20

It drives us all nuts. Because so to backstory, Lolo and I, for the most part, would be left with all the wrapped the wrapping and the gift wrapping, and then everybody would do their own things. So we would just be given box, and mom, five days before Christmas, she'd give us all these boxes, she'd be like, wrap it and put this name on it. And so Christmas morning, we had finished wrapping Christmas Eve. So not even 12 hours, the boxes were wrapped. And then we'd be unwrapping these boxes, and then we would look in the box, and it'd be like this gorgeous leather jacket, right? And I would get so excited because finally I got the gift that I thought I wanted. And so I'd hold it up, and I go, Mom, this is amazing. How did you? And she'd go, oh no, oh no. And she'd put her coffee cup down. She'd go, No, no, no, hold on, hold on, everybody. Take the leather jacket from my hand and give it to Lauren and say, This, this is your yours. And then I would, I would just be sitting there like, what just happened? And then Lauren, and then you go, Lauren, open up that one. And Lauren would open up the one in her hand and be like, see, that's for Stephanie. And then Stephanie opened up hers, and Stephanie's just mine. And so every year, the best scene is when Chris opens it up and he's like, I don't think this is. And mom goes, Stephanie, that's yours.

SPEAKER_04 2:30

Okay. In my defense, there's a lot of kids in the house. Okay. And they're all basically the same age and the same size, and the girls all like the same stuff. Yes. For the most part. So it makes it hard. And I do write your name on the box before I make you wrap your own print. And you'll get the boxes confused in the names. Yes. That happens too.

SPEAKER_05 2:48

Because you also buy gifts out three months out. And you forget about it.

SPEAKER_04 2:53

No, here's what I do. And I think a lot of parents do this too. I buy them three months out and I'm excited about it, but that's never enough because all the excitement has worn off from the stuff I bought three months ago. Yeah. And I happen to go back through them all and I see cuter stuff. And then Stacey has 70% off sale. And you just go crazy. And I go bananas. And then I have to tell your dad, oh yeah, we stuck to our budget per kid three months ago. So, you know, anyway. And I do feel guilty about it. I don't know that I do anything about my guilt. My guilt does not motivate me to change. But, you know, it's the holidays, and the holidays are all about giving, and they're all about having fun with the family and getting you what you want, right? I mean, like that's the whole point. But sometimes you don't always get what you want at the holidays. And I know that we were joking earlier about how no matter how hard we try to be good people, we want to be a good person. There are those Christmas mornings where one of us has a bad attitude or we get mad privately because we didn't get what we wanted. We told your story last time about how bad you acted because you thought you weren't gonna get the guitar and then you ended up getting it. But sometimes that really does happen. You don't get what you ask for. Rochelle.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 3:59

Have you ever had a Christmas morning where you did not get what you want? Impossible.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Because she's perfect. Yeah. I did I was, I will say I was very lucky. I usually got what I wanted. But the thing with me was that I always knew it. Because there was never a surprise for me because I would be around checking everything, and not even because I wanted to find out, but just I would be cleaning or picking up and I would always find all my gifts and all of my siblings' gifts. And so for the rest of Christmas, I had to make sure when my mom would look at me and say, I'm so sorry, you know, I know you really wanted this, but this year we just can't get it for you. And I would be like, It's okay, I'm not mad. And in my head, I'm like, Yeah, you did get it for me. And then she would do it over and over because she wanted to make sure we would be surprised. So I had to fake it like every single year. And so I remember there's some years where I was like, I need to be surprised. I need to stop looking around. I just can't do it. And I remember one Christmas, I go to my aunt's room and I open, and she closes a door on me like really fast, and I just saw my gift. And I'm like, it didn't work.

SPEAKER_04 5:11

So that is so funny. Well, okay, again, in your mother's defense, six kids. Yes. So I'm just telling you, there's only so many places you can hide the bags, guys. Yeah. So when you have multiple children of your own, you will see, you will stop judging me so harshly.

SPEAKER_05 5:25

Well, Stephanie would sneak out and go see what Santa got us every every Christmas. Yes, Stephanie.

SPEAKER_04 5:30

Tell us about that. You were the sneaky kid that didn't care and would go out in open presents. Go ahead, no kill.

SPEAKER_06 5:36

Yeah, no, I would wake up around 3 a.m., 4 a.m. and just go out and see what y'all did. Because I knew you guys wouldn't.

SPEAKER_05 5:41

How did you wake up at 3 a.m.?

SPEAKER_06 5:44

I was up all night. First of all, I didn't really sleep. Like, I was just so excited that Christmas was the next morning. And I knew, you know, they're not gonna, they're not mom and dad aren't gonna wake up at 2 or 3 a.m. to set up these presents. They don't, that would be impossible. They'll set it up right before they fall asleep. So smart at five years old. I was like, I got a few hours.

SPEAKER_04 6:09

I don't know if I call it smart, but okay.

SPEAKER_06 6:11

And then around 4 a.m. I'd go out there and I'd look at everything. And I remember we got those little fake escalade or Cadillac cars, the kid cars that were for little kids. And you drive around and now they're like super expensive and extreme. But back when they were like what, $60 or $70, there were no the play school ones, yeah. Yeah, the play school ones. Um, there was one morning that I woke up and I peeked around the corner, and you guys were trying to maneuver this little Cadillac. There was our tiny narrow laundry, laundry room hallway into the the living room, and you had it on and you had it in reverse, and you were backing it up trying not to make any noise. But it was like and you're trying to pull it out. And I was like, we got the Cadillacs.

SPEAKER_04 7:00

Oh my God. Okay, just disclaimer: if your kids are riding with you in the car right now, or they're anywhere in earshot, you might want to get them out of the room because Santa

Santa’s True Identity

SPEAKER_04 7:10

is the one who brought the Cadillacs. Yes. You're right. He was nodding. Santa was banging into the walls trying to back in that. I'm just saying, it was Santa who did it. It was all Santa. Santa was there in the big red suit.

SPEAKER_06 7:25

You didn't see life and she was in her robe.

SPEAKER_05 7:27

But you didn't see, well, Mrs. Claus does not travel with Santa. Oh, that's right. No. Um she stays home with the elves. Sometimes your mom assists, sometimes your mom will sometimes mom and dad do help Santa. Mom and Dad do, but Mrs. Claus does not. She's not gonna make sure. Well, and Gabby knows this for a fact. I do. I've watched all three of the Santa Claus movies back to back, maybe about 50 times each. So I know. So not during Christmas either. No, no, no, no, no. At any time of year, whenever I'm sad. That's my like.

SPEAKER_04 7:55

So one of the questions. One of the reasons I'm saying Santa knows is because we've been asked many, many times, or you you read articles and people talk about it, when do you tell your kids about Santa?

SPEAKER_06 8:07

We created a um phrase, I think it was for something, I think for the Christmas show videos. Instead of saying that Santa Claus is not, we would say that we found out Santa Claus was a vegan.

SPEAKER_05 8:24

That's the phrase that we used. That is a secret cookie. I gotta say, I think that's worse than the other, the reality than being a vegan. I know, which means he never eats your cookies.

SPEAKER_06 8:36

He's just a vegan.

SPEAKER_05 8:40

Devastating. Well, when I found out news that when Santa Santa was a vegan, I was I told you. I I couldn't believe it, to be honest. Because how this is silence, because it didn't make sense. And when you watch all the movies, he's so real. And Tim Allen, I thought was Santa. I didn't how people grew up thinking Tim Allen was uh, what's his name from the toys? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, but I was gonna say, wait, no, our generation, our generation, 20 years later. But now people are like, that's Tim Allen. I was like, no, you don't know Tim Allen, like I know Tim. Tim was the Santa Claus, and even the plastic Santa Claus wasn't the real Santa Claus. But what's funny was I hated the the in-person Santa Claus when like at the Falls Mall.

SPEAKER_04 9:30

Terrified. Okay, hold on a second. So you loved Santa in theory, but if you saw him, you freaked out. You were that kid that literally your whole body would tremble and shake. If you saw anybody dressed up in a in a costume, oh my gosh. And it made it so hard because we have that family picture sitting in front at the falls of Santa, and we've got Gabby forced on my lap. That picture that everybody's got, when the other three are smiling and they're so happy because Santa's right there, and Lauren's got her hand all up in his beard, and Gabby is screaming, trying to get out of the picture.

SPEAKER_05 10:02

But it's funny is it's when those kids, you know, when kids like toddlers, they like extend their whole body to get out of a chair. That's what I'm doing. I'm like straight like a pencil. My mom's holding me like, and I'm like crying, trying to get away.

SPEAKER_04 10:14

It looks like it's torture. It looks like I'm wrangling this child who is desperately trying to get away from the fire, and I'm holding her in my lap.

SPEAKER_06 10:20

I just, you know, it's always been a mystery to me. How is it that mothers they go to the mall with, let's say, three of their kids, that's the average number, to go shopping for their toys, and the kids are screaming, running around the mall. The kids get hungry, they have to go get food for their kids. Mom wants coffee, so she gets coffee. They're carrying 20 bags full of gifts. And then you find time to stop and take a picture with Santa Claus, and you know that man is some dinky old man from Lord knows who.

SPEAKER_05 10:53

He's a vegan. And he's a vegan. He's a vegan.

SPEAKER_06 10:57

But no, those men are definitely not vegan. Vegans, no. And you find the time. The fake Santa's aren't vegan. I know. I just all respect to moms during the Christmas season because you get that picture in during your mall's shopping day, and I just don't know how mom's doing.

SPEAKER_04 11:12

This is a brilliant segue into dun dun dun, mom guilt. Christmas edition. The Christmas edition. Guilt. You feel like you have to do everything. You have to make, but let's let's make it in a broader sense. I think all of us as older, well, whether we're young or we're old, Christmas has this thing to it that it's supposed to be. Yeah. And if it's not that and we miss one little step, then we feel guilty that we didn't do it all in the fullness of what it was intended to be. I didn't get my wish list,

Dealing with Holiday Guilt

SPEAKER_04 11:45

or I didn't get everything I meant to get for my kids, or we didn't have the money this year, or which that's a real one. You do, you really can get it twisted and feel like I didn't have the money to give my kids what they wanted. Oh, I feel so guilty, and you don't enjoy the holiday. Yeah. When really that how twisted is that? And that's just wrong. But we've all felt it as parents. Or I didn't get the Santa picture. I meant to, I just didn't get to the mall. Really, in in the end of it, who cares? Yeah. It really does, all that stuff does not matter. When you have a year where you don't have as much as you had the years before, again, I think it goes back to our previous podcast. Plan early and make a plan and talk to your kids. Hey, this year we're going on a road trip or we're gonna go visit an orphanage. I don't know. Or we're gonna take our gifts and wrap them from last year and we're gonna give them away. You know, sometimes the things that make us feel guilty are really part of our selfish nature, the things we think that need to happen that don't need to happen.

SPEAKER_05 12:40

Yeah. Well, I think it's even the small things with Christmas. Because I remember especially I still have big expectations for Christmas and holidays. I think our family, we like to go big every year and do something big. And in this new season, adding people to the family, I think we're realizing how big we go and how we really do need to tone it down every once in a while. But when I was younger, everything had to just be you see on Hallmark, everything you see on Hallmark. Everything had to be. I wanted to see the North Pole. I was like, Christmas won't be Christmas if I don't see a North Pole somewhere. Like that was something that every kid and you really want. But then you notice and you realize that the things that stuck with me the most were the little parts of the simple things of Christmas. Right. Simply watching the Santa Claus movie, simply making cookies for Santa. Or those little moments have stuck with me way more. And I hate to say this, but then some of the huge trips we went on. Because when you're young, you don't always you don't remember every single moment of the of the trip, but you remember when mom and dad put out the dog food and said, Oh, Santa put the dog food for the reindeer. And and so things like those little moments as family when we would have a movie night together or that don't cost anything. That don't cost anything. And it was, it was just simple, but it just reminded us of how much we loved our family and we'd be together. That was the stuff that I remember and I'm so grateful for nowadays,

Traumatic Winter Memories

SPEAKER_05 14:00

rather than all the big crazy stuff.

SPEAKER_04 14:02

And I'm glad you said that because I want to bring Lauren in here for a second. We took a Christmas trip instead of doing Christmas, that we went to Park City, Utah one year.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:10

And it turned out to be a fun, slightly nightmarish trip at the same time.

SPEAKER_03 14:15

Both, both trips.

SPEAKER_04 14:16

Well, why don't you speak to that, Lauren?

SPEAKER_03 14:18

Go ahead. Because it's all over your face.

SPEAKER_05 14:19

I know you want to. No, two trips in a row. We went to Utah and we went skiing. And I still to this day don't like the snow or cold weather because of this. The first trip I had to have been, how old do you think? Um the one where you went down the black by yourself? Uh maybe five. So I was five. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04 14:36

Yeah, she's little.

SPEAKER_05 14:37

I was five years old, and we're like, let's go to the what's it called? The green slope bunny. Yeah, but it's the bunny slope. We don't know anything about it. So we're like, let's all as a family, cousins and all, aunts and uncles, let's go down this slope. And so we're going. I'm five years old, and I was just terrified. I didn't, I we are Florida people. I don't know what it was. We came out of our classes. We came out of our cheap burger and the pizza and the French fries. That was my scent of pizza. Pizza, whatever. Just pizza. And so that's all it is. We um get to the top and we're going, and as there's a bunny slope, but then as you go lower, as you're making your way up to the bunny slope, there's like the black diamond and then the really, really intense ones. Well, as we're making our way up there, I don't know what happened. I was five. I actually remember very little of it, but I do remember some of it. Um, and I just fell down the black diamond, and my dad came down and got me. Oh, you guys were screaming, fall on your butt, fall back, fall back. We were screaming pizza. That's why I thought cheeseburger, because his food was just being screamed at me. And I started to go down the black diamond, and I just my family was screaming at me, and then finally I just fell back. And then my dad had to carry me up the rest of the way. So that was at five. Two years later, right? I was like seven.

SPEAKER_03 16:03

Like seven or eight.

SPEAKER_05 16:04

I think we went with the Martinez's this time.

SPEAKER_03 16:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 16:06

And then the ski lift, I don't know these terms. The ski lifts, yeah, that has the bar over it was full. So we took the one that's for older people, but you need like adult supervision. So I went with my mom, but it doesn't have a bar. So I was seven. She's like, Don't worry, I'll go and I'll hold on to you. And what I'll do is I'll take the handles that you ski with and I'll use that as a bar. So again, I'm in huge clothes. Come on, see. And I'm sitting down in this ski lift and it's taking off, and I just start sliding, sliding, sliding, and it's taking off. And as it's getting higher, I'm just sliding down. And I'm in too big of clothes for a seven-year-old, and I'm like, And the ski clothes are are slippery. They're slippery, and it's snowy and wet. And my mom's like, oh my God. Oh, and then you can finish this.

SPEAKER_04 16:52

So I'm screaming to the operator, stop this, the lift, stop the lift, because at this point I know I cannot grab you. I've got your poles there stuck. There was nothing I could do. I mean, I literally could not grab you. And you're slowly, it's like in slow motion, falling off this lift. And I knew you were gonna have to fall off completely. There was nothing I could do. So since I knew you were gonna fall eventually, I thought the higher you get, the worse the fall is gonna be. So I'm screaming, stop the ride. The people in the line are saying, stop the ride, but she's not hearing us to stop it. So it's the slow motion, it's going higher and higher. And I just literally took you and I threw you off. Mommy, you didn't say anything because you just mean. She just looked at me and was like, I was like, good mom, drop, drop, drop, drop. I dropped her off and I still aren't over it. She doesn't understand.

SPEAKER_05 17:41

One day, you will be able to zoom your child. It's just every so often when I'm reminded that that happened to me. And I I so like visibly and vividly remember it. Because I had the thing is, I had to go on a ride. I had to meet you at the top of the mountain. So what I remember the most is I had to ride up with a stranger, and it was like this random grown man, and he kept asking me questions, and I was like, just leave me alone. I just want my mom. She's like, I just got pushed off a skin. So are you okay? And I was like, please don't talk to me.

SPEAKER_04 18:14

That was the biggest thing. She she kept saying, How could you push me off? You pushed me off. She was so hurt, and I'm like, how do I explain to her gravity that if I had not pushed you off sooner, I knew I couldn't grab you. There was no time. Oh my god, that's a life blessing right there. No, that's I think that's great. You have to like make snap decisions really fast because the higher we went, I kept doing a little bit. That's gonna break the leg. Oh, that's gonna break both legs. We need to get you off this lift.

SPEAKER_05 18:42

And then well, a couple years later, we were watching the news, and there was a kid who made it to the top of like the highest height you can get on a ski lift, and he was dangling from it, and then he finally fell. And he was alive and he was safe because he fell on like six feet, something feet of snow. But you saw it and you're like, that's why, that's why I pushed you off. See 20 years later, that's what that's why we did that. That is crazy.

SPEAKER_04 19:05

That I know. But no, it was crazy. So we're just not snow snow people. We're just never staying close to the Florida in the sunshine.

SPEAKER_05 19:12

Remember when we tried in Jackson Hole, we tried to go snowboarding the three of us, and we had never been snowboarding? And we texted our friend, give us your best snowboarding tips. We watched YouTube's videos and we got it all set. We Lauren and I literally crawled down that mountain. We the only way to get down to you are connected, so it's not even it's just your hand clips. And we walked down that, you know, I could not just snow is not for us. But I will say, sorry, just real quick, yeah. All I remember from those kids' ski trips are those traumatic moments. Oh my god. The most memories I have of Christmas time are really like Gabby was saying, with our family, like at home when we just did simple things. That was like really what I remember the most.

SPEAKER_04 19:53

I want my money back for all those ski trips. I know, right? What were you gonna say? I don't remember. Yeah. You've got pregnant

Adjusting Expectations

SPEAKER_04 20:00

brain.

SPEAKER_06 20:00

I do. But I liked the what you were saying about the the expectations for Christmas. Yeah. And how sometimes we can just like it happened literally last night during for Halloween where we were wondering, what do we do for Halloween? Do we do what we always do? Do we do what we never do? Or do we do something different? And I wanted to do something that we've always done, but you guys were like, no, it's it might be time for something different, just and maybe invite different people over or whatever it is. And I remember thinking, like, this is gonna be terrible. Like, this is gonna be so awkward. And just because my expectations weren't, they were off. My expectations were too high. Yeah, that's right. Of for those traditions. And it's the same thing with Christmas, where you're like, if we make cookies and we make hot chocolate and watch a Christmas movie with the tree on, we're gonna be so happy. And then you do that, and it's like God, it's 11 o'clock. I'm exhausted. Just finished the movie already, let's go to sleep. So the expectations they change as you get older.

SPEAKER_04 21:06

They do.

SPEAKER_06 21:06

And I think for those that are so attached to tradition, you gotta let go of some things, especially when you get older and you become an adult and your siblings get married. And they're not at the house as much. And now we have to create our own traditions. And I miss my sisters, it's not the same as it used to be. But those expectations change. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:26

And you both miss your that home family with all the siblings that you were raised with. You both know we've talked about it, that that's not an easy thing. But in the transition, there's guilt. Yeah. There's entitlement that creeps in. Um, but there's a lot of negative emotions that can motivate you when the holiday really you have to remind yourself this is really not for me. And the truth is, as you mature and you get older, and why God invented children is so that you then pass on all those good things to your kids, and it's not about you anymore. It is about them. So it's not, it's certainly not an easy thing when you've come from great families and families that have made Christmas fun and exciting and almost like this pinnacle of the year where we celebrate and we decorate every room in the house and it's awesome. Then you get married and now you've got to be the person that your mom was.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Michelle, are you feeling any of that right now? Definitely, because I realize now that it's the guilt is there, and it's not like anybody's putting on putting it on you. It's just that you feel like, well, what if I don't do that with my family? You start to feel like you're missing out with that fun. The fun of waking up with them and going downstairs and seeing all the presents, and you starting to open them, and then your siblings coming in saying, No, you have to wait for me, and then you have to wait for the other one that's still not awake. Yes, and you're like, We can open presents because of you. And so by the time they get downstairs, you're fighting them. And so there's this whole fight happening in the middle of opening up presents, but at the end of it, everybody's happy and it's great. Yeah. Um, and so you start to think of those moments, and you're like, that's not gonna happen this year. Right. It's so different, so different. And so you start to think about, well, then what are we gonna do? And so naturally, like you were saying, you start to go to tradition and try to keep that as well. Yeah. So you start to recreate those moments, and then that creates expectation and pressure because you can't do the same. Exactly. Because it's a new season, it's you have your own family now, and so now I'm responsible for decorating my house. And I look at it now, and I remember my mom with six kids, she would make all of us decorate the whole day decorating lights outside craziness and inside and everything, and now I'm seeing it, and I'm like, oh, now I'm responsible for that. Yeah, and then you're like, wait, I don't know where the tree should go. And I don't know, I don't know where lights to buy. Like, I don't know what this is. So you start to miss some of that as well. But I think it's it's great because you start to find now what you want to do. Yeah, right. And the type of house you're gonna have. And even for you, Steph, you're now you're pregnant. So you start thinking about what am I gonna do when I have kids?

SPEAKER_06 24:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:14

Oh, when my baby's born, like what are we gonna do next year? And I even start to think about, well, when do have kids, what are our traditions going to be? Oh my god. And you start to think of what your parents used to do and what you want to keep, and you start drawing stories of like, well, I'm gonna fake Santa for years. And you start to hope that you don't have a baby that was like you and questions everything. So like five years old, I did not believe in Santa. Because I'm like, none of this makes sense. Believe in the fact that he was a vegan. Yeah, I couldn't believe that he was a vegan because he was so big. Yeah, and he ate all the cookies. Well, not with carbs, carbs do. Carbs is I'm like, you said it's the cookies. I couldn't believe it. But it's I think it's a it's a new season and you need to find the beauty in it. Yeah. And not get so stuck in what this is what we used to do. Yeah. Because then you won't enjoy the new holiday season and what it's supposed to look like. That's true.

SPEAKER_04 25:08

And I think one of the worst things is to look back when the holiday's over and wish you'd had a better attitude. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:13

And can I just say something? You said something really wise, actually. It's like instead of just trying to redo uh tradition, instead of trying to combat like do it over and you're caught in the comparison game, just try something different to start your own thing. And I think that's so smart because then you're not like, well, we didn't do it as good as them. We can't. I mean, that's what we're trying to do this year. We're just going something completely different because we know the six of us aren't at home anymore. It's not gonna be the same. And you can't do that to your mind. It's not healthy to put yourself in the comparison game. So it's just so smart to kind of be like, you know what? We're not even gonna put ourselves there, we're gonna try something totally different. And yeah, and I think you have to have a really a decisive attitude for the holidays where you just decide, okay, this is what we're gonna do. And we're gonna make this fun. And we don't need these things to make it fun. We're gonna make it fun. Yes. Because if you don't decide far out, or you don't make a decision, then other family or people and friends will decide for you. And then you find yourself thinking, okay, I don't want to, this isn't what I wanted to do. Right. And for it's not just in the in the plans, you have to be decisive, decisive, but even in your attitude. You have to make a decision. I'm going to enjoy this Christmas with whoever's around, with wherever we go or whatever we do. I'm gonna make this the most fun Christmas. So it's a it's a time where you can easily let your emotions just kind of control you and let people get the best of you and let people make decisions for you. But I think make the decision far out. This Christmas, wherever we're gonna be, whoever we're gonna be with, it's gonna be the best Christmas. And I'm making the decision for myself.

SPEAKER_04 26:47

And that's so good. Do you even try something a little different? Yeah. Say this year, let's see how amazing we can make Christmas without spending anything. Or we all have $50 and we're going to stretch that $50 and we're gonna have the most memorable Christmas we've ever had. What can we do with pennies? Yeah. And make it a competition. I'm a number, I'm a seven on the Enneagram. So for me, everything needs to be fun. I don't care what it is, even clean the dishes. I like to make it fun. So that's just my curse. But that really is something to look at it differently, get a different perspective, so that you're not feeling guilty, you don't have the money this year. You're not feeling your children aren't feeling entitled, or you yourself feeling entitled. You know, I've been waiting all these years and I still didn't get a car with a big bow on it at Christmas time. Well, guess what? You might not ever get that. And you will live and survive and thrive. Yeah. So letting down all of our preconceived notions of what Christmas should be for us, what experiences we think we deserve, or that we think our children deserve, sometimes that can be very detrimental in the mental health of our children, that they think Christmas needs to be Santa being a vegan or whatever he is to you, but just loading them up with gifts. Because if I can tell you, the years that we were very, very um in tune with Santa and he brought you lots of gifts, we would literally end the day going, we feel guilty that we gave our kids too much. So no matter where you are on the spectrum of that, whether you don't have enough or you give too much, you can battle the guilt all day long. Yeah. And it that's not what the holidays are about. No. I want to say one last thing here, even about Thanksgiving, because we talked about this on a previous podcast with dad and I when we talked about planning early. Start early with your planning. It's never too early. Plan early. And if you haven't listened to that podcast, go back and listen to it because it's it really, it sounds, oh, whatever, big deal. It's just a plan. Planning is so important. It will keep your expectations at the right place, which will keep down entitlement and because this is what did you expect? This is what we planned. Yeah. And it will keep guilt away because you had a vision for the holiday. And something that we did with, I have a twin sister and an older sister, and they're all in Orlando but me. And so the last few years, previously, she would come and spend a week with us. We'd either rent a cabin or we'd do things. As the kids got older for the week of Thanksgiving, and that was our Christmas, we haven't been able to do that. Parents are getting older, they've had to spend more time with his side of the family. So we can't have it the way we want to all the time. But what we've done the last three years is we meet Sunday night before the holiday and we we pretend it's Thanksgiving. Yeah. And all of us get together and we have turkey and the fixings and we have a great time. Everybody's welcome. Last year, both in-laws came, and that's become our new tradition. And the truth is, what I love about it is it's kind of the starting line of the holiday. It is. It's the first big meal that I know I'm gonna gain 10 pounds. And that's where it's gonna start. It's that night. Let's go. But what's wonderful is it just creates an environment within the whole family of the expectation and what we're entitled to is really just

TFB Question of the Day: Gift-Giving Issues

SPEAKER_04 30:00

to be together in some way.

SPEAKER_06 30:02

It's true.

SPEAKER_04 30:02

And let's do that and make each other happy and make God happy. And get off our phones a little bit. Get off our phones and really just enjoy this time of celebration and this time of the season that should be beautiful and it should be for the whole family.

SPEAKER_06 30:17

I love it. That was great. That was great. You good.

SPEAKER_04 30:22

Great job. Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas. I want to just end by giving you my worst recent gift idea. Okay. I'm not gonna name them because I don't want to ever hurt us if they want to sponsor our podcast in the future. But there is an a big box that you can order for your husband or the men of your life, and it you need a tool to open it. It's really kind of a cool box. It's like a crate.

SPEAKER_06 30:45

Yeah, it's like a it's like a big wooden box.

SPEAKER_04 30:47

Oh yeah. No, just let's follow her. But it's really hard to open, and it took the guys like 30 minutes to open it. I would it was like the most exciting gift I was ever gonna give both uh Chris and dad. And dad is really hard to get a gift for. So that was like a big deal. Which, oh, can we keep going? Because I would love to talk about dad and how horrible he is at gift receiving. Maybe another time. We need to talk about that. Honey, you know it's true. Okay, I'm being told to add this. Let's just add this a little bit. Anyway, so when they finally got open the gift, they were so frustrated because they were sweating. They had beat it to death to try to get it open, and all the fun was gone. Okay, so anyway, but I would say, What?

SPEAKER_05 31:28

Are we talking about dad? We're talking about dad. Okay, let's get let's go right into it. Our dad, see, he is a decisive Christmas celebrator and Christmas gift. Very clear. Yes. He will send us stuff two months out. This is what I want. He is. He'll send you the links, he'll send you everything, and he'll give you a bunch of options. No, you do, hon. Come on. He's great. On his side, he's great. But then uh sometimes every once in a while, some of us will get creative and we're like, no, you know, let's surprise dad this year. Well, that just doesn't work. It's a terrible mistake. Even for those in anybody that knows my dad that is watching, if he's told you what he's wanted for Christmas or his birthday, just get him what he wants. Don't go through the hassle. Don't surprise him. Don't surprise him. It just doesn't work because you will he'll open up this wonderful gift and you're sitting there thinking, oh my God, he's gonna love this dolphin's mug that I got him that says a dolphin's dad. And I am so filled with excitement and joy because my dad's gonna love that it came from his daughter that thought about him. And he opens it up and he'll go, Really? A mug? And he'll hold it up. And it's now you don't want to know who it's from. You don't want to say it's from you. And he goes, Did you not read the text? Did you not see what I did you not see the link? I sent you everything. And that's when your whole Christmas is ruined because someone had too high of expectations.

SPEAKER_04 32:45

And we went to that because when we would buy him things like shirts and pants, this is what he would do. He'd open it up and he'd hold it up and he'd go, Okay. All right. Well, I I see. I think I see what you were going for. Okay. And in trying to be sweet.

SPEAKER_05 33:03

But wait, you forgot. And then in that moment, he'd stand up and try it on. Right there in the moment.

SPEAKER_04 33:07

And if it was too small, he would go, oh, Mary.

SPEAKER_05 33:12

You know my size. God, I'm so fat. Yep. Stephanie's been reading the technicalist from Stephanie. Sorry, Dad. My favorite is when after he's opened up all of his gifts and he's like has his last one and he opens it, and it's still not what he has. Guys, I sent you the 10. Mary, you should have told them. That is your job. And we're all there like, we just had the worst Christmas now because of all of this.

SPEAKER_04 33:41

No, but the other worst thing that I mean, it's overall. He just walked in the mom. And the thing is the garbage guard.

SPEAKER_05 33:54

Oh my God. We got to bring Chris in for this one. Well, yeah. They're the garbage police. I'm grieving. No, but Chris is good. Chris is kind. But if Chris doesn't come out every Christmas morning with a Christmas bag and scissors, Christmas is over.

SPEAKER_04 34:06

A garbage bag. Yeah. A garbage bag for all the wrapping and scissors. It's like, this is supposed to be fun and now it's a mission. How clean can we keep our gift opening environment? That drives me crazy. I'm just going to go ahead and tell you because I can't say it on Christmas Day because I don't want to stir the pot. Drives me crazy. I'm like, can we just look at it for 30 seconds? Oh no. I mean, I don't even have it fully unwrapped. And Chris is like, give me. Give me. Well, Chris is very fast when it comes to space.

SPEAKER_06 34:34

He's like, okay, next. Next. Because he wants to open up his gifts.

SPEAKER_05 34:37

Give it a second. Guys, everybody freeze. Stare at him. Here he's he's here. But those of you that are listening to the podcast, our dad is here on the pod. And Santa behind you. Santa is vegan.

SPEAKER_04 34:48

Dad, all you need to do is that Santa is vegan.

SPEAKER_05 34:51

And there's you can defend yourself.

SPEAKER_04 34:54

And what do you want?

SPEAKER_01 34:55

Enjoying this last podcast of the season. Wait a minute. Just because y'all don't look at your phones when I send a text, but you're on it with social media. This is true. And your family and your sisters and your spouses. But when dad sends a text to help you prepare for Christmas by getting him a specific gift, y'all can't follow through with the game.

SPEAKER_04 35:20

No, but I guess why you ask Santa. Santa, who is vegan? But I can explain. I can explain. No, no, no, no. I got it, I got it.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

Because I got a birthday gift I want y'all to give me. But I know if I send it to you, it's a waste of time. So you know, because it's on Amazon. You know who I have to send it to? Do you know who I have to send it to? There you go. Oh well, you know what?

SPEAKER_04 35:42

She needs to bless you. She would love to bless you.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

Do you know you want to say 35 minutes? Yes.

SPEAKER_04 35:47

And I want you to say, I just want to say that the reason that we can't just order it is because you send us Amazon.com links, which are directly to your account. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:55

I'm going to say what we get. Okay, it's going to be very specific. It's at Bill's Armory.

SPEAKER_03 36:04

Oh my word.

SPEAKER_01 36:05

And it's got a nice picture of the gun. No. With the scope, everything. You're not, you're not going to miss it this year. But that's the thing.

SPEAKER_03 36:12

You're like, oh, I want this gift. Open the link. It's 700. Thank you. So here's me here's me that we have to do it. Resources, girls. Entitled. You love Patagonia hats? I've gotten him Patagonia hats two years in a row. Thanks. So his closet will be filled with 300 Patagonia hats one day because that's going to be my Christmas gift to you.

SPEAKER_05 36:32

And this is a great episode. You guys see family as everybody's business.

SPEAKER_01 36:37

Oh my goodness. Would you like to close this out? Oh, close this out. I should. I hope you have enjoyed the lying and the deceit that has been taking place in this room on the Alesi Bacas. They have stolen my place here. But I'm glad you've been able to enjoy all the females in the room. And hopefully all your daughters. All yes, all the daughters and my wife, who's carrying on this great mission of the family business.

SPEAKER_04 37:06

Of buying you Christmas presents every year. Are we good?

SPEAKER_01 37:08

Merry Christmas.

SPEAKER_04 37:10

Merry Christ!

SPEAKER_00 37:13

You've just enjoyed another episode of the Family Business Podcast with the Alessis. And we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podiums. Now that you've heard more about the Alesssies, we want you to join in the Family Business. And here are four easy ways to do just that. One, make sure to follow the show right now on your app and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. Two, rate our show and leave a review. We love reading your reviews and we often share them on the show. Three, share this episode with someone who could use this advice and tell them why you enjoyed it. And lastly, four, you can go to AlesiFamily Business.com and leave us a voicemail comment or even a question so we can answer it on a future show. We'll see you here for our next episode at the Family Business with the Alessis, because family is everybody's business.